Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-02-2010, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

Many hetero women I've found are curious about having some kind of sexual contact with another woman. My question to the husbands who have a wife with even the slightest curiosity is, what are your groundrules and how far are you willing to go?

And if you've had a threesome or some kind of play with another woman in the bedroom, what was the outcome? It's an interesting topic to me since most men (myself included) wouldn't entertain the idea of another man.

As far as my situation goes, the jury is still out on how I'd feel about another woman but I'm not going to lie, I wonder about it sometimes. The closest I've been (which isn't close at all, lol) with the wife is a three-way kiss with her and one of her girlfriends. It was more drunken playfulness than anything and wasn't like making out.

But anyway, discuss!

Oh yeah, wives are welcome to discuss too
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2010, 12:35 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

I would be fine with a FMF or a MFM, my wife would prefer a FMF.

We have done neither, because it is probably something we should leave to a fantasy.

we've talked about it, just were never in the mood to execute it I suppose or never found the right person to do it with.

I think probably a couple swap would be best for us anyway.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-05-2010, 01:25 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

I would say this answer solely depends on the closeness and trust, basically the strength of your relationship with your wife. Has she been with another female before? There are so many things to take into account because this could lead to pure disaster if you're not careful. Most men will say either yes to bringing another female in or no to anyone at all. You'll find a few that will say yes to another man, but not many. Choosing the "third party" is where things get tricky. She'll probably want it to be a close friend that she's comfortable with, but then you both would have to face her outside of the bedroom when friends get together, etc. You'll have to address any insecurities, is her friend hotter than her? Don't agree to someone that you might think is even slightly more attractive physically than your wife because even if you think things went alright, your minds will play dirty tricks on you. You could find yourself thinking about this other woman in another way, your wife could start to develop those feelings as well. From me to you, I'm saying don't let it go further than just talking about it, I have personally seen these things go south faster than the speed of light. If you love your wife and want to stay happy and in love with your wife and vice versa, then don't act on it. FYI, my husband would tell you the same thing, don't open pandora's box because you might not be able to close it.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-05-2010, 01:20 PM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

I would never do it because I would never allow another man into the bedroom. Even if she said she was ok with another woman, I can totally see it becoming an issue down the road if she decided she would want another man.

I think it should stay in the fantasy realm when it comes to your wife. Girlfriend? that seems reasonable, if the relationship isnt meant to work out, not much harm done then
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 06:10 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

Don't do it.

Even if she is interested she will (on the inside) be hurt that you touched/looked/had sex with another woman. Even if she doesn't think that now.

Been there.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 10:54 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

Agree with others.
From personal pre-marital experience it turns out more complicated/worse then you really think.

From other secondhand info i can gather the sentiment is it is a Pandoras Box" as previously weell articulated is a box better left closed and locked.

If you choose to move forward after evaluating the catestrophic risk it places on the marriage consider the following:

1) while confortable avoid a 3rd that you will have to see again. Rule out friends etc. If you have ever slept with a "friend" with the good intention of not changing the nature of the relationship or know someone who has it changes the relationship forever. Just because you are both married and profess to never develop feelings or to think the 3rd will not...i would think again.

2) Don't think that if a fgf is allowed that a mfm will be suggested after in the interest of fairness. Even if this was not a part of the deal before. Your wive may want you to understand what she is feeling on a conscious or unconscious level.

3) Set ground rules of what is/not acceptable and allow for a bail out plan if one mid-stream decides to stop.

Part of the excitement of this sort of thing is like the rush of basejumping or some other activity like this. The thought is exciting but, just educate yourself and evaluate the risks. Don't make the decision in the presents of the 3rd or in an aroused state as that will cloud judgement. Evaluate and consider all the ramifications in "worst case scenario" mode.

I personally would love to know and it would add to the value of the forum what you decided or not. If it works people may be intersted the circumstances and how you made it work.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-11-2010, 01:19 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

There are some real horror stories form this on this very board if you look around. Things like relationships continuing on with one of the parties, or it being perceived as an open invitation to play the field ...

I'm not sure its worth the risk. Even when I was still in my 20's, and played around quite a bit -- this led to complications when I tried it. Not necessarily relationship ending complications, but it led one to decide for a time to switch her preference. She changed it again a few years back, but by then no hope of fixing any of that with me.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-14-2010, 12:34 AM
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Re: Fellas... Bringing another woman into the bedroom. What's your stance?

Don't do it, been there, not worth it as time goes on!
My wife has a female friend that likes women. We had talked about it a lot, got us both turned on, so one day we did it, just the one time. It was fantastic at the time I must say!
Now 2 years later it still comes up. For the first year she would go into this weird stage where she felt dirty, that she looked in the mirror and felt disgusted with herself. Then the blame went to me, it was my fault, have I seen her, has she called, etc etc. I think you get the picture. So here we are 2 years later and she seems over the "feeling dirty", but now it's "Remember what i did for you?". We will talk about it while we are having sex sometimes and she gets so turned on it's fantastic.

I love her to death and it was a night I will never forget but a night I will always regret.

My advice..... leave it a fantasy.... not worth the issue's it can cause.
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