Re: Wife's not interested, I'm frustrated and feeling abandoned
MEM, It is good that you recognize that she can enjoy the experience without having an orgasm. My husband acknowledges that on an intellectual basis, but I don't think he really GETS it. I think he thinks I have to orgasm to enjoy sex. He tends to pursue things even though I try to indicate that maybe it would be better to just "Move on....there's nothing to see here." That makes me start to feel like he is not paying attention to me and that makes me feel resentful, so the chances of me getting anywhere drop to zero, so he tries harder, so I get more irritated...you see where this goes.
I know all of this winds back to what has happened to us financially over the past two years. He used to run his own construction company with a couple of crews going on several different projects at a time. Now he spends his days scanning Craigslist and Angie's list for remodeling jobs that he can handle by himself or with a minimum of help. He goes just about every day to offer quotes that are half what he would have quoted two years ago to get shot down because the homeowner's neighbor lost his management job two months ago and is willing to do the work (poorly) for next to nothing. I KNOW this is taking a toll on him. I feel that his obsessive neediness in the bedroom is directly related to how much LESS of a man he feels like during the day. But he says NO, that's not it and I am not sure whether I a wrong or he is in denial. I *think* things are creaking around on the business front. But in the meantime, I have had to turn what was a hobby of mine into a money making venture. I do not in any way shape or form make anything like what he used to make, but we couldn't make it now without my financial input. He says that doesn't bother him, that he isn't a Neanderthal. So, I dunno.
Anywho, it all illustrates to me how much what happens in our bedrooms depends on what happens outside our homes, at the dinner table and just writing that gave me an idea. You know, I think I am going to suggest that he try coaching a rec league soccer team or baseball or something like that. He needs an outlet that allows him to feel in charge again. That doesn't involve me having to have sex every day.
I am so glad I found this place. Just writing about this knowing that other people are going to read it has made me clarify my thoughts and feelings on a subject that was tearing me up. Thanks, Internet!!