Scannerguard put it very well- your H see's you as something different, but not something sexual.
No, Blanca. . .you put it better than me actually, thank you.
I just think you personalized it a bit (and maybe it needs to be. . .but maybe it doesn't).
I was more saying that a lot of women and men see marriage as an institution with a different mission statement. I am making the statement "un-personal" because maybe MrsLovingWife is a sexual person (sounds like it).
To some, the Mission Statement of Marriage is:
"To be the objects of each other's affection and to provide each other with sexual fulfillment, mating and release."
To others, the Mission Statement of Marriage is:
"To raise a family, to build wealth, to create a safe home from the cruel world and share enrichening experiences."
Of course, the mission of marriage should be a conglomeration of all of these. . .but this probably explains partially why, when a spouse loses a job, or goes into debt, or whatever, why marriage comes unraveled. The wife of the unemployed husband or the husband of the credit-card happy wife feels like the partner has abandoned the mission statement. Some couples though can totally live hand to mouth, paycheck to paycheck, and be totally happy though and sexually connected. We all probably know people like that - you look at them and they don't have a pot to pee in but they are generally happy and just go thru financial crisis after financial crisis, merrily having sex the whole way. In a way I am jealous of couples like that.
It's about being on the same page and that statement, "we won't be having sex much as we get older" which you committed to memory (and I would too, just like my stb-x's statement of "Having sex is not why you get married!") is very telling IMO and doesn't bode well.
IMO, you have
communicated and crap, I'm sorry. . .but it wasn't what you wanted to hear but he communicated.
Of course, there is a lot of limited information here and yes, it's possible to be soooooo tired that you just can't have sex. . .but for guys, that's a lame excuse. There's always time for bad sex anyway, LOL (a guy quickie).
I'm telling you - having been there, done that and having the t-shirt "I was in a Sexless Marriage in NJ". . .it really may be best to explore cutting your losses as he may not be a sexual person at all. The thing is, for him, there are 1000's of women out there who want a sexless marriage and 1000's of guys out there for you who want a sexual marriage.
People can change but it's rare.
PS: The thought to add to this is. . .and this is the weird part. . .your husband may get "sexual" with another partner and you'd be like WTF? That happened to me. . .when I discovered my neglectful wife becoming intimate with another guy immediately after I left her, I was crushed as I wanted that so bad. But. . .I can kind of understand. . .she's under the illusion he is stable, he could be a "sugar daddy", he's "more mature" (he is physically 5 years older and who knows. . .maybe emotionally more mature) and that's what made her spread her legs and become sexual. That's what's complicated about sexuality and the "mating game" - it's not just a matter of some people are asexual and some people are sexual. You may find that for your husband, another set of circumstances activates his sexuality (porn, other woman, etc) and trust me, you'll be crushed. I hope you
actually find it for the sake of your marriage. . .but I guess my advice is just don't go nuts and don't internalize/personalize it.
It really shouldnt' be like the Quest for the Holy Grail, you know. And one thing doesn't have to do with the other.
I am getting to the point where I just wish my stb-x and her boyfriend all the best, am glad he's taking an interest in helping raise my children and seems to be a nice guy in that regard, and she has someone to take care of her and help her because I just can't.