you did it for other men, but not me? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:45 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Yes I suppose it is the same thing. Just because a woman enjoyed giving a guy a blow job in the past does not mean that she will enjoy it in the future or that she should feel obligated to give one.

I am not saying that I could not relate to someone being disappointed because their wife does not want to give him a blow job I am just saying that that is her right to be comfortable with what she does and is giving or not.

I would say that if she does not meet your needs than leave, otherwise get over it.
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post #32 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Code-Welder View Post
"Does any of this make sense to anyone?"

If your wife had told you all about her past would you have married her? should be my choice, shouldn't it?Do you want to try these things because you want to, or because she did these things in the past? Both

Perhaps your wife has fallen into the mode of your a husband and father? Great, not acceptable. what is next, room mate? Am, I allowed to stop treating her like my girlfriend and just as mother and maid?When kids come along much of the wild side is gone for ever. and the husbands cheat, divorce, because of this, so maybe there should be a greater effort to not let this happen My DDW was that way till we got older and the kids were out of the house. Once married she looked at me as a husband and soon after a father, not as much as her lover. Other guys I have talked to have had the same thing happen.
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post #33 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:49 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Starstarfish View Post
No, you aren't wrong for having sexual desires. And you aren't wrong with feeling how that makes you feel. But that's an argument based on how it makes -you- as an individual feel, not one based on this general concept of "the male ego."

The first part places the importance where it should be - on the feelings of a spouse and meeting their needs. The second sounds like men's sexual needs are more important because of Freudian psychological concepts that not everyone supports and believes in. It seems like its trying to utilize this other mysterious external force to back up the claim to "sexual gifts" - when really the only claim is desire.
???????? ok cloud it with physc talk and then it will go away.

the bottom line is he wants is and she lied about ever doing it and admitted to enjoying it .........but she won't do it for the person she loves and wants to be with the rest of her life.

yea he should be cool with that!
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post #34 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:49 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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so if when I dated a girl and took her to fancy resteraunts,the opera,and bought her flowers once a week and then started dating my now wife but didn't do these things and she asked and I said no thats just who I am.But then later after being married for a period of time and she found out. I can just say that was in the past. and she would say COOL!
all the responces seem like a double standard to me!
I have a situation like that. Husband went on grand Caribbean vacation with first wife, and then presented a similiar idea when we were first together about vacations, dating, etc. Then after we married did a 180 and said "that's not who I am, and further, you are morally wrong with having that expectation."

I didn't really see a lot of male sympathy for that situation in my personal story thread. It was all about how I was "trying to change him" and how he "slaves away to support a lifestyle I desire." There were pot shots about how women only care about money etc. So - while you understand how that's an equivalently bothering thing, most didn't seem to.
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post #35 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:51 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Well apparently it was not a requirement that she do this before he married her but now that he found out he expects it.
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post #36 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by usmarriedguy View Post
Yes I suppose it is the same thing. Just because a woman enjoyed giving a guy a blow job in the past does not mean that she will enjoy it in the future or that she should feel obligated to give one.

I am not saying that I could not relate to someone being disappointed because their wife does not want to give him a blow job I am just saying that that is her right to be comfortable with what she does and is giving or not.

I would say that if she does not meet your needs than leave, otherwise get over it.
I am not losing sleep here man, just trying to see some female logic at work. Obviously I can leave at any time. Not going to leave over this, I am just befuddled at the double standard. I see lots of woman throwing that term around all the time, I am just showing it works both ways.
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post #37 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:52 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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???????? ok cloud it with physc talk and then it will go away.

the bottom line is he wants is and she lied about ever doing it and admitted to enjoying it .........but she won't do it for the person she loves and wants to be with the rest of her life.
I wasn't the one who started the psych talk about the male ego.

The bottom line is - his wife lied about her past and he has sexual expectations of her knowing about her past, but is disappointed she won't meet them. And wants the general population of women to explain his wife's behavior.

The only person who can ultimately answer why there is that disconnect is his wife, the rest of us can only provide argument and conjecture.
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post #38 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:52 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Ya stay away from the treesome.

But geeze...alls you're asking for is a "gift"...its not like you want a gift every day!!!!!

Did she actually tell you "that was then, this is now"?


Whats sucks is Thor hit the nail on the head...sorry bro. But the last thing Thor mentioned is you can up raise your sex rank and "get her to up her game".

I liked that Thor...good post.
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post #39 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
Likes change over time. And things you're willing to try may not be things you want to continue doing after experiencing them, if you don't care for them - especially things from long ago.

If it were something she liked doing within the last year or so with someone else, but won't with me, then perhaps there's an issue. Is it about me, or about her - or was it about him?

On the other hand, what if she liked anal, but you find it disgusting? Are you obligated to indulge her, or not? I'd say no, and likewise, she has the right to say no. You don't have to like it, but your options are to accept it, try to persuade her to try it again, deny her something she wants (childish), or break up with her.
yeah, I guess that is why I posted that this is something she has said she previously enjoyed. It is not disgusting to her, just in the past. She has already done it enough and doesn't have the need any more. My need does not appear to count. So in fact she is with holding something I want, that is not disgusting to her.
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post #40 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:56 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Bottom line is that when women do this it's because they just aren't as into their husband as they were the prior boyfriends. The husband is the provider they settled for. The ex is the bad boy they fantasize about.
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post #41 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
???????? ok cloud it with physc talk and then it will go away.

the bottom line is he wants is and she lied about ever doing it and admitted to enjoying it .........but she won't do it for the person she loves and wants to be with the rest of her life.

yea he should be cool with that!
Thank you.
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post #42 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:58 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Do you want a gift given grudgingly? Given under duress? Or do you want it given freely and happily? There are SO many things that you two can share that are between the 2 of you, experiences that she could never share with an ex.

Like I said before, nothing we say as women is acceptable to you. Nothing. You will feel what you feel, like you have been deprived and lied to. The only one who can answer your questions is your wife.

My husband would tell you (about me) "she had anal sex with her ex but I guarantee she didn't have wild orgasms with him, or sneak giggling into a closet with him to have a quickie while the family gathered for thanksgiving."
This is something worth repeating so yes the both of you do share other "gifts" in this marriage and after all she did except your hand in marriage...

So for what its worth I hope it makes you feel a little better.

I still struggle with the lie...she should get spanked for that.
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post #43 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:58 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
Bottom line is that when women do this it's because they just aren't as into their husband as they were the prior boyfriends. The husband is the provider they settled for. The ex is the bad boy they fantasize about.
Please don't pigeonhole and insult all women. My husband blows my ex out of the water as a lover and a man. Which is why the ex is an ex and the husband is the husband.

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post #44 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
so if when I dated a girl and took her to fancy resteraunts,the opera,and bought her flowers once a week and then started dating my now wife but didn't do these things and she asked and I said no thats just who I am.But then later after being married for a period of time and she found out. I can just say that was in the past. and she would say COOL!
all the responces seem like a double standard to me!
no man, she needs to feel like she is loved and special more than any other woman ever
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post #45 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:00 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by the guy View Post
This is something worth repeating so yes the both of you do share other "gifts" in this marriage and after all she did except your hand in marriage...

So for what its worth I hope it makes you feel a little better.

I still struggle with the lie...she should get spanked for that.
A spanking is an example of something I've only given my husband. Takes a lot of trust to do that properly.

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"Come back safe, Bob. Don't leave me with these friggin kids."
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