you did it for other men, but not me? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:00 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
Bottom line is that when women do this it's because they just aren't as into their husband as they were the prior boyfriends. The husband is the provider they settled for. The ex is the bad boy they fantasize about.
unfortunatly

and its the same for the example I posted about when the man doesn't do things for his wife that he did for former girl friends!
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post #47 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:02 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by AnnieAsh View Post
My husband blows my ex out of the water as a lover and a man.
I judge people by their actions. Now in your case it sounds like it's something your husband doesn't want anyway so it's not the same issue. But these words above would simply not be believable if you were willing with the ex and not with him.
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post #48 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Thor View Post
Noguts, I agree 100% with your sentiments. You do qualify that these are things she enjoyed, and they are not unreasonable within a marriage (except the 3 some). If she did not enjoy the acts or now finds them offensive, I agree she has the right to not do them now.

As my shrink says, maybe she just isn't that into you. I think it is more complex, and as others have suggested there is an element of her psychology. As a single she feels free, and is excited by doing wild stuff. Once married she believes she should abide by the mature married woman model, not the wild single girl model.

It is possible she selected you out of security, etc., and from this standpoint she isn't into you the way she was with previous bf's. On the other hand she did select you and you say there is love. So what is needed is to make her feel the desire to up her game.
I was thinking of calling the old boyfriend and ask him, thanks though, I have no answer really, our sex life is not bad, but man, apparently it could be a lot better
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post #49 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:08 PM
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Re: Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Code-Welder View Post
"Does any of this make sense to anyone?"

If your wife had told you all about her past would you have married her? Do you want to try these things because you want to, or because she did these things in the past?

Perhaps your wife has fallen into the mode of your a husband and father? When kids come along much of the wild side is gone for ever. My DDW was that way till we got older and the kids were out of the house. Once married she looked at me as a husband and soon after a father, not as much as her lover. Other guys I have talked to have had the same thing happen.
And this exactly why men cheat
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post #50 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Starstarfish View Post
No, you aren't wrong for having sexual desires. And you aren't wrong with feeling how that makes you feel. But that's an argument based on how it makes -you- as an individual feel, not one based on this general concept of "the male ego."

The first part places the importance where it should be - on the feelings of a spouse and meeting their needs. The second sounds like men's sexual needs are more important because of Freudian psychological concepts that not everyone supports and believes in. It seems like its trying to utilize this other mysterious external force to back up the claim to "sexual gifts" - when really the only claim is desire.
How do we block those that think they are a shrink? I did come to TAM not Psych Central right?
FYI- I placed the importance where I wanted it placed on MY thread. IMO, You do not have a good grasp of a male ego and that is clear in your response. stop trying to change what I am saying as it appears to be pretty clear to the many others here. Funny how you keep trying to change it to be something else. I certainly do not expect or want all to agree, but at least respect me enough to stop the psych analyzing. Without major back ground info and answers to many questions that have not been asked on here you are simply not qualified to analyze me this way. I think what I asked in my thread has been pretty clear, as are my responses.
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post #51 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:10 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
no man, she needs to feel like she is loved and special more than any other woman ever
So I guess spanking her for lying is out of the question?

Speaking of maid...maybe she can dress up in a sexy maid outfit scrub the floor on her hands and knees while you watch.
Maybe that will boost your ego.

I'm wired different then most

Seriously...my point to this is maybe you guys can compromise and find a new "gift" she can give you?
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post #52 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:13 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I think the big mistake that a lot of men make is giving too much and EXPECTING reciprocation sexually.

seems like you got to play the game from the start!
1)don't try so hard to get in her pants ,play cool if it happens it happens.
2) no pu$$y licking until she sux some d!ck!
3) If your good with your d!ck she will want to sux it!
4)play as hard to get as she does only chase half way!
5) never tell her how much money you make.
6)never tell her how much money you make even after you marry.
7)if she doesn't like rule 5 or six then don't marry.
8)most likley you won't get married but you will be tagging a lot of pu$$y. win win win.

when you finaly find the one you want to settle down with beat yourself silly with a baseball bat. and knock some sence into yourself.

lol I ran with this a little the first 5 are good the rest are me just being an a$$.
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post #53 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by usmarriedguy View Post
Well apparently it was not a requirement that she do this before he married her but now that he found out he expects it.
No she lied about it then, so I thought it was not something she was into. She had enough sex in her past that her lie made me assume I should not be pressing her for things she appears to not be interested in doing, this all changed now that I know what she did, how much, and that she enjoyed it.
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post #54 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:13 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
I judge people by their actions. Now in your case it sounds like it's something your husband doesn't want anyway so it's not the same issue. But these words above would simply not be believable if you were willing with the ex and not with him.
Well by that logic, I had children with my husband. I didn't do that with ex. So clearly my husband is the better man. I would never have even considered bearing my ex's child. Ever.

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post #55 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:13 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I know next to nothing about my wife's sexual past, and only slightly more about her romantic past. I've never asked and I don't want to know -- for this reason. Now that I think about it, I knew about previous girlfriend's pasts, so perhaps I saw the possible future early on.
Our lives are different from when we were dating, and I'm sure they will be different again in the future. But if I knew what the OP knows, I think it would bother me, and I'm a bit surprised women are upset even at the question.
"Love of my life, I have always wanted to try anal. I know you have done it in the past and enjoyed it. We don't have to make it a recurring thing, but I'd really like to experience it. Will you please do it with me?"
Is it unreasonable to ask for an explanation if the answer is "No"?
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post #56 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:14 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
How do we block those that think they are a shrink? I did come to TAM not Psych Central right?
FYI- I placed the importance where I wanted it placed on MY thread. IMO, You do not have a good grasp of a male ego and that is clear in your response. stop trying to change what I am saying as it appears to be pretty clear to the many others here. Funny how you keep trying to change it to be something else. I certainly do not expect or want all to agree, but at least respect me enough to stop the psych analyzing. Without major back ground info and answers to many questions that have not been asked on here you are simply not qualified to analyze me this way. I think what I asked in my thread has been pretty clear, as are my responses.
OOUCH
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post #57 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
I think the big mistake that a lot of men make is giving too much and EXPECTING reciprocation sexually.

seems like you got to play the game from the start!
1)don't try so hard to get in her pants ,play cool if it happens it happens.
2) no pu$$y licking until she sux some d!ck!
3) If your good with your d!ck she will want to sux it!
4)play as hard to get as she does only chase half way!
5) never tell her how much money you make.
6)never tell her how much money you make even after you marry.
7)if she doesn't like rule 5 or six then don't marry.
8)most likley you won't get married but you will be tagging a lot of pu$$y. win win win.

when you finaly find the one you want to settle down with beat yourself silly with a baseball bat. and knock some sence into yourself.

lol I ran with this a little the first 5 are good the rest are me just being an a$$.
Love it
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post #58 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:16 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by AnnieAsh View Post
Well by that logic, I had children with my husband. I didn't do that with ex. So clearly my husband is the better man. I would never have even considered bearing my ex's child. Ever.
Imagine if you were willing to have bareback unprotected sex with your ex but never would with your husband. How should a husband feel about that?
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post #59 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:17 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
No she lied about it then, so I thought it was not something she was into. She had enough sex in her past that her lie made me assume I should not be pressing her for things she appears to not be interested in doing, this all changed now that I know what she did, how much, and that she enjoyed it.
which brings me to ask.

How in the hell did you find out about this?

What caused her to confess?
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post #60 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:17 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by AnnieAsh View Post
Well by that logic, I had children with my husband. I didn't do that with ex. So clearly my husband is the better man. I would never have even considered bearing my ex's child. Ever.
could be because your husband was just a better provider.

and you realised that your x was just a good lay but most likley a poor provider. just sayin thats how it could look to a man!
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