you did it for other men, but not me? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #76 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by where_are_we View Post
There is nothing I have done with/for a past partner that I am not willing to do with/for my husband. Unfortunately, he is the unwilling one.

I think what I hear the OP being most hurt about is that "she did it, enjoyed it, and lied about it."

I also do not understand this logic. It is one thing to tell your partner that you did something, did not like it and refuse to do it again. But that is not the case here. She is withholding and I would want to know why also.
thank you
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post #77 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:37 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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are you a woman?

hmmm sound like one.

No but I am not a dumb a$$ either.
ok if you say so!!
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post #78 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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are you a woman?

hmmm sound like one.

No but I am not a dumb a$$ either.
are you allowed to self proclaim that? Not sure on the rules here, judges..?
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post #79 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:46 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Opinions from women are clearly NOT wanted here or considered. OP, I'll be happy to delete my posts if they were not helpful to you. Good luck.

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post #80 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:50 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Dear Lord--how are we supposed to keep all of these things straight so that we can be absolutely positive that we are nothing but equitable to all of our partners? Maybe there's an app for that? I mean really--I bought my ex a car and a trip to Hawaii, but my BF gets anal. Should I call my ex and offer up my a$$ so that no one feels left out? Or should I be calling a travel agent and sending my BF over an ocean to be sure I've given him everything I ever gave my ex?
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post #81 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:51 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I agree AnnieAsh, I think that he was more interested in just having his righteous indignation confirmed.
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post #82 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:54 PM
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My point is that if having sex with her and another woman where high on your priority list than you would have found a woman that met that need.

You did not do that. You accepted her for what she said and let you think she is (the fact that she felt different in the past is irrelevant)

Now even though I can understand the reason for being jealous it is still just jealousy. And you are trying to make it into a test of her loyalty and commitment to you.


There's also the issue of some things you can do in relationships that don't much matter but are not good for marriages. I'm specifically talking third parties here.....my army first sergeant used to tell us if threesomes were something we wanted we should get that sh!t out of our system before we were married. The marital bond is special, so you worry about things that you didn't give a rats arse about with that schmoe you dated. Once again I'm talking about third parties here.....
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post #83 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 01:56 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I really wouldn't care about one sex act or two. That's nothing. Even if she liked it.

But equity does factor into marriage. There have been posters who posted about their partners never giving them sex more than once a week during their entire relationship (From first date to 20 years married with kids) but were crazy with someone else. There is something wrong with that.

I can't imagine a situation where I would find out that my GF did something with the ex, enjoyed it and now doesn't do it. I would be more considered with the overall effort that she puts into our sex life, not certain acts. But equity does play a part.
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post #84 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:00 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Suppose for a moment that there was something she used to do, but doesn't do anymore because she doesn't like it. Now suppose she goes ahead and does it for you. She's still not going to like it, and now YOU are the reason she doesn't like it, instead of some OTHER guy being the reason she doesn't like it. That's a lose in my book.

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post #85 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
Dear Lord--how are we supposed to keep all of these things straight so that we can be absolutely positive that we are nothing but equitable to all of our partners? Maybe there's an app for that? I mean really--I bought my ex a car and a trip to Hawaii, but my BF gets anal. Should I call my ex and offer up my a$$ so that no one feels left out? Or should I be calling a travel agent and sending my BF over an ocean to be sure I've given him everything I ever gave my ex?
I think your being a little off, or just joking.
If you enjoy being lied to by your SO about intimacy and then denied something you want that they had no problem giving someone else, then that's cool. OP and most others don't think being lied to is fun and being denied sexuality that others enjoyed for no good reason, yet, is much fun either.
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post #86 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:06 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
Dear Lord--how are we supposed to keep all of these things straight so that we can be absolutely positive that we are nothing but equitable to all of our partners? Maybe there's an app for that? I mean really--I bought my ex a car and a trip to Hawaii, but my BF gets anal. Should I call my ex and offer up my a$$ so that no one feels left out? Or should I be calling a travel agent and sending my BF over an ocean to be sure I've given him everything I ever gave my ex?
really you need an app for that!

well I sux all my pervious boyfriends off but my husband who I love much more than any of them ......not not doing it.

yea an app would be great.
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post #87 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:06 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Suppose for a moment that there was something she used to do, but doesn't do anymore because she doesn't like it. Now suppose she goes ahead and does it for you. She's still not going to like it, and now YOU are the reason she doesn't like it, instead of some OTHER guy being the reason she doesn't like it. That's a lose in my book.
I would note that the problem with your point is that, for the OP, it appears that his wife does not like it with him.

So while your point is absolutely spot on, it still tells the OP something. While he may be the better man and preferable partner as a whole, it seems to be that she is just not as into him sexually as she was with past partners. Not necessarily a fun message, but one that he needs to deal with.
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post #88 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:07 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Imagine we were talking about kissing. Imagine I had a girlfriend and I loved kissing her. I'd kiss her for hours, making out on the couch all night. Then we break up, I meet someone else. She asks 'have you ever kissed anyone else'? and I say 'no I haven't'. Then we get married and I refuse to kiss her more than a peck here and there. She later finds out that I loved doing it with my ex girlfriend. How exactly is she supposed to feel about that.

When these conversations come up the women always go right to thinking that the example is talking about anal, which obviously can hurt sometimes and feelings about it change. But what if we're not talking about anal, we're talking about kissing or holding hands or talking about fantasies?
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post #89 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:08 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Hmmm.....does my mom love my sister more because she got a yoga bag for Christmas or does she love me more because I got a Crockpot?

Seriously--anytime you start keeping score in a relationship, you've already lost.
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post #90 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:09 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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When these conversations come up the women always go right to thinking that the example is talking about anal, which obviously can hurt sometimes and feelings about it change. But what if we're not talking about anal, we're talking about kissing or holding hands or talking about fantasies?
What the OP has mentioned so far are anal, BDSM and threesomes.
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