you did it for other men, but not me? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #91 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:10 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
yeah, I guess that is why I posted that this is something she has said she previously enjoyed. It is not disgusting to her, just in the past. She has already done it enough and doesn't have the need any more. My need does not appear to count. So in fact she is with holding something I want, that is not disgusting to her.
If she had never done this act with anyone, would it still be something you'd want or do you just want it because she did it with someone else?
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post #92 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:11 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
Suppose for a moment that there was something she used to do, but doesn't do anymore because she doesn't like it. Now suppose she goes ahead and does it for you. She's still not going to like it, and now YOU are the reason she doesn't like it, instead of some OTHER guy being the reason she doesn't like it. That's a lose in my book.
interesting spin but thats just what is it ......spin.

I by no means think someone should do things that they are not into. but by her own admission she said she enjoyed it so why the problem now I think at the minimum he deserves an explination even if its hurtfull to him so he can decide whats right for him.

maybe because he a poor lover or his thing is to small or she don't trust him enough, but with her keeping is a seceret and liying about it in the first place starts to make her untrustwothy.
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post #93 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:16 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
Hmmm.....does my mom love my sister more because she got a yoga bag for Christmas or does she love me more because I got a Crockpot?

Seriously--anytime you start keeping score in a relationship, you've already lost.
everybody in the world keeps score! its a tit for tat world.

how about if your mom bought your sister a car and gave you a crock pot.

all I know is everybody I know that say you shouldn't keep score are usually the one who keep score the most.
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post #94 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:20 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Sorry Nogutsnoglory, your a victim of the classic bait and switch. My wife pulled the same crap. Promised me all kinds of sexual deviance and fantasies. And yeah, she had threesomes, more than once, but wont do it for me. She loves me to much, like thats supposed to clear everything up and make it better. I'm supposed to just drop all those ideas and be ok with it. She could do that to catch the attention of the ex boyfriend who treated her like a f*cktoy, I'm just the no account husband that takes care of her, treats her like a queen and gives her everything she wants. I'm not studly enough or alpha enough for the big show like the other looser was.

The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing.
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post #95 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:21 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Imagine we were talking about kissing. Imagine I had a girlfriend and I loved kissing her. I'd kiss her for hours, making out on the couch all night. Then we break up, I meet someone else. She asks 'have you ever kissed anyone else'? and I say 'no I haven't'. Then we get married and I refuse to kiss her more than a peck here and there. She later finds out that I loved doing it with my ex girlfriend. How exactly is she supposed to feel about that.
If you weren't kissing the second girl and she had a problem with it then why marry you in the first place?
If someone showed either way from the beginning of the relationship what they would/wouldn't do (not talking about bait and switch in marriage) then you get to decide if what they offer in a relationship is enough for you or will satisfy you sexually.
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post #96 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:23 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by TiggyBlue View Post
If you weren't kissing the second girl and she had a problem with it then why marry you in the first place?
If someone showed either way from the beginning of the relationship what they would/wouldn't do (not talking about bait and switch in marriage) then you get to decide if what they offer in a relationship is enough for you or will satisfy you sexually.
your leaving out tthe lying.
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post #97 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:24 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
everybody in the world keeps score! its a tit for tat world.

how about if your mom bought your sister a car and gave you a crock pot.

all I know is everybody I know that say you shouldn't keep score are usually the one who keep score the most.
Funny, if any guy I was with tried to shame me into putting out some way or another just because I had done it with someone else before--scoring is definitely NOT what he'd be doing most with me!

Seriously though, there is no way this conversation doesn't make the one bringing these alleged wrongs to the table look like anything but a whiny little b!tch. Not a good look to start with and then you honestly expect some kind of equity sex to result?
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post #98 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:35 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Funny, if any guy I was with tried to shame me into putting out some way or another just because I had done it with someone else before--scoring is definitely NOT what he'd be doing most with me!

Seriously though, there is no way this conversation doesn't make the one bringing these alleged wrongs to the table look like anything but a whiny little b!tch. Not a good look to start with and then you honestly expect some kind of equity sex to result?
So in the OPs situation, where he finds out that she did these things after her friend blabs, asks to do one or more of them with her, and she says no. Is he a whiny little b!tch if he asks why? How about if he requests more than just a "because I don't want to"?
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post #99 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:39 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
Funny, if any guy I was with tried to shame me into putting out some way or another just because I had done it with someone else before--scoring is definitely NOT what he'd be doing most with me!

Seriously though, there is no way this conversation doesn't make the one bringing these alleged wrongs to the table look like anything but a whiny little b!tch. Not a good look to start with and then you honestly expect some kind of equity sex to result?
Reality is, if you're dating a guy and you're truly into him more than any other guy, he likely doesn't have to worry about keeping score. If you're really into him, then he'd already be ahead. It's the guys who are behind who feel like they have to keep score, and honestly letting them go would be the best for them.
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post #100 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:40 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Funny, if any guy I was with tried to shame me into putting out some way or another just because I had done it with someone else before--scoring is definitely NOT what he'd be doing most with me!
That's a fair reaction. But what if it's not shame. What if it's 'make my fantasy a reality'? And maybe it's the hood of the car at the lover's lane spot down the street from the high school where he never got any but heard others were doing it? And he knows you've had sex on the hood of a car in your past. 'Here we are, my HS reunion. Our way home takes us past that spot.' Will you? Or will you at least explain why not?

Taking the OP away, isn't the question in the title deserving of at least an answer?
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post #101 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Tall Average Guy View Post
So in the OPs situation, where he finds out that she did these things after her friend blabs, asks to do one or more of them with her, and she says no. Is he a whiny little b!tch if he asks why? How about if he requests more than just a "because I don't want to"?
Of course not, he can ask why. But if he doesn't like there answer and throws a tantrum he's a whiny little b!tch. And if all he gets is "because I don't want to", is b!tching more details out of her going to get the outcome he wants? People who aint interested aint interested.
Apparently I'm weird, if it aint given freely I don't want it , but that's just me. There's no bigger turnoff for me then an unenthusiastic partner.
[size=1]Posted via Mobile Device[/size
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post #102 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:46 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Of course not, he can ask why. But if he doesn't like there answer and throws a tantrum he's a whiny little b!tch.
I'm weird anyway, if it aint given freely I don't want it , but that's just me. There's no bigger turnoff for me then an unenthusiastic partner.
[size=1]Posted via Mobile Device[/size
I completely agree. Tantrums make no sense, and I to would want a gift freely given. But the answer tells him something. The fact that there is no gift being given says something as well. He is likely not going to be happy about the message. Expecting that he should be or that it is no big deal is not reasonable.
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post #103 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:50 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

the bottom line is there was a chance that the OP would not have married this lier if he know. that coupled with the fact that he might have realised that he was her fall back after getting the boot and that could have also been factored into his decission weather or not he wanted to marry her. But through her devious behaivor she trapped him into think she was someone else.
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post #104 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:52 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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so if your a convicted felon its ok to lie to your girl friend because they might not find you marriage material?
Apples and Oranges, I was just curious as to what his answer might be. What happened in the past in a relationship is in the past, what if he had never found out? Life would likely be bliss.
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post #105 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:56 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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As my shrink says, maybe she just isn't that into you.
Or maybe she is more into him and wants to stay that way. ?
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