you did it for other men, but not me? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #106 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:59 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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And this exactly why men cheat
Good point, I was unfaithful, but them so was my wife. We worked through that part of our marriage and in the end it became stronger. Then as stated our sex life improved vastly once the kids were grown and out of the house. marriage has phases just like the rest of life.
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post #107 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 02:59 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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interesting spin but thats just what is it ......spin.

I by no means think someone should do things that they are not into. but by her own admission she said she enjoyed it so why the problem now I think at the minimum he deserves an explination even if its hurtfull to him so he can decide whats right for him.

maybe because he a poor lover or his thing is to small or she don't trust him enough, but with her keeping is a seceret and liying about it in the first place starts to make her untrustwothy.
A fair point. I guess it would depend on if she still was into it but just not with him, vs USED to be into it and isn't anymore.

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post #108 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:00 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

If my husband did things for other women he wouldn't do for me, I'd go on strike.
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post #109 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:04 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Apples and Oranges, I was just curious as to what his answer might be. What happened in the past in a relationship is in the past, what if he had never found out? Life would likely be bliss.
carrots to pees.

if the woman never finds out hes a convicte fellon then she would be in bliss also!


hmmm.
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post #110 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:05 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Personally, I think the posters throwing around the "whiny little b*tch" accusations should look in the mirror.

Name-calling and other personal attacks are the last resorts of people with nothing to say.
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post #111 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:09 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by Code-Welder View Post
Good point, I was unfaithful, but them so was my wife. We worked through that part of our marriage and in the end it became stronger. Then as stated our sex life improved vastly once the kids were grown and out of the house. marriage has phases just like the rest of life.
Proper sex and intimacy should have never been diminished, the love for family and closeness should have carried over and been maintained into the bed room. Children should never be a deterrent to an excellent sex life.

When you have kids, you obviously can't be doing it all over the house. But you can do it in your room, quickies at bed time even and if you want something drawn out rent a hotel room or a friends house while they are out of town.
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post #112 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:10 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Put aside the anal, BDSM and threesomes.

Let's say they talked before marriage and she told him that she either didn't do oral sex or hated it. He decides OK there's enough other good stuff here, let's get married anyway.

10 years later they have drinks with this girlfriend, and it comes out that his wife not only did oral sex but loved it, told her girlfriend and everybody else how great it was to take her sex partners to the stars with BJs. She loved the taste and the whole experience.

I'd say there would be plenty of reason for him to say, well, now that I know you like it, how about a little sumpin', and that's one of my fondest fantasies.

If the answer is simply "no," without any reason, I think he'd be well within the zone of reasonableness to say, "WTF?"
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post #113 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:11 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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If my husband did things for other women he wouldn't do for me, I'd go on strike.
Right-on!
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post #114 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:12 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Put aside the anal, BDSM and threesomes.

Let's say they talked before marriage and she told him that she either didn't do oral sex or hated it. He decides OK there's enough other good stuff here, let's get married anyway.

10 years later they have drinks with this girlfriend, and it comes out that his wife not only did oral sex but loved it, told her girlfriend and everybody else how great it was to take her sex partners to the stars with BJs. She loved the taste and the whole experience.

I'd say there would be plenty of reason for him to say, well, now that I know you like it, how about a little sumpin', and that's one of my fondest fantasies.

If the answer is simply "no," without any reason, I think he'd be well within the zone of reasonableness to say, "WTF?"
This is what we are saying happens. Makes me mad to hear you put it like this.
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post #115 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:15 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I don't know if my XH did sexual things with the OW he wouldn't do with me. But he was far more romantic with her and went out of his way for her.

Anyone else triggering? I swear this forum depresses the **** out of me
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post #116 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:23 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
carrots to pees.

if the woman never finds out hes a convicte fellon then she would be in bliss also!


hmmm.
You can get your felony record ex-sponged in most states, but not so with relationship history. I am not saying the she was right to lie, but what if he never found out. Would he still want to do the things he has expressed?
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post #117 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:25 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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I don't know if my XH did sexual things with the OW he wouldn't do with me. But he was far more romantic with her and went out of his way for her.

Anyone else triggering? I swear this forum depresses the **** out of me
I'm done triggering. It lasted for many years, probably almost an addiction. Each time I thought I was out of the tunnel, it was amazing I was still in and still am. Today and the last few days I know I am a man. I don't care what anyone thinks. I like sex, I will have sex. I will have a great life and thats it. If someone wants to impede me or get in the way, I'm not going to deal with them. Hats off to all of you.
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post #118 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:26 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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I don't know if my XH did sexual things with the OW he wouldn't do with me. But he was far more romantic with her and went out of his way for her.

Anyone else triggering? I swear this forum depresses the **** out of me
Big time.

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #119 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:27 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Not always!
True, well as long as they still live in the house. At least that was how our marriage worked.
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post #120 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 03:34 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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That's a fair reaction. But what if it's not shame. What if it's 'make my fantasy a reality'? And maybe it's the hood of the car at the lover's lane spot down the street from the high school where he never got any but heard others were doing it? And he knows you've had sex on the hood of a car in your past. 'Here we are, my HS reunion. Our way home takes us past that spot.' Will you? Or will you at least explain why not?

Taking the OP away, isn't the question in the title deserving of at least an answer?
In that scenario, the short answer is that the risk I was willing to take in high school versus what I'm willing to risk now is very different. Public indecency charges at 18 are a fun story at the next kegger. Now, it could cost me my job. (Never mind that it's December and no way in hell am I getting naked in this weather!).

Personally, I don't discuss my past. For exactly this sort of reason. At my age and stage of life, the men I date can pretty much safely assume that I have a sexual history. But, I would say that ultimately, the question may be valid, it's the follow up that kills it all. You can ask why I don't want to have sex on a car hood on Lovers Lane. However, if your reply to my answer is "But you did it with Fred-Bob Smith!", then I've just lost my lady-boner for you.
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