you did it for other men, but not me? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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you did it for other men, but not me?

So I am a bit curious as to the logic and understanding of men and woman.
I have read (and experienced) what it feel like to be told that "that was then and this is now"
Meaning the sexual acts you performed with other men and or woman is a part of the past and not something you want to do with your husband.

Obviously anal is a popular one, but there are many others.

Woman, do you have basic knowledge of a male ego?
Do you realize what a shot to a males ego this is?

I am not talking about you tried something once in college and it hurt so you won't do it again.

I am talking about you actively did some things with other men and woman in your wilder days and your H wants some of that from you and you deny him this. Especially stuff you admit you enjoyed back then.

Does it matter to you that it makes him feel like he is not the sexual creature your past lover was and this is why you will not indulge him. After all it is just a sexual act with your H, so why the stance to withhold, knowing it will hurt him and possibly hurt the marriage in the long run. Do you not realixe you gave this gift to a guy that did not love you and now you would be making the man that chose to be with you for life very happy and feel very appreciated if he knew that he had gotten all the sexual gifts you have given others and more.
My W actually withheld that she had done things ( I asked her prior to marriage and she lied to me) I have, since learning of this, gone from initially very disappointed in realizing I had married a party girl (knew she had some fun, but not that much fun), and now I am feeling like, I am married to her and love her and for my own ego to resolve these things, I want the same thing.
If I had learned prior to marriage, I would have chosen this path then, but I thought I had married someone with similar background and moral structure, but again, I was deceived.

I have since gotten past the moral side of this stuff (as best I can) and want to see and feel, experience this stuff with my wife. After all, there is a guy out there walking around that knows her wild side better than I do, and I would like to have some mind movies of my wife in my head with me as the man, versus the mind movies of what she did with other men. Male ego at work. Do not fault me for having one.

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

I was allowed to have her past matter to me for any reason I saw fit and she lied to me, so how I feel now and what I want, is her consequence for lying to me. IMO.

I will not divorce her for this, so don't go there. I love her and who she is today, but my ego has been slammed to the ground and I want to do something about it.
It is not like having some crazy sex with her H will change who she is, just make her more fun for me really. So what is the big deal? Can't you see that if you gave a sexual gift to one man in your past that your H might want to have that gift given to him.. I just do not see the logic of woman that do not get this.
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post #2 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 11:45 AM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
So I am a bit curious as to the logic and understanding of men and woman.
I have read (and experienced) what it feel like to be told that "that was then and this is now"
Meaning the sexual acts you performed with other men and or woman is a part of the past and not something you want to do with your husband.

Obviously anal is a popular one, but there are many others.

Woman, do you have basic knowledge of a male ego?
Do you realize what a shot to a males ego this is?

I am not talking about you tried something once in college and it hurt so you won't do it again.

I am talking about you actively did some things with other men and woman in your wilder days and your H wants some of that from you and you deny him this. Especially stuff you admit you enjoyed back then.
How would you feel as her "husband" that these things weren't done during her "wilder" years at all. That she felt something for him and wanted to impress this man and did these sexual acts or actions and treatments on this other man, that she won't do for you, because she doesn't think she has to or she doesn't feel that way. How the hell is that supposed to feel?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
Does it matter to you that it makes him feel like he is not the sexual creature your past lover was and this is why you will not indulge him. After all it is just a sexual act with your H, so why the stance to withhold, knowing it will hurt him and possibly hurt the marriage in the long run. Do you not realixe you gave this gift to a guy that did not love you and now you would be making the man that chose to be with you for life very happy and feel very appreciated if he knew that he had gotten all the sexual gifts you have given others and more.
Well she may have done it because it was fun and exciting at the time! Does this make a "husband" feel anybetter?

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Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post
My W actually withheld that she had done things ( I asked her prior to marriage and she lied to me) I have, since learning of this, gone from initially very disappointed in realizing I had married a party girl (knew she had some fun, but not that much fun), and now I am feeling like, I am married to her and love her and for my own ego to resolve these things, I want the same thing.
If I had learned prior to marriage, I would have chosen this path then, but I thought I had married someone with similar background and moral structure, but again, I was deceived.
Men were being decieved before even Jesus Christ walked the earth. I'm not sure whether it matters what she did or didn't do before she got with you, but if you know for a fact that these acts which she did freely and enjoyed before you, she can physically do them. So why cheat the husband? Some women marry a husband as a permenant crutch and he isn't even her top choice. She just finds a loyal and loving man and ensnares him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nogutsnoglory View Post

I have since gotten past the moral side of this stuff (as best I can) and want to see and feel, experience this stuff with my wife. After all, there is a guy out there walking around that knows her wild side better than I do, and I would like to have some mind movies of my wife in my head with me as the man, versus the mind movies of what she did with other men. Male ego at work. Do not fault me for having one.

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

I was allowed to have her past matter to me for any reason I saw fit and she lied to me, so how I feel now and what I want, is her consequence for lying to me. IMO.

I will not divorce her for this, so don't go there. I love her and who she is today, but my ego has been slammed to the ground and I want to do something about it.
It is not like having some crazy sex with her H will change who she is, just make her more fun for me really. So what is the big deal? Can't you see that if you gave a sexual gift to one man in your past that your H might want to have that gift given to him.. I just do not see the logic of woman that do not get this.
Just because she did it for him, she doesn't have to do it for you. Thats the logic.

Some of these women also do not shut off the life they were doing before the husband. The husband is provided a bare minimum to stay and they do these exciting things with others.

Just great for your erections, huh?
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post #3 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Originally Posted by treyvion View Post
How would you feel as her "husband" that these things weren't done during her "wilder" years at all. That she felt something for him and wanted to impress this man and did these sexual acts or actions and treatments on this other man, that she won't do for you, because she doesn't think she has to or she doesn't feel that way. How the hell is that supposed to feel?



Well she may have done it because it was fun and exciting at the time! Does this make a "husband" feel anybetter?



Men were being decieved before even Jesus Christ walked the earth. I'm not sure whether it matters what she did or didn't do before she got with you, but if you know for a fact that these acts which she did freely and enjoyed before you, she can physically do them. So why cheat the husband? Some women marry a husband as a permenant crutch and he isn't even her top choice. She just finds a loyal and loving man and ensnares him.



Just because she did it for him, she doesn't have to do it for you. Thats the logic.

Some of these women also do not shut off the life they were doing before the husband. The husband is provided a bare minimum to stay and they do these exciting things with others.

Just great for your erections, huh?
WOW. Now I feel better. LOL
Good god, so she like it with them but not me and is now possibly still doing these things for OM just not me.
Glad I did not read this while standing on a cliff.
But I agree with you. It is a fair response.
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post #4 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 11:57 AM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

can't wait to hear the women respond to this.
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post #5 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 11:59 AM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

What are we talking about here? Bringing another person into the picture or some particular sex act like anal?

I can certainly see where someone might want to try a three way when they are young and in a non-committed relationship and then not want to bring that into a marriage.
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post #6 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:07 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Ok, here is another thread about how the hubby is missing out on all of the fun while the ex boyfriends got the action. Evidently your wife does not like what she did back then, she is more mature and her tastes probably changed. Being married is different from the boyfriend relationship, it is more experimental and during this process you are finding out what you like or don't like. When you are married, you should know what your tastes are.

I now know why women hide what they did before marriage since it becomes such a big issue of being denied. I was a virgin when I married and my hubby sometimes says he wishes I had more experience in sex, he wishes I was more open to trying more things he likes. Seems men are never completely satisfied either way.
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post #7 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:09 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Seems men are never completely satisfied either way.
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Yeah, I think that one can go both ways.
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post #8 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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can't wait to hear the women respond to this.
LOL, me too. I am hoping I can see if there is some female logic used that shows consideration for the man. We shall see, I guess.
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post #9 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:14 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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can't wait to hear the women respond to this.
The problem with women answering this is that NOTHING we, as random women on the internet, can say to make a random man on the internet feel better. Our reasoning is often dismissed and disregarded.

There is a few things I did with an ex that I don't do with my husband. He knows it. Why does he accept and understand it? Because that relationship was MESSED UP. It was sick and wrong toward the end and he wants no part of it. He encouraged me to break up with the guy.

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post #10 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:15 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I can see how you could make that inference but I think it is because you are looking at men as a collective instead of individuals.

Some men seem to get freaked out by the knowledge that their wives had other experiences and some do not. The OP just seems to be experiencing a bit of jealousy.
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post #11 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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What are we talking about here? Bringing another person into the picture or some particular sex act like anal?

I can certainly see where someone might want to try a three way when they are young and in a non-committed relationship and then not want to bring that into a marriage.
She was in a committed relationship of a long term boyfriend during the threesome with another woman and she enjoyed the experience and admits it.
She was also involved in other acts involving just her partner at the time, no threesome. She claims to have enjoyed them all, has no regrets, yet lied to me about ever doing these things. I understand but do not forgive the lie. I do not forgive liars.

My opinion on being lied to is I get to change my reaction to what it would have been had I been given the truth. I am not allowed this concession though. I am wrong to want these things, I am wrong to feel slighted. I just do not agree.
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post #12 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:18 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

"Does any of this make sense to anyone?"

If your wife had told you all about her past would you have married her? Do you want to try these things because you want to, or because she did these things in the past?

Perhaps your wife has fallen into the mode of your a husband and father? When kids come along much of the wild side is gone for ever. My DDW was that way till we got older and the kids were out of the house. Once married she looked at me as a husband and soon after a father, not as much as her lover. Other guys I have talked to have had the same thing happen.
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post #13 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:25 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

I think some women have this thinking that their new husband has to see them as Innocent virgins or at least close to it with regards to having moral and character befitting a proper wife.

Unlike my self most guys don't want to marry a sl^t. Sure guys want that in bed but to openly come out and Tell their future husband about the three way or GB or circus clowns...well that just might pull the plug on the wedding or for that matter the marriage proposal.

I'm thinking some chicks want to find a husband and so they lie about this kind of thing, and even through the marriage the play it off as the prim and proper wife only to have these dirty girl fantasies.

And thats the scary thing here..some go though life lying to their husband while they have this need to be a dirty girl..."her little secret" and when this need grows no matter how great the husband some will go out side that marriage to meet that need.

I'm sure their some honest women and can discuss this kind of thing and even openly give "it" to their now husband...but the ones that aren't/don't well thats just wrong and it a shame they can't be open and get that dirty girl need meet by the man that loves them.

Hell I'm just a guy so what do I know about why some women put up this wall of misconception and stop sharing or should I say giving this kind of gift.

I do know one thing about Mrs. the guy.. I am averagely endowed and the only guys that *got* the back door were the smaller fellas. But I have been given this "gift" now and then.
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post #14 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

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Ok, here is another thread about how the hubby is missing out on all of the fun while the ex boyfriends got the action. Evidently your wife does not like what she did back then, she is more mature and her tastes probably changed. Being married is different from the boyfriend relationship, it is more experimental and during this process you are finding out what you like or don't like. When you are married, you should know what your tastes are.
She looks fondly on the experiences with no regret, she just will not replace the old boyfriend in the memory and insert the H and create a new memory with the H.

I now know why women hide what they did before marriage since it becomes such a big issue of being denied. This is not a justifiable reason. I was a virgin when I married and my hubby sometimes says he wishes I had more experience in sex, he wishes I was more open to trying more things he likes. Why are you not willing to try these things with him? Not to insult at all, but being a virgin prior to marriage and a bit of a prude after marriage is not the same thing. MAybe he is unreasonable, I am assuming he is not, if he is I apologize He sees these acts as a gift to him, special to him, and wants to experience things with his wife. Be careful, some will not stick around for vanilla sex their whole life. At some point you need to spice it up in a marriage. Seems men are never completely satisfied either way.
No, I think we are satisfied when we get to have what we want sexually. We are not happy when we are denied access to doors that others have been allowed to open.
And one of the reasons I opened this thread is a general lack of consideration for the male ego. Men are expected to learn to handle a woman's changing emotions, nut a male ego appears to not be of valid concern.Woman (some) do not consider what they are telling the ego of a man when you say no to him for things you did for another, especially things you have claimed to have enjoyed doing.
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post #15 of 2776 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 12:28 PM
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Re: you did it for other men, but not me?

Long term boyfriend and married are two different things. Obviously if she really still enjoyed those things she would still be interested in doing them. I guess she enjoyed them at the time and is now ready for a more conventional life.
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