Frustrated by lack of passion and bad sex
I am new here and found the forums while searching for advice for my situation. I appreciate all replies.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We met in 2000, had a not-so-good first 2 years, split up for 2 years while he got his act together, got back together in 2004 and married the next year. He is not the same person that he was in the first 2 years, which proved to me that people really can change. We are each others' best friend and now have 2 young children together. I could not imagine not being married to him.
In the 2 years that we were apart, I dated someone that I experienced sexual things with that I never had with anyone before. I was able to orgasm during sex and being with him was literally like being joined with energy. It was amazing, but our lives were on different paths so it never went anywhere. When my husband and I got back together, we never had that honeymoon period of being giddy and butterflies because we were already comfortable with each other. For me, my love for him has been something that has grown over time, but I can say I've never really been head-over-heels in love with him, though I love him with all my heart.
Before we met, he had never really kissed a woman, nor had he even gone down on a woman. He was able to watch a how-to video on that and went from nothing to superstar overnight. And maintained that over the last few years. But we never kiss. He had teeth issues that he finally got under control, but he still has to work hard to not have bad breath and he doesn't put the effort in most of the time. He brings sugary juice to bed, which is something we've argued about on multiple occassions. He doesn't *get* that just brushing his teeth before bed doesn't fix bad breath that still seems to linger. I've tried to teach him how to kiss, but it's like he has amnesia and every time after that he'd be back to doing things "his" way, which are not good. I feel like trying to 'correct' his kissing every time just comes across as criticism, and I got tired of it, so we just don't kiss anymore.
When we have sex, it's always the same position. And him going through the motions rhythmically with his eyes closed, completely silent. And it's a position that doesn't even feel good for me (me on my back, him kneeling in front of me, holding my legs). I've tried pulling him down on top of me so we can be closer, but he just gets back up on his knees. If I go on top, he lays there, eyes closed and silent, with one hand on either of my breasts. Just laying there.
I have tried showing him what I like. I've told him that him taking his hand and roughly mashing it into my crotch and rubbing hard doesn't feel good. But he does it every time anyhow. I've used my hand to show him HOW I like it, and he sometimes will change for that one session but then he's back to the same old the next time. More often than not, I am very sore the next day.
I never orgasm during sex with him, and he probably only goes down on me every few times we are together (which is okay with me), so after we are done, I still want to have my orgasm. He will lay there, head on my shoulders, giving little peck-kisses to my shoulder, while he moves his hand back and forth, lightly brushing my thighs and butt. It's annoying and I find it takes me three times as long to get off, because he is quite obviously spent and not interested in sex anymore.
The worst part? After we have sex, he tells me over and over how amazing I am and how lucky he is to have such an incredibly sexy wife. And I know he means it! He is totally happy with our sex life and I just want to scream because he doesn't get it!
If I hadn't been with that guy while we were apart, perhaps I wouldn't know what I'm missing, but I do. And I want it with my husband. I just don't know where to start. I'm only 30, he is 39, and I can't imagine going through the rest of my life like this.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading!