so my wife has never liked sex, we have rarely and when we do i'm rushed to get it over and then she continues on her own. before marriage i never had complaints and i could go all night and go over and over again. now i'm sick of sex but still want it, it seems to partly the cause of a downhill marriage. does anyone know how to lower a libido or cause impotence.
u say your wife hates sex. i got that bit. and you say your sick of it and try to get it over and done with.
i think its both of you that have issues.
why dont you talk it over.
why dont you when u have sex nxt.
take your time. foreplay.
i have a high libido ( sex drive) i love sex - simple as.
hubby loves it but would happily plod on when it takes his fancy.
im afraid i get frustrated at the lack of.
so when i want it. i just start it of, i take control.
start of by kissing and then i get my way.
the way you are is the way you are.
why stop it.
i dont think of drugs to control how i feel.
how i look at this, is she carries on because she simply wants more.
i wouldnt carry on myself , if i hated sex that much. it would stop there and then.
if you feel your marriage is going downhill, pick it back up, court eachother again, what are your issues with eachother.
take a new approach, flowers, meal, hotel. dress nice, aftershave.
they always notice.
my hubby notices when i buy a new top.
maybe look at the issues in your marriage to sort them out.
but sex is meant to be fun. wether its an all nighter or a quickie.
Constant rejection can take its toll on a relationship. If she pressures you to “get it over with” that too will eat away at your desire. It is not your libido that is suffering here, it is your desire for her as your partner. You stated that the relationship is on the downhill. If you have both disconnected from each other sex will not be as it should for a couple. There needs to be an emotional attachment or it is just a physical act. To improve the sex life you must improve the relationship. Your wife may never match your libido however if she is emotionally connected to you she will get more fulfillment out of sex. That will increase frequency as well as satisfaction for you both. Work on the relationship. ID the problem areas and work together to fix them before the marriage goes any further down the hill. Good luck.
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Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
I just read your post on “Almost sexless marriage”. You state there that your wife was the victim of rape and sexual abuse in a previous relationship. While I stand by my above statement this is likely a very deep issue for her and I suggest the two of you seek professional help in dealing with it. Sexual abuse can leave very deep scars and she needs your help in dealing with it. Please find a therapist to help her with this. My deepest sympathies for her and my best wishes to you both. Bless.
__________________
Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
I too saw your other post, and the details in this one confuse/conflict. You say it wasn't a problem before marriage (I assume, before you married your wife). The other thread you say wife and you didn't do it until the wedding night, so I assume you meant that you had no problems with other partners.
I think its going to be a LOT easier to find a new wife than it will be to fix this issue in your marriage. I say kick her to the curb and trade up.
You are missing a key point is this man's post. His wife was raped. The ramifications for being raped can cause lingering emotional problems. She could be suffering from undiagnosed depression, PTSD, or other psychological problem. Sounds like she needs therapy to help overcome her ambivalent feelings towards sex, rather than treating her like her dog and kicking her to the curb....
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I would really try to see if your wife is interested in seeing a therapist on individual basis and have the both of you see a therapist together as a couple. In my opinion, she has unresolved conflict from her previous relationships and she needs help. I can only imagine of what your wife has gone through. Being raped in a past relationship could diminish her self-worth significantly and have long lasting emotional consequences.
This is a problem that you might not be able to solve by yourself. I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you. I am really sorry. I would feel horrible if my husband was constantly rejecting me Please post back anytime for support.……… ..Good luck, and please post with an update
[[You are missing a key point is this man's post. His wife was raped. The ramifications for being raped can cause lingering emotional problems.]]
Sounds like we have her on one side, saying "cut me some slack" and him on the other side saying "cut me some slack".
I'm not going to go all out and say that the matter is trivial, so please don't let this degenerate into a "rape is absolutely evil" argument. However, I will absolutely not condone her being blameless in this situation.
You can judge her level of interest by how willing she is to work with her husband (you know... the guy who committed to her and only her til death do they part.... yeah remember him) and overcome this problem.
If she just keeps on throwing it in your face and using it as an excuse to avoid making progress, just get out now while you still can.
I suppose I was a bit harsh, and I apologize for that.
What I find frustrating, and I'm sure the OP does too, is the way that it seems some situations become "get out of jail free" cards for those that use them.
As I said: (as someone else asked) how interested is your WIFE in working with you? Cuz if she keeps on using the same excuses without ever trying to work with you, I think you are wasting your time.
I am going to SERIOUSLY bite my tongue here as a victim of attempted rape. It took years for me to get my head cleared. Thank God I've gotten through a lot of the issues. Here's a scenario ( although it still doesn't compare):
Let's imagine you're out running errands, as you go to deposit a check at the bank, you're jumped by gang members and nearly beaten to death. You've dealt with this bank for years. You like the service you get, the tellers are nice, interest rates on loans are reasonable, the bank itself is wonderful. Let's face it, no other bank compares. However, every time you drive by that bank, the reminder is still there. You go to the ATM, you go through the drive through window, you just can't bring yourself to go inside. You know one day you'll be able to. Even though the people in that bank had nothing to do with what happened to you, scenes from the near fatality flash through your mind. You still have nightmares. It was a freak thing. Nothing like that has happened in your town before or since.
This is the way it is for women who've been raped. They love their husbands. They know it's not his fault. They want more than anything to be intimate with him in a way that defies everything else. Yet sometimes, when they're in the moment, flashbacks happen. Husbands and wives who really love each other may be able to work through it. If they can't work through it, at that point they may choose to move on.
Now, it's one thing to post your opinions in an honest fashion. It is quite another to muse about something so horrible. You have absolutely no idea what it's like to go through something like that. It's certainly not an "excuse". There are people who experience sexual abuse as children who are never able to have a normal relationship. Please show some respect for people who've been in tragic situations. You never know when you may need the compassion from others. You may find no one is there when you need a shoulder to lean on.
Here's the thing though -- if this is ALWAYS going to be present, then you have an incentive to work through it. If you are always going to remember it having happened, then you will remember it regardless of who you are with.
You said that husbands and wives who love each other may be able to work through it. What do you do when she is choosing NOT to work through it?
Dude, it also occurred to me that the pressure here is probably overwhelming you both. I know it well --
- you are angry at yourself for being unable to go without
- you are angry at her for not providing
- you are angry at the circumstances
this bleeds into all other aspects of your life.
If you want to overcome the problem, perhaps you can focus on something that makes YOU happy, and/or something good that you and your wife do share. There must be something else that both of you enjoy or enjoyed at one point.
Another idea: get HER interested in HER stuff again -- did she give up any hobbies, or is there something she's always wanted to do? When your life seems horrible, its very very hard to escape the downward spiral. But if you can just find one single starting point, sometimes the rest of the problems are easy to unravel.
I've read Prozac is a good libido buster, but I highly suggest that chemically altering your libido is not the right solution here. That won't solve the problem and will probably just make it worse as you continue to feel more and more resentful. You need to work with your wife, not just pretend the problem doesn't exist.
my wife hates sex, can i turn off my libido?
