Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I have bounced this off a few friends, male and female, over the years and have not reached a consensus answer. I have my personal bias but thought I would pose the question here.
Is it poor etiquette for a W to _routinely_ "forget" or opt not to have sex in the week preceeding her period?
This of course assumes she is not on birth control. Thoughts?
A good friend of mine, to observe the etiquette of his wife's monthly period - she actually places a symbol on the calendar so he knows to not approach her and she is unavailable.
That way there is no rejection and this craziness that couples engage in of guessing and second guessing why. He just knows it's "no sex" time.
I guess this works because she is regular.
Now. . .I'd give anything to know what the symbol/code is.
Pre-period hormones effect every woman differently, and sometimes every month is different. Some women will feel more uncomfortable during that time than they do at their actual period. Of course having sex at that time will help alleviate the symptoms, but if you don't feel like it, you don't feel like it.
The same as some women will have sex during the periods and some won't. It's not a matter of etiquette, it's a matter of if you feel up to it or not. Now, men and women should push themselves to feeling up to it, but if you don't, you don't and I think it would be a lack of etiquette to expect otherwise.
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Think back to each couple and the answer you were given. I believe you will see a standard pattern: In the marriages where the W is attracted to her H, and/or respects his needs and priorities she doesn't "forget". In those where he is viewed as the human ATM machine, she routinely forgets.
Quote:
Originally Posted by father-of-3
I have bounced this off a few friends, male and female, over the years and have not reached a consensus answer. I have my personal bias but thought I would pose the question here.
Is it poor etiquette for a W to _routinely_ "forget" or opt not to have sex in the week preceeding her period?
This of course assumes she is not on birth control. Thoughts?
I would find it odd. I make sure he knows (although he keeps track himself of when my periods are due) that it's coming. I let him know a good week in advance that it's due in the next X days, so he's aware that if he wants any, he better get busy. I wouldn't care about having sex while on my period, but he doesn't like it, so we don't. Which is why I make sure he knows. But like I said, he also keeps track himself, so he knows anyway. I don't generally initiate (we've had issues with this in the past, he's got a pretty low drive, so I leave it to him to let me know when he wants it), but since I make him aware of when I'm due, he knows if he wants it, he needs to let me know. If he doesn't, then I don't feel guilty about it.
Good point Mem11363. It seems that this lady "forgets" at specific times though - a week before her period. Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable telling her husband how unattractive she might be finding herself at that time. If she "forgot" all the time, then I would say she isn't being very respectful, but it seems as if the issue is how she personally handles PMS symptoms.
Truckersgirl, that's great communication to have with your husband! Many women aren't that open, although I would hope they would realize how much value that has and make attempts to be more communicative.
__________________ They say you are what you eat, so why not eat to promote passion, ultimate health and the utmost of sensuality? Plateful of Passion is The Guide to Creating Sensual Enhancement through your diet and how everyday foods can boost libido, and greatly improve your sex life featuring over 100 recipes!
We call it being on the DL (Disabled List). I can't imagine having a two week span every month where there was a guarantee of no sex. During this time does she ever help you out in other ways?
Okie -- the odd thing is that it is not just two weeks. You've got the couple days ramping up and ramping down, so at best chance you've got a week's worth of open window of opportunity. I say opportunity because that would be in a healthy marriage. Toss in holding grudges and other baggage and you may hit or miss a day or two in a month. Personally for me, it has been a miss more often than not -- makes one wonder how I have three children, eh. This makes for a very unrewarding life. Sex aside, toss in a lack of any courtship or just plain hanging out, and you have to ask yourself what the heck is the point? It's one-sided input all the way, and no feedback from my W.
As a guy, even if I invert three basic tenants of a marriage to favor a woman's line of thought, I still end up with nothing, zip, nada from the W.
#1 Talking & sharing ideas
#2 Sharing time together (i.e. distinguished from the daily time as a family)
#3 Being intimate
I'm just soooo tired of being miserable over "believing" that it is my responsibility to make my W happy irrespective of whether or not she has opted to completely checkout of our marriage.
So either I am really really a rotten person inside (and the people close to me have been lying to me for years) and just too blind to see that, or I am just getting taken for a one heck of a ride to nowhere. I am going to get the answer to the first option by seeing a counselor / therapist and laying all the cards on the table. I want a professional's judgement and will pay $$$ to get it. It would seem either way that such a marriage is pointless. Why make such unhappiness the thing that will define me for the next 10-30 years?
It's this whole notion of couples living in sexless marriages and turning a blind eye to it, all while having continued unchanged expectations of their spouse (male or female) that makes me want to puke. It is so hypocritcal and highlights the darkness in their inner soul.
I cinfess to not really understanding the 'no sex during period' thing. I had a grirlfriend who didn't want to be touched at all during her period .. buut only she had any issues with it.
My wife is happy to have sex during her period - just no oral on her then - and it does make a bit of a mess. But she manages to orgasm just fine.
I suppose it depends on the woman in question, and how she feels about it.
Perhaps she coud give a BJ? This does of couse assume that she wants to make you happy. Not a foregone conclusion.
...I'm just soooo tired of being miserable over "believing" that it is my responsibility to make my W happy irrespective of whether or not she has opted to completely checkout of our marriage.
So either I am really really a rotten person inside (and the people close to me have been lying to me for years) and just too blind to see that, or I am just getting taken for a one heck of a ride to nowhere. I am going to get the answer to the first option by seeing a counselor / therapist and laying all the cards on the table. I want a professional's judgement and will pay $$$ to get it. It would seem either way that such a marriage is pointless. Why make such unhappiness the thing that will define me for the next 10-30 years?
It is not your job to "make" your wife happy. That is a choice she makes herself. I have known people who are happy despite their circumstances...and others who literally are in the lap of luxury and miserable. Long story short, she could choose to see your good qualities, be thankful for what you do provide, and appreciate that she has a life partner. Every person has some advantages and some disadvantages so you can either concentrate on the good and train your thoughts toward "happiness" or concentrate on what's missing and train your thoughts on being unhappy. So as you can see, you can't do that for her!
Now that's not to say you can't contribute to an environment in which she's LIKELY to choose happiness or, out of love, defer to her preferences which may mean she's likely to choose happiness. But no doubt by now you've experienced "enough is never enough" in the sense that you defer to her preferences and now she wants MORE or now she picks on something ELSE that doesn't make her happy. So see what I mean? It's not YOU (it never was).
I HIGHLY doubt you are a "really really a rotten person inside (and the people close to me have been lying to you for years)" and that is my professional opinion just by reading what you wrote here! So send your cash to MOI or save it for something fun.
sex during menstruation is not my favorite with my wife, we have done it a few times but i can do without during that time and so can she. i know by looking at the wrappers in the trash so i just stay away,
Same here Okey. I can't stand the smell (reminds me of rusted pennies). The wife has no problem, but it's just not something I enjoy. Heck, even the feeling is wrong (to me).
sex during menstruation is not my favorite with my wife, we have done it a few times but i can do without during that time and so can she. i know by looking at the wrappers in the trash so i just stay away,
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DO!! The minute i see those wrappers our sex life is a "wrap" LOL. But I feel blessed because my W period usually last only 3-4 days.
I don't remind my H about my cycle coming only because its pointless. I want sex about every 2-3 days, so I don't "forget" about it the week before or after. Not even really during. Sometimes there is shower sex when I am on it, sometimes its painful when I am on it. It varies, but he knows the timing about as well as I do.
Intimacy Etiquette 
They say you are what you eat, so why not eat to promote passion, ultimate health and the utmost of sensuality? 
or save it for something fun. 
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