LisaC

Ok...so if a man has to have sex +/- oral sex every day...how do I keep it from being the same all the time? We both work full time and have 3 kids. We only have a certain amount of time in our schedules, so it has to be done in the bedroom quite a bit.

Crypsys

Do YOU want it every day? While I'd love to have sex every day, with our schedules, 4 kids, etc that just doesn't work out all of the time. In order to keep intimacy fun and exciting doing it every day we noticed times where trying it every day just became a chore. We have found that every 2-3 days works well for both of us. Maybe try seeing if your hubby wouldn't mind stretching it out a bit?

LisaC

That's just it. I thought it was fine, but he started turning me away recently (see my post - "don't know where to go from here")
We were having it about twice a week. That has always been my thought about having it that often, it will get boring, but if having it every day is what he needs for me to save my marriage, I will do it. I just need to know how to spice it up.

Crypsys

Is sex always the same formula for you guys? Same way it starts, same positions, finishes, etc? Or each time yall have sex do yall change things around?

Is there any type of sex he wants (or positions) that you are unwilling or unable to do for him? Have you asked him if there is anything specifically he'd like?

LisaC

It's turned into a lot of the same, due to me being the aggressor. I am willing to try anything. I have asked in the past, he doesn't usually give me many ideas. I would like to have more spontaneous sex, but kind of hard to do. I have previously texted him during the day about having sex with him after work etc - things like that, but he ignores the texts. I even bought an e-book on oral sex for him, to make sure I could make that as pleasurable as possible. It's been awhile since he has "been into the sex" we are having. He many times just lays there. I end up having to put his hands on me. I have to undress myself, which when done by someone else is a big turn on for me. We have anal sex. he probably enjoys that the most, but I don't necessarily want to do that every day!

Crypsys

Has he had his Testosterone levels checked?

LisaC

No. We have briefly touched on that subject. Just haven't done anything about it. I should talk to him about it again.

Question: So, even if I wasn't that great at having sex during the first years of our marriage, but have made a huge effort over last 8 1/2 yrs, why can't he change also and make more of an effort? Why does it all still have to be up to me? Haven't I proved myself at this point?

michzz

If I'm reading this right, it sounds like you are tired of having to be the initiator and he refuses to initiate sex because of something early in your relationship? Yet he also wants a lot of sex?

And then even if you initiate he is a passive partner?

I think you need to discuss this with him.

LisaC

Believe me, I really have tried to talk to him about our problems. He just doesn't talk. I have suggested on a couple of occasions about seeing a marriage counselor. He doesn't say no, he just ignores the question.
But yes, you pretty much understand my dilemma perfectly. So, I am continuing to just try and hope that he will eventually come around and show me the affection I need.

lovelieswithin

First of all the more sex we have the more we want because of its addictive factor. The irony here is you guys need to tone it down in order to heat it up again!
My husband is way more interested in sex when I am not so available all the time. Its an old cliche but men sometimes love "the chase". Try playing cat & mouse by occupying your time with other activities. Take up belly dancing classes or have girls nights so he can see you dolled up but not free to him that night. Make yourself more exciting again by being busy with fun stuff! he will respect your sense of self and adventure! just a suggestion but works great for me. also my husbands interest is highest when my own self esteem is high.
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Crypsys

Guess that depends on the guy. I know with me personally that doesn't work and would actually have the opposite effect. I don't want the chase, etc. Taking belly dancing classes, etc are great ways to spice up a marriage. But to be a tease and not fulfill that night, etc? That would just end up frustrating me personally. I have the attention span of a gnat. If my wife teases me today, but "witholds" till tomorrow? She will be dealing with a hubby who's irritable and moody.

All guys are different though.

cheetahcub

Do you still enjoy sex? It doesn't sound like it. Being married to a passive guy is not common, so I feel for you. There's more in this. Do you both still climax? If we have sex too much, it takes forever to reach climax sometimes, I don't know if that's the case here.

I agree to take it slower for a while. Lay low, I know you are worried about your marraige, but why? What will he do? Or what won't he do? When that point comes, use it as the time to talk. Ask him to respect you as a person and not an object. You are not a toy.

That off my chest, if you really choose to do it daily and you only have the bedroom, there is still a lot of ways to do it differently. Different positions, against the wall, and spice it up with food/creams/oils. There are a few websites with a lot of tips you can read, iVillage.com: Health, Beauty, Pregnancy, Entertainment, Women's Community and More has helped me a few times as well.

But I agree, you don't have to initiate each time. You have enough worries with kids and what not, to stress about your sex position tonight, that's not how it should be. It should be a relaxing time for both of you.

CLucas976

These are both kind of true.

I will intentionally go out dressed looking great without hubbs just to get his attention, I've even drunkenly told him I did it to get hit on (bad idea, it aparently wasn't a funny joke) In the same respect, if I go out with him looking fantastic, I get little if any attention and I might as well have gone in my pajamas.

What does have a decent effect, is dressing sexy around the house and being a little bit of a tease without completely with-holding. I will occasionally walk around the house in lingerie, or at least a sexy outfit and consume my time doing something around the house, even if its checking fb. It gets his attention, and usually causes him to follow me around the house trying to pull me away from whatever I'm doing. Just make sure the poor guy gets what he's after, or you'll lose the attention he had on you, and you'll get mr sad and irritated.

Racer69

Try this book (Daily Sex: 365 Positions and Activities for a Year of Great Sex!) This book has sketches and a brief description of deferent positions and activities to try with your spouse. My wife does not like to look at pictures of other people naked and this is ok. Some you may have tried and some you may have not. I would suggest if it in the book try it. My wife likes to pick and chose and I want to try it all

Or

Try the book (101 Nights of Grrreat Sex): Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples
by Laura Corn or some of her other books “There are 50 secret seductions written for his eyes only and 50 written for hers eyes only. His seductions begin with playful ways of not just getting her in the mood, but making her breathless with anticipation. Hers begin with the revelation of "Marilyn Monroe's sensual bedroom secret that drove her lovers wild. This will get your husband involved becouse he has 50 suductions to proform on you.

You can find both of these book on Amazon
Hope this helps

SimplyAmorous

At 1st I thought it was him who wanted it once a day, then after this post, it sounds more like you do ? If you and he both want it "daily" & he has no suggestions, I would say maybe he is happy, but then you say how you have to physically put his hands on you, kinda like he is a lazy lover. Hmmmmm. That would bother me also.

I believe I want it more than my husband, he tells me that is not true, but I believe it "in my mind" because I am more the aggressor in going after what I want. He is a passive natured man, always has been & our sex life suffered in the past because of this very fact.

He also has little suggestions of trying new things. So I have had to be the brains in bringing many exciting things into our bedroom.

I have gotten bent out of shape over feeling I "desire" him more than he desires me- because of these things. Is this close to what you are feeling ? As we get older, men slow down sexually , loosing %'s of testosterone every year, and many of us women finally come out of our inhibited sexual shell. This is why they say an older woman & a younger man make a perfect sexual match. So dont take it too personally if YOUR hormones appear to be RAGING more than his these days, this may show in how he responds many times.

And let's face it, Sex is a little like Food, if you are getting your fill every day, a full coarse meal, you will not be as "hungry" as if you had went without, skipped a day , sometimes waiting a day or 2 is "very very very gooooood" & worthwhile.

Or is it MORE than this?

Some ideas to spice it up :

1) Do a full body massage, lead into a sensuous BJ, use chocolate, whip cream , pick up some flavored lube- for him to use on you, for you to use on him.

2) try it side ways another night, cowgirl another night- put your breasts in his face during, 69 another, sideways 69 , even if just for forplay.

3) Rent some soft porn for the both of you to watch and see where this leads

4) Read some erotic stories to one another, flirt , tease,

5) Watch a movie in bed, lay your head on his navel while playing with him during the movie, maybe no intention of sex that night, but it just may spontaneous lead there.

6) Would he be up for a sex game, it is something different , can learn new ideas & ways to please on many of these cards as you go through the board. I have the "Discover Your Lover game" - very pleased with the sheer amount of cards in this game.

7) "Toys" are used by many , we have not explored this at all personally but many others enjoy bringing these into the bedroom to spice it up & experience new pleasures.

8) Lingerie & more lingerie, lots of lower priced stuff can be found on Ebay, surprise him some night in a Nurses outfit, etc

9) Mental forplay should be all day long, not just behind closed doors. If you go out to eat , if there is a table cloth, touch him under the the table where nobody sees. Take a drive to a romantic spot in the country, revive some of that passion in your youth, talk about what it was like, take a walk down memory lane.

10) If you took some sexy photos of yourself & sent them to him , do you feel it would turn him on? maybe a pic instead of a text - that is something different. Or keep the lingerie on in case someone gets a hold of his phone!