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Dirty Talk

19K views 38 replies 13 participants last post by  Scannerguard 
#1 ·
So my wife and I are Christian we go to church and are very active in our church and community. We haven't really used bad words until recent stressful situations have come into our lives. I know we need to just get back on track.

But now, during sex, we have started to use the dirty talk and it totally enhances our sex and lovemaking. To put it lightly...it's freakin' hot!!!

Is this normal to make a sexual enhancement? Kinda feel guilty after the moment.
 
#7 ·
Tj71:

You have been a bit sexually repressed in your mind to ask such questions. But please don't feel bad, this is very common place to have such thoughts & questions when one grows up in the Church & is always being taught to "Put down the flesh" or only speak words of encouragement, light & love. It tends to conflict with the mind, if you think about it, these things can follow us in the bedroom -if we let them.

Unfortunetly for me, I let it follow for far too many years of my marraige. I didnt start talking "dirty" to my husband till I was in my 40's, I feel I wasted alot of time & down right fun & enjoyment of sex because of this. It IS HOT ! We were downright boring before this. Always had the lights out, no sounds, didnt say anything. Give me dirty talk any day!

I hope you are both young & GOOD for you to discover this passionate way of lustily expressing your desire for each other. Lusting after your spouse is a bless-id beautiful thing. :)
 
#11 ·
Naughty, naughty!

I would never use dirty talk in the bedroom. Never in a million years.

Christian religion says you must only look upon your spouses body with love and desire, not lust, as Lust is one of the 7 Deadly Sins.

You must ignore what Woody Allen said about sex:

"Is sex dirty?"

"It is if you are doing it right."
 
#17 ·
I hear what you all are saying, but dirty talk has been very difficult for me. Don't get me wrong... we have a very enjoyable, varied, erotic sex life but the dirty talk thing doesn't come natural for me (although I can swear like a sailor when necessary).

I guess to each his/her own.
 
#18 ·
To give a little perspective here. I am a seminary student, former pastor, and future missionary. And my wife and I love dirty talk. Sailors would blush at some of what gets said in our bedroom. It's a great turn on for both of us. It's done in love and the enjoyment of God's great gift of sex. Sex - in its proper place and use (i.e. marriage between a man and woman) - is a beautiful thing. :smthumbup:

It wasn't hard for me to do, as I grew up as an atheist myself. But my wife came from a very strict Christian background and so it was hard for her to get into it at first. But now she really lets go, and it really turns her on. She did have some hang ups about it at first though.
 
#19 ·
Our puritanical notions of sex aren't biblical. Sex was supposed to be erotic, sensual, and intensely pleasurable for husbands and wives. Read Song of Solomon. In Iraq, I had to go through emails, letters, and text messages of detained suspected terrorists. Those people know how to write love letters and romantic poetry! That's the region where Abraham was born, Daniel was thrown to the lions,and where written language was born. Brits and Americans took a wrong turn somewhere and started treating sex and all things erotic as if they are "dirty". We are supposed to love in God's example. Well, God doesn't just take care of our physical needs. He gives us pleasurable scents, scenes, textures, the ability to create and appreciate music, etc. He continously sends loving messages through all of our senses. If your intent is to give your wife pleasure and what you're doing works, who can say that's "dirty"?
 
#20 ·
Unbelievable,

Ah, but that's just it. . .

LOVE:

"Baby, I want to make love to you all night long. I want to kiss every square inch of your lovely nubile body and make the earth move for you."

Yes, that can be a "Song of Solomon."

LUST:

"F@# me you dirty little *****!!!!"

One is biblical.

One is satanical. (talking dirty)

But let's face it - both part of the human experience.

I love this link. This is William Shatner yucking it up on in a sci-fi episode that deals with our human need for our bad and good self. I like how he overacts through all the range of human emotions - fear, lust, greed, dominance. . .

YouTube - captain kirk goes crazy!! best of william shatner

"The imposter [bad Kirk] had some interesting qualities? Wouldnt' you say, Yoeman?"

(Spock actually cracks a smile on that one, lol)
 
#24 ·
LUST:

"F@# me you dirty little *****!!!!"

One is biblical.

One is satanical. (talking dirty)
I personally don't like calling names to the other - that is to me demeaning and borderline wrong. However "F&%k me", "I love your c*%k!", "lick my p*%*y", etc, etc, etc are perfectly acceptable. They may not be right for you. And if not then it is wrong/sinful for you. That is a Biblical position, that there are some things that are not right or wrong, but they are against our own conscience and then to do them would be wrong for you.

But saying some dirty words to your wife/husband is not in any way unbiblical or wrong. And for most of us it is very exciting and pleasurable.
 
#26 ·
Hmmm. . .I admit I am reaching the border of my academic knowledge (I don't practice) on Catholicism's view of how the "marital embrace" should proceed.

I know they say, yes, married couples should have lots of sex (agree with doctors) but I beleive they don't beleive you should look upon your spouse's body with lust (as it's a 7 Deadly sin or Capital sin as they call it).

So. . .the dirty talk. . .could be dirty thoughts.

And that's why I must admit I hold back on the dirty talk. . .the poster above who said she didn't like being called names. . .you never know when you are going to slip and then it's like an hour later,

"Why did you call me a ***** during sex? Do you really think I am a *****? I bet you do. It all comes out during sex, doesn't it?"

It's one of those guy-gal-baiting things like, "Am I too fat?"
 
#29 ·
So. . .the dirty talk. . .could be dirty thoughts.
Dirty thoughts about your spouse are perfectly fine. It is not lust, it is the gift God gave us of sexuality. Whether you are saying "I want to kiss you passionately all over your body" (as you basically suggested) or "I want to lick your p***y" ... whether saying "I want you inside me" or "I want your c**k" ... you are describing exactly the same action.

Read the Song of Soloman. It is RACY stuff at times. God invented sexuality, it is a good gift for us to enjoy within marriage. Now we as humans have abused this gift (the same as greed abuses finances, gluttony abuses food, etc, etc). But anything within the bonds of marriage, as long as it is between a man and his wife, and both are agreeable to it is Biblically fine.

Talk dirty, you aren't going to get zapped by God ... and it's dang sexy!
 
#27 ·
They may not be right for you. And if not then it is wrong/sinful for you. That is a Biblical position, that there are some things that are not right or wrong, but they are against our own conscience and then to do them would be wrong for you
PS: Not to get into religious/philosophical discussions on dirty talk, lol. . .but you actually bring up divergent viewpoints in morality.

WHat you are advocating is Moral Relativism, the idea that morality is all relative and what's right and wrong is determined by the individual or individual set of circumstances. It's a liberal viewpoint.

The opposite is Moral Absolutism, which is a conservative viewpoint. Catholicism falls in here. Essentially, they would disagree with you. Wrong is wrong and while we are human and often not able to interpret right from wrong at times (the Spanish Inquisition was a biggie - they lived in a world where the Devil walked freely). . .there is no relativism about it. Morally, it was absolutely wrong to do that.

So. . .I dont' necessarily disagree with you, but Moral Conservatives would disagree with your position that "whatever is right for you is right and that's the position of the Bible."

Sorry for the tangential discussion.. . .the whole dirty talk thing got me thinking about Lust. . .other than Pride a big Deadly one for me. . .
 
#28 ·
PS: Not to get into religious/philosophical discussions on dirty talk, lol. . .but you actually bring up divergent viewpoints in morality.

WHat you are advocating is Moral Relativism, the idea that morality is all relative and what's right and wrong is determined by the individual or individual set of circumstances. It's a liberal viewpoint.
No I'm not. I'm an evangelical fundamentalist (though not the stereotype of fundamentalist, rather the classical meaning of it, but enough of that rabbit trail). What the God says is wrong is always wrong. Period.

However, the Bible specifically talks about violating one's conscience being a sin. In other words there are things that the Bible says are wrong ... and they are wrong. There are things that the Bible says are right ... and they are right. However a large ammount of life falls in the middle. Some of our choices are not between "right and wrong" but rather they are just choices.

In some of those choices we have personal consciences that say "this is wrong to do." Well, if something seems wrong to you, even if it is allowed Biblically, then it is wrong for you. It would be a sin. You have two choices - you can not do it. Or you can change the way you think and realize that it could be ok. But as long as it is wrong for you ... it is wrong to do.
 
#30 ·
Again, I don't want to argue it because I really don't subscribe to any of it (I am basically an intelligent designer by description, I guess, with an intellectual interest in Catholic history). . .I was just relaying some of Catholicism concepts I have heard from Catholic apologists (that's what they call people who have studied the doctrine and are sanctioned to speak for the Church).

That you are not to look upon your spouse with lust, which of course, seems foreign to me as well.

But they would also say it's normal to have lustful thoughts (the "we are all sinners" concept).

But I will offer this to you. . .if it's not wrong. . .to say any of that stuff. . .and it's completely okay and even "Biblical". . .then you would have no problem saying those things to your spouse so the kids in the next room could hear it, right?

Like Junior could hear: "I want to lick that delicious p**sy of yours, honey!" In the morning, you could just say you were participating in the lovely sacrament of marriage, right?

;)

gotcha.

Don't worry. . .I am not trying to corner you. . .I am reminded of what Woody Allen said (and maybe I am repeating myself):

"Is sex dirty?"

"It is if you are doing it right."
 
#31 ·
Again, I don't want to argue it because I really don't subscribe to any of it (I am basically an intelligent designer by description, I guess, with an intellectual interest in Catholic history). . .I was just relaying some of Catholicism concepts I have heard from Catholic apologists (that's what they call people who have studied the doctrine and are sanctioned to speak for the Church).
That you are not to look upon your spouse with lust, which of course, seems foreign to me as well.
To have any discussion of religion without argument, wouldn't that like be like trying to have sex without lust? :)


Seriously, I have a pretty good rule not to debate religion unless there's a good reason, and in this thread I see a fine line about to get crossed.

And that line is this, the original poster claims to be Christian, yet is wrestling with dirty talk.

Now out of the woodwork predictibly is many opinions on god and the bible says blah blah etc etc.

My problem is when these opinions are presented as fact, it is hard to challenge such notions without hurting feelings very easily, as to many people their personal beliefs and convictions run deep.

But the point of this thread, if I am understanding this, was the original poster tj71 asked quite simply, was it normal enhancement to sex, and that he was feeling guilty.

So, my position is firmly and absolutely, yes it is normal and healthy, and I encourage tj17 to explore as deeply and fully as he and his woman are desiring.

My position would also go much further, if it would be welcomed, to discuss and attempt to dismantle any argument attaching guilt or shame to consentual sex between two adults, regardless if this offends any and every religious institution, any bible, and any god or any goddess ever known to humans, so strong do I feel about this subject.

Being an open forum, and since the original poster did not specifiy he was only looking for a Christian response, so in that I am comfortable stating what I have already said.

If it is made clear that only Christians need respond, that is fine.

If this offends anyone for the right reasons, that is fine as well.


"Is sex dirty?"

"It is if you are doing it right."
Okay THIS is gold! :)
 
#32 ·
Well yes, a rabbi, minister, and an aetheist can all have a healthy discussion and thanks for reminding that the OP was discussing the apparent conflict he feels with "dirty talk" and his "Christian values."

So. . .you are giving me and others a green light on this for "theological discussion."

Of course these are all opinions/interpretations and what's worse, is I am only relaying the opinions of a certain group of religious scholars/clergy (Catholic priests). So. . .I am probably not the one to best represent Christian/Catholic doctrine. (or maybe I am because I am detached)

From what I understand, Catholics aren't saying there is anything to feel guilty about with sex and your spouse. There is just a need for the act to be performed without lust and with appropriate modesty (in private obviously, not out on a beach) for morality to be preserved with it.

Now, you either agree with that or not.

Also. . .interestingly enough, there is a sin in Catholicism - you wanna know what it is?

Scruples.

Meaning it's actually a sin to be so wrapped in not sinning that you never sin. In other words, the Church beleives sin is part of the human experience and we are supposed to get "dirty" and then come clean. Like children - go out in the morning and get dirty and come back at night and take a bath.

So, a good Catholic would advise him to not obsess out this sort of thing. . .just strive for a loving union with his spouse, free of lust, and when lustful moment happen. . .confess it and "come clean" so to speak.

You can see why I am a firm intelligent designer and don't really subscribe to any formal religion.

I actually do beleive in the "yin and yang" and that our "evil side" does seem to serve a purpose. I have been more healthier since I have learned to personally embrace "Evil Kirk", more "whole".

How many pregancies do you think happen a year within the confines of a non-lustful encounter? Maybe 10% at the most, lol? Crap. . .most of us wouldn't even be here if it weren't for lust, right?

Reproducing is serious, serious business. . .too serious to be left to religious scholars. That's why it's biological - the smell/pheromones, males being visual, women peaking sexually right before their eggs shut down, etc. IF only reproducing was so orderly as religions try to arrange it.
 
#35 ·
Well yes, a rabbi, minister, and an aetheist can all have a healthy discussion and thanks for reminding that the OP was discussing the apparent conflict he feels with "dirty talk" and his "Christian values."

So. . .you are giving me and others a green light on this for "theological discussion."
Actually, I was hoping the green light would come from the moderators or at least the original poster, as I wish to discuss this as openly and freely as possible! :)

But please please carry on! :smthumbup:
 
#33 ·
PS: I would like to say I think a lot of this is a shame that religions don't tackle sex any more than:

"Don't have sex until you are married." I hear pre-cana is abysmal in quality.

Well, what about after you are married?

Wanna know where I learned my superior lovemaking skills ;) - well. . .embarrasingly enough. . .some of it. . .I have to credit pornography - movies and reading articles in Playboy (yeah, I do read the articles). Also some of it reading "Women's Pornography" - Glamour, US, et al.

Seriously, how else would have I known that you are supposed to go down on a woman and what you are supposed to do with your tongue when I was 17-22 and becoming sexual? How would have I known about the clitoris? Jeez. . .some women aren't even familiar with their own anatomy and never engage in self-exploration let alone me having to be familiar with it.

Yet, it's our responsibility (and pleasure) as the man, right?

Now. . .pros and cons to learning about sex from Playboy, Penthouse and now the internet. . .it's unrealistic many (most) times. . .but why we are all on the subject of morality and sex in this forum. . .maybe the women would think twice about it when they get their panties in a wad about men consuming pornography.

Yeah, many women here want their men to perform like sexual dynamoes but God help him if he looks at some porn.

And it's not like Father O'Hagan is doing classes every Wed. night on it at St. Mary's, no?

I guess this is getting again off topic. . .feel free to bring it back on.
 
#34 ·
Websters defines Lust as intense sexual desire. Copulation cannot occur without sexual desire, so when we have intense sexual desire (lust) for our spouse, we are simply behaving as we were intended and designed. The rest of the species on this planet don't sit around pretending to be something other than as they were created. Hens lay eggs and don't flog themselves later for doing so. Animals don't deliberately mutilate female genitals. People do both (and worse) and both are done in the name of religion. Now THAT's satanic.
The OP couple, after years of marriage, still crave each other and find sex with each other exciting and pleasurable. I think that pleases God a lot more than couples pretending to be puritans with each other and then feeding their natural lusts outside of marriage or worse, through the exploitation of children.
 
#36 ·
Oh, I didn't realize this may be a problem with the moderators. . .but if it is, just step in and say so.

Here is a more complete definition of lust:

Lust - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It doesn't even have to have a sexual connotation in the term of 7 Deadly Sin - I know I have lusted after one of those "Endless Pools" you see in the magazine (I like to swim).

Anyway, it only says of Catholicism (among the other religions) that there are "laws" governing sexual intercourse among married couples.

Frankly, I am not sure of those "laws" and the doctrine/reasoning behind such laws.

Now you got me in the research mode. . .googling away here. . .:)
 
#37 ·
http://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/MORMAR.txt

The priest here did go out of his way to make sure that the Catholic position was not misinterpreted as Puritanical. Sex was designed to be pleasurable and we are designed to desire our mates.

Love, Lust, and Marriage - Brief Article | Humanist | Find Articles at BNET

I agree with this one personally. . .seeing love and lust as almost opposing forces and we need to address both to be whole.

When Is "Looking" Lust? | Kyria

This author talks about dwelling on something (a body part) as lust. Or perhaps a woman dwelling on the men in those novels they read as lustful, not sure.

In the end, I hope the OP realizes I was being quite a bit facetious in my first response to him in that him and his wife were being naughty with "Dirty Talk." That was just my sense of humor.

All of this is academic and no matter what, I wouldn't dwell on it for too long.

Now. . .missing church for sex with your spouse? I doubt there is a theological justification for that! ;)
 
#38 · (Edited)
I absolutely adore this discussion! I am one who was tainted /repressed / felt shame by the teachings of the church, and for me personally, I literally had to loose my religion to become free sexually (not to mention mentally).

I know from much reading - where the "dirtiness" orginated from- not necessarily the Bible itself, but our wonderful catholic forfather St Augustine, who also brought forth the Doctrine of what the Church calls "Original Sin" , this is where SEX and SIN became intertwined. I believe he made reference in his "Confessions" that it was only useful for bearing children, even when married. ALL lust was forbidden. A little about this Powerful Man & his mighty influence on the church.

http://www.columbia.edu/itc/lithum/gallo/jeff2.html

Remember this was before Luther & Protestanism and Luther agreed with St Augustine & his take on Original sin & its full interpretation, so this is not solely a Catholic issue, as the Church has subtly handed this down for centuries in all parts of Christianity.

We also got the insane teaching of LIMBO from this Original Sin doctrine, where the church was teaching parents if their children died before a Baptism, they would go straight to Hell, thus LIMBO was created to obvioulsy save GOD from being down right EVIL. It took until THIS century to abolish this teaching: Limbo consigned to history books - Times Online

It seems, in my humble opionion, the Church is just as slow in addressing SEX and it's beauty, addressing LUST. How we are totally forbidden BEFORE we marry (wow what a revolving door of shame & guilt to even acknowlege our hormones effect on our bodies, but constantly put them down, feel they are from the devil) then expected to turn a switch once we have a Marraige certificate, this is also somewhat insane .

Alot of Repression can be found on this very interesting ALL CHRISTIAN - ALL about SEX forum. The Marriage Bed • Index page

They even have a section on "LUST and Immodesty" if anyone wants to get a taste on how STRICT some christians truly are - and how Biblically they will DEFEND their position. They ate me like Vulchers when I posted that Me & then fiance engaged in heavy petting before marraige -but saved ourselves for intercourse & that I did not regret what I did. Talk about getting biblically slammed with scripture, something I felt good about, they trampled into the ground. I find it rather interesting that the section on "Pornography" is the most active on the site itself.

I for one have NO interest on God's Green earth to be THAT HOLY ever again. Like the Billy Joel song " I would rather laugh with the sinners than Cry with the Saints, the sinners have much more fun". ;)
 
#39 ·
SA,

Well I am glad someone else adores it because I fear I am rambling.

And yes, historically, you are dead-on with the Catholic Church. I think it's important to realize though it was a different world.. .where Satan actually walked freely in their beleif system, hiding in shadows, spreading disease, possessing people (tertiary syphillis).

Can you imagine this kind of world? They didn't even know bacteria caused some diseases.

The Priests were the scientists of the time (often the only literate people in the village) trying to explain a complex world and why people got sick, disease, mental, died, etc. Prevention was key and yet STD"s still spread like wildfire.

Existence at that level of the peasant was marginal but at least they had the promise of heaven as a consolation prize. This is why the Church held such political power for so long.

Now. . .that being said, and realizing that Catholic-bashing is almost a religious pasttime, even amongst Catholics, I have to say. . .I do see some, no. . .a lot of wisdom in Catholic doctrine at times when it comes to sexuality and marriage/consummation. I think they nailed the 7 Deadly Sins well and they offer a model to living.

I know a lot of people criticize the Vatican as being a bunch of repressed homosexual men walking around who couldn't understand a thing about heterosexual marriage but at times, I find their take on matters like this very insightful and a fascinating read.

Certainly they would be right to not have an entire marriage be overrun with lust (although I must admit I do revel in the thought :) ) but it's also unrealistic, totally, to figure neither spouse would ever encounter a lustful thought.

As far as their view on premarital sex, I think the problem is marriage happen to late in our reproductive lives now. I feel for my boys, my oldest reaching 13 now. I know what's coming and what am I supposed to tell him?

"Oh yeah, put that off. . .think about baseball until you are 24-26."

Jewish males during the time of JC were all married off by age 15. Jesus was kind of an oddball that way (and thus the impetus for The DaVinci Code).

Not only do I feel sorry for him in that regard but it's so different for boys nowadays as when I was a boy.

When I was boy, it was like:

BOY: Let's have sex.
GIRL: Well, we really shouldn't but okay.

Now. . .it's like:

GIRL: Let's have sex.
BOY: Huh?
 
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