Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
i have been married for 4 years and since i met my now "husband" we never have had sex, he always says that he takes meds for bipolar disorder and that keeps his sex drive down he does not like to talk about it but now i am suffering these moods and get upset and all i think is that he does like me and that is why he does not ask for sex. what should i do?????
please give me your opinions.
thank you.
join the ranks of the rest of us with low or no drive spouses.
4 years with zero sex? if he wasnt trying really hard to fix himself, ie. seeking treatment from doctors, but was instead just expecting you to deal with it, you should be looking for other alternatives.
while my wifes drive is much lower than mine, we make love just enough that i cannot justify leaving or having an affair. if she shut me out for 4 years i would have taken care of business long ago.
thanks for your words, i am very frustrated with all this and he gets upset when I mention this to him he says that he feels embarrassed to talk about it because it makes him feel manless but I tell him we really need to talk about it since we are a couple he can't be ashamed of me. but still no change. he is always on the computer, or with his cell, but he assures me he is not cheating
Four years???? I'd be in a tower with a sniper rifle! He may be medicated, he may be embarrassed, he may not feel like Don Juan. Whatever...you're human. You have needs and desires and if he cares about you, he'll take care of business. The world isn't only about him, regardless of whatever malady he has or what medication he takes. He signed on with the understanding that he would be responsible for your sexual needs. If he wants to delegate that responsibility to someone else, ask him who he's picked.
I understand he has bipolar, but by getting married, he's professed that he is capable of carrying on a reasonably healthy adult relationship. He may be too sick to function as a husband and he may be too sick to treat others as human beings.
If you're just a care-giver for a psychiatric patient, then he owes 4 years of back pay and you need to find an adult relationship elsewhere. I think it's amazing that some biploar patients manage to contribute and fulfill their obligations on the job and treat their coworkers decently but are too sick to treat their spouses as human beings.
Based on what you say, it is my opinion your marriage is invalid due to being unconsummated.
Where you aware of this when you entered the contract of marriage? That he was bipolar and asexual for whatever reason?
Don't be embarrassed - I went a year without sex. I can finally think straight now. This is the insidious nature of withholding sex from a partner. . .you start to think it's you - what's normal. My stb-x told me once, "You don't get married to do that, you know!"
My reply: "No, I didn't buy the house for the bathrooms either but I'd be pretty angry if you took them away from me."
You are living in a house without bathrooms.
Did you guys talk about having kids?
Is your husband aware that that's how you have kids, unless I haven't gotten the memo?
I mean I feel bad. . .he's depressed, he's bipolar, he's sick, whatever. He deserves sympathy and help. I am not sure he deserves a wife who is expected to be celibate. I am not sure he's entitled to that.
thanks to all the replies, i just needed to know that I am not selfish when I ask him about this topic, because I gets upset, but he said that he knows it and that he feels embarrassed to talk about this topic. I still don't get it because yes we talk about kids in the future, I am 37 and he is 42 but I am not sure how are we going to have kids. He treats me very nicely he wants to make sure I am happy, but material things will not give happiness unless I have a healthy marriage and in this situation I don't know who can be happy!!!
Brennan,Only once! But it was because I made him do it which it did not go well because he did no have an erection. He said that had been a long time he was not with anybody, plus he was recovering from alcoholism (1 year sober), I am not sure if alcohol has to do with this. Also he has been taking lithium to control his mood. However I have never seen a change of mood in all this time we have together. But he blames that all the time. I feel I am dreming all this and it is a nightmare!!!! Help me please!! Posted via Mobile Device
I know where you are coming from, my husband is bipolar. Before the meds, he was an unmedicated bipolar alcoholic and that created High Times that were a lot of fun but very very scary.....you DON'T want to go there. Maybe, work on getting some Viagra or testosterone???? See if you can talk to his Dr.....good luck with this. I've yet to figure it all out myself
Yogachick: thanks for looking I feel better now that I am not the only one, it feels good to be able to talk to someone who can understand, I had no clue about this whole thing but is getting me very frustrated now. do you ever have sex with your husband because mine is like none!!! can this be fixed??? thank you already I know I ask lots of questions but I have never talked about the subject to anyone else before.
thank you again
Yes, just had great sex this morning, thankfully!!! Ya gotta pounce on that morning wood, that is the secret with these guys. Start snuggling up next to him as he is waking up and "accidentally" rest your hand on the "equipment".....if it is super soft he needs ED medication.....otherwise it will firm up with your hand resting on it and take it from there. You are going to have to be the aggressor, no doubt about it. Get your confidence ON; be ready for rejection, if it happens realize it is him and don't even let it phase you, deflect it right back on him because he is your husband and this is NOT normal.
Let me know how it goes; get yourself some girl!!!
I mean I feel bad. . .he's depressed, he's bipolar, he's sick, whatever. He deserves sympathy and help. I am not sure he deserves a wife who is expected to be celibate. I am not sure he's entitled to that.
4 years & never once when married !!
I'm going to go a step further, NO, he doesn't derserve it at all.
Share your desires, if he still wants to remain the same (not seeking a Doc's help if needed to get Viagra or Testosterone tested), either Divorce or ask for an "Open marraige" - to stay and be fullfilled sexually. Not what you originally signed up for, but when one's spouse is this insensitive & out of touch with normalcy, other avenues should be explored for the sake of the others happiness.
You sound like a reasonably sane and healthy young woman, perhaps wanting kids, certainly wanting love and sex. Your husband doesn't seem capable of either. The sad truth about Bipolar is it doesn't get better, lithium can help the ill person cope with life, smooth out the mood swings, but until a miracle happens don't expect real changes.
I'll go another step forward and ask why are you still married?
Even the Catholic Church would grant you an annulment though it takes many years, a civil no fault divorce, perhaps with alimony would be granted in every state, many within a year, some less as fewer divorces are being filed due to the economy.
Your husband's desire to stay married wouldn't count if you filed, many states have simple, inexpensive ways that don't require lawyers. If your household assets are not large, you risk little with a do-it-yourself divorce. Yes, divorce is not fun, but it is better than the alternative.
I urge you to think how you want to live your life. Good luck.
i need help 
