Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
This is my first post so bear with me. I can be a bit of a rambler. Well my wife and I have been together 9 years and married 6. Almost all that time has been great. (the odd row etc.). Our sex life has always been ok but a bit reserved. We are best friends with another couple (friends only). We all became friends at the same time so we are very close group. they got married this year.
We go on trips from time to time and we just went away about a week ago. Firstly this has helped kickstart our sex life dramatically which is great for both of us. Also on this trip my mind stumbled onto a new fantacy. I would love my wife to sleep with my friends wife. Not a 3 or foursome just the 2 of them and they record it for our benifit later.
I was talking to my friend about it (the guy) and he was well on board in-fact he had asked his girlfriend before that if she woud ever sleep with a girl would it be my wife and she said yes!!!!!
The two girls sometimes do some very mild almost un-noticable flirting. Which i think is more to tease us. In fact when we went out for dinner that night (before i had discussed this with my friend) his wife was wearing a really sexy & very short dress which isnt like her.
Both my wife and my friends wife are real stunners so it would be a dream come true and both me and my friend and possibly his wife are on board.
I havent broached the subject with my wife yet as i dont want to put any pressure on her etc. Do you think it is a good idea to bring it up? how should i go about it? By the way if she isnt up for it i would have no problem dropping the idea straight away.
Has she ever expressed any interest in being with another woman? Has she ever shared a fantasy in which she was with another woman? I would tread very carefully here. If she has no interest in being with a woman, she will likely take your question as you hinting that YOU want another woman, and I think we all know where things will go after that. And if she DOES have an interest in being with a woman, things could still get very messy.
If you really, really want to go forward with this, I would strongly suggest subtly feeling her out on this. Maybe weave a fantasy one night while you're making love in which she is with a woman, and see what response you get. If she gets hotter, you might be on to something. If she goes cold on you, then you'll know it's not going to happen. Or ask her how she feels about two women together: does she think it's hot or something along those lines; maybe tell her it was something you read in an article or some people at work were talking or something like that.
But, I would definitely be wary of just going, "Hey, babe, you wanna do Bob's wife? She's game if you are!", because that's just not gonna work.
I'd keep this one in the fantasy arena. I wouldn't read too much into how close they are as friends....women can show affection towards one another without any thoughts of anything sexual...it's a BFF thing.
I think the first person you should have talked to about this is your wife, not your friend and through him your friend's wife. You're making her the last person in the equation, when she should be the first. Kinda puts the pressure on and she might feel uncomfortable with that, although I think it's good that you won't press it if you can see it makes her uncomfortable.
If you think she might be receptive than put some feelers out but if you're getting a niggling feeling that she could take it badly I wouldn't. My husband recently suggested something similar and I wasn't too pleased (not my thing) but I haven't been too hard on him because he's not one to open up alot about his fantasies. I just said unless you want me asking to bring men into the mix don't ask me again and we had a good laugh over it (humor always humor). Although I have ordered him a related movie so at least he can have a small part of his fantasy and maybe we can liven things up around here (problems of a different type, another thread:-).
Why do married people go looking for trouble!!! My estranged husband once jokingly asked me if I would be for for a threesome (MWW). I said absolutely not. But, guess what? He wasn't joking! And four years later we are divorcing. I have no desire to have another female in bed with me. It repulses me!
76Trombones, I love your response! Fair is fair! Not that I would want to see that either. I might barf!
Women are more touchy feely in friendships than men. It's not uncommon for girlfriends to hug or kiss each other on the cheek.
I agree. . .it's like that commercial for feminine itching or something. . .the grown woman has 2 friends over and they are sitting by a fire drinking cocoa in their pajamas and a discussion obviously is opening up about feminine itching. . .to which her friends refer her to this product.
Obviously I conclude from this commercial, watching as a man, that women really do this on a regular basis.
The wonderful thing about these kinds of fantasies is that when you talk about them with a spouse who likes to fantasize about similar stuff, the conversation can go anywhere, the imagination makes things hot, and you can have a wildly fun time. Then you wake up the next morning and go on about your business, without any real consequences.
On the other hand, once you actually DO something like this, you have to live with it and with all of the consequences, foreseen, unforeseen, intended, or unintended, that it produces. You cannot possibly know what all of these are. Several posters have already pointed this out.
I say, talk to your wife about the fantasy, and explore it AS A FANTASY that you both know you're not going to make real. You can be safe and still edgy when it is all in the context of imagination and fantasy.
I agree with what others are saying on some level however, I do totally understand on allot of levels why this would seem hot and a less harmful version of having a 3 some or whatever. It may also seem to you that judging by your wife’s behavior that this is something that you 2 guys believe they may actually WANT otherwise I would think you would not go through this exercise.
Their "open flirtation" could be girl bonding or they could be doing it to get a rise out of the both of you. It has worked. Even if you are correct and there is sexual attraction there do you want to go there? Even if you get what you want without objection. Let's say (as I giggle) your wives’ are like "sure! We really wanted to go down on each other and have it videotaped for later viewing seems that is a great idea". What if you or your buddy can't look at the other's wives without thinking of very lusty images? Despite your professed "good bro" status, don't think this could change the dynamics of the relationship with the 4 of you forever or would certainly could increase the likelihood that there could be an affair. I think it would be hard for any man to say that seeing another women naked could likely increase his desire to sleep with her. It could also affect the girls relationship. Prior to marriage I have had sex with females that had previously been my friends and despite promises by both to the contrary it DID change the relationship for ever. Don't assume that this will be different between 2 women. At what point would the video evidence be destroyed? How can you be sure that it would not be stolen, posted on the internet etc. What if your kids someday were to find it?
As a consolation perhaps next time you go to the beach/pool and they are wearing bikinis and have them act goofy, play twister or come kind of game etc and you could capture it on film. Perhaps this would suffice for some kind of future guy/visual smorgasbord that might me somewhat more benign but, not totally.
Regardless of what you decided to do our not. I would NOT make this decision spur of the moment when alcohol, the moment, physical arousal or peer pressure/beer pressure may compromise your reason. If your suspicion is correct and your wives do want this and they were to initiate some version of an encounter on the fly it could quickly go further than it should. I would also be careful about even expressing this desire to your wife as she may be hurt to know you want this to happen. Has she hinted at liking other women? How does she feel about you looking at other women in real life, porn, etc? Call it what you will but, I think if my wife knew that I wanted to see one of our friends naked she may be hurt.
This is a very interesting topic because my wife has admitted to having "experimented" in college. I have never asked what this experimentation actually entailed though because I think it best for us to keep "our pre-marriage" encounters out of the subject of conversation. She makes off handed remarks about beautiful women like "I'd let her lick me" but, have never pushed the issue. I think many men on some level wished that their wives were bi as it is a hot fantasy. For me perhaps if my wife were as aroused by the sight of another women as I was then it would be something else we had in common, we could watch girl on girl action or bikini mud wrestling (LOL). If the opportunity like yours presented itself I have to say it would be a tempting one but, with huge risk.