Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-08-2010, 07:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Question Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Hubby and I have been having problems for a while. We both have gotten into a rut and life is very boring. I feel that I am waiting for life to start. Last night I asked him if I had lost my sex appeal and after much pushing he said I am frumpy and yes I had lost my appeal. I tried to ask what he meant but all he could say was "ugg boots arn't sexy". Ok so maybe I have been dressing for comfort but even when I do make an effort he doesn't notice. Come on guys I need some advice. Do I have to dress up 24/7 or am I allowed down time at the end of the day and when it's cold???? He also said that I talk to much and nag to much. I don't think so. I'm nowhere near as bad as my sister and mother. Again I tried to push him but he couldn't give me an answer as to what he wanted me to do. Yes I do try to have discussions with him about us but because he won't responed I have to keep asking and hence he thinks I'm nagging.

I explained to him that I see our current relationship as a dead decaying horse which I am trying to push and drag up a steep hill, that is how much effort I am putting into this. I asked him for a visual representation of how he see's things and his response "a donkey, its smaller than a horse" what the bloody hell does that mean. Help please xx
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-08-2010, 07:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 6,715
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Is frumpy a code word for overweight? Seriously, if a woman is attractive who cares if she wears boots? How long have you been together and how long married? Kids?


Quote:
Originally Posted by SashaJ View Post
Hubby and I have been having problems for a while. We both have gotten into a rut and life is very boring. I feel that I am waiting for life to start. Last night I asked him if I had lost my sex appeal and after much pushing he said I am frumpy and yes I had lost my appeal. I tried to ask what he meant but all he could say was "ugg boots arn't sexy". Ok so maybe I have been dressing for comfort but even when I do make an effort he doesn't notice. Come on guys I need some advice. Do I have to dress up 24/7 or am I allowed down time at the end of the day and when it's cold???? He also said that I talk to much and nag to much. I don't think so. I'm nowhere near as bad as my sister and mother. Again I tried to push him but he couldn't give me an answer as to what he wanted me to do. Yes I do try to have discussions with him about us but because he won't responed I have to keep asking and hence he thinks I'm nagging.

I explained to him that I see our current relationship as a dead decaying horse which I am trying to push and drag up a steep hill, that is how much effort I am putting into this. I asked him for a visual representation of how he see's things and his response "a donkey, its smaller than a horse" what the bloody hell does that mean. Help please xx
MEM11363 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 07:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

We just had our 10th wedding annerversary. I can't say celebrated cause he didn't do anything, just another day to him, it still hurts. No we don't have kids and yes I have put on some weight but I am by no means huge, size 16 so average. I do look after myself. Go to the gym, get my nails done, wear makeup, colour my hair. I'm only 38 and haven't given up on myself yet.
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 07:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,658
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Would you mind posting a picture? It's hard to know if you are "frumpy" or not without seeing a pic.

Maybe we could suggest a make-over of some kind if needed.

When I think of "frumpy" I think of about 50 pounds overweight, wearing a housecoat, no make-up, hair short (the ol' the ring goes on, the hair comes off problem), and just sort of "being mom."

There is also the "carb face" I call it - when you fatten up on carbs and your cheeks get kinda fat and puffy and wide.

I am trying to think of a frumpy actress. . .hard call because Hollywood is so focused on beauty. George Costanzo's mom on Seinfeld (who was a stitch, I admit). Perhaps Roseann Barr. That's frumpy to me, I guess, although frumpy is also kind of a demeanor as well as a look.

Not very tactful what he said but it's hard to discern from here if there's truth behind what he's saying or not.
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 07:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,658
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Oh yes, BTW, you are allowed to dress down.

I love a woman who is wearing sweats and a t-shirt and has her hair in a pony-tail at the end of the day.

That's totally fine - dressing down.

I am not sure what boots has to do with the price of tea in China.

I don't mind boots, especially if they are black and that's all she's wearing
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 07:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Trust me, what you just described doesn't describe me...my hair is short but it's styled nice, hubby would like it shorter. Not sure about the photo though.... will think about it.
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 08:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Therealbrighteyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,647
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

You could walk around in stilettos, a thong and nipple clamps and he would still call you frumpy and blame you for his unhappiness. Until he is able to tell you exactly what he is unhappy about, you will get nowhere.
Are you two able to get in to counseling?
Therealbrighteyes is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 08:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

lol...there not just boots there Ugg boots... you know lambs wool, comfortable, sloop around in....I do have the other boots to that I wear at times
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 08:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Oh and thats size 16 Australian, not sure what that is in other parts of the world, Average, 10kg over weight.
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 08:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 175
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

I'm Aussie, and size 16 is definitely not a huge size! I'd say it is pretty average.
76Trombones is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 08:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,790
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

FYI Size 16 AU is size 12 in the USA... which is the smaller end of women's size Large.

SashaJ I'm speaking here as a female person, but here's what I see.

You asked him if you've lost your sex appeal and he answered you...and you argued with him about it.

You asked him if you nag and he answered you...and you argued with him about it.

If I were in his shoes, the very next thought in my head would be "What's the point of answering and telling her the truth? She just argues with me about it." Is that the kind of relationship you want to encourage with your husband? Because he stuck his neck WAAAAAAAAAY out to tell you he thinks you've lost our sex appeal, and he's trying to tell you what it is that is missing FOR HIM...in his opinion, not yours.

I also have to admit, that if my Dear Hubby gained weight, wore Uggs around the house and "dressed for comfort" it would be about as appealing as Carl from Aqua Teen Hungerforce:


I think what concerns me the most is that your hubby has made a real attempt to communicate with you that there are a few major needs he has that you are not meeting, and whether you like it or not, one need men have is attractiveness. I don't suspect he wants you in your F*Me pumps every day so much as something that fits you well, looks a little feminine and pretty, do a little something with your hair to make it pretty, and possibly a little daily makeup. So rather than being all upset that he was honest with you, I'd suggest that you take his words to heart! There are women at his office or school who *DO* take the time to look a little bit nice every day, and it doesn't have to be amazing...just consistently looking pretty nice.

As an example, I'm not saying I'm perfect but I do something with my hair every day (and I have extremely long hair down to...I can sit on it!). I don't usually wear make up, but I do put on his favorite perfume (Patchouli). He likes long flowy skirts, so when I go to work I'll wear them with a sleeveless top in a fabric that is soft and feels good and that I can move in. In the winter, I do wear pants or jeans, but I have beaded tops to go with them, or vests so that I have that layered looks (tee, vest, sweater). Then underneath I'll wear a REALLY red lacy bra or let him peek and then wear "normal" clothes over the top all day. The only time I ever wear sweats is Sunday afternoon when we watch NFL football games together, and then I don my football jersey, sweats, sneakers and look all "sporty."

I understand it's hard to hear, but really he has done you a HUGE favor! He told you right out loud that this is an issue. So now you can choose if you'd rather continue being angry and harm your marriage, or if you'd rather set aside your anger and actually work on fixing something on your side of the marriage issues.
__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies
Affaircare is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 09:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,658
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Good advice from Affaircare.

And don't cut the hair off if he suggests - just put it up in a bun.

Oh, I love hair up. . .so damn sexy. . .I love the nape of a woman's neck. . .I could just bite it!
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 09:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 122
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Here is my advice to you: Look as good as you can, instead of talking or nagging put that energy into working out.....make some new workout friends and become desired by others. Make the most of what ya got and enjoy every minute of it!!!

I wish you all the best : )
yogachick is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-08-2010, 09:17 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,658
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

And what exactly is wrong with the cartoon that Affaircare posted? Don't women go crazy for that kind of look?

Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-09-2010, 02:04 AM   #15 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 28
Default Re: Now I'm Frumpy!!!!!!!!

Hey... I'm not arguing with him. I just would like him to explain what he means. Making a sweeping statement of "your frumpy" doesn't give me any guidence as to what I can change. I do wear makeup on a daily basis and I do wash and blowdry my hair everyday. For work I wear pants and a work top with sensible shoes cause I am on my feet all day. So over all I don't understand what his issue is. If it is my weight, then why not come out and dsay that. He doesn't like my ugg boots but if thats the case let me go out and buy some comfortable, warm house shoes. But at least give me a clue.
SashaJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Frumpy Wife Chumpless The Men's Clubhouse 139 11-24-2012 07:38 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:33 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.