Allconfused

For the last 2-3 years I have designated Thursday as the night I go to bed early. I'm not saying I go to bed at 8 or something. It is usually about quarter after 10. Since our son sleeps in our room it usually means we are not having sex that night. However almost every week my husband says something about him not getting any. This is even though we have sex at least 4 nights a week depending on how we are doing and if our son is asleep. Am I wrong for wanting to get one full night of sleep? Or should he back off? Is 4 nights a week a good average?
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greenpearl

Now it's my turn to be confused. Four nights a week, that should be enough, he still complains he doesn't get any? I am sure you are young. He should be considerate of your feeling too. Looking after a child is tiring. As much as I support feeding men enough sex, but they shouldn't be too demanding. a ha, I have a solution. Tell him to masturbate himself, you can watch him. Does he like this??? My husband has to do it when I can't give him sex. I enjoy watching him doing that!

Allconfused

I thought at least 4 nights a week was a good average too.

Yes he does complain, pretty much everytime he does not get any that day. I am not sure what it is, but his world seems to revolve around sex. He is not happy unless he is getting some. (I don't know if that is ego or what?) I love sex too, don't get me wrong, but I would be just as happy with his arms being wrapped around me and feel him close to me. I won't say he complains every time though because there are times he understands and doesn't say anything.

We are young still or at least I think. I am in my early 30's and he is in his late 30's.

The mastrubation suggestion is good and yes we have done this, but it doesn't really help me on the night I want to go to bed early.

greenpearl

He is in his late 30's and he still wants sex every day? I really want to find out how much sex a normal man wants. I thought you are in your 20's. My husband is in his early 30's. He only wants it three or four times a week. Anyway, every man is different. Can we start a thread and ask all the men here how often they want sex?

Allconfused

Sure...go for it. I'd be interested in finding out too.

Scannerguard

It doesn't?

Oh.

Chris Taylor

"That should be enough"? Kind of presumptuous, no?

Although I agree that he could forgo that night. if you are having sex four times a night, certainly the 5th night could be moved to a night other than Thursday. Or double up on another day

marcy*

Does he work?

Allconfused

Sarcastic, yes?!

So you have a better understanding of what I mean, porn sites every day. I have no problem with porn on occassion, but not a daily thing when you do have an attractive wife at home, pictures she has taken for you available to look at and/or when the kids are around.

Also, most days when I come home I am touched in some sexual manner...not sensual but sexual....hot spots. After I say something he will adjust it and "be good" for a little bit. I am not saying I do not want those spots touched but have some cooth and some sensuality.

Another example would be one night when I did not want sex (after we had been arguing almost the whole day about him not respecting me) he brought out rope, hand cuffs, and then pinned me to the couch and dry humped me. This is an extreme example, but when he doesn't get it there is always something.

Allconfused

I am not opposed to more nights a week...hell I love sex...but with schedules and kids it doesn't always happen that way.

Allconfused

Yes, we both work full time. He also works a part time job..by choice...which sometimes stops us on certain days, but we we try to work a way around it. Either we do it before he goes in or he wakes me up when he gets home.

TNgirl232

from personal experience - here is my opinion:

You are starting to resent the fact that all you seem to be to him is a sex object. He is using his acting out as a way to control/guilt you into doing what he wants. (ie: the dry humping incident. If that had happened to someone that didn't know each other very well, it could be termed assault - not that you would do that, just bringing it in to perspective)

This happened to me - hubby wanted sex all the freaking time, but also constantly put me down about other things. If I didn't want to have sex, he would put on a wounded puppy show and stomp off and pout, or accuse me of sleeping with others and that's why I didn't want sex. I would typically just give in and let him do his thing so he would shut up and not be pissed off at me. He would constantly grab my boobs in the kitchen, in the car, basically anywhere. I no longer felt like he wanted 'me' he just wanted a lay.

Every other night seems pretty reasonable (or more than reasonable to me actually, but to each his own). I think you need to sit down and talk about how it makes you feel to feel like all he wants you for is sex. You need to be loved and wanted in other ways in order for you to want him sexually.

Scannerguard

I'm sorry. . .I was trying to use my sense of humor here (always after a laugh) and in this case, it was in bad taste. You have to know me to appreciate that crack.

Yes. . .what you are asking is reasonable - a night off here and there.

All I can say is from hanging around this forum is right now, your libido's are probably mismatched. . .and I have seen women in their upper 30's want it daily and then their husbands, who can usually keep up, sometimes can't and wives are left frustrated.

Definitely a compromise is in order.

I don't think men for the most part though ever, EVER think of their wives like sex objects.

Think how ridiculous that would sound of the women here, complaining they want sex daily in their upper 30's when they are peaking sexually, and the husband saying,

"All she thinks of me is a sex object" to me at the local bar.

It's as silly as a man asking me, "Do I look fat in these jeans?"

It's such an easy take-down for guys by women and it's usually an effective one.

Anyway, to repeat - no, I don't think you are being unreasonable to ask for a night off.

In fact, I'll take it further. The Catholic Church/priests actually advocate for husbands to fast from engaging in sex (and of course masturbation) with their wives to honor them. At the same time, they also ritually ask couples to engage in a lot fo sexual relations. I beleive their theory is this - sex is like food. It is needed but fasting is also a healthy practice. So a healthy diet of sex is good, with some ritualistic fasting.

(I am a firm believer in fasting for health - see my website - www.fasting-for-health.com )

It may seem contradictory but I think there is value to following some rituals in marriage like that. . .honor the emotional and honor the physical experience of sex.

Again, fast forward 10 years and shoe and dry humping may be on the other foot. Just warning you. But you seem very, VERY accomodating and I think your husband should be a little more sensitive to your needs.

My ex-gf would just tell me sometimes - "I won't be available in the morning." I appreciated the forewarning so I didn't encounter a rejection that morning. Maybe rather than saying "Every Thursday night is No Sex Night", you could do that. . .rather than make him think you are looking forward to abstinence? You could even frame it like my ex-gf did - "Wow that was so good, I am satisfied and definitely sore. . .I won't be availabe to you tommorrow."



90% chance that works.

(and yes, him pinning you seems out of line in the middle of a fight. . .)