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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-17-2010, 02:31 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

Sara ANn

Orgasm is learned for a woman. MAn it is instinctive. Also he needs to learn ejaculation control. That is vital. He can ... She can have as many as she needs before IC. It is really important taht it happens some to most of the time because that makes the pleasure for intercourse that much more for a woman too... It helps in the intercourse-main event

It is vital taht both of you learn touch techniques taht can help with what you both want. This is a learning process throughout life.

It happens at different times for the orgasm to happen with what you want. The emotions and your relaxation and arousal plays a huge part in where you are emotionally and mentally to be able to do more or less. It is vital for a woman.

Depending on where you are mentally if you can't get there mentally visuals help. It is vital that you can learn about yourself to enjoy in IC with him too.

Thoughts?

Judith
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:39 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

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Originally Posted by Sara Ann View Post
To sum it up: Yes, if the girl can climax within 5 min.

I have not heard a peep from the guys whose girls can take longer than that. On one site which posed the question how long the girls take to climax from masturbating, the most common answer was 10-15 min, with several saying they fell asleep on themselves. And we know some women have never had a climax.

What about it guys? If your girl needs more than 5 min, be honest - you ignore her or she comes second every time?

My wife takes various ammounts of time to climax. Generally we will make love (foreplay and intercourse included) anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. Actual intercourse I tend to last 15-25 minutes before climaxing. If we haven;t had sex in a week or more (with our schedules that will sometimes happen) then it might be quicker for me.

I love to go down on my wife and do almost every time we have sex. She will often climax first before we ever having intercourse, and will almost always climax at least once during intercourse before me. Generally speaking she will have on average 2 climaxes - and maybe 3 - before I ever cum.

I am sorry that you are having problems in this area but please don't project your problems out on all of us as though everyone has the same issue.
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:07 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

Judith - I think you are right.

HopeInHousing - you are a good man! Do you ever have morning quickies, and does she have an orgasm then? How did you work your way up from the male average of 2-3 min to 15-25 min?

We are just starting from almost square 1 in our sex lives....I avoided sex with him that past 10 yrs due to my own issues, so I even totally forgot what it feels like to be licked. When he did that the other day, I almost died and went to heaven. I did not know it feels so good. Thanks for all the replies.
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Old 11-05-2010, 04:24 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

My wife always comes first. This has just been a habit with us. She gets on top and when she is finished, I get to take her in any position I choose.

We are both in our mid 40's.
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Old 11-05-2010, 04:29 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

I do my best to make my wife come first. Once in a while, she doesn't come at all and let's me know that she's not going to. Sometimes she'll get a double, once in a blue moon she have a triple.
It is very seldom that I lose control and come first if she's going to come.
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Old 11-09-2010, 10:14 AM   #51 (permalink)
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If he were to let me come first, he would not be able to get back his erection, and that could be related to his age (50's). Sometimes, he wants to get together just to give me an orgasm and he doesn't care if he has one or not. So now I don't take it personal that he goes first. It's how his body works. There have been times he has gone down on me, and then he can't get an erection afterward and that is a bummer for me, although he is ok with it. My friend is dating a man of the same age, and although they are hot and heavy in lust, and that guy has the same issue after he goes down on my friend: he has lost his erection, so they will wait until the middle of the night or next morning for IC.
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Old 11-09-2010, 01:44 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara Ann View Post
To sum it up: Yes, if the girl can climax within 5 min.

I have not heard a peep from the guys whose girls can take longer than that. On one site which posed the question how long the girls take to climax from masturbating, the most common answer was 10-15 min, with several saying they fell asleep on themselves. And we know some women have never had a climax.

What about it guys? If your girl needs more than 5 min, be honest - you ignore her or she comes second every time?
Reading this thread makes me wish my wife would seek help. She is tremendously insecure, but early in our marriage, I convinced her to see a doctor. She has physiological problems which make it very hard to climax.

We both think that the shortest time for her, even after about half an hour of foreplay, is 20 minutes. 40 minutes is normal. When we were in our thirtys, she had three orgasms a few times, but we were at it for a total of three hours. She is mortified at the thought of masturbation.

She will never accept that she is not normal. With sex a few times a week, she occasionally does it just for me.

After about 25 years of it, I'll admit that after a while, its hard to keep an erection. I saw a doctor for ED meds who laughed and said that she needs to make the appointment, because I'm above average in that department.

I know what everyone thinks: Its something I'm doing wrong. This was absolutely not a problem before we dated, and I didn't have to be so creative. Had a brief liason with a blond HS teacher when I was her aide, and she was non-stop orgasms. For my wife, if she can be talked into being on top, she can cut down the time to 20 minutes, but that's only after alot of caressing and oral.

She gets angry about the frequency of 2 to 3 times per week, and that it sometimes is more of a weekend thing, proving to her that I don't need it for some reason. I remind her that Sat and Sun are the only days we can get away with spending a few hours in bed without sleeping.
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Old 03-29-2011, 09:15 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Hi,

I will probably get some backlash on this, but I think women who aren't experiencing orgasms the majority of the times you are intimate with your partners are doing yourselves a disservice.

During the first few years of dating (I met him when I was 18), I was never able to have an orgasm. There was plenty of raging hormones, foreplay, and satisfaction, but I think my lack of orgasms was due to being insecure, self-conscious, and not being comfortable telling him what felt good. After we got married, and I matured, I was able to get an orgasm with my ex-husband the majority of time we had sex. There was alot of oral and manual stimulation. Having said that, when we did have quickies, he came too quickly for me to have time to have an orgasm. He always waited for me to have an orgasm first. Like most men, he was near comatose after he had his orgasm, so it was important to both of us for him to take care of me first.

With my current husband, we are both able to have multiple orgasms each time we have sex. He typically has 3, but has had 6 once, with no downtime in between. He says the later ones are the best and most intense. I typically have 3-4 each time. Some times, but not usually, when we each have alot of mental chatter due to work or kid related stress, we have to work to have one orgasm. I do use my vibrator during sex with him some times (to change it up), and those orgasms are really intense and they come very fast.

In terms of positions, our favorite is 'doggie' because the thrusts are deeper and harder, and I can angle myself to where I can feel more. My other favorites are 'cowgirl' and 'reverse cowgirl'. Missionary NEVER works for me, but is good for him to slow down between the orgasms. If he continues to thrust hard as I have my orgasms, the feeling is more intense and prolonged.

I have less feeling if we have sex too early in the morning before my body has had time to have blood flow. The best time for me is in the late afternoon and early to mid evening.
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Old 03-30-2011, 07:06 AM   #54 (permalink)
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The more foreplay you have and the hornier you are when you start, the quicker you will cum.

I find I need hard grinding against my clit to cum. I can cum on top or in missionary, and the length of time it takes depends on many variables, but I almost all ways do before he does and often several times.
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Old 03-30-2011, 02:32 PM   #55 (permalink)
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I've always come first because the best way for me to orgasm is through intercourse. But I'm pretty fast so it's not a big deal. 10 minutes or so of foreplay and I'm ready. Climb on top, finish then he does whatever he wants. Am experimenting with new positions and it takes some practice to get it right for me. If I don't no biggie there is always tomorrow. I think of it as extended foreplay.

Oh and I'm 44.
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Old 03-30-2011, 02:40 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

"I am here to dispel the myth of the female orgasm. It doesn't exist. I've been with hundreds of women and not one of them has ever had an orgasm."

- Gilbert Gottfried
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Confidence Love Patience Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

Last edited by Amplexor; 03-30-2011 at 02:45 PM.
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Old 03-30-2011, 03:34 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

My wife intensly orgasms with about 2 mins of finger play, then I get 2 mins to finish or she's bored. It's been this way for 16 years

The girl before her would play with me all night if I wanted to, I've tried everything to loosen her up. She's not faking them either, just a quick draw.

I bet she could have multiples if she tried.
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Old 03-30-2011, 03:37 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

I guess I'm really lucky in that my wife can climax pretty regularly after I'm done by making sure she's on top. She sort of requires it (and I'm not getting into that story, so there!). From the moment we start actual intercourse it generally takes about 10 minutes. That also includes a fair amount of foreplay and sexual touching, but that's okay because that's some of my favorite stuff anyway.

There are times when she can't, but on the other hand there are times I can't, either. Either way, the only times she can't cum are when she's tired or otherwise knows that it just isn't going to happen, or when I'm completely flacid and unable to stay inside her. Regardless, we've both discovered that there's a lot more to sex than just orgasm.

It's like a chocolate shake with a cherry on top: Just because you can't get the cherry, are you really going to turn down the whole shake?
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Old 03-30-2011, 03:41 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

My partner almost always cums first... With my current partner, multiple times before me, and then multiple times again after. However, I think she doesn't often (ever?) cum from intercourse, unless we use a toy at the same time for clitoral stimulation. She hasn't complained/commented on that, though...

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Old 03-31-2011, 09:57 AM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your girl ever come before you do?

So I talked to my partner about this yesterday... She's only cum once with intercourse, and there was extenuating circumstances. So we're going to practice, and see what we can come up with. I'm hoping that once we ditch the condoms, it might make a improvement for her as well as me.

Ah, the things we do for those we love...

C
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