Groping? Overly sensitive?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-22-2010, 04:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Groping? Overly sensitive?

I got married almost a year ago, and I love my husband very much. But there is one thing that he does that just incites rage in me and that is certain types of groping. I love the fact that my husband desires me. However, my chest area is very sensitive, both good and bad. He is constantly wanting to grab my breasts, pinch them, tweek them, etc., with clothes on and off and it drives me crazy! And not in a good way. Being as my chest is a very sensitive area, sometimes, maybe due to hormones, it is uncomfortable to me to be grabbed there. I have repeatedly asked him to respect my feelings about not groping my breasts, but he seems to act insulted when I do. I do not mean to reject him, it's just not pleasurable to me at all.

I don't mind when we are being intimate, for whatever reason. And sometimes they are oversensitive to the point that I ask him to leave that area alone. But standing in the kitchen washing dishes, or leaning over to kiss him goodbye in the morning, or just giving him a hug down the hallway, is not the time I want to be groped on. Hugs, I love. Kissing I love. I want to feel his hands embracing me. But the groping is really starting to bother me, especially when I feel like he doesn't take my request of not groping my breasts into consideration.

Any ladies out there have the same sensitivity issues, or maybe have problem with groping? Guys, what is your perspective on the situation? Any advice is welcome.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

Hmmm, I don't ever get groped. While I was nursing, I did not want my breasts touched at all. As far as him doing it, what is his reason, and why does he do it even though you don't like it? You say he is insulted, but he keeps doing it. Why?
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

He sounds pretty immature, but he does care for you.

Is there any time where your reaction is not so strongly irritated about it? I mean besides in bed.

If so, he is confused.

You really need to sit him down NOT when he has just done it. and not when you are in bed and tell him it hurts--physically hurts when he does that.

So please stop.

He needs direct, overt telling. He's ignorant of your sensations. He thinks it is enjoyable and you are just being a prude. His addled brain tells him you really want it even as you say you don't.

Yeah, usual admonitions to let him know you care for him and there are times it feels ok. And you may have to tell him that you will let him n=know when it is ok--for a time.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

Perhaps he is confused. I have tried to explain that it's completely physiological and not anything to do with emotion, but he tries to tell me that he "can't help it". I do try to endure it sometimes, just because I don't want to hurt him, but sometimes my reflex is just to smack his hand away. I just can't help it. LOL Thank you for your inputs!
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

I think when it hurts that much, you are completely within your rights to say "Ouch!" (extra loudly) and/or smack his hand away. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and think that he's not understanding how sensitive you are there. My husband and I discussed it and he didn't understand that it was that sensitive for me, since you could punch him in the chest full-out and it'd barely hurt.
Hopefully he doesn't want to intentionally hurt you. Guys just need a stronger message sometimes.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

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Originally Posted by HiYa View Post
Perhaps he is confused. I have tried to explain that it's completely physiological and not anything to do with emotion, but he tries to tell me that he "can't help it". I do try to endure it sometimes, just because I don't want to hurt him, but sometimes my reflex is just to smack his hand away. I just can't help it. LOL Thank you for your inputs!
I think you are going to have to be very honest with him and let him know that your resentment over being constantly disrespected is going to grow. This could eventually turn into a situation where you don't want his touch at all, anywhere.

My guy likes to do this and I don't mind, unless I'm upset about something else. Certain times of the month, it is uncomfortable.
Then I just let him know and he stops. I appreciate the respect he gives me. He never acts as if he owns me or my body. Therefore, I can accomodate him and his wishes most of the time.
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Old 09-22-2010, 06:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

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, but he tries to tell me that he "can't help it".
What is he? 15?

That's just not true. Of course he can help it.
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Old 09-22-2010, 06:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

I also find it kind of immature. My husband at one point started doing that and it was really annoying, not sexy at all. Was a total turn off for me.

Ask and explain nicely that it's painful for you. Or give him a taste of his own medicine maybe then he'll get the message lol
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Old 09-22-2010, 07:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

Just sit him down and be honest, and very, very blunt. "It physically hurts when you do this, and it's important to me that you stop."

If he still continues, then you keep reminding him each time he does it that it hurts; like someone above suggested, say "ouch" and push his hand away when he does it, until he gets the message.

If he still continues, then it's clearly a matter of disrespect.
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Old 09-22-2010, 07:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

He can absolutely help it. I honestly think it's got to do with maturity. My H does something similar and it annoys the heck out of me. He gets really disrespectful in how he says things and gets really childish. Smacks my butt and he knows it annoys me. What did it for us - most of the time- is I tell him, out of the bedroom, treat me like a lady. In the bedroom, treat me however you want. He listened, and when he does he's rewarded. When he doesn't, he gets nothin from me but looks that could kill all night lol
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

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What did it for us - most of the time- is I tell him, out of the bedroom, treat me like a lady. In the bedroom, treat me however you want.
I was going to speak my opinion on this topic, but after reading tattoomommy reply I cannot think of a single word to add.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:36 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I was going to speak my opinion on this topic, but after reading tattoomommy reply I cannot think of a single word to add.
Well said tattoomommy! He can control himself. Its not like you walk around tappin him in the balls. Maybe if you did that a few times he might get the hint.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

Yeah my husband does the groping thing all the time, it is really annoying. Every time I turn my back there he is, humping me, lol. I haven't said anything about it to him because its not socially acceptable to do so, and it would probably make him feel bad. Not sure what to do there.
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

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Originally Posted by 76Trombones View Post
Yeah my husband does the groping thing all the time, it is really annoying. Every time I turn my back there he is, humping me, lol. I haven't said anything about it to him because its not socially acceptable to do so, and it would probably make him feel bad. Not sure what to do there.
I'm confused: it's socially acceptable for him to hump you, but it's not socially acceptable for you to tell him to stop? Can you clear this up for me, because I don't understand that.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Groping? Overly sensitive?

Thank you all so much for your input. It's so nice to know that I'm not just being b--chy. And tattomommy, you are the best. I appreciate all of your comments. I feel much more confident in reapproaching this issue with my husband in a loving and respectful way. I have felt for a long time like it is disrespectful, maybe that's the part that I hate so bad. But now I can tell him that in certain settings, it's more acceptable. It's not rejection, it's compromise. Great ideas, All of you! Thanks bunches!!
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