Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
ok so H and I have been married for over 8 yrs and we have always experimented with other ways to enhance our sex life. Since the day we met, we have always used toys videos and on a few occasions we have involved other couples or just ladies.. yesterday we were talking and H said " i want to play with another girl for Halloween?" i was OK, we have done this before, and we have done couples and the whole couple thing does not always work out, bc the GUY in he relationship gets all bent out of shape when we want to play.. so, here we are talking about it, and H says " i know your knee is not up to it ( *Note* i have had cancer since Feb and recovering*), but, when you get better i would like to try this all again, even tho i know it may not happen.. The reason it usually does not happen is because we live in one of those states that "frowns on Sexual orientation and the ladies here get easily afraid or they feel "dirty".. We went about our business for the day..
but, then we came home and i now i can not seem to stop thinking about how hot it would be to watch him do another girl, i mean we have boundaries BEFORE we go into it, what we are comfortable with and what we are not, and he always said he would wear a condom no matter what.. i think it would be a HUGE turn on for him, because we have trust we love one another and it would never go past the "safety area" and for some reason i am OK with him doing this, i would not hold him liable for anything that did happen. but, he seems bummed about it not happening, he is always pointing out really attractive women on the streets, and because i am BI, i love looking at them.. its just since my surgery i have not felt up to doing all this, simply because i do not feel "sexy" to him, bc i am always tired, or hurt or something.
so, would it be wrong of me to let him feel his fantasy with another woman and just let them play? of course i would probably end of watching and getting all excited and stuff .. bc in my mind it would be hot as hell to watch him... when i asked him what kind of woman he wanted, he said someone that looks like you and is a little smaller than you, which is OK bc i know i have gained weight since we were married.
so, what do you guys/gals think? thoughts? suggestions?
sorry for this being all over the place, but, i have so much on my mind about this too...
I could never do it. Just the thought of my boyfriend being with another woman kills me. We agreed when we first got together that other people would never be an option for us...neither of us is willing to share.
With that said, if you two are comfortable with it, then you do what you want. I do think, though, there is a very big difference between the two of you playing together with someone else, and him alone playing with someone else while you watch. As a fantasy, it may seem incredibly hot, but in reality, will it still be so hot?
And let's also look at the practical side. He'll use a condom...that's great. But, the fact is condoms do fail. Yes, it's fairly rare, but it does happen. And if she's not on any birth control, or her birth control fails at the same time (highly unlikely, but not completely impossible), she could get pregnant. How would you feel if he fathered a child with this other woman? Would you be able to live with that?
I would definitely think this over carefully before you actually do it.
I could never do it. Just the thought of my boyfriend being with another woman kills me. We agreed when we first got together that other people would never be an option for us...neither of us is willing to share.
With that said, if you two are comfortable with it, then you do what you want. I do think, though, there is a very big difference between the two of you playing together with someone else, and him alone playing with someone else while you watch. As a fantasy, it may seem incredibly hot, but in reality, will it still be so hot?
And let's also look at the practical side. He'll use a condom...that's great. But, the fact is condoms do fail. Yes, it's fairly rare, but it does happen. And if she's not on any birth control, or her birth control fails at the same time (highly unlikely, but not completely impossible), she could get pregnant. How would you feel if he fathered a child with this other woman? Would you be able to live with that?
I would definitely think this over carefully before you actually do it.
atruckersgirl
I respect you for thinking like this. After reading a few posts here, I promised myself that I will never never play with fire no matter how boring our sex become. A healthy marriage is about one man and one woman. Other people can do whatever they want to, it's none of our business. In order for us to have a long lasting happy marriage, never never put us into an embarrassing situation like that!
In my heart there are quite a few friends here, I want to see their marriages stay happy for ever. Ten, twenty, thirty years later, I hope they are still here and we all share our happy life with each other!!!
I would suggest not doing it.
I get all hot and bothered THINKING of my man with another woman. In fact it is one of my favorite "alone time" fantasies guaranteed to get me off.
However, I know that it is JUST fantasy. If it came down to it, I would never get over it and never forgive him. Just imagine if he developed feelings for her or if you merely thought he had? IDK it just seems to be like playing with fire...
Cool! Since I would be too jealous if he f&cked another woman, I'm curious - maybe it would be a turn-on?
What turns you on about it? I guess it's hot to see he can excite another woman, yet I worry... what if she is more responsive or is tighter because she did not have any children, for example? You don't have those thoughts?
One more thing - my female partners and I have always required an exchange of STD lab test results prior to any sexual activity! I am told responsible men require this as well. Make sure to get the whole workup including Hep B/C, chlamydia, herpes, AIDS, HPV, etc...some have no cure. You can get warts by skin contact in the "briefs area" and you may not even see any warts, and there is no test for that, but it's not as bad as the other stuff.
I could never do it. Just the thought of my boyfriend being with another woman kills me. We agreed when we first got together that other people would never be an option for us...neither of us is willing to share.
With that said, if you two are comfortable with it, then you do what you want. I do think, though, there is a very big difference between the two of you playing together with someone else, and him alone playing with someone else while you watch. As a fantasy, it may seem incredibly hot, but in reality, will it still be so hot?
And let's also look at the practical side. He'll use a condom...that's great. But, the fact is condoms do fail. Yes, it's fairly rare, but it does happen. And if she's not on any birth control, or her birth control fails at the same time (highly unlikely, but not completely impossible), she could get pregnant. How would you feel if he fathered a child with this other woman? Would you be able to live with that?
I would definitely think this over carefully before you actually do it.
oh dont get me wrong, we would def do the whole B/c check and all, its not like im saying we are gonna pick some random dirty girl on the street, we are very picky and would def pick someone who is clean and is on some type of B/c and that condoms are used ( i understand they break and are not 100%)
as for if the other girl were to get pregnant then yes, we are the type of couple who would support one another, it has yet to happen, and we have played with a few couples in the past.
i can see everyone's point of view? but, what really is so wrong about it? My hubby and I are very open about our relationship and are very secure( have been for almost 9 years now) i was BI when he came into the relationship, and he loves it, and what is wrong with making a fantasy a reality?
@Sara ann, i guess what turns me on is him giving her pleasure, just like it turns him on when i give another girl pleasure.
@Crazy town, when you have a very secure relationship and trust and love, and you go into something like this, we have made it a point this is JUST SEX, just a F^&k, nothing more, it is not love making it means nothing.. ya ya ya "but he is human and has feelings" YES, but FOR ME no one else.
@Greenpearl.. do you know that statics show that couples who are more open with their sex lives actually stay married LONGER than the average couple? why? b/c they are tired of the "missionary mombo" and want to add spice
why is everyone so against this? its not like he is going **** this girl fall in love and leave me? he is doing this WITH my permission and we are going into this with open minds and hearts, i trust him and he trusts me. remember i said we have done the whole swapping thing and had a playgirl before, and that was well over 5 years ago, has he left? has he cheated? NOPE NOPE and he is still here, with me, he loves me and i love him..
im not trying to justify this, i just wanted opinions from people who have done this before, or maybe thinking about it. that is all.
I'm not against it I just know I personally couldn't handle it. And, you're right it takes a secure couple to go into something like this. We just got back together after divorcing so we are not to that point! lol. Good luck with what you do though and have fun.
I don't know you but, am happy you are recovering from your cancer. I pray that your recovery is swift.
I think many men would love to have such a cool openminded wife. Your husband should be greatful and not afraid to show you how much in the manner of your choosing. That said, there is always a danger in what you are considering even if you have done this before without incedent (i had to say it). That said you sound like a smart lady and have thought this through. Having safety places is good. I would also make sure that the person be someone that you would likely not see again as i have heard about the "3rd" developing feelings or it just being akward. Perhaps this is obvious to you.
I don't know you but, am happy you are recovering from your cancer. I pray that your recovery is swift.
I think many men would love to have such a cool openminded wife. Your husband should be greatful and not afraid to show you how much in the manner of your choosing. That said, there is always a danger in what you are considering even if you have done this before without incedent (i had to say it). That said you sound like a smart lady and have thought this through. Having safety places is good. I would also make sure that the person be someone that you would likely not see again as i have heard about the "3rd" developing feelings or it just being akward. Perhaps this is obvious to you.
good luck have fun with whatever you do.
thank you for your kind words, that means alot, it has been 8 months from start and i m not sure if it is completely gone yet, but i feel it is.
as for the whole picking someone, ya, i would def like to pic someone we will more than likely not run into, like probably in a far different county than we live in, that way less likely to see one another again... good point. we did make that mistake once and chose a person that lived in the same building as we did pretty crazy, lucky she was not all that bad and just hung out alot and really became friends, but it wa awkward for the first little while tho.
i will def bring this up with him like this weekend and see what he says.. im just lost as to where to find them these days? dont want bar flies, or crazy people. and i have heard bad things about websites that advertise looking for couples..
oh well i will figure it out and see what happens, it is gonna take a while to do this tho, because we are picky.
well i talked to Hubby this last weekend and we went into detail about another woman and him f&*cking, and this was his response, please tell me what you see in this:
" the woman would have to be drop dead gorgeous, like A playboy bunny for me to want to F*&k her... The point of having a girl is for you and your pleasure I get off on that"
we went on to discuss that once me and the girl played he would ravage the crap out of me, because he LOVES to watch.. but, i want to watch HIM do another woman? is he saying this because he wants me to hear it? Or is he saying this because the only woman that would turn him on OUTSIDE of a marriage turns him on..
my feeling is that it makes me feel really good that he said he would only do another woman if she was SMOKING HOT.. and that he respects me, dont get me wrong i love to play with woman and get off, then get the extra play with him before and later.. but, how do i let him know that it is OK to f*&k another woman with me watching..
OR is it something else.. we have been married for almost 9 yrs, i trust him and know him and what he likes, but darn it, i want to see him bang another chick.. is that too much to ask?
for some reason in my twisted soul, i kinda fantasize wifey doing it with other men as well. somehow the thought of seeing her getting pleasured as 3rd person turns me on greatly!
but dont push it, having additional partners is more or less like swinging, but it's not for everyone, some can handle them, some cant. this is an interesting article for u to read
for some reason in my twisted soul, i kinda fantasize wifey doing it with other men as well. somehow the thought of seeing her getting pleasured as 3rd person turns me on greatly!
but dont push it, having additional partners is more or less like swinging, but it's not for everyone, some can handle them, some cant. this is an interesting article for u to read
thank you so much for sharing that article, it was very informative and very educational.. i will def keep this for future reference..
I am always open to doing things to spice up my sex life with my hubby, and i feel that as long as you have a strong healthy trusting relationship, there should be no concern for jealousy or fear of the spouse leaving you for OW/OM.. hubby and i have been 2 gether for 9 yrs this march and have always been very open about sex in the bedroom, i feel that by taking it to the next step (swinging) in this case, then it would just increase our sex life and make it that much more fun.. IMHO there is SEX Making Love and just play ol dirty fxxKing, with our previous experience it has been only me playing with the OW, and that has been fine, but now i want to let him play with the OW and let him fulfill his fantasy..i trust him and know he would only take it as far as we are comfortable...
I guess i would like to hear from other couples who have done this in the past, or are currently doing this and get the pro's as well as the con's of swinging or Spouse swapping.. i think it would be fun and exciting to be able to live this lifestyle, according to the website it does sound like there is alot more to it then JUST SEX, it is about passion and caring and loving one another.. is that bad to feel that way? is it wrong?
why dont u try n join the swingers' club and have a look urself? what i understand is that u do not need to immediately swap or engage in any sexual activities, just go and have a feel with the whole thing. there are also some couples who will openly do it, u can watch them in action and see if hubby has the same interest
I'm curious too--- how can you ladies contemplate your man with another woman? I'm not an extremely jealous type but the thought of mine with someone else hurts. I can't even think about it!
Also-- unfortunately condoms do not protect 100% against STDS like herpes and HPV. There is always the base of the penis that is exposed even with a condom. All that's needed is a few seconds of skin to skin contact and these viral diseases can be contracted, and you've got them for life.
adding another women for sexual play/but... 
.. bc in my mind it would be hot as hell to watch him... when i asked him what kind of woman he wanted, he said someone that looks like you and is a little smaller than you, which is OK bc i know i have gained weight since we were married. 
Re: adding another women for sexual play/but... 
pretty crazy, lucky she was not all that bad and just hung out alot and really became friends, but it wa awkward for the first little while tho.
