Understanding women sexual needs
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-28-2010, 11:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Smile Understanding women sexual needs

Ok....we know men are primal and have a high sex drive and are very visual...I also know that women need to be loved...in ways that you can touch their hearts - a lot of intimacy during the day, helping with the kids, house, taking care of the finances, etc..doing your part in the life you share together, etc...but what about all the differences there are among women. Take for example, my wife does not enjoy clitoral stimulation that much...she only have orgasms from vagina penetration.....I know that men need to take it slowly (sometimes) and kiss them and tell them how much you love and appreciate them....etc....so man don't need much (physiological stimulation) but women do....after that what else?? - how come there are so many people sad because their sex life sucks!...I know communication problems, lack of intimacy, etc.....but why if women know it is in their power to control a man through their desires by giving them so many things that would rock our world why is that it take so long for you to do it - society?? any ways if there anyone out there who has a better inside into a women sexual needs, please let me know that my loving wife has asked me....thanks
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.
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Old 09-28-2010, 12:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I think science is often taken out of the debate. I understand a man's fundamental need for sex in order to feel loved, however what about the nature of sex itself?

What I mean is, I'm currently pregnant. I am not in the mood for sex at all. I wouldn't turn my husband down, but I'm not interested. Is it because I want to control him or because I have a low libido? Actually when I'm not pregnant I have a very high sex drive. But I think that my body says to my brain that I don't need sex because I'm already pregnant. My husband never gets the feeling of "I've knocked up a woman so I don't need to have sex." His body never tells him that so he continues to want it. I on the other hand, don't need to have sex because I'm already pregnant kwim?

And after I have the babies (we're having twins), my body will continue to tell me that I don't need to have sex because I'll be breastfeeding and not ovulating. It will tell me that I've already got a couple of babies I am taking care of so I don't need to have any more for a while.

Anyway, my point is that I fully intend to MAKE myself have sex with my husband even though I don't want too. The reasons I don't want too are hormonal and have nothing to do with him, but because I know he will feel rejected and unloved if I don't, I will assume the position . I will probably enjoy it once we get into it, but it's something I have to force myself to do. Kind of like how I'll have to force myself to work out to get back in shape after I give birth. After a week of going to the gym, I'll be back on the right track. The same is true of sex imo.
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Old 09-28-2010, 12:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding women sexual needs

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Originally Posted by marcopoly69 View Post
but why if women know it is in their power to control a man through their desires by giving them so many things that would rock our world why is that it take so long for you to do it
Well, you answered your own question before the above quote...
lack of intimacy, communication problems etc.

And, if the man is NOT doing the stuff you mentioned in the beginning of your post like helping out around the house and such, it breeds resentment and we may not be in the mood either...
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.
We have a winner!!!! Do this and you'll be fine........all women are different.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.
What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?
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Old 09-28-2010, 02:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?
You're the woman, but if I were talking to him I would say:

You talk to her! I'm a man and I don't need sex to feel loved I need sex because I WANT IT! Sounds like you have read too many books.

I now my wife loves me she shows me everyday, she works hard, is giving, sacrificial, I still want sex!

Luckily for me we started talking about our need physically and emotionally 15yrs ago and now it's almost perfect! My wants are still more than hers, but 2-3 times a week is solid enough for me. Sometimes more sometimes less.......

My wife wants to please me and I try my hardest to please her not just physically, but everything else housework, kids, freetime, love notes, emails, txts, date night, making sure she knows how beautiful she is, etc etc.

You have to talk to your wife! Sit down have a drink or two and talk about sex, insecurities, wants, how it makes you feel, ask her the tough questions like?

Do you enjoy sex, Do you need sex honestly it won't hurt my feelings, Do you find me attractive still, If I were a better lover, and it goes on and on and on.

This isn't a one conversation and your done thing either. It takes time and hard work on both parties to have a great marriage and great sex life while maintaining a life, a job, and some sanity.

Good luck!! Example today.......I made coffee, got the kids ready so the wife could go to work early, dishes are done, clothes washed, yard looks good, I'll do the homework with the kids when they get home, and dinner will be ready when she get's home. Granted I'm off today, but imo when a man has free time and you show your wife that she get's YOUR time it makes all of the difference. It's sincere because I honestly want nothing else than for her to be happy and feel loved.

Good luck again.

Last edited by OhGeesh; 09-28-2010 at 02:23 PM.
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Old 09-28-2010, 03:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You're the woman, but if I were talking to him I would say:

You talk to her! I'm a man and I don't need sex to feel loved I need sex because I WANT IT! Sounds like you have read too many books.

I now my wife loves me she shows me everyday, she works hard, is giving, sacrificial, I still want sex!

Luckily for me we started talking about our need physically and emotionally 15yrs ago and now it's almost perfect! My wants are still more than hers, but 2-3 times a week is solid enough for me. Sometimes more sometimes less.......

My wife wants to please me and I try my hardest to please her not just physically, but everything else housework, kids, freetime, love notes, emails, txts, date night, making sure she knows how beautiful she is, etc etc.

You have to talk to your wife! Sit down have a drink or two and talk about sex, insecurities, wants, how it makes you feel, ask her the tough questions like?

Do you enjoy sex, Do you need sex honestly it won't hurt my feelings, Do you find me attractive still, If I were a better lover, and it goes on and on and on.

This isn't a one conversation and your done thing either. It takes time and hard work on both parties to have a great marriage and great sex life while maintaining a life, a job, and some sanity.

Good luck!! Example today.......I made coffee, got the kids ready so the wife could go to work early, dishes are done, clothes washed, yard looks good, I'll do the homework with the kids when they get home, and dinner will be ready when she get's home. Granted I'm off today, but imo when a man has free time and you show your wife that she get's YOUR time it makes all of the difference. It's sincere because I honestly want nothing else than for her to be happy and feel loved.

Good luck again.
all the bolded areas i agree with.. men/women do not always need sex to feel loved, my hubby is the same way, sex does NOT make a marriage, and should not be the only thing that holds one up either, we support one another in ALL aspects of marriage ( money chores kids ect), think of it like a building, you CAN NOT have a stable building without ALL parts (foundation steel bars) with the foundation, the bars have nothing to stand on, with out the bars the foundation has nothing to hold up..

try pleasing her in other ways, not just physical, my hubby and i have sex like 1-2 per week ( max) and that is enough for me, he works i pay the bills, i care for our son, i am a SAHM for now on medical leave, and we make it work.

the point is, sex is just the icing on the cake, its the bonus of being married.
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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The thing I have noticed and it hit me recently is that why women and men are have sexual /sex problems is that the women work and the men are staying at home to be moms. The men can still ahve sex after he has done whatever becuase he relates physically etc -he has more of the testosterone . BUt the woman relates from an emotional standpoint and if she is to tired which have to help around the house etc and do housework plus work etc she is not going to have the stamina to want sex. I believe that is why alot of women today are struggling to not want it. and besides what they have been taught etc.

I do know that women need clit stimulation to keep them wet depending on what is in their mind and mental... Women do feel different things at different times in each sexual encounter and that is how they are wired. So...

thoughts?

Judith
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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When we have sex, my husband will try to pay attention to my moaning. He notices the differences, he knows if he is doing right or wrong. My moaning excites him also. He comes very quickly if I have very satisfied moaning.

I always tell my husband what I like and what I don't like. So he focuses on what I like. For example, now he puts his finger into my axx when he is fxxxxxx me, I find it very exciting, I just moan very happily. But I like his middle finger instead of his thumb. He thought that his thumb is bigger, but I prefer his middle finger because it is longer. From now on, I am sure he will only use his middle finger.

For oral, he used to flick his tongue very quickly, it was too exciting, too much for me to take. I didn't like it. He didn't give up, so he started licking me slowly and try to shove his tongue into my puxxx, now I really enjoy it when he is licking me, and I get to have very strong orgasms.

Sex is about him and her. Understand what he likes and she likes, focus on what he likes and she likes, then your sex will be great!!!
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
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When we have sex, my husband will try to pay attention to my moaning. He notices the differences, he knows if he is doing right or wrong. My moaning excites him also. He comes very quickly if I have very satisfied moaning.

I always tell my husband what I like and what I don't like. So he focuses on what I like. For example, now he puts his finger into my axx when he is fxxxxxx me, I find it very exciting, I just moan very happily. But I like his middle finger instead of his thumb. He thought that his thumb is bigger, but I prefer his middle finger because it is longer. From now on, I am sure he will only use his middle finger.

For oral, he used to flick his tongue very quickly, it was too exciting, too much for me to take. I didn't like it. He didn't give up, so he started licking me slowly and try to shove his tongue into my puxxx, now I really enjoy it when he is licking me, and I get to have very strong orgasms.

Sex is about him and her. Understand what he likes and she likes, focus on what he likes and she likes, then your sex will be great!!!
The problem is when the wife doesn't like to communicate too much in that area...the other day I asked her, as I was giving her oral sex, what you like most up or down and she replied just keep at it....not mayor feedback so I was all over the place doing the alphabet LOL....I am still trying to reach a level of super pleasure in everything we experience together, I like to feel like this as I feel alive and wonderful - my wife seems to be getting into more and more but still kills me that fact that she gives me so little feedback......
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
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What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?
You are right....to me happy marriage is possible only if you desire to be with your wife / husband 24/7....when the level of desire and love is such that you can't stop thinking about being with each other, then you are in-love and really hot for each other....if not, you run the risk of separation once the kids leave....my opinion
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:48 AM   #13 (permalink)
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The problem is when the wife doesn't like to communicate too much in that area...the other day I asked her, as I was giving her oral sex, what you like most up or down and she replied just keep at it....not mayor feedback so I was all over the place doing the alphabet LOL....I am still trying to reach a level of super pleasure in everything we experience together, I like to feel like this as I feel alive and wonderful - my wife seems to be getting into more and more but still kills me that fact that she gives me so little feedback......
Looks like you have to do a lot of self studying!

You are a diligent student!
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Looks like you have to do a lot of self studying!

You are a diligent student!
Thanks, I just love sex so much!...to be honest with you, I know very well how to please myself too...but my wife is the one who is guilty for all my desires....I find her so beautiful and hot!...and since she has been always so conservative, the fact she is freeing herself and letting me enjoying her body more and more, makes me really hot!....you've no idea...but at 41 still Saturday and Sunday mornings and night plus as much as I can get during the week.....well, every time we have sex she has two orgasms so it is just fair I get to get more orgasms in different ways....
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:13 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks, I just love sex so much!...to be honest with you, I know very well how to please myself too...but my wife is the one who is guilty for all my desires....I find her so beautiful and hot!...and since she has been always so conservative, the fact she is freeing herself and letting me enjoying her body more and more, makes me really hot!....you've no idea...but at 41 still Saturday and Sunday mornings and night plus as much as I can get during the week.....well, every time we have sex she has two orgasms so it is just fair I get to get more orgasms in different ways....
You just make me

Sounds like your wife is giving in to your pout!


Did you lie on the floor and cry like a three-year-old?

Anyway, happy for you. You are getting what you want!

But please respect her feeling also. She'll love you a lot if you care for her feeling. I am grateful to my husband if he doesn't insist his idea on me. If he respects my feeling, I want to do more to please him!!!
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