Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I need some advice, based on the topic of: What's your pattern for having an orgasm with your spouse?
For us, the usual is that he has his during intercourse (or sometimes a BJ), and then either I masturbate with the vibrator or my fingers, or he uses his fingers, very predictable, but that part is ok. However, there is no excitement at that point, because he is no longer excited, but he wants me to be pleased so he lays next to me with his eyes closed while he holds me and uses his fingers. Sometimes I think he is half asleep. He is trying to be more responsive and interesting, but he probably does not know what to do. When he starts to kiss me or bite me or stuff I usually like, it just distracts me, so that is not good either. He can't keep an erection long enough for me to go first. If I go first, he loses his erection and sometimes it never comes back the same way.
It would be a lot more interesting for me, if he "did" me the way I "do" him: actually looking at what I am doing, instead of just lying there. I have some other ideas of what I will suggest to him next time...for now, I'd like some ideas and suggestions.
By the way, thanks again to Star for suggesting some interesting poses; when I googled the Lotus pose she suggested, I also came across the coachman - oh my god, it turns me into an animal! It is now my favorite pose!
I'd say about 75% of the time she orgasms with my mouth before I even get penetration. I then orgasm using penetration. She rarely orgasms with vaginal penetration, but almost always orgasms with anal penetration. She prefers my mouth (or a toy like a bullet) using clitoral stimulation rather then penetration. With me or even a vibrator it's touch and go if she can actually orgasm vaginally.
I'd say probably 98% of the time she comes first and then I come afterward. And of that, she generally orgasms 2 or 3 times before I go for mine.
I'd say about 75% of the time she orgasms with my mouth before I even get penetration. I then orgasm using penetration. She rarely orgasms with vaginal penetration, but almost always orgasms with anal penetration. She prefers my mouth (or a toy like a bullet) using clitoral stimulation rather then penetration. With me or even a vibrator it's touch and go if she can actually orgasm vaginally.
I'd say probably 98% of the time she comes first and then I come afterward. And of that, she generally orgasms 2 or 3 times before I go for mine.
Exactly the same here except that she orgasms vaginally as well. It is amazing to me how a woman can be so frigin' orgasmic and be o.k. going without sex.
I want more sex than my husband, so sometimes he just lies there and lets me have fun.
I can come orally, but we do it only once a month since the orgasm is very strong. I always come with his toy inside me. We only tried anal once, and the pain I had stopped my husband from trying again. He only wants me to enjoy sex with him!
I seldom have more than one orgasm before my husband comes. It is always I come once, then my husband comes. If we still have energy, we might go for another round!
crypsys and chinchang - don't you lose your erection by the time she climaxes? I think you said your wives are pretty quick, like less than 5 min.
Another question - why can I climax in 5 min when I am by myself but when he is there it takes me much longer? I know the mind games are so important in women - don't know how to get the mental state to be the same when he is there. Perhaps I should just enjoy it, and not worry about how long it takes? Well, if I go first, he can't keep his erection that long, and he often does not get it back...I would love to be first so he is still excited. The downside of always being last is he is falling asleep on me sometimes.
I hope to get more responses, esp. from other couples where the wife can take 15 or 20 min. I know some women take even longer than that, so come on, let me hear from you also!
crypsys and chinchang - don't you lose your erection by the time she climaxes? I think you said your wives are pretty quick, like less than 5 min.
Sometimes yep, and sometimes nope. If I do loose my erection, I get it back within a few minutes of her playing with me after she has gone. So even if he does loose it, it's not a lot of work or hard to get it back normally. Why does he not get it back? Has he had himself checked out? A male in his 30's in normal health should have 0 problem regaining an erection.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara Ann
Another question - why can I climax in 5 min when I am by myself but when he is there it takes me much longer? I know the mind games are so important in women - don't know how to get the mental state to be the same when he is there. Perhaps I should just enjoy it, and not worry about how long it takes? Well, if I go first, he can't keep his erection that long, and he often does not get it back...I would love to be first so he is still excited. The downside of always being last is he is falling asleep on me sometimes.
See, after sex I am generally pumped, not tired. Stupid question, does your hubby exercise and eat semi-healthy? Maybe he needs to do some lifestyle changes to pick that part of the game up.
I first want to say I am very sorry this is happening
(I AM ALSO HELPING YOU- AT THE SAME TIME TELLING YOU SOME ABOUT ME)
Okay, first let me tell you, about these "Sex Cards: they have- which you, two or yourself would like... It has over 51 different ways to make love with your patent. You, would be able to find these cards at Barns and Nobles they are called "Sex Deck" These cards have some pretty wild things going on inside of the box. It shows you how to do it, and tells you how by writing the words- so it is not only the pictures you are seeing. It has a lot more to it as well... Now, also I myself I have kept to myself and never even let my husband know on my fantasy on how I wanted things done...
I have just told him after being married for 17 years
Which is, I wanted and want to try hardcore with him- I have always thought it would be something I would enjoy- I think it would be wild just to be tied up, to be blindfolded, to be spanked if I moved while he was down on me or touching those two spots. I want it all... Which I have let him know- he will not act on these things; he says he will try and most likely like it but, I have not gotten any of it as yet. When we get ready to make love, I know he is thinking to do these things he just does not act on them. It may be that he is scared to do so- which I have also let him know not to be scared- I just do not want to say to him while we are making love "Spank me, I have been a very bad girl" That would not be right for me to do- if he is not into the hardcore thing as yet...
He also cannot really keep it up all that long
His is due to meds he was taking which has not been on in a while now- just still is not back to normal and the sad thing is he lost himself in size as well. So, it is way harder for me to even enjoy it that way. I am one who is so hard to cum with- which when it comes to him touching my spots with his fingers or toys I have no trouble. He can get off in matter of seconds which does not do me any good- and he is one who cannot go again on the love making after he goes; because he gets to ticklish afterwords which really is a good thing- he is one that has a full body orgasm which a lot of people would love
I get to where I am ready to go- then it's done
He is already ready to go. He has held off many of times waiting for me to go- still it does not happen... So you and me have a lot of the same things going on
Your best thing to be doing is
Talk with your husband and let him know how you are feeling and that you, feel that he is not really acting like he is even into you, anymore and not into the love making like he should be. It is good that you are acting on other things to be doing with him- but it really does take two people two enjoy the love making to make it joy-able and meaningful . While he is touching you down on area try doing the same with him while he is doing so. That may make it where he will enjoy what is going on next to him. Also make some games up for the two of you; use your mind on how you would want the game to be and the rules of the game. That would also cause and bring in a lot of fun as well.
Okay, I told you a few things you can do
Also thank you, for reading about my things
Going on as well... Good luck, to you...
crypsys - he is over 50. He can get an erection every day, even twice a day, but they are not as hard as they used to be, and when he is really tired he can lose it (he is gone from home for 16 hours a day). I'm surprised he can do it at all, with as little sleep as he gets. Thanks for the ideas.
Star, I was hoping I'd hear from you. I think we can mix it up more: start with vibrator or manual, oral, intercourse, back to vibrator/manual/oral. Have not tried mixing it up. Rodeo - I love that too - I call it reverse cowgirl. Love those backward positions the best!
BlueEyed - thanks so much for all that info. He is into me, he has sex with me even when he is not in the mood...so he can get hard and play around and so on, and he is excited as can be about the coachman..he loves watching my a$$ so he loves all the backward positions. I wish he could get that excited from me climaxing, but he does not. When he stimulates me, I want him to watch me; that is what I really want. I don't want him lying next to me, holding me, while his eyes are closed. Also, I want him to get hard when I climax. I don't just want him lying there holding me. It's so sweet, I know he loves me, but it's not exciting. On the other hand, if he does any of the stuff that drives me wild during IC then it does not drive me wild at all at those times. When he is playing with my clit to bring me to orgasm I need a more relaxed pace, maybe some exhibitionism, but not all the squeezing and biting and rough play.
Is that reasonable to expect a guy to get hard when his woman climaxes? Guys - what do you think?
I hope to get more responses, esp. from other couples where the wife can take 15 or 20 min. I know some women take even longer than that, so come on, let me hear from you also!
Lord, I wish my wife could have an orgasm in less than 15 or 20 minutes. Her doctor said it is medical, more of a physiological problem, but I think it probably doesn't help that she is borderline and loathes herself.
I was involved in relationships with much older women as a teenager, and remember how easy it was. I take multiple pain medications so I don't think the erections are as strong as they used to be, but haven't had an issue like you described. Has he considered medication?
Most of the time, I really want her to climax, so even with an afternoon of foreplay, twenty minutes or more is the norm. And she can only orgasm with intercourse.
I've lifted weights seriously for 30 years, else I don't think I could keep up.
Crazy thing is that she thinks of herself as normal in this respect, and really hates the fact that I'm happy with just a few times a week. She seriously states that she has never masturbated because she tried unsuccessfully and finally quit trying.
I am going to skip over the responces here and give you a little bit of my own advice and experience. With me and my wife, there have been a number of times where in the course of our lovemaking, I climax, and she does not. In some of theseinstances, she has grabbed her vibrator and finished herself. In a case like this tho, i have found that just because i am not hard and "involved" i can still experience a closeness and be a part of what is happening. Often i will hold her or watch and caress or touch.
There is no reason that masturbation can not be an intimate sexual experience for both partners, it just needs to be handled right.
Orgasm patterns 
Re: Orgasm patterns 
