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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-12-2010, 11:48 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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Originally Posted by marcopoly69 View Post
.but you need to make peace with the fact that something needs to change in your head!!!...talk to your husband and ask why you cannot have the great sex and connection that comes with it??
I don't understand this. What needs to change in my head?

I am open to new things but I'm not going to be talked into doing something that disgusts me. Everyone has boundaries and those should be respected. Part of love is respect and being fun and freaky is fine but once you start forcing someone to be or do something that upsets or makes them uncomfortable that will make them feel unsafe and take away from intimacy. If thats how a man behaves, bullying his wife into something then all the massages and BS talk about love and being open aren't worth a damn.
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Old 10-12-2010, 12:27 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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That's exactly what I am talking about....to me is about beautiful love making that most of the time is just passion and desire, but once or twice a week, becomes special with possibilities.....is about giving your wife back massages, follow but other massages and just do as much as you want that don't cross the line of what it means loving someone with all your heart and be faithful and helpful......to me the whole idea is to allow her to feel free and desire and loved.....she needs to understand that we are in this together and that enjoy your husband body and let him eat you alive may be one of the best experiences of your life...but you need to make peace with the fact that something needs to change in your head!!!...talk to your husband and ask why you cannot have the great sex and connection that comes with it??
Again, that is your opinion on what great sex is!! You are assuming that your wife isn't opening herself up, being free, allowing herself to be free sexually, and I'm saying she may not need that.

My wife can have a orgasm in 10 minutes or less everytime by doing 1 or 2 different positions. Unlike a man there are times she doesn't want to! Does that make sense to you? She connects alot by just cuddling, talking, holding, kissing, that doesn't lead to sex!!

There are times she just doesn't want to have sex or have freaky, wild, full course sex. There are times she wants the back rubs, foot rubs, does it have to lead to sex?

The other night she was crying saying how she would hate to lose me because our sex life wasn't all "I" wanted it to be. That she felt pressured because she thought I wanted her to be a "Sex freak wild and crazy" all the time. How selfish of a man would I be to go there or do that? Marriage is about bending not breaking, love is about putting the other's needs before your own, pressuring, coercing, using tactics have no place in a marriage based on love.

Do I want my wife to be a porn star every night? Yep, just about every night I do, but I know that is not her thing.......that type of sex might happen once a month. I am grateful to be able to have sex, love, and be with the wonderful woman that is my wife! Even if the intensity is a little less than I would like and a little less often than I would like.

In the end sex is just the icing on the cake some like a little more some like a little less
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Old 10-12-2010, 12:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

When my wife insisted on having a full camera crew in our bedroom and a "stunt ****" standing by, I knew things had gone too far.

And she blamed ME for her poor DVD sales.
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Old 10-12-2010, 12:46 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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Again, that is your opinion on what great sex is!! You are assuming that your wife isn't opening herself up, being free, allowing herself to be free sexually, and I'm saying she may not need that.

My wife can have a orgasm in 10 minutes or less everytime by doing 1 or 2 different positions. Unlike a man there are times she doesn't want to! Does that make sense to you? She connects alot by just cuddling, talking, holding, kissing, that doesn't lead to sex!!

There are times she just doesn't want to have sex or have freaky, wild, full course sex. There are times she wants the back rubs, foot rubs, does it have to lead to sex?

The other night she was crying saying how she would hate to lose me because our sex life wasn't all "I" wanted it to be. That she felt pressured because she thought I wanted her to be a "Sex freak wild and crazy" all the time. How selfish of a man would I be to go there or do that? Marriage is about bending not breaking, love is about putting the other's needs before your own, pressuring, coercing, using tactics have no place in a marriage based on love.

Do I want my wife to be a porn star every night? Yep, just about every night I do, but I know that is not her thing.......that type of sex might happen once a month. I am grateful to be able to have sex, love, and be with the wonderful woman that is my wife! Even if the intensity is a little less than I would like and a little less often than I would like.

In the end sex is just the icing on the cake some like a little more some like a little less
THANK YOU!
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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THANK YOU!
I disagree completely if what you are implying is that you'll keep be a prison of what your wife wants to give you...that is not the way is supposed to be....you can giver her the space she needs and let her be and be a wonderful husband but if she is not going to try to educate herself and how she can be a better wife in the sex department so it keeps on brining smiles on your face, you my friend have been ripped off by all the woman here trying to convince you that you cannot ask for more from you wife - that's BS!....if you have fantacies and a higher sex drive, and you are taking care of your family and wife like YOU MEAN IT, then you have the right to ask for better sex from your wife....God did not make you like this to make her suffer, it made you like this, because his idea was for those few good man that their wives would come around and see that trying to put a smile on your husband face by doing something to him unexpected or surprising is a gesture of love....but thinking that you are to receve the same from your wife and can't expect or ask for better or more...to me does not make anysense...what the heck we feel this way?? ah!!! how come we enjoy sex so much??!! ah!....it was a joke from god to make us suffer because women would never be able to satisfy us?? again I said BULL SH.......t

You are saying this, because you already gave up!....and you don't want to know that are not the best wife you can be......don't tell me that it is okay feel unfulfilled....you never are going to be able to experience the love for your wife or husband with the passion and strengh until he is fully satisfy with your sex life.....trust me....when you experiance love in that department, you look at your wife with other eyes...is like appreciation because she was able to make you truly happy..
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:26 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

First off I am the wife.

Are you saying a woman should do everything a husband wants even the sickest most degrading things imaginable just cuz he wants it? WOW...lots of give and take in that marriage isn't there? Marriage is about compromise in every area.

Careful how high you throw your own bull ****...it might land back on your face.
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:47 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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First off I am the wife.

Are you saying a woman should do everything a husband wants even the sickest most degrading things imaginable just cuz he wants it? WOW...lots of give and take in that marriage isn't there? Marriage is about compromise in every area.

Careful how high you throw your own bull ****...it might land back on your face.
Not everything....my point is....if you enjoy BJs, why shouldn't your wife give you the BJs like you fantasize about? - if the BJ is not satisfying, you, as a husband, should be able to ask for better!..and the wife, should want to do better!...now, if you want to try anal, for example, and your wife is willing to try, educate yourself in a way that you both try to do the best so when the experience finally arrives, you have a higher probability so succeed....my problem is when the sex and all things related becomes lausy....if I am not a lausy husband, or father, or provider, and I do my very best to please my wife and we have a good relatioship otherwise, then, your wife MUST try to do something for you that would make you desire her and smile everytime you remember her...for example, to me was a real problem that my wife did not like to feel my semen in her mouth or wanted to give me a BJ during sex - she would send me to the bathroom to clean up - talking about ruining the mood - then, we talk and talk and my point was how come you feel this way, I am espected to respect it and that's it?? - it does not work for me...I don't have any trouble to go down on her and I love her but whole and I like it like there is no tomorrow, I bit her but checks and those are the things that make me so excited and horny, those are the feelings that make me feel alive and that all I am doing is worth it....so one day, she decided that I was right, that if she really loved me, she shouln'd be showing any sort of problems towards enjoying our bodies because otherwise, it becomes a question of why?? does she love me the same way I love her...don't think so.....today, I am trying to push our sex life as far as I see feasible...I respect my wife, but she understands now that if she doesn't do her best to show me that she cares about what brings these feeling of excitement in my heart, that our marriage is doom to fail...50% end up in divorce - why...go figure...
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:54 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

My husband and I are pretty sexually adventurous with each other. We'll try just about anything, but we do both have our limits. We respect those limits and don't cross them, nor do we push the line.

With that said, the porn star activity is on hold for us for awhile. When the wife, that's me, isn't respected after the 'porn star' evening, then it's kinda hard to get in the 'porn star' mood again. You see, my husband wrote in emails to the other woman, some pretty horrible things about me the evening after our last 'porn star' night. Once I found out about the affair and read all the emails, I was hurt beyond belief. If he wouldn't have had an affair and said horrible things about me to the other woman, then he could have his 'porn star' nights. But, as we recover from the affair and rebuild our marriage, it won't happen. He has to earn that and I have to trust that he isn't going to trash me the next day. I still don't trust that.

And yes, I realize my situation is different. But, that kind of baggage can carry forward with anyone into future relationships. You never know what is in someones past that keeps them from wanting to be a 'porn star' in the bedroom with their spouse.
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Old 10-12-2010, 03:20 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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My husband and I are pretty sexually adventurous with each other. We'll try just about anything, but we do both have our limits. We respect those limits and don't cross them, nor do we push the line.

With that said, the porn star activity is on hold for us for awhile. When the wife, that's me, isn't respected after the 'porn star' evening, then it's kinda hard to get in the 'porn star' mood again. You see, my husband wrote in emails to the other woman, some pretty horrible things about me the evening after our last 'porn star' night. Once I found out about the affair and read all the emails, I was hurt beyond belief. If he wouldn't have had an affair and said horrible things about me to the other woman, then he could have his 'porn star' nights. But, as we recover from the affair and rebuild our marriage, it won't happen. He has to earn that and I have to trust that he isn't going to trash me the next day. I still don't trust that.

And yes, I realize my situation is different. But, that kind of baggage can carry forward with anyone into future relationships. You never know what is in someones past that keeps them from wanting to be a 'porn star' in the bedroom with their spouse.
That's terrible, I would never do that to my wife...see to me is about communicating....and educating....my wife comes from a very conservative family that made sex seems a bad thing...she's never masturbated and had a lot of issues with trying new things...today, I can see that I may have everything I want, sex related, from my relationship with my wife, if I am patients, loving, and more loving....BUT and this is a big but, she needs to make an effort to show me that she is thinking of me and how to make me happy.....that I'll be doing the same...that happiness passes onto your children....what I keep saying to my wife, our lives are beautiful, but we need to work on our relationship everyday.....since love requires work.....if you insist on it, you'll be for ever rewarded.....close yourself and your husband in a room and talk for hours about everything bothers you about your relationship and your life and be ready for revelations and feeling hurt....but that is the first step getting it all out on the table...only then, you'll be able to rebuilt...good luck
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Old 10-12-2010, 03:54 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

OMG for the last time I AM THE WIFE.

Your wife probably got sick and tired of you badgering her.
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Old 10-12-2010, 03:56 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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Originally Posted by marcopoly69 View Post
Not everything....my point is....if you enjoy BJs, why shouldn't your wife give you the BJs like you fantasize about? - if the BJ is not satisfying, you, as a husband, should be able to ask for better!..and the wife, should want to do better!...now, if you want to try anal, for example, and your wife is willing to try, educate yourself in a way that you both try to do the best so when the experience finally arrives, you have a higher probability so succeed....my problem is when the sex and all things related becomes lausy....if I am not a lausy husband, or father, or provider, and I do my very best to please my wife and we have a good relatioship otherwise, then, your wife MUST try to do something for you that would make you desire her and smile everytime you remember her...for example, to me was a real problem that my wife did not like to feel my semen in her mouth or wanted to give me a BJ during sex - she would send me to the bathroom to clean up - talking about ruining the mood - then, we talk and talk and my point was how come you feel this way, I am espected to respect it and that's it?? - it does not work for me...I don't have any trouble to go down on her and I love her but whole and I like it like there is no tomorrow, I bit her but checks and those are the things that make me so excited and horny, those are the feelings that make me feel alive and that all I am doing is worth it....so one day, she decided that I was right, that if she really loved me, she shouln'd be showing any sort of problems towards enjoying our bodies because otherwise, it becomes a question of why?? does she love me the same way I love her...don't think so.....today, I am trying to push our sex life as far as I see feasible...I respect my wife, but she understands now that if she doesn't do her best to show me that she cares about what brings these feeling of excitement in my heart, that our marriage is doom to fail...50% end up in divorce - why...go figure...

Seems like you are playing the tit for tat game to me. See I do this, that, the other, more of this, and that, and finish it off with a shazam.........now what are you going to do for me?

That's a crappy way to live imo and very selfish. When you give you give without expecting in return that's true love. In the end Marcopoloy69 if your wife doesn't like your semen in her mouth she doesn't like your semen in her mouth. Does it get you off that much for her to do that?

My wife used to do anal with me because she thought I liked even thought she was "eh" on the whole thing. Guess what? I did anal because I thought she liked it I was "eh" on the whole thing. No we never like 1 time a year if that do anal

You may love your wife more than she loves you anyway.......I definitely think I love my wife more than she loves me, but I've always been a hard sacrificer giving up tons for my family/wife while I do with less.

As far as BJ's go when my wife and I were dating she would do the whole swallow thing and even brag about it. "Every last drop" she was almost considered a catch for doing that back in the day. Know that we are married for a long long time and I can't remember the last time she swallowed. She hates it always did, but used to do it to try to impress me. Know different than me always trying to turn sex into a marathon.

Lastly, it's hard for me to get enjoyment from something my wife isn't into. Is it still good if you know she is hating every minute of it?

Best of luck to ya!! I know you didn't just link divorce rates to sex did you? Problems are much much deeper than that!
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Old 10-12-2010, 06:28 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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When my wife insisted on having a full camera crew in our bedroom and a "stunt ****" standing by, I knew things had gone too far.

And she blamed ME for her poor DVD sales.


We don't do that.

Even more discouraged now by some bad stories.

Not interested.

we look at ourselves through mirrors.
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Old 10-12-2010, 06:34 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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Seems like you are playing the tit for tat game to me. See I do this, that, the other, more of this, and that, and finish it off with a shazam.........now what are you going to do for me?

That's a crappy way to live imo and very selfish. When you give you give without expecting in return that's true love. In the end Marcopoloy69 if your wife doesn't like your semen in her mouth she doesn't like your semen in her mouth. Does it get you off that much for her to do that?

My wife used to do anal with me because she thought I liked even thought she was "eh" on the whole thing. Guess what? I did anal because I thought she liked it I was "eh" on the whole thing. No we never like 1 time a year if that do anal

You may love your wife more than she loves you anyway.......I definitely think I love my wife more than she loves me, but I've always been a hard sacrificer giving up tons for my family/wife while I do with less.

As far as BJ's go when my wife and I were dating she would do the whole swallow thing and even brag about it. "Every last drop" she was almost considered a catch for doing that back in the day. Know that we are married for a long long time and I can't remember the last time she swallowed. She hates it always did, but used to do it to try to impress me. Know different than me always trying to turn sex into a marathon.

Lastly, it's hard for me to get enjoyment from something my wife isn't into. Is it still good if you know she is hating every minute of it?

Best of luck to ya!! I know you didn't just link divorce rates to sex did you? Problems are much much deeper than that!
My husband says sex is about giving pleasure to your loving spouse. It's not just about you, it is about the other one, if you try hard to please her and make her enjoy the sex you serve, she likes what you are doing, she'll be very happy and then she'll be happy to give!

You are right, we can't just think how much fun we can get, we have to see if they enjoy it or not!
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Old 10-12-2010, 06:39 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

I agree with the wife. If she isn't comfortable with doing something, she does not have to do it. She isn't "limiting herself" or whatever someone else said. She is exercising her right to say no. What is explosive and exciting for the husband may be sick and degrading to her, and she has the right to say no without any questions asked.
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:05 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroo

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Originally Posted by OhGeesh View Post
Again, that is your opinion on what great sex is!! You are assuming that your wife isn't opening herself up, being free, allowing herself to be free sexually, and I'm saying she may not need that.

My wife can have a orgasm in 10 minutes or less everytime by doing 1 or 2 different positions. Unlike a man there are times she doesn't want to! Does that make sense to you? She connects alot by just cuddling, talking, holding, kissing, that doesn't lead to sex!!

There are times she just doesn't want to have sex or have freaky, wild, full course sex. There are times she wants the back rubs, foot rubs, does it have to lead to sex?

The other night she was crying saying how she would hate to lose me because our sex life wasn't all "I" wanted it to be. That she felt pressured because she thought I wanted her to be a "Sex freak wild and crazy" all the time. How selfish of a man would I be to go there or do that? Marriage is about bending not breaking, love is about putting the other's needs before your own, pressuring, coercing, using tactics have no place in a marriage based on love.

Do I want my wife to be a porn star every night? Yep, just about every night I do, but I know that is not her thing.......that type of sex might happen once a month. I am grateful to be able to have sex, love, and be with the wonderful woman that is my wife! Even if the intensity is a little less than I would like and a little less often than I would like.

In the end sex is just the icing on the cake some like a little more some like a little less
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