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Don't understand why is a problem if your wife becomes a porn star in the bedroom?

23K views 135 replies 30 participants last post by  Stonewall 
#1 ·
To everyone out there, I keep getting a vibe from the ladies suggesting that men should not expect their wives to become porn stars in the bedroom when for a men would be heaven on earth....don't understand why shouldn't be the goal in any marriage....to enjoy your intimacy the to max....if you are happy in your life and really love your wife / husband, why don't make your sex live unbelieveble!!... to me, this is it...one life, don't stop or quit from trying to experience the most enjoyable and intimate thing you can have with your partner....go at it like the world is going to end....if you don't feel like it, may be you are not in love anymore.....what do you think?...should woman make peace with the fact that they need to become pros in the bedroom and see how that may make their lives better with their husband, rather than trying to have any control of the relationship by not having sex or great sex which in turns would make their husband take their fantacies to another place?:)
 
#2 · (Edited)
It's all opinion though!! I think very much like you in the sense that I'm totally into my wife, love her more now than ever, I'm a team player with the kids, chores, I am the breadwinner, workout, good shape.......etc etc. Yet our sex drives are very different.

While my wife has show brief signs of being the "porn star" in the bedroom that's all they are brief signs........like commercials not the regular programming. Like any man will agree when she is in "porn star" mode it's more like holding on for dear life :)

We had a long talk about this two nights ago and for her it feels like pressure! The pressure to perform "Am I doing what he likes etc" She said "You want me to be this sex freak and I'm just not.......at least not often :)" The other pressure comes from knowing that I want sex everyday........she says "Often I want to just sit and cuddle, hold, watch TV, but I know I can't touch you and flirt with you without it having to lead to sex......I feel stuck" I'm trying to be more patient and not always making moves that lead to sex without clear green lights.

While people like me and maybe you would want it all!! The foreplay, the caressing, what I call the 5 course meal sex, my wife just doesn't need that very often.

While it's hard for me to understand because I want the opposite I just have to understand that is how she is and I cannot change her desire.

While our sex life is good 2-3 times if averaged it comes in spurts and that awesome 1-1.5hr long candle light freaky sex is maybe once a month.

Wish you the best of luck maybe you and your wife will find it.
 
#3 ·
Who said that you can't make your wife a porn star in the bedroom? If she wants it, go for it. But the problem is your wife, not us. For us, you can be her stud, she can be your whxxx. As long as you and your wife agree with it. If she can't serve like a porn star for you right now, then you work on it and wait for her to change.

I am a porn star for my husband. I do my best!
 
#4 ·
for alot of women its just a matter of unlocking the secrets when it comes to what they will do in the bedroom. something really turns her on, i mean bigtime, you just have to find it and get her to drop the walls. and that, i will admit, can be very difficult.
 
#9 ·
I agree....it requires time, patient and a lot of love....but to improve it, you have to keep at it....communicating what else would make you happy and why?? although, my wife is not very visual or communicate back to me the way I would really like, I have to concentrate on the positives things of our relationship but it is also important to make sure you tell her every week how important is for both to evolve and change for the better in the sex department, if not, you will lose it!! - we don't stay healthy for ever....:):)
 
#10 ·
What are you saying??...that wanting to enjoy what God gave you and enjoy it with your heart full of love....and being able to see how your wife becomes the object of all your desires and as a result the only woman you think about all day....how do I make her happy....Sunday morning, I went outside pick a few fluwers and put them in her breakfast tray....she was so happy and kiss me and hug me - no sex related activity what so ever.....see?? that's what happen when you take care of your husband and all his primal instincts, we become your object of desires as all the love you showed us in bed is returned to you in the forms you most enjoy it....love love love....:):)
 
#11 ·
I'd rather be the porn star then have him go looking at other porn stars ;)

But just like porn stars I reserve the right to specialize. I don't do gang bangs, I'm not a dominatrix and I am not gonna jack up my face or inflate my boobs for some extreme ideal. I'm a real woman who likes to get her freak on and please her man hehe.
 
#21 ·
First off I am the wife.

Are you saying a woman should do everything a husband wants even the sickest most degrading things imaginable just cuz he wants it? WOW...lots of give and take in that marriage isn't there? Marriage is about compromise in every area.

Careful how high you throw your own bull ****...it might land back on your face.
 
#22 ·
Not everything....my point is....if you enjoy BJs, why shouldn't your wife give you the BJs like you fantasize about? - if the BJ is not satisfying, you, as a husband, should be able to ask for better!..and the wife, should want to do better!...now, if you want to try anal, for example, and your wife is willing to try, educate yourself in a way that you both try to do the best so when the experience finally arrives, you have a higher probability so succeed....my problem is when the sex and all things related becomes lausy....if I am not a lausy husband, or father, or provider, and I do my very best to please my wife and we have a good relatioship otherwise, then, your wife MUST try to do something for you that would make you desire her and smile everytime you remember her...for example, to me was a real problem that my wife did not like to feel my semen in her mouth or wanted to give me a BJ during sex - she would send me to the bathroom to clean up - talking about ruining the mood - then, we talk and talk and my point was how come you feel this way, I am espected to respect it and that's it?? - it does not work for me...I don't have any trouble to go down on her and I love her but whole and I like it like there is no tomorrow, I bit her but checks and those are the things that make me so excited and horny, those are the feelings that make me feel alive and that all I am doing is worth it....so one day, she decided that I was right, that if she really loved me, she shouln'd be showing any sort of problems towards enjoying our bodies because otherwise, it becomes a question of why?? does she love me the same way I love her...don't think so.....today, I am trying to push our sex life as far as I see feasible...I respect my wife, but she understands now that if she doesn't do her best to show me that she cares about what brings these feeling of excitement in my heart, that our marriage is doom to fail...50% end up in divorce - why...go figure...
 
#23 ·
My husband and I are pretty sexually adventurous with each other. We'll try just about anything, but we do both have our limits. We respect those limits and don't cross them, nor do we push the line.

With that said, the porn star activity is on hold for us for awhile. When the wife, that's me, isn't respected after the 'porn star' evening, then it's kinda hard to get in the 'porn star' mood again. You see, my husband wrote in emails to the other woman, some pretty horrible things about me the evening after our last 'porn star' night. Once I found out about the affair and read all the emails, I was hurt beyond belief. If he wouldn't have had an affair and said horrible things about me to the other woman, then he could have his 'porn star' nights. But, as we recover from the affair and rebuild our marriage, it won't happen. He has to earn that and I have to trust that he isn't going to trash me the next day. I still don't trust that.

And yes, I realize my situation is different. But, that kind of baggage can carry forward with anyone into future relationships. You never know what is in someones past that keeps them from wanting to be a 'porn star' in the bedroom with their spouse.
 
#24 ·
That's terrible, I would never do that to my wife...see to me is about communicating....and educating....my wife comes from a very conservative family that made sex seems a bad thing...she's never masturbated and had a lot of issues with trying new things...today, I can see that I may have everything I want, sex related, from my relationship with my wife, if I am patients, loving, and more loving....BUT and this is a big but, she needs to make an effort to show me that she is thinking of me and how to make me happy.....that I'll be doing the same...that happiness passes onto your children....what I keep saying to my wife, our lives are beautiful, but we need to work on our relationship everyday.....since love requires work.....if you insist on it, you'll be for ever rewarded.....close yourself and your husband in a room and talk for hours about everything bothers you about your relationship and your life and be ready for revelations and feeling hurt....but that is the first step getting it all out on the table...only then, you'll be able to rebuilt...good luck :smthumbup:
 
#29 ·
I agree with the wife. If she isn't comfortable with doing something, she does not have to do it. She isn't "limiting herself" or whatever someone else said. She is exercising her right to say no. What is explosive and exciting for the husband may be sick and degrading to her, and she has the right to say no without any questions asked.
 
#31 · (Edited)
Pron stars are PAID a killing to work. You watched too much pron and learnt all these naughty things, to be applied on your wife. I feel very sorry for your wife.

About you want your wife to swallow your semen, well, if you like your semen taste, just save it for yourself. You watched too much pron and learnt all these naughty things, to be applied on your wife, which is off your nuts. Tell me why you don't want to swallow your own semen but you want your wife to eat it to show how much she loves you?

It's your dream making her a pron star but the fact is some pron stars don't actually swallow unless they're PAID and there's a price for do a thing. They're paid to swallow and they're paid to perform to entertain you.

Do not EXPECT your wife to learn how to sallow your semen like a pron star only to satisfy your FULLEST excitment.

Simply because she doesn't have to satisfy your every nasty need as she has a perfect right to disagree with your any nasty idea as well as pron stars , in real life, can choose not to swallow semen unless the $$$ is satisfactory to them.

So, your wife doesn't have to be a pron star for you, in my opinion. ONLY if she is happy to swallow it, then never mind. If she's happy to please you, then never mind. In that case, you can get what you want from her. If she doesn't like to wear a BDSM collar, why should she to wear it only to make sure she loves you?

Are you still insist in making your wife as a pron star? You should have married an EXCELLENT PRON STAR, so you don't have to suffer because she's gonna to break free before choking on the collar you placed on her.
 
#33 ·
Pron stars are PAID a killing to work. You watched too much pron and learnt all these naughty things, to be applied on your wife. I feel very sorry for your wife.

About you want your wife to swallow your semen, well, if you like your semen taste, just save it for yourself. You watched too much pron and learnt all these naughty things, to be applied on your wife, which is off your nuts.

You're making her a pron star but the fact is some pron stars don't actually swallow unless they're PAID and there's a price for do a thing. They're paid to swallow and they're paid to perform to entertain you.

Do not EXPECT your wife to learn how to sallow your semen like a pron star only to satisfy your FULLEST excitment.

Simply because she doesn't have to satisfy your every nasty need as she has a perfect right to refuse any of your nasty idea.

So, your wife doesn't have to be a pron star for you, in my opinion. ONLY if she is happy to swallow it, then never mind. If she's happy to please you, then never mind. In that case, you can get what you want from her.

Are you still insist in making your wife as a pron star?
you are slappping the face of many of the good women in here that have confessed to liking that act and are happy to perform it on their husbands. dont assume your prudish and opressed attitude is shared by all.
 
#34 · (Edited)
OKEYDOKIE,

You're getting me very wrong and being offensive to my comment. I'm not slapping on good women who enjoy pleasing their husbands. I'm proud of them actually. What I concern is their happiness to do it. To speak more honestly, I'd love to slap on those husbands who insist in making their wives as pron stars because it's true that pron stars ARE PAID to entertain you in many naughty and nasty ways.

My point was clear, women have perfect right to refuse any nasty idea that doesn't make them feel comfortable with. For example, swallowing the semen. Some women like to swallow and some women don't. You CAN'T EXPECT your wife to swallow your semen if she doesn't want ONLY BECAUSE you want her to be a PRON STAR.

If she loves to be a pron star for you, I'm happy for her and happy for you. So this thread won't exist.

Please read my comment carefully. In my comment I said:
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ONLY if she is happy to swallow it, then never mind. If she's happy to please you, then never mind. In that case, you can get what you want from her.
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What I want to point out was a simple word called RESPECT. I can't understand why you call it slap???????? What is your problem?

I don't need my comment of RESPECT to be shared by all. You don't have to agree with me. It's just my personal opinion. If you ask me 100 times, I would tell you the same thing. But before you accused me slapping on good women, you have to show enough evidences.
 
#49 ·
My problem with the above statment is that like beer, the first time you taste it, you may not like it at all, but after a while you get used to it and the nattiness of the act, may start appealing to you and seeing how much your husbad enjoy it and the way he acts up aftewards, may be enough for the wife to realize how to keep her marriage exciting and her husband eating from her hand....do you get me now?...
 
#36 · (Edited)
I'm happy for you and your husband because you were happy to swallow it sometimes.:iagree:

If his wife is happy to swallow his semen, he wouldn't have to question it on his thread. So it's obvious that he expects his wife to perform some things that over her limits but insisited in making her a pron star, that was exactly the thing I disagreed with. He said he never forced her wife but he's pushing her to learn to satisfy his fullest excitiments. Well, if she's happy, who cares? They're happy couple, they're happy to learn to satisfy each other. You know what I mean? He doesn't need to hang around in this forum for advice.
 
#39 · (Edited)
Greenpearl,
I have read all your threads and totally understand how madly, truely and deeply you love your husband. Your husband has respected you meanwhile you have done your best to please him in bed and he's very happy that he married you.

As for my husband, he told me, he loves me everyway I am happy with. I don't have to act sexy and skillful to make him happy. If I like to striptease and I like to swallow his semen are all good to him. Also, if I don't like to do anything and I just want to get massages from him and let him do all the services for me are all good to him.

It's a wonderful feeling that you know a man loves you with full respect and trust. When his love is unconditional, he's able to love you who you are.
 
#46 ·
This topic made me join because the OP described my sex life to a T. I love my wife but when the things we use to do when we were dating, the things I loved and didn't even have to ask for just go away after marriage, I feel like I've been tricked.
Yes we've had the talks the arguments and the whole nine but nothing changes. I think some women just say the hell with it when in all honesty if you leave them they'll just be doing to someone else what they could've been doing to you the whole time. The bait and switch routine is tired ladies if you don't like something don't do it at all, because if a man likes it he's gonna want it!
 
#47 ·
Women love to please their husband in bed when feeling loved, respected and understood. Bait and switch routine is really a man's stuff and style when they handle relationship problems.

If you insist in wanting it your way, I don't think your wife has a talent to stop you to get what you want... sad but true.
 
#55 ·
Nothing wrong, sorry I think I misunderstood you in some ways. It's terrific to be more playful in bed and spice up sexual life. There's just a thing that is a bit confusing when you said your wife was not very responsive to show her love, but you did say you had sex with her quite often, including her giving you good blow jobs... Etc. She doesn't mind you bought sex toys and is happy to give it a try with you. She's been pleasing you the way you like, right, hasn't she?
So what do you mean she's not showing her love to you?
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#64 ·
You better be careful how tightly you corner that cat lest she scratches you back.

Maybe your wife is more compliant then me. I am willing to listen till someone demands something of me. How can you limit her worth to her sexual willingness. I also can't help but resent you for perhaps feeding fears or insecurities she may have you have no notion about.

I sent your OP to my husband. He agrees couples should make efforts to meet each others sexual needs with respect to specific boundaries. Thats exactly how I feel.

I think you also do your gender a disservice by saying every one wants a porn star in the bedroom. Not only that but I just can't believe all men like the same kind of sexual acts or porn just like not all men like blonds, brunettes, stick figures or full figures.
 
#65 ·
I agree!...that's why I am saying it depends of the level of connection and intimacy you have with your husband. In my case, I know my wife now 22 years we started dating when she was 17 and I was 18 - we dated for 6 years before we married - and I can tell you all our lives I had a problem with our sex life....she once said that she needs to feel happy and relax to be able to want to experience more in this department. My problem with your thinking is that you think I am forcing my wife to do something she doesn't want....this is not the case, what I am doing is trying to make her feel how this can be something special between us (that not all couples have) and that in order for it to work, we both need to talk about it so when something new happens we have a better chance that we both like it...if not, we'll see next time what else may make our hearts warm...I know of a fact that she enjoys me very much as she experiences 2 orgasms every time we are together - that is almost everyday...once we went 7 days in a row...the problem is when it becomes boring....so I know she enjoys sex very much, now I need to let her know what I want, and hopefully she'll be willing to try it...isn't this part of being a couple very much in love???:smthumbup:
 
#67 ·
marc,

I'm a bit confused. You've been married for over 20 years, right? In a thread you started about a month ago you described your wife as being conservative in bed and, at times, lacking enthusiasm for trying new things.

Sometimes it sounds like you are bragging about your sex life - very frequent, multiple orgasms, 7 days in a row, etc. But at the same time, you aren't happy.


It sounds to me like your wife does not want to do certain things - but you REALLY REALLY want her to do these things (esp. anal). Since you can't quite convince her on your own, you sought out "help" from this board. But instead of getting help, you are now arguing with any advice given by anyone who disagrees with you.

I think instead of arguing so much, you need to spend more time reading and trying to understand what the people here are trying to tell you.

Good luck.
 
#88 ·
I am listening....and I am applying what I've learned here...I tell my wife about how women here don't agree with me expecting her to be in bed extacly what my fantacies are....in addition, among my problems with my wife, was that she neglected me during the day....I would write to her and she did not answer me....I would do so many romantic things for her and at night she wouldn't really show much exitment to do anything special.....it is not about quantity, is about quality when you have been with the same person for 20 years....trust me if your wife gives you a lot of vaginal sex where you are the only one doing most of the work, you'll end up recenting your wife....we, men, need to be taken care off too.....and the way we feel this, is when the woman show us that they really want us....you know what I mean...I had have a lot of problems trying to get my wife to understand me why I need this...I need to feel sexy and wanted...she wouldn't do either....now it is happening....and I thank this forum becasue it gave me a different perspective......:)
 
#69 ·
f one man would sincerely acknowledge the problems that society has with female sexuality it would go a long way. If one man railed agist the portrayal of women as sex object that would go a long way. If one man would correct other man when they call women names or respond to this tread with understanding that will go a long way.

The men who respect women, who realize the impediments to women feeling sexuality free, not the lest of which is an impossibly high standard of beauty, are the ones who are able to realize their hopes and dreams they are not posting here.

This is the solution to your dilemma - change your focus from what you want to what you need you are entitled to, you are really entitled to a lot less that you realize. Go and create the environment that a women needs to bring out her inner freak. Demands, expression of dissatisfaction, entitlement, anger obviously don't work. A couple is required to have mutually enjoying sex, but the woman is not required to entertain her husband. They are both required to please each other and to respect boundaries. The fact that women are usually the ones to set boundaries should be accepted. A man must set boundaries and they should be accepted. If your wife wanted to put on a dildo on and do you in the butt, or she wanted to strike you with a cane, or she wanted you to dress in all leather including you face, or she wanted to pee on your face. And she railed against you because you do not love her enough to please her. If you are entitled, so is she. Lets say she watches women dominating men porn and wanted to dominate you. How would you feel. What if a woman wrote a question similar to yours "why aren't husbands more adventurous in the bedroom and more like porn stars to please their wives. Large members, abs, really built, handsome, virile"? What would your reaction be. Tell the truth.

I think more women should turn it around and ask men for things that involve them doing things they would not ordinarily do. That would make them think and not be so self centered, But men are certain that will not happen because woman are too kind and careful of the male ego but we do not get the same consideration and they control the expression of female sexuality and she would be considered a ****.
 
#75 ·
Yes I don't know what you have in mind but theses are things I can only dream of doing if I were with a man who accepted me and did not criticize me

I have a vivid imagination
Sex while bent over a truck seat from behind with my pants down around my ankles and dress up
light bondage with a man's tie while he does me while I am lying on my stomach
Anal sex
Oral sex with him or top moving in and out of my mouth not degrading deep or gaging though
dress up I just stated wearing platform with 4 inch high heals. I would love to have sex in them
I am a good girl Catholic school 2 partners before a married.

If a wife you considered a good girl told you she wanted to do the things I want to do, tell very honestly what you would think of her.

That is a factor that inhibits me I would just would want to die if a man I loved thought badly of me.

I think although men say they like a woman who is sexually adventurous, I have a suspicion that it would cause trouble.

If I told my husband he would want to know were I got the ideas, if I ever did these things. I know he would so I will never tell him. He would defiantly think differently of me. The things he says about women related to sexuality shows what he really thinks.

Is that what you mean i would never involve another person or anything degrading, painful, harmful.
 
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