Given permission to have sex with others
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-18-2010, 07:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Given permission to have sex with others

Has your spouse or s/o ever given you permission to have sex with others, to fulfill needs that they can't or won't do?
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

F no!
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

No, he has not, nor would he. And I wouldn't want him to, anyway. I love him, I want him. Sex with him is wonderful, but it's wonderful because it's with him. Sex with someone other than him would not be nearly as fulfilling.

And I would never give him permission, either. Of course, for my part, that's only because I'm too jealous to even withstand the mere thought of him being with someone else.
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

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And I would never give him permission, either. Of course, for my part, that's only because I'm too jealous to even withstand the mere thought of him being with someone else.
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

i know it has happened to someone, but i just cant fathom how bad things have to get in a marriage that this would become an option. if my wife said that to me, i would proceed with divorce. who wants to be married to someone who doesnt want to share intimacy?

if it is physical or mental health related, why wouldnt the no desire person try to exhaust all possible avenues to correcting their condition?
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

Yes, my stb-x told me a few times that it was okay that I go out and get sex outside of marriage.

I suppose that's one of the 4 Horseman of the Apocolypse of Divorce.
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

It hasn't happened and I wouldn't accept the offer if it were made! I would suspect she'd be setting me up for failure in future divorce proceedings or to divert my attention from her own affair. If she doesn't care enough to take care of my "needs" herself, why would she care enough to suggest such a thing?
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

ie...its a cop out
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

well, for me i gave her the permission, she was with her "lover" then, he went from 1st-2nd base, but didnt go through it coz she wasnt in the right mindframe...

anyway, this is not somehting everyone would agree/understand... a good article which i read last time answers this.

Responsible Nonmonogamy

somehow some way, we are still very much in love with each other even with the presence of her "lover", it is in fact making us cherish each other even more! strange, but i cant fully explain this as well...
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

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well, for me i gave her the permission, she was with her "lover" then, he went from 1st-2nd base, but didnt go through it coz she wasnt in the right mindframe...

anyway, this is not somehting everyone would agree/understand... a good article which i read last time answers this.

Responsible Nonmonogamy

somehow some way, we are still very much in love with each other even with the presence of her "lover", it is in fact making us cherish each other even more! strange, but i cant fully explain this as well...
I read your link. I can respect the views presented in it, and I can respect that it works for you and your wife. But I also think that the link seems to...oversimplify it? I'm not sure I've phrased that correctly, but it's what comes to mind. I mean, I notice attractive men, and I know that he notices attractive women. Neither of us is dead or completely devoid of sexual feelings, so of course we notice. But when it goes beyond that, into actually having sex with someone other than each other, that thought just hurts me too much. And although I can't ask him at the moment, I am relatively certain he would agree with me.

I think the link tends to have a tone of "try it, you'll probably like it if you give it a chance", which is fine in general terms. But for someone like me, who would hesitate because I know how much the thought hurts, if we were to try it, we'd end up with massive problems in our relationship, because my most hurtful thought just became reality.

I might have missed it, but if it doesn't have one, they might want to add a disclaimer that reminds people that this lifestyle is not for everyone and that if someone is not comfortable with it, they should not press forward.
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Old 10-18-2010, 11:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

i agree! but dont worry, if u read my post, i will always tell those who read it that this is only for those who are really open and are really aware of what their actions mean!

swapping/swinging is like a 2-edge sword, it can ruin the relationship at the instance if not careful. people who read this, do at ur own risk!
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Old 10-18-2010, 01:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

Quote:
Originally Posted by malmale View Post
well, for me i gave her the permission, she was with her "lover" then, he went from 1st-2nd base, but didnt go through it coz she wasnt in the right mindframe...

anyway, this is not somehting everyone would agree/understand... a good article which i read last time answers this.

Responsible Nonmonogamy

somehow some way, we are still very much in love with each other even with the presence of her "lover", it is in fact making us cherish each other even more! strange, but i cant fully explain this as well...
i agree here, swinging/swapping is def NOT NOT NOT for everyone, it is a feeling that is unexplainable. there are so many levels you can connect on with your spouse, DH and I have done this in the past and it draws us closer together as a couple. we are stronger and more in love than we have ever been before. there is respect trust and love for all involved, but, it is different than "married" love respect and trust. It opens up more doors and ideas in the bedroom, NOT everyone that does this falls for the OW/OM that is a blanket statement

IMHO, swinging/swapping is for couples who have REAL love trust respect for one another, they are NOT jealous and they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that their DH/DW will not allow this lifestyle to go further than what is agreed.. YA YA YA, i know what you are going to say:
"but we are all human and we can not help falling for someone else that we are having sex"

Ok, here it is

****ing/sex is just that, you are just having sex, you need to put yourself in that right frame of mind that this is all about SEX nothing else, no commitment no relationship NOTHING MORE!!

Making love is totally different, there ARE real emotions feelings sensations and a feeling of love between the couple. Intimacy is what you end up with. love is involved and nurtured between 2 people.

When you are swinging you are sharing a moment of pure sexual gratification/satisfaction, it has nothing to do with "oh, she is skinner/tighter, or he is bigger/thicker ect ect ect... sure, you may find someone that you like better, but, in the end, it is about SEX pure and simple..


i guess you do have to really have done this kind of thing and not be an emotional mess/jealous type to have this experience.

and for those who think that this can lead to "other things" well then this is def not for you.
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Old 10-18-2010, 03:23 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

Well, that's the rub.

Some opine that sex can never be just sex. . .that it is a bonding experience between 2 adults - there is a chemical, psychological and spiritual bond in the act.

The other opinion is sex is just sex. . .just a release of tension and the pleasant friction between 2 genitals.
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

for wifey, she will only make love, she do not have sex, even with her current lover. i was surprised when the last time they tried to do it, she cant as she told me that she wished it was me trying to hump her n not her lover (me very very surprised)...

anyway, they are having some, if not a controlled emotional connection, she knows she will not be able to "love" him more than how she loves me, while he also knows that this is just for a short term coz he's getting married in january...

he has lately asked her to go on a 2-day-1-nite kinda vacation, for which i have also given my permission to wifey. as long as they do not engage in anything dangerous and i am assured of her safety, she has my blessing to have a good time...

weird, but yeah, i think i remembered another term, am i being cuckolded?
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Given permission to have sex with others

Worst thing I ever said,
She wanted attention, you know,someone who she could talk to have sex with, and so on.
I thought she was to needy, and I had money to make, so I told her "go get a boy toy"
Our behavior's spun out of control, to a darkness I can not phathum.

I'm not sure who saved who here, but some say I saved her, others say she saved me.
Dutch, something is wrong repair it don't add to it!
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