Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-21-2010, 01:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

This is a problem....I just don't have it in me to only be happy with what we have....I need more intimacy...why your wife doesn't talk to me about sex...I mean never!.....I am getting tire of feeling like I am the only one who wants have a real connection...she doesn't get it....it doesn't matter what we do in bed, since it is always me asking for something special...she makes me feel that if we were to have the same sex life that we had 10 years ago, she'll be also happy - probably...I just can't help it to feel blue...
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Old 10-21-2010, 03:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

You need more sex, but what does she need from you? More of a connection? Communication? Non-sexual intimacy? Support?

Find out and give it to her.
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Old 10-21-2010, 05:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

I agree with ChrisTaylor. What are you doing for her to show her you care about her needs??
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Old 10-21-2010, 10:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

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Originally Posted by marcopoly69 View Post
This is a problem....I just don't have it in me to only be happy with what we have....I need more intimacy...why your wife doesn't talk to me about sex...I mean never!.....I am getting tire of feeling like I am the only one who wants have a real connection...she doesn't get it....it doesn't matter what we do in bed, since it is always me asking for something special...she makes me feel that if we were to have the same sex life that we had 10 years ago, she'll be also happy - probably...I just can't help it to feel blue...
instead of always thinking about sex, perhaps u can switch ur strategy, try more conversations with her regarding things that will make her happy, am pretty sure that even without sex, u'll still be pretty happy knowing that u made her happy. who knows, maybe after that she will build back the urge again, cheers
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

Marco you are saying what you want in the wrong way. You say sex and intimacy but she just sees that you want sex.

Marco you have to understand a basic fact about woman. Women really don't understand what sex means to a man who commits to a woman that he loves. I just found out recently, all of this time I thought sex was just a desire for pleasure by my husband and that he needed to control himself and not bother me for sex so much. I felt like he was using me to just get off.

Little did I realize that he needed skin to skin contact to feel close and connected to me. The reason he was so happy for a day or two was because he was recharged and felt I still loved him and was attracted to him. When I did not have sex frequently to keep him charged he got depressed. Men need to be reassured frequently with sex the same way I need to be reassured verbally. I really get it now.

I had no idea before and you wife probably has no idea. My husband never told me I read it and knew from years of being with him that it was true. He probably doesn't really understand himself so he can't know how to express it.

Try to tell her in terms of your emotions what being with her sexually means. If my words above ring true, then use them.
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopoly69 View Post
This is a problem....I just don't have it in me to only be happy with what we have....I need more intimacy...why your wife doesn't talk to me about sex...I mean never!.....I am getting tire of feeling like I am the only one who wants have a real connection...she doesn't get it....it doesn't matter what we do in bed, since it is always me asking for something special...she makes me feel that if we were to have the same sex life that we had 10 years ago, she'll be also happy - probably...I just can't help it to feel blue...
As someone before me stated, some women really don't understand that sex for some men has a lot to do with an emotional connection. They just think their men want a physical release and that they're obsessed about sex.

For that matter some men think the same too. I'm in your boat asking"why won't he talk about sex" "why won't he get that sex helps me bond with him".

She doesn't get the way you're trying to connect but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to connect with you. She probably has a completely different way to do that and you may be missing the point just like she is. She may be sitting thinking "why won't he talk to me about...x? doesn't he want us to be happier?".

On top of that, if you're bringing the sex subject up a lot of times, she's probably used to that, bored of it, tired of the conversation etc especially if what she wants isn't discussed ever. I don't think what you're asking for is a lot and i also think your wife might start giving that if you learned to inspire that in her instead of demand or ask. One thing that i learned while trying to fix my own marriage problems was that some things you can't ask for.

As an example, asking "please love me" is pointless because the other person doesn't have a choice. He/she either loves you or not. Instead, modifying your behavior to be more appealing for that person, nicer, more loving and a "seducer" to call it so can and perhaps will make that person love you.
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Old 10-22-2010, 05:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

marcopoly

HI

She may not realize the value of it being to talk about it. If she in her past was trauma it might be hard to talk about. Have you thought about writing to her and see what that does. or ask her why she can't talk about it.

Some women are scared to. Especially wiht a male.

BEsides doing things for her and finding out how to help her etc -It is crucial to find out if some trauma has contributed to her not talking. Or some hurt that has happen that is contributed to it. Women need convo and trust and honesty on your part.

Five needs of hers
affection-nonsexual
convo
honesty and openness
financial support


YOurs is besides sex
recreational companionship
attraction spouse
support and
admiration

It is vital that you talk about it it helps in the sexual interaction.

Thoughts?

Judith
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Old 10-24-2010, 11:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

sometimes it is the way the lady is being brought up... men can talk and brag with each other about sex, but for a lady, sex can be such a taboo that the mere thought about it is bound for an eternity in hell
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

Hi marcopoly

The lady brought up. Understand and agreed. I know women and me it was how we brought up and in some ways that can create trauma... I know someone who it did that with

How are you doing

Judith
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

I was brought up very religiously and no one talked about sex, my husband was the same. We both love to talk about sex and act on our desires. So I don't know that that theory holds water.
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why my wife can't talk to me about sex?

HI

Sorry to say this but in the women I know who are overcoming pain etc it does. It might not here depending on the person and circumstance.

BUt in the cases I have -for a lack of better word-here -I know it can be a factor from what I have read on here of the persons-I am sure it is one of the factors.

Judith
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