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Can women be visually stimulated?

11K views 37 replies 22 participants last post by  michzz 
#1 ·
I have been married 20 years. I love to pamper and I know my wife is a crock-pot, I'm a microwave! I thought I would maybe start the day off by plugging in the crock-pot....so-to-speak! Yesterday I took a video on my cell phone of myself drying off after showering, and I sent it in a txt msg to my wife. (12 seconds long) It was tasteful, from the chest down, fully nude....and it didn't do a thing for her?!? (Jokes on me I guess) I asked her about it and she said she preferred seeing it in person, yet I shower every day and she never cares to watch me dry off. (Should have been a clue right?) I just wanted to spice things up, but her reaction of bla, bla, bla kind of burst my bubble! It's not like I do this every day! I was actually arroused all day thinking about her watching it! I was proud of myself as it turned out really well, as I edited it and factored in lighting! If she would have sent that to me, I would have watched it all day! So, knowing her I suppose that a visual of me drying off is no more arousing then watching the news! I was just wondering if there is something visual that I could do that would really make her spin! I could ask her, and I will, but is there anything visually stimulating for a women that her husband could do? Would it be more of a pic of me dressed in a suit and tie, or simply me in my underwear? I would love to do more of this, and I would love it if she would also, but not if only one of us is turned on! Just before bed, she hinted that maybe we could have sex as there was "some teasing" today. Referring to the video. Then she proceeded to tell me she made sure she deleted it off of her phone. We have two teen-age boys...and you just never know! She had a rough day, she was very tired and I knew it would have been all for me. (You know....obligation sex, sympathy sex....the kind I really don't like) That is really not what I wanted, although I appreciated her thoughtfullness, I politely declined and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. I laid there awake wondering what I could do. I guess in all honesty, I would love to tease her and visually make it so she would "want me" in a sexual way, not just give me her body to make me happy. Thats all.....any comments would help!
 
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#32 ·
I think you are so cute - it made me smile. I think you made a mistake though not having sex. Although it did not turn out exactly as you would have wishes it did something! She intitiated, never turn her down (I would say the same ting to her as well). But you were actually successful, she took your gesture in stride and she wanted to have sex just for you.

You were sweet to consider that she was sleepy but wrong to see it as pity sex. It was sex just for you, she did appreciate your gesture, even though she was tierd she wanted to plaese you. That to me is the hight of love. You don't want a contant appitite of this but don't turn it away. Try not to see it as something bad.

Many times I am really not in the mood because my sex drive is lower than my husband but I am happy to have sex just for him. After we get started then I humming along, but I could have very well go to sleep and never think about sex. I would hate for him not to want me just because I have a lower sex drive and need to have the motivation that I am doing it for him to get me started. Try and understand.

I speak from the standpoint of a lower sex drive spouse who recognises the importance of connecting with my husband. I don't see anything wrong with doing it just for him and not because I want it. I make that accommodation because I love him and want to make him happy. It's my way of showing him that I am glad he is a man and that someone is thinking about fun in this marriage. :smthumbup: It is much better than making him miserable by waiting until I want it.
 
#34 ·
Catherine602, thanks for your post. Also, hellooonurse...I don't think I'm into tats...but you never know! :)

Anyway...I totally understand what your saying and my wife has told me basically in the same words....what your saying in your post. She may not initiate, but she is most often willing. What I consider "sympathy sex" is when she is like..."lets get this over...and then lay there!" (I have had that happen in the past). If she were to do that to me now, I would say..."this does not feel like love...." and I would stop and get up. She hasn't done that for a very long time...and I really appreciate her honest attempts to keep me happy. I asked her the other night after having sex, if she "regretted it?" She said "no, of course not...!" So even though she may not be perfectly horny going into it....she always leaves satisfied! Thanks again! (Also, thanks Mem and Athol for your help in these areas...!)
 
#37 ·
I'm noticing that people on this forum have a lot of very old fashioned, stereotypical ideas about women and sex. I shake my head when I see that many on here actually believe that women don't like sex, always need romance and can't enjoy porn or other visuals.
FYI, women are HUMAN! That means that we can be just as sexually experienced and horny as men. I'm sorry that some hubbies on here are married to uptight prudes or mothers who had their sex drives stolen from having and raising children. Every woman cannot be the same and to believe so is ridiculous.
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#38 ·
Every woman cannot be the same and to believe so is ridiculous.
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:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I read somewhere that researchers did a study on women's responses to porn viewing. They measured physical responses.

And had them fill out questionnaires.

The physical responses did not line up with what they wrote in their answers.

Their bodies responded, yet they still said they did not respond to what they say.

Combination of not recognizing their own body's reaction and some lying.
 
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