Can women be visually stimulated?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-05-2010, 09:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Can women be visually stimulated?

I have been married 20 years. I love to pamper and I know my wife is a crock-pot, I'm a microwave! I thought I would maybe start the day off by plugging in the crock-pot....so-to-speak! Yesterday I took a video on my cell phone of myself drying off after showering, and I sent it in a txt msg to my wife. (12 seconds long) It was tasteful, from the chest down, fully nude....and it didn't do a thing for her?!? (Jokes on me I guess) I asked her about it and she said she preferred seeing it in person, yet I shower every day and she never cares to watch me dry off. (Should have been a clue right?) I just wanted to spice things up, but her reaction of bla, bla, bla kind of burst my bubble! It's not like I do this every day! I was actually arroused all day thinking about her watching it! I was proud of myself as it turned out really well, as I edited it and factored in lighting! If she would have sent that to me, I would have watched it all day! So, knowing her I suppose that a visual of me drying off is no more arousing then watching the news! I was just wondering if there is something visual that I could do that would really make her spin! I could ask her, and I will, but is there anything visually stimulating for a women that her husband could do? Would it be more of a pic of me dressed in a suit and tie, or simply me in my underwear? I would love to do more of this, and I would love it if she would also, but not if only one of us is turned on! Just before bed, she hinted that maybe we could have sex as there was "some teasing" today. Referring to the video. Then she proceeded to tell me she made sure she deleted it off of her phone. We have two teen-age boys...and you just never know! She had a rough day, she was very tired and I knew it would have been all for me. (You know....obligation sex, sympathy sex....the kind I really don't like) That is really not what I wanted, although I appreciated her thoughtfullness, I politely declined and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. I laid there awake wondering what I could do. I guess in all honesty, I would love to tease her and visually make it so she would "want me" in a sexual way, not just give me her body to make me happy. Thats all.....any comments would help!
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Old 11-05-2010, 10:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Yes, some of us are visual. What really does it for me is any sort of army boots. If he's naked in them even better. It'll take me ...hmm...1 second to warm up and virtually attack him (assuming he'd let me).

As for your wife, you're just going to have to ask her. Maybe she's not extremely visual, maybe she's used to seeing you naked so much that she doesn't just go up in flames every time that happens. In any case, if you don't find it awkward to have sex talks (married people shouldn't yet some of us seem to be shy regarding that), do go ahead and ask her...explore everything she finds visually appealing. Try multiple things and you'll get results. I'd also add (but don't take this for granted) that it's much better if you look hot and you seem unavailable (not indifferent, just minding your own business).
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

So, if I understand you correctly....my approach was probably more for me then her? Women would prefer their men to not send the txt video, but seductively flirt and walk away. (Hence, my dissapointment in her reaction). She would rather know I'm there, then see me. She is not visual, but how can that NOT make the mind run with it?
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

We like to think!

I like to watch my husband's naked body in front of me, especially when he has a hard on. It is really manly! Can't have enough!!!

But never thought that his naked picture would interest me much!
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

So what I did (sending the txt video), would most likely have resulted in the same reaction for the two women who responded, as my wife did. Kind of like, no big deal. I guess I was wrong in thinking it would do something. Or, I guess I should have filmed myself in military boots and a hard on!
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Quote:
Originally Posted by r2d210 View Post
So what I did (sending the txt video), would most likely have resulted in the same reaction for the two women who responded, as my wife did. Kind of like, no big deal. I guess I was wrong in thinking it would do something. Or, I guess I should have filmed myself in military boots and a hard on!
What you like may not be what she likes. It is like giving gifts, we don't give people gifts we like, we give people gifts they like! Find out what she likes, then give it to her
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Old 11-05-2010, 12:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

I went through your post again. Find you very funny( still laughing because of your sense of humor) for thinking all those. It is great that you found TAM and you can talk to other women, now you don't need to sit there feeling hurt!
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Old 11-05-2010, 12:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

K, I'm feeling silly for asking, but what is TAM? I do like to have fun! I also realize the female body is a lot more "pleasing" to look at then a man's, but I was hoping for maybe even some seductive sexting or something! I put a lot of work into it! BTW, (by the way), just kidding, I'm not feeling hurt, just confused. Thanks for making me feel good!
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Old 11-05-2010, 12:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

TAM = Talk About Marriage.

This is a good post...a few years back I would have said men are aroused by porn the same way women are by soap operas and romance novels. The difference is the visual vs. the emotional romance behind it. I have never read romance novels, but would be more turned on by a movie with a story and some sexual content vs. watching porn.

Have you ever tried to seduce her romantically in writing?

Since being on "TAM", I have learned there are many women who enjoy porn and I'm guessing these are the same women that might respond favorably to a video from their husband...but I don't think your wife falls in this camp.
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Old 11-05-2010, 12:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Thanks for clearing up "TAM", I really feel silly now! As you can tell, this is my first post. Anyway, you are correct, my wife is not into porn. I love to write romantically, but that bores her also. I have done that several times over the years. She will read it, but has no interest in writing it herself and she thinks I'm wasting my time in putting those thoughts into words. She says she is not that creative, primarily because it is simply not on her mind. In addition, she can't stand soap operas or romance books. Consequently, this is were I feel "unwanted" by her because those things (visual or emotional) have no response to her physically. I guess in a way, I'm fighting for her attention. I want her to want me in the same way I want her! As long as I have been married, I have concluded that will never happen. She has told me she does not think like me and she cannot satisfy me. (Subject of many talks) Anyway, thanks for the helpful comments!
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Old 11-05-2010, 05:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Are you joking or not? There is no need to feel silly!

I like your sense of humor.

My husband sends me horny messages sometimes like" I want to fxxx you hard tonight" " I want to eat that delicious pssss of yours and make you scream", etc. I have big smiles when I see them. They show me that my husbands lusts after me. I a kind of think your wife feels the same way like I do. Just feel sweet that our men are horny creatures.

If our men are faithful and responsible, and our needs are satisfied, we just keep on doing what we think is right to do. I seldom suggest new ideas, it is always my husband who suggests new ideas, I love it that he always tries to find new ways to make our sex life more interesting. So please don't be discouraged. Try something new, see if she likes it, keep on doing the stuff she likes, don't do things she doesn't like. That's what we are doing. My husband tries new things very often!
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Old 11-05-2010, 07:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Women can be visually stimulated, it's just that we really prefer the visual stimulation to come in the form of something we can actually touch. I mean, a picture of my boyfriend nude might be nice, but what good is it if I can't touch him, kiss him, etc? I'd rather be visually stimulated by his nude body being there with me.

I think you need to keep trying different things until you hit on what gets her going. You also need to keep in mind her circumstances when you do stuff. If she's at work, with her boss hovering over her, no matter how turned on she might usually get, it ain't gonna happen that time. Try sending stuff or doing stuff when you're relatively certain that she won't be worrying about or doing other things that might distract her from what you've sent.
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Old 11-05-2010, 08:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

Unless your woman has specifically asked for a picture, you will do FAR FAR better to get the effect you are seeking by sending an erotic text message.

A text message describing some sexual act you are imagining doing to her, or slightly "threatening" her with what you intend to do later in the evening when you have returned to her.

Be bold, be direct, be dark, do not be afraid to be "innapropriate", do not be afraid to text some things even maybe you would be hesitant to say in real life.

Text her something extremely dirty and over the top when you know she will be in the company of her woman friends, or her coworkers, or other company that would be sure to make her blush if they only knew what she was just reading. Look for these kind of "inappropriate" opportunities!

Experiment with many approaches to this dirty talk, and pay attention to how your woman responds. She will let you know what methods are most effective.

Pictures and videos, for a woman, they are not going to be as effective as they are so much to a man.

A woman, sexual stimulation is not so much visual, as tactile, and this starts with conceptual, and is why texts are more effective than pictures.

Give her these feelings that she is desired with reckless abandon, that there is a man out there (you of course) that is bordering on losing control and intent to do unmentionable sexual things to her, and this man is on his way to her.

Get the wheels of your woman's mind turning in this manner of direction, and you will be pleased with the results.
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Old 11-05-2010, 08:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

If my husband texted me a picture of his **** I would be amused and smile. If he texted me a picture of himself in a Hugo Boss suit with the words "Let's ****", I would drive home from work at 100 miles an hour and take his underwear off with my teeth. Showing all the goods isn't sexy to most women, not me at least. It's all in the mystery.
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Old 11-05-2010, 09:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can women be visually stimulated?

So staying with this "can women be visually stimulated"
something has always interested me.
Do you women like to watch standard porn?
Not the raunchy nasty stuff but standard one guy one girl basic stuff. Most of it pushes the limit of her pleasure to focus mainly on the guy prettymuch positioning the girl in whatever position he wants(or the director wants, money shots ect) so I could understand how a female might watch a standard clip and think "that girl can't be enjoying that"
But are there a few of you that have some specific selections that you do enjoy?
And do you enjoy watching them with your lover?
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