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Can women be visually stimulated?

11K views 37 replies 22 participants last post by  michzz 
#1 ·
I have been married 20 years. I love to pamper and I know my wife is a crock-pot, I'm a microwave! I thought I would maybe start the day off by plugging in the crock-pot....so-to-speak! Yesterday I took a video on my cell phone of myself drying off after showering, and I sent it in a txt msg to my wife. (12 seconds long) It was tasteful, from the chest down, fully nude....and it didn't do a thing for her?!? (Jokes on me I guess) I asked her about it and she said she preferred seeing it in person, yet I shower every day and she never cares to watch me dry off. (Should have been a clue right?) I just wanted to spice things up, but her reaction of bla, bla, bla kind of burst my bubble! It's not like I do this every day! I was actually arroused all day thinking about her watching it! I was proud of myself as it turned out really well, as I edited it and factored in lighting! If she would have sent that to me, I would have watched it all day! So, knowing her I suppose that a visual of me drying off is no more arousing then watching the news! I was just wondering if there is something visual that I could do that would really make her spin! I could ask her, and I will, but is there anything visually stimulating for a women that her husband could do? Would it be more of a pic of me dressed in a suit and tie, or simply me in my underwear? I would love to do more of this, and I would love it if she would also, but not if only one of us is turned on! Just before bed, she hinted that maybe we could have sex as there was "some teasing" today. Referring to the video. Then she proceeded to tell me she made sure she deleted it off of her phone. We have two teen-age boys...and you just never know! She had a rough day, she was very tired and I knew it would have been all for me. (You know....obligation sex, sympathy sex....the kind I really don't like) That is really not what I wanted, although I appreciated her thoughtfullness, I politely declined and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. I laid there awake wondering what I could do. I guess in all honesty, I would love to tease her and visually make it so she would "want me" in a sexual way, not just give me her body to make me happy. Thats all.....any comments would help!
 
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#2 ·
Yes, some of us are visual. What really does it for me is any sort of army boots. If he's naked in them even better. It'll take me ...hmm...1 second to warm up and virtually attack him (assuming he'd let me).

As for your wife, you're just going to have to ask her. Maybe she's not extremely visual, maybe she's used to seeing you naked so much that she doesn't just go up in flames every time that happens. In any case, if you don't find it awkward to have sex talks (married people shouldn't yet some of us seem to be shy regarding that), do go ahead and ask her...explore everything she finds visually appealing. Try multiple things and you'll get results. I'd also add (but don't take this for granted) that it's much better if you look hot and you seem unavailable (not indifferent, just minding your own business).
 
#3 ·
So, if I understand you correctly....my approach was probably more for me then her? Women would prefer their men to not send the txt video, but seductively flirt and walk away. (Hence, my dissapointment in her reaction). She would rather know I'm there, then see me. She is not visual, but how can that NOT make the mind run with it?
 
#5 ·
So what I did (sending the txt video), would most likely have resulted in the same reaction for the two women who responded, as my wife did. Kind of like, no big deal. I guess I was wrong in thinking it would do something. Or, I guess I should have filmed myself in military boots and a hard on!
 
#8 ·
K, I'm feeling silly for asking, but what is TAM? I do like to have fun! I also realize the female body is a lot more "pleasing" to look at then a man's, but I was hoping for maybe even some seductive sexting or something! I put a lot of work into it! BTW, (by the way), just kidding, I'm not feeling hurt, just confused. Thanks for making me feel good!
 
#9 ·
TAM = Talk About Marriage.

This is a good post...a few years back I would have said men are aroused by porn the same way women are by soap operas and romance novels. The difference is the visual vs. the emotional romance behind it. I have never read romance novels, but would be more turned on by a movie with a story and some sexual content vs. watching porn.

Have you ever tried to seduce her romantically in writing?

Since being on "TAM", I have learned there are many women who enjoy porn and I'm guessing these are the same women that might respond favorably to a video from their husband...but I don't think your wife falls in this camp.
 
#10 ·
Thanks for clearing up "TAM", I really feel silly now! As you can tell, this is my first post. Anyway, you are correct, my wife is not into porn. I love to write romantically, but that bores her also. I have done that several times over the years. She will read it, but has no interest in writing it herself and she thinks I'm wasting my time in putting those thoughts into words. She says she is not that creative, primarily because it is simply not on her mind. In addition, she can't stand soap operas or romance books. Consequently, this is were I feel "unwanted" by her because those things (visual or emotional) have no response to her physically. I guess in a way, I'm fighting for her attention. I want her to want me in the same way I want her! As long as I have been married, I have concluded that will never happen. She has told me she does not think like me and she cannot satisfy me. (Subject of many talks) Anyway, thanks for the helpful comments!
 
#11 ·
Are you joking or not? There is no need to feel silly!

I like your sense of humor.

My husband sends me horny messages sometimes like" I want to fxxx you hard tonight" " I want to eat that delicious pssss of yours and make you scream", etc. I have big smiles when I see them. They show me that my husbands lusts after me. I a kind of think your wife feels the same way like I do. Just feel sweet that our men are horny creatures.

If our men are faithful and responsible, and our needs are satisfied, we just keep on doing what we think is right to do. I seldom suggest new ideas, it is always my husband who suggests new ideas, I love it that he always tries to find new ways to make our sex life more interesting. So please don't be discouraged. Try something new, see if she likes it, keep on doing the stuff she likes, don't do things she doesn't like. That's what we are doing. My husband tries new things very often!
 
#12 ·
Women can be visually stimulated, it's just that we really prefer the visual stimulation to come in the form of something we can actually touch. I mean, a picture of my boyfriend nude might be nice, but what good is it if I can't touch him, kiss him, etc? I'd rather be visually stimulated by his nude body being there with me.

I think you need to keep trying different things until you hit on what gets her going. You also need to keep in mind her circumstances when you do stuff. If she's at work, with her boss hovering over her, no matter how turned on she might usually get, it ain't gonna happen that time. Try sending stuff or doing stuff when you're relatively certain that she won't be worrying about or doing other things that might distract her from what you've sent.
 
#14 ·
If my husband texted me a picture of his **** I would be amused and smile. If he texted me a picture of himself in a Hugo Boss suit with the words "Let's ****", I would drive home from work at 100 miles an hour and take his underwear off with my teeth. Showing all the goods isn't sexy to most women, not me at least. It's all in the mystery.
 
#15 ·
So staying with this "can women be visually stimulated"
something has always interested me.
Do you women like to watch standard porn?
Not the raunchy nasty stuff but standard one guy one girl basic stuff. Most of it pushes the limit of her pleasure to focus mainly on the guy prettymuch positioning the girl in whatever position he wants(or the director wants, money shots ect) so I could understand how a female might watch a standard clip and think "that girl can't be enjoying that"
But are there a few of you that have some specific selections that you do enjoy?
And do you enjoy watching them with your lover?
 
#17 ·
Do you women like to watch standard porn?
Not the raunchy nasty stuff but standard one guy one girl basic stuff. .........But are there a few of you that have some specific selections that you do enjoy? And do you enjoy watching them with your lover?
I used to hate porn- but the only glimpses I had was the Nasty hard core stuff back when I was younger. Put a bad taste in my mouth, Never could understand the allure. But I ALWAYS loved a Romantic rated R or Unrated sex scene that gets close to being pornagraphic, the hotter the better. These things have ALWAYS visually stimulated me.

Me & my husband does not text but I would have LOVED what you did! Putting all that effert into it, I would have felt on top of the world with such a text. And if my kids got into my phone, oh well, I bet they wouldnt be looking through my private pics again!

But in saying all of this, I now very much ENJOY porn, but still prefer the softer stuff, just 1 man/1 woman, we rent from Bluedoor.com and for me, I enjoy the "PLaygirl" dvds, good place to start if she is a little interested, but doesn't want to see 3somes & the rougher/almost appears "abusive" type sex scenes. Also renting instructional Sex videos are very interesting.
 
#16 ·
My two cents is; if my husband sent me a video, i would think that it was not so romantic. However if he sent me a text message telling me all the naughty things he wanted to do to me and with me i would be very excited. I can't speak for all women, but i prefer words.
 
#19 · (Edited)
Basically we all seek recognition, appreciation & praise from the spouse.
We want to hear what we want to hear instead of what honestly the spouse might say to us.
Your wife does love you and when she's tired she still considers your sexual needs.
A nude video might turn you on the most. So you expected her to think like you and to be turned on by same ways.
 
#21 ·
That's quite a way to put it! Microwave and crock pot...I'll have to use that analogy. :smthumbup: I think that's awesome that you tried something new and different. However, physiologically speaking we (women) are just wired differently than men. I agree that we often speak the "love language" we want to receive, but you have to do what will attract/stimulate your wife rather than what does it for you. :) And it's not necessarily just visual at all. For some reason, we usually have more areas of "turn-ons", 5 that I can think of: physically (touch), emotionally (mental), auditory (hearing), olfactory (scent), visually (sight), and all components are usually tied together lol. So, here is what I suggest: in addition to talking to her and having a very transparent/honest conversation, try a variety of things so you can learn what she likes (especially if she's not sure). Roses or a gift...delivered to her job (or petals thrown on the floor leading to a nice, hot bubble bath). A spa day with the works...massage, pedicure, facial, manicure, etc. If the cash is low, then do it yourself. :) A romantic candlelight dinner, movie, massage and strip-poker (or card game of your choice). Tender love poem(s), card/e-card, texts or "sweet-nothings" sent throughout the day usually work great! Affirmation/compliments and heart-to-heart talks usually send us in over-drive. Or any combination of them all! :D Hope this helps! I know my husband continually "woos" me, and especially the days that I'm tired, taking out garbage, helping the children to bed or washing dishes make him the sexiest man alive! :rofl:

P.S. Your post really made me smile, too...thanks!



I have been married 20 years. I love to pamper and I know my wife is a crock-pot, I'm a microwave! I thought I would maybe start the day off by plugging in the crock-pot....so-to-speak! Yesterday I took a video on my cell phone of myself drying off after showering, and I sent it in a txt msg to my wife. (12 seconds long) It was tasteful, from the chest down, fully nude....and it didn't do a thing for her?!? (Jokes on me I guess) I asked her about it and she said she preferred seeing it in person, yet I shower every day and she never cares to watch me dry off. (Should have been a clue right?) I just wanted to spice things up, but her reaction of bla, bla, bla kind of burst my bubble! It's not like I do this every day! I was actually arroused all day thinking about her watching it! I was proud of myself as it turned out really well, as I edited it and factored in lighting! If she would have sent that to me, I would have watched it all day! So, knowing her I suppose that a visual of me drying off is no more arousing then watching the news! I was just wondering if there is something visual that I could do that would really make her spin! I could ask her, and I will, but is there anything visually stimulating for a women that her husband could do? Would it be more of a pic of me dressed in a suit and tie, or simply me in my underwear? I would love to do more of this, and I would love it if she would also, but not if only one of us is turned on! Just before bed, she hinted that maybe we could have sex as there was "some teasing" today. Referring to the video. Then she proceeded to tell me she made sure she deleted it off of her phone. We have two teen-age boys...and you just never know! She had a rough day, she was very tired and I knew it would have been all for me. (You know....obligation sex, sympathy sex....the kind I really don't like) That is really not what I wanted, although I appreciated her thoughtfulness, I politely declined and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. I laid there awake wondering what I could do. I guess in all honesty, I would love to tease her and visually make it so she would "want me" in a sexual way, not just give me her body to make me happy. Thats all.....any comments would help!
 
#22 ·
For me, naked pictures do nothing. I don't even look at Playgirl and the such.

Now a steamy video of "my type", yes that will turn me on, but needs to have action.

Like greenpearl, I am turned on by my husband when he gets his thing going.

Other naked men, not so much - especially in still photo's.
 
#23 ·
In addition to whether or not a specific woman is a "visual" person or not, her mood can also play into it.

Case in point: My wife has gone on record as saying she doesn't find penises to be visually appealing. Over the weekend, she was out with the girls to see a band one of them likes. She was texting me that she was bored and didn't like the band. I (half) jokingly said that I could "give her a laugh and send her a picture of my junk." She responded that it better be hard. So, I took one and sent it. She was surprised that I did, and reacted quite favorably. So much so that, during the course of the night, I sent a few more, and continued to get positive response.

So, anecdotal evidence suggests that a normally "non-visual" person can enjoy visual stimulation under the correct circumstances. However, "correct circumstances" can vary from person to person, moment to moment. So, I don't recommend just blindly sending self pics to your significant other. ;-)
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#24 ·
My wife sounds much like the OP's wife.
I know that pics of myself wouldn't do anything for her. Naughty texts wouldn't do anything neither. She does not care for porn or sex scenes in regular films, they make her uncomfortable. Even when we talk about sex she's uneasy, and we've been married for over 10 years.
When I do ask what can I do to help get her in the mood, she'll basically tell me - nothing. There's nothing I can do to help, but I can definitely mess it up :rofl:. She says with our two kids (6yo & 2yo), the fact she's perpetually tired, her low hormones aka low sex drive, and she's sickly (which means she doesn't have any serious illness, but there's always something ailing her) equals she's not that interested. She wishes she was more like me, but its not there. I get sympathy sex once every week and a half, and that rare time maybe once a year where she's actually horny, but that's about it. Like the OP as well, my wife isn't one for much romance neither. She appreciates the gesture, but it isn't something that comes natural to her.
My advice to the original poster would be to just be romantic, but in a non-sexual way. I don't think it'll get her in the mood necessarily, but she might appreciate the gesture that you do love her, but aren't directly or indirectly asking for sex. Just showing her how you feel about her.
 
#25 ·
Early on in our marriage, we watched some soft porn. It took her only minutes to be extremely turned on. She admitted that it totally turned her on. However, she despises it in general now, and I think she only agreed to watch it for me. So, over time, I quit asking....and eventually she won out and we haven't viewed it in a long time. I don't own any and I will not surf the internet for it....as we have two teen boys at home. I see this very different from porn....I wasn't masterbating or anything. Given the posts to this thread, I won't do it again...unless like Grayson suggested...she was open to it and enjoyed it. I have got her to send me a few topless pics a time or two. She dislikes doing it and so I just respect that and rarely suggest it. Thanks for the comments....they are always good!
 
#26 ·
I may have missed this in your original post but, were you hard when you made the video?

I am visual, but I don't need visual stimulation to get horny.
I mean, I can get turned on by seeing a sexy video, but I have never been that into porn.
I mean, I would easily be turned on by a video or a pic of my husband nude w/ a hard on, but w/o it.... eh not so much.

I think much of the advise you got here is accurate. A sexy text with words will probably go further with the type of woman your wife sounds like.

I think perhaps even a video of you pleasuring yourself ( not to completion!) with the subject heading "thinking of you" might work.
 
#27 ·
I was not hard....and if I sent her one of me pleasuring myself...I think she would wonder what I was doing..... and why! It simply flat out does nothing for her! I remember back in the late 1980's when we were dating...some dude left a polaroid pic of himself naked from the waist down...,in a phone book in a phone booth near her house. My wife...girlfriend then....thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen! She showed everyone...and if youtube or facebook would have been invented...she would have posted it! Now, it is more about romance and not so much about a visual performance! It sounds like most women are that way....which I fully understand. With technology the way it is today...I think it is a great way to stimulate a marriage! But...like I said earlier....it is no fun if only one of you thinks it is stimulating!
 
#28 · (Edited)
I actually posted this thread back in November...and a lot has changed now. I know what makes her tick and I have learned so much from this forum that her reaction no longer bothers me. I'm totally fine with her reaction and I won't do it again. To me now...it shows me being slightly flirtatious....but mostly needy. I created a covert contract in that I did it with an expectation of something happening...which she did offer.....but she totally took it as me asking for sex...without me outright asking for it. I no longer do that....if I need sex...I ask and she is generally happy to help out! (within reason of course!) What a concept! Ask.....! Before, I didn't do that and I was very unhappy...now....I'm doing that and I'm very happy!
 
#30 ·
The only thing that visually stimulates me is tattoos. I LOVE to see a good bunch of tattoos on some guy. The guy could be ugly as sin but the tattoos would still do it for me! I don't like the arty-farty ones though.. give me a skull and crossbones any day! :) Even the tribal ones are meh.. but ok. I think its the bad boy thing.
 
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