My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 11:56 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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Originally Posted by 4yearsnokids View Post
I know no one's going to be able to KNOW why he won't do it in front of me. I was asking if anyone had ever experienced anything similar. Or, if there's another thread that might explore the topic. I literally can't even dream up a reason why he won't do it...and I'm wondering if the reason is something bad. He doesn't NOT answer by the way...he just doesn't know why himself, or, so he says.
I can think of reasons why he does not want to masturbate in front of you. These are pretty common really.

It could be that he was taught that masturbation is wrong and thus it embarrasses him.

He might be trying to hide porn use from you. Especially if heís using some really fringe type of porn. Many men are embarrassed by their porn habits.

It could be that heís had a long history of masturbating by himself, thatís what heís used to. And now heís not comfortable sharing this with a partner. A lot of guys who have used porn for a long time to get off while single cannot make this transition in marriage.

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He doesn't only masturbate. We have plenty of sex, and it's very good. I just feel like, I don't know, like he's supposed to be giving all of his sexual life to me...but he's not.
I donít think that masturbating alone is a problem in a relationship WHEN IT DOES NOT INTERFER WITH SEX WITH ONEíS SPOUSE.

You heís masturbating and therefore heís not having as much sex with you as you would like, thereís a problem.

If he does not want to masturbate in front of you, thatís his personal preference and you really need to stop bugging him about it. There is no requirement that anyone masturbate in front of their spouse. The more pressure you put on him the less likely he is to do it.
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post #17 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 08:02 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

It's kind of like this. A woman goes into a bathroom stall and sits down. She has a wonderful conversation with the lady in the stall next to her including asking her pass the paper I'm out. A guy sits in a bathroom stall and he would die before he said boo to the guy next to him. Guys are just a little more private when it comes to certain things. Just the way we are wired.
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post #18 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 08:05 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me-1800292_10151991205507844_1445207872_n_zps06d14f4d.jpg

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post #19 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 08:09 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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It's kind of like this. A woman goes into a bathroom stall and sits down. She has a wonderful conversation with the lady in the stall next to her including asking her pass the paper I'm out. A guy sits in a bathroom stall and he would die before he said boo to the guy next to him. Guys are just a little more private when it comes to certain things. Just the way we are wired.
I suppose you learned about what women do in a public bathroom first hand?
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post #20 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:18 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

There are guys that like handjobs?

Wow, I despise them... Like, no thanks, I can do that myself, and better than my wife. lol
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post #21 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:45 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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post #22 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:59 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

Eh, my DH won't do it for me either, but I'm going to keep asking.

I gave my first hand job this week. I have nothing against it. I hadn't realized I'd never done it till recently.

But anyway, I was like - wow, DH, that was the best hand job I have ever given you.

(Miss Scarlett is drinking and posting. Better than drinking and shopping. I once got a delivery of a Marilyn Monroe costume - the pink one from Diamonds - and crotchless panties a few days after I had been drinking particularly.)

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post #23 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 11:05 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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Eh, my DH won't do it for me either, but I'm going to keep asking.

I gave my first hand job this week. I have nothing against it. I hadn't realized I'd never done it till recently.

But anyway, I was like - wow, DH, that was the best hand job I have ever given you.

(Miss Scarlett is drinking and posting. Better than drinking and shopping. I once got a delivery of a Marilyn Monroe costume - the pink one from Diamonds - and crotchless panties a few days after I had been drinking particularly.)

WOW! Very nice MissScarlett!!!!!!!!!

I love when my wife does this for me, and I also love when she is wearing her Nurse costume at the time. Very cool.
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post #24 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-12-2014, 08:26 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

My husband is not the norm, once we got together, he stopped masturbating , as he described it.. it was then..."OUR THING"...

He would have absolutely no desire to do this in front of me....he wouldn't be comfortable ...though he has said (when I asked his thoughts on things like this)...It'd excite him to see me doing it.. I can't say I would feel all that comfortable either!

I'd rather have his hands on me... we haven't explored either .
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post #25 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-12-2014, 04:14 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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I suppose you learned about what women do in a public bathroom first hand?
Very insightful observation. I have studied extensively on the subject ever since I was a teenager and my date always disappeared with the other girls into the bathroom. Took a lot of research to find the details of this very sacred tradition. Not a lot of books written on the subject.
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post #26 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-12-2014, 08:07 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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A few things

1. My husband won't masturbate in front of me. He does it only when I'm not in the house. He won't even let me give him a hand job. Once, when we were long distance, he masturbated via webcam while I stimulated him visually. But, now that we live together he just won't. And he won't say why, I've asked. Has anyone experienced this?

2. Is it wrong that I feel bad when he masturbates instead of having sex with me. He doesn't initiate sex, but, when I'm gone. He masturbates. I don't understand. Why doesn't he just ask me to have sex? I'm perfectly willing, and he knows this.
When your husband masturbated via webcam, did he do it because you persuaded him to or was the masturbation his idea? I'm wondering because you said he only jerked off in front of you once.

I don't like masturbating in front of my husband. It is one of those things I prefer to keep to myself. I also wouldn't want to watch my husband jerk off in front of me.

Your feelings make complete sense. When your partner chooses masturbation over sex with you, it is understandable to feel rejected.
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post #27 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2014, 07:16 AM Thread Starter
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After reading yalls answers, I asked him yesterday if maybe he had some shame about doing it and he said (after thinking a bit) yes, you could say that. He says he feels like its strange for him to do it after marriage and it makes him feel weird. I don't really bother him about doing it, I don't necessarily long to see him do it. Mostly I was nervous that it was a symptom of some latent dissatisfaction he had with our sex life, something he wasn't telling me. When he let me see him do it on webcam, I wasn't forcing him to do it...but now, thinking back, I remember I had to keep asking him to adjust his camera so I could see. I would do it in front of him, but he never asks me to. I think its strange that he has me, but he prefers his hand. Any way to help him release the shame?
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post #28 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2014, 07:41 AM
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My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

You seem like a wife we all want. Ready willing and able. I read a blog from MMSLP about a woman who decided for a year to not say no to her husband(Google it). Maybe this is something you suggest to your hubby?

"Hubs, I know you masturbate, but if you ask me, I promise I will not say no".

Be clear, concise and direct in your communication.

Oh and one other thing as a point of information to all women. When a man says "I don't know" about his feelings, chances are HE DOESNT. So don't take it personally. Often we haven't formulated it to our selves yet. So don't badger. Just ask "ok, can you think about it and get back to me?" Just the way our brain works.
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post #29 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2014, 07:49 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

I'm generally the person who has no problems pointing out the 800 pound gorilla in the middle of the room, so a lot of the social conditioning, I am able to shake off, so I am not exactly sure how to help him move past that because it's something I never really felt on any deep level.

One of the things I find interesting about the increasing societal awareness of female sexuality is that awareness of male sexuality has remained fairly stagnant. Old addages about men are not falling nearly as fast, especially when it comes to masturbation. A woman taking care of herself is HOT, but a man...not so much. I have found it interesting how many women here have expressed that once they were able to move past the shame of male masturbation, they also found it quite a turn on. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone or every woman, but I think this is probably another one of those things that there really isn't nearly as big of a difference between the genders as is drilled into our heads.

I think, like SA's husband, I may be an outlier in that the only time I masturbate is with my STBW. I think a lot of that might be because the only times where I would have a chance to, she's around and always willing. There have been a few weekends that I have had to be away, and I have plenty of masturbation material of her, but I am usually too exhausted to bother. The thing is, that when we are together, I would not have been too tired to have a go at it with her, and that always takes a lot more energy...go figure

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post #30 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-19-2014, 10:46 PM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

Sometimes I think my H would rather just do it himself. I think he is so ready, over ready, that he will explode immediately upon insertion. He wants to spare my getting sticky and yucky and all that stuff that comes with sex, for a few strokes. Why not take matters in to your own hands(oopsies bad pun) Get the job done, meet the need, and not bother anyone in the process. I don't have an issue with my H doing that in the other room.

He likes for me to do it for him, and sometimes I can, other times I cannot bring myself to do it for him, it is a mental barrier. I have watched him do it and it is more educational then anything. I never realized how the male body works in that sense.

I don't think it bothers him near as much as it does me to have him do that in front of me.

For me personally I can't bring my self to have solo time for me if he is in the other room. Or if he is awake. I am sure that is part of upbringing. It is not only taboo for guys, it is for us ladies to. That is just not part of my sexuality I am willing to share. I suppose guys could have the same issue.
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