My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:07 AM Thread Starter
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My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

A few things

1. My husband won't masturbate in front of me. He does it only when I'm not in the house. He won't even let me give him a hand job. Once, when we were long distance, he masturbated via webcam while I stimulated him visually. But, now that we live together he just won't. And he won't say why, I've asked. Has anyone experienced this?

2. Is it wrong that I feel bad when he masturbates instead of having sex with me. He doesn't initiate sex, but, when I'm gone. He masturbates. I don't understand. Why doesn't he just ask me to have sex? I'm perfectly willing, and he knows this.
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:08 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

1. I don't understand why he won't answer you.
2. No you're not wrong to feel bad if he only masturbates and never has sex with you.
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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1. I don't understand why he won't answer you.
2. No you're not wrong to feel bad if he only masturbates and never has sex with you.
I know no one's going to be able to KNOW why he won't do it in front of me. I was asking if anyone had ever experienced anything similar. Or, if there's another thread that might explore the topic. I literally can't even dream up a reason why he won't do it...and I'm wondering if the reason is something bad. He doesn't NOT answer by the way...he just doesn't know why himself, or, so he says.

He doesn't only masturbate. We have plenty of sex, and it's very good. I just feel like, I don't know, like he's supposed to be giving all of his sexual life to me...but he's not.
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:27 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

I don't masturbate in front of my wife nor do I have the desire to do so. IDK, it seems like it's something I don't feel comfortable doing. She doesn't ask me to do it, I don't tell her when I do it but I'm sure she thinks I do from time to time. Normally my wife and I are very open in communication, but we don't talk about masturbation and porn usage.

IDK, maybe there is a shame component to it that I haven't overcome yet. Maybe your husband feels the same way, and the long distance webcam activities you two did were simply out of desperation for him.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:37 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

I'm with Plan 9. Lots of people (male and female) have a sense of shame with sex and masturbation in particular. As far as bugging him to masturbate in front of you, I'd recommend letting that go. Just not his thing, he's not comfortable with it, etc...

As far as masturbating INSTEAD of having sex with you... That's a bigger issue. Have you always had to be the aggressor? If so, I see lots of hurts and frustrations in your future, unless you two deal with this.

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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:39 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

Men are conditioned to think masturbation is bad from a very early age. They are shamed by their peers for doing it, even though those same peers do it as well. Case in point...the Britishism "wanker" is a put down, and "wank" is a crude term for masturbation.

For me, honestly, I never considered it would be something a woman would want to see, that she would be turned on by it until I started reading here. It took a while for me to actually do it, but I did, and she loved it, got her so worked up...

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:42 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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I'm with Plan 9. Lots of people (male and female) have a sense of shame with sex and masturbation in particular. As far as bugging him to masturbate in front of you, I'd recommend letting that go. Just not his thing, he's not comfortable with it, etc...

As far as masturbating INSTEAD of having sex with you... That's a bigger issue. Have you always had to be the aggressor? If so, I see lots of hurts and frustrations in your future, unless you two deal with this.
The instead of is the problematic thing, many men would feel a little uncomfortable doing that in front of their SO. I do not understand why no hand job. DDW was very good at those and always willing to give me a tug. I never needed to do it myself while we were together. She did it for me and it feels much better.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:50 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

IMO, why would he want to masturbate in front of you when he could have sex with you instead?

Given the choice, I would want to have sex with my wife rather than amuse myself. To me it's like ordering a steak dinner and leaving the steak and eating the parsley garnish on the plate.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 09:56 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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IMO, why would he want to masturbate in front of you when he could have sex with you instead?

Given the choice, I would want to have sex with my wife rather than amuse myself. To me it's like ordering a steak dinner and leaving the steak and eating the parsley garnish on the plate.
Well, I discovered that me masturbating for her, ends up being more about her than me in that she gets sooo turned on and she'll start taking care of herself so it is essentially masturbating to live porn...the one who finishes first usually jumps in and finishes the other...

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 10:15 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

Do you masturbate in front of him?

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill here. You say that you have lots of sex and it's good sex, so what's the problem if he wants to yank one off alone once in a while, especially when you're away?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 10:18 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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Originally Posted by 4yearsnokids View Post
I know no one's going to be able to KNOW why he won't do it in front of me. I was asking if anyone had ever experienced anything similar.
No, I have not. Sorry.
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 10:20 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

there's several things going on here. lets try to distill them.

1. most married men jag off whether they're getting enough sex from their wife or not. occasionally men just need a quick release without all the time and effort, even though sex with wife is always better.

2. when the beating off becomes a common substitute to love making then it's a problem. also like above posters i myself am shy and don't want to beat off in front of her. never done it. wouldn't say i never would but she hasn't asked.

3. the not wanting a hand job is odd. most men love hand jobs.
they're delicious. just not as good as sex.


4. no, it's not 'bad' that you feel bad when he beats off instead of making love to you. don't obsess over it unless it becomes to often. just let it go. if it becomes too often you have a problem and talk to him gently 'what's going on?'
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 10:24 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

To add on my thoughts... A hand job is about the lowest form of intimacy for me. Virtually anything else would be my choice. Just not my cup of tea.

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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 10:39 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

yea, maybe try jilling off in front of him and see if he will then do it for you or do it together at the same time .....make it a contest to see who can get there the fastest!!!!!

then eat some ice cream and go for the real thing!
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-11-2014, 11:48 AM
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Re: My Husband Wont Masturbate in Front of me

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Originally Posted by 4yearsnokids View Post
A few things

1. My husband won't masturbate in front of me. He does it only when I'm not in the house. He won't even let me give him a hand job. Once, when we were long distance, he masturbated via webcam while I stimulated him visually. But, now that we live together he just won't. And he won't say why, I've asked. Has anyone experienced this?

2. Is it wrong that I feel bad when he masturbates instead of having sex with me. He doesn't initiate sex, but, when I'm gone. He masturbates. I don't understand. Why doesn't he just ask me to have sex? I'm perfectly willing, and he knows this.
1. I never did, either, until I revealed to my wife that I was turned on by women masturbating. She decided she could do that. And once she started . . . .

2. It's not wrong for you to feel bad if he masturbates ALONE when you are available. That's hard for me to understand. Masturbation doesn't come close to a living, breathing, willing woman.
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