Strange pleasures
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-10-2010, 06:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Strange pleasures

If I ask my wife to dress up in for me in the bedroom or to buy a strap on she is willing to do it but it seems I have almost to beg,it seems that she uses sex as a weapon in our relationship,she denies this but I near enoguh have to beg for anything other than vanilla sex.
Although I have all but given up asking her in future (to buy a strap on) does anyone else get the same treatment from there other half,how do you deal with it
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Old 11-10-2010, 07:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange pleasures

Yeah, asking, demanding, begging, all this stuff...does not work. If that person were interested in those activities or exceptionally attracted to their spouse, this wouldn't be a problem. So...as much as you ask, she may oblige but she won't really be enthusiastic. Key here is to get her interested in other stuff to try...get her to be attracted to you and the idea of doing more in bed.

Your chance of getting your wife out of that state is to appear less interested, more attractive and tease her more. Try to convince her you're not that available -if she were to ask for sex there might be a chance you'd say no; - if you flirt with her it doesn't necessarily lead to sex unless she does some work for it to get there.

Finally, some things she may think inappropriate and vulgar. Don't jump and ask for anal if you can't convince her to switch positions from missionary. Don't ask for a strap on if she's too shy to keep the lights on. Getting her to open up, in my opinion, will take time and some change in your approach. Some things she may never accept but if she's truly attracted to you and she learns how pleasant some new positions and games can be she'll want more.

This is strictly the way i view things. There are plenty of things that could contribute. She could feel as if you just want a piece of tail but don't appreciate her in which case she'll feel ****ty if she dressed up and feel like that's the only way you'll ever be attracted to her. She may have too low a self esteem and not feel wanted enough to have the confidence to try new things. Aside from asking stuff, did you try talk to her, get to understand what she likes about sex, a man, what would make her feel extremely sexual?
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange pleasures

Thanks I will give that a try
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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She's a leave the light off type of lady cannot talk dirty.Always been this way but I think she uses sex as power sometimes in the relationship,knowing I don't have other options
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange pleasures

Ever asked her why she must have the light off? Maybe she's conscious about her body? Could help if you tell her "stop with this nonsense woman! bring that hot butt of yours this way for me to stare at it and drool!" ?

The above was more on the lines of joking, but still, ask her why she's so conscious about sex/how she looks, whatever it is that bothers her.
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange pleasures

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nekko View Post
Ever asked her why she must have the light off? Maybe she's conscious about her body? Could help if you tell her "stop with this nonsense woman! bring that hot butt of yours this way for me to stare at it and drool!" ?

The above was more on the lines of joking, but still, ask her why she's so conscious about sex/how she looks, whatever it is that bothers her.
You got it spot on.I have asked and that is the response,but she is starting to go with the subdued lighting
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange pleasures

I'm not sure if this will work for some women, but can't you appeal to her logic?

Something along the lines of "if i didn't find you attractive, d'ya really think i'd bug you about sex so often?". While the general belief is that men will want sex with any woman at any time, the truth is that men who don't find their wife attractive will not want sex. try to get her to understand this. Point at your privates and show her that the result (erection) is because of how good she looks. Maybe that will get the point across. it would for me...so i don't know.

if she says "yeah, but i don't feel attractive" then ask her who she's trying to attract, you or herself?
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