Wife grossed out at receiving oral
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-15-2010, 11:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife grossed out at receiving oral

I've been with my wife for 7 years and she's almost always rejected my attempts to go down on her. The handful of times that I did do it, she enjoyed it (I can't say if it was more than or just equal to when I use my fingers), but I always had to get her very worked up with my fingers first and then just sort of go for it before she could deny it. When I approach it more gradually, or ask if I can do it, she always tells me no and tries to pull me back up so that we're lying side by side.

We had a talk about it last night in bed and she explained that she is grossed out by the idea of having my mouth 'down there'. (She doesn't have a problem with me seeing her, smelling her, etc., so I don't think it is a self confidence issue.) She assures me that she loves the rest of what we do together in bed and she always has multiple Os with every session. We've got a pretty solid sex life in general (slower when there have been rough spots in the relationship) and I would say we're together several times a week on average.

So, if we're both satisfying each other then it shouldn't be a big deal right? I guess I'm letting it become some sort of 'forbidden fruit' for me now where I want what I can't have. I enjoy doing the act and it turns me on to please her in that way, plus I'd like to introduce the occasional 69 to our repertoire.

I guess this is a situation where I should just respect her preferences and stick to what works? Am I bad for wanting to just dive in before she can tell me no, if she enjoys it once it's started? I mean, it's not like she is pushing me off once I get going or jumping out of bed to run away. It's like she has more of a problem with the idea of the act, or the anticipation of it, than the actual act itself. And I think that maybe by asking permission I'm just being too passive when what she secretly wants is a man who just wants her so badly that he can't help himself. Actions speak louder than words right?

Is there anything I can do to help her get over the idea that me putting my mouth on that part of her body is 'gross'? (She has no issues with using her mouth on me.) Or should I just let this one go?

Last edited by upstate_guy; 11-15-2010 at 11:18 AM.
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Id let it go. my guess is you probably see yourself as a G6 with the oral giving so you want to be able to really impress your woman with it AND her not wanting is indeed making you want to more. If you're tripping out about the crappy fact you're a stud with oral but ironically your lady isn't into it - then refocus your sexual pursuit in areas she does like... in otherwords fine tune and expand your skills on other acts of sex.
Some women just aren't that into oral and I al also one. I love giving my husband oral but I just would rather be fingered & have the exterior licked rather than mouthed & tongued.
=) sounds like you have a gr8 sex life otherwise as you conveyed so continuing to push the issue could possibly damage the good vibe in your intimate bond.
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Hmm...this is a toughie. I love it when he does that for me, and I love doing it for him. I don't find the thought gross (well, I would if he were really smelly or something from work and hadn't showered or something). I don't mind kissing him after or anything like that, either.

Does she go down on you? Or does she find that to be gross, too? If she thinks that's gross too, then I'd say she just thinks mouth to genital contact is gross in general, probably something she was taught as a child and has never gotten past. If she will do it for you and just doesn't want you to do it for her, then I'd say it's something personal to her, maybe she's worried about an odor or a taste that she thinks is there, even if it's not.

If she enjoys it when you just do it, and doesn't try to get away or tell you later not to do that, then I would just do it that way and stop asking or trying to talk her into it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

I dunno - keep in mind that women can "go along" to be nice & I can fake receiving like a porn star - im sure she can too! LOL
She has clearly told ya several times she isn't into it so why make her fake it or be uncomfy ever? ask her one last time but let her know this time you will respect whatever answer she gives you. That way you can be sure shes not playing around and actually enjoying making u want her more.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

How about going down on her in the shower when she knows she's clean?

Or kissing down her breasts, down across her stomach, then he legs without "going down" on her? make a few "scouting passes" and then see if she accepts the atttempt.

otherwise enjoy with out it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I just need to learn to live without it. I guess that coming my point of view I consider it the equivalent of me turning down a bj (unimaginable) but that's probably not a fair analogy to be making. Probably best to just respect what she's telling me and get our kicks in other ways, I don't want to put her in a position to fake anything or be uncomfortable. Maybe I'll take Chris' advice and give it one last try post-shower someday before I write it off for good.
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstate_guy View Post
And I think that maybe by asking permission I'm just being too passive when what she secretly wants is a man who just wants her so badly that he can't help himself.
Please, take it from me , someone who used to feel EXACTLY like your wife at one time-pushing him away, feeling it was gross. YES , just keep doing it when she is HOT & willing.

Now that I have gotten older, I look back on those times where he was REALLY into doing that, even when I was trying to push him away, those are some of my fondest memories sexually. I now LOVE this. Not sure what it is about some of us women, when we are younger, we are more inhibited, have not come into our full self's sexually. For me, I had too much of a "dirty" mindset regarding oral sex, very unfortunate for my husband. And myself. But I am so thankful I have a husband who has always cared to please me this way.


My guess is she is self conscious, her mind is working overdrive on how you could possibly enjoy such a thing, that is how I was. Even though I had this mental blockage, and pushed him away, I still enjoyed it. I was highly sensitive there though, maybe she is too. Give her time. I would never advise you to give up on this though.

Let her passionately feel how much you "want" and "desire" her in this way, never let this die.
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Old 11-15-2010, 10:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Interesting perspective SA, thanks for your reply. I guess I won't give up completely just yet.
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Old 11-15-2010, 10:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

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Please, take it from me , someone who used to feel EXACTLY like your wife at one time-pushing him away, feeling it was gross. YES , just keep doing it when she is HOT & willing.

Now that I have gotten older, I look back on those times where he was REALLY into doing that, even when I was trying to push him away, those are some of my fondest memories sexually. I now LOVE this. Not sure what it is about some of us women, when we are younger, we are more inhibited, have not come into our full self's sexually. For me, I had too much of a "dirty" mindset regarding oral sex, very unfortunate for my husband. And myself. But I am so thankful I have a husband who has always cared to please me this way.


My guess is she is self conscious, her mind is working overdrive on how you could possibly enjoy such a thing, that is how I was. Even though I had this mental blockage, and pushed him away, I still enjoyed it. I was highly sensitive there though, maybe she is too. Give her time. I would never advise you to give up on this though.

Let her passionately feel how much you "want" and "desire" her in this way, never let this die.
I was like that as well SA. I think some young women haven't come to their full self's sexually like you said. I was the same exact way, I would push my husband away like that but once he forced his way down there and it felt so good. Eventually I opened up to it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Oral is the best sex ever. Don't know how a woman can say no.
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Old 12-11-2010, 07:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Well been married 20 years and rarely receive oral and have to beg to give oral... still don't understand it.
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Old 12-11-2010, 11:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

Not regarding oral sex, but my wife has occasionally mentioned something about her body being "gross". I just tell her that she's beautiful, sexy, and mine and that nothing about her could ever be "gross". Maybe it's just a matter of slowing down and getting her to relax. Catching her right after a shower when she feels cleanest would probably help. I enjoy performing oral too and my wife always gets off pretty easily that way. I understand why you like it and I'd miss it if mine weren't into it.
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Old 12-12-2010, 02:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

I also hate receiving oral. I think it's a personal preference type thing. Unfortunately my husband likes doing it so I will put up with it for a few minutes and let him do his thing but then when it gets to be too disgusting I make him stop. It feels a bit like one of those St Bernard dogs lapping at a bowl of water (and sounds like it too, haha). I don't think forcing her to endure it will make her love it. I think you just need to accept the fact that she isn't into it and do other stuff instead. You make her have multiple orgasms so you certainly have nothing to complain about.
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Old 12-12-2010, 10:42 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

I used to be hesitant of receiving oral... especially in my dating days.
It wasn't that I thought my body was gross, but occasionally I'd be self conscious about the level of cleanliness after a long day at work.

To me the biggest reason I didn't let anyone do it, was that I felt very vulnerable. It also seemed extremely intimate- more so than sex. So I reserved it for the person I felt truly in love with- I felt like allowing someone to go down on me and making me cum that way, was a really a release of control for me. I had to trust the person who was doing it with every fiber of my being.

I am not sure if this is your wife's problem or not...

Some people aren't comfortable losing themselves to the abandon of pleasure- some people like to remain in control of their bodies and mind and what comes out of their mouth. When I cum that way, I thrash and say some pretty ridiculous stuff. I often feel slightly foolish afterwards when i remember how carried away I got.

Last edited by Mrs.LonelyGal; 12-12-2010 at 11:14 AM.
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Old 12-15-2010, 10:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife grossed out at receiving oral

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Originally Posted by Mrs.LonelyGal View Post
I used to be hesitant of receiving oral... especially in my dating days.
It wasn't that I thought my body was gross, but occasionally I'd be self conscious about the level of cleanliness after a long day at work.

To me the biggest reason I didn't let anyone do it, was that I felt very vulnerable. It also seemed extremely intimate- more so than sex. So I reserved it for the person I felt truly in love with- I felt like allowing someone to go down on me and making me cum that way, was a really a release of control for me. I had to trust the person who was doing it with every fiber of my being.

I am not sure if this is your wife's problem or not...

Some people aren't comfortable losing themselves to the abandon of pleasure- some people like to remain in control of their bodies and mind and what comes out of their mouth. When I cum that way, I thrash and say some pretty ridiculous stuff. I often feel slightly foolish afterwards when i remember how carried away I got.
Enjoy sex & enjoy yourself.

Release the beast in you! It feels soooo good!

Why foolish?
It's only between you & your husband in the bedroom.

Your husband will love to see you let go yourself and go insane. He will love you 10 times more!

Let go!
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