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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » not attracted to my husband

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-17-2012, 01:57 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Interesting to read these posts. I can relate to wanting to love someone but finding them a turn off.

I have a really good man and I appreciate him so much. However he really does not take care of himself the way he should no matter what I say.

Trouble is though, I don't want to leave him. I could meet someone who was in better shapre, more well groomed but maybe we wouldn't gel as well or I wouldn't feel as relaxed in his presence.

It is nice to see people in similar situations. Well- maybe not "nice" for you but I am really interested in becoming email/ text buddies with anyone who wants to and who is in this situation. maybe having friends in a similar situation to commiserate with but also to enjoy the good times and reminders of what makes our man so great could help.

Will PM my number if you want it. Just message me x
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:20 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Question for you ladies who are not attracted to your husbands?

Is there anything he could do to make you attracted to him?
Change in looks.
Change in attitude.
Change in job.

What if anything.

What I'm getting at... is there an underlying resentment there?
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Old 10-17-2012, 05:10 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:14 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
people do stupid things and then want a free pass these days
I think that's a bit harsh maybe.

I think the main reason is that people get needy and run to marriage looking to fill some void rather than bring a complete and happy self to a compatible partner.
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Old 10-21-2012, 03:21 AM   #50 (permalink)
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it's certainly true for me that when i met him, I was not attracted to him at all! And only liked his personality.

I think maybe we should have stayed friends. But in a way I thought friendship would be a better foundation as I was hopelessly attracted to my ex husband and he was very ambivalent towards me and it didn't work out in the end.

So I picked someone who was more certain but now I am the ambivalent one. I was at a wedding last night and I thought I have to end my relationship because I know I do not feel for my partner the love I could see the Bride felt for hers.

But today I am back to thinking well, marriage is difficult long and hard and feelings change along the way. Why give up a good man if he is happy to be with you treats you well and accepts he loves you more than you him.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:53 AM   #51 (permalink)
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But today I am back to thinking well, marriage is difficult long and hard and feelings change along the way. Why give up a good man if he is happy to be with you treats you well and accepts he loves you more than you him.
This right here... Is infuriating to read...
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Old 10-21-2012, 08:01 AM   #52 (permalink)
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...

Question, what do you do for a living? What does your husband do? In what ratio is household income split?
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Old 10-21-2012, 08:22 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Maybe your husband feels the same way about you? Who knows.

That good feeling comes and goes away naturally. It's up to both parties to keep the spark alive. Also, these feelings you have are within yourself. If you were once attracted to your husband, I bet you can find that attraction again.

Last edited by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby; 10-21-2012 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 10-21-2012, 03:11 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cam33 View Post
it's certainly true for me that when i met him, I was not attracted to him at all! And only liked his personality.

I think maybe we should have stayed friends. But in a way I thought friendship would be a better foundation as I was hopelessly attracted to my ex husband and he was very ambivalent towards me and it didn't work out in the end.

So I picked someone who was more certain but now I am the ambivalent one. I was at a wedding last night and I thought I have to end my relationship because I know I do not feel for my partner the love I could see the Bride felt for hers.

But today I am back to thinking well, marriage is difficult long and hard and feelings change along the way. Why give up a good man if he is happy to be with you treats you well and accepts he loves you more than you him.
I know you dont mean it to be...but this is one of the most selfish things I have ever read. It will be more difficult for you to let him go but in the long run he can find someone who actually cares about him. You dont and never did.

Sad. You think he doesn't know? Believe me...he can sense it.
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Old 10-21-2012, 04:03 PM   #55 (permalink)
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I know you dont mean it to be...but this is one of the most selfish things I have ever read. It will be more difficult for you to let him go but in the long run he can find someone who actually cares about him. You dont and never did.

Sad. You think he doesn't know? Believe me...he can sense it.
But he might not have the self-esteem to do something about it despite sensing it... Which makes this a horribly handicapped scenario, one where exploitation becomes so natural she can shamelessly express it (last post) and not even realize how horrible the dynamic has become, like students in a war zone jotting down arithmetic without being distracted by gunfire because it's a natural part of life for everyone around.
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:04 AM   #56 (permalink)
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To the OP and others with similar views....

Do you know the definition of or feel like a fraud????

All those "FEELINGS" women are always talking about seem to
fall by the wayside when a free ride comes along....

A self respecting prostitute puts on a show of enthusiasm for her "john". Don't you owe the same to yours?

In the mean time, what do you do for your sexual needs?

Are you just frigid "cold fish"...If so, I think in a harsher more realistic world, your type of woman would be bred out of existance.......
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:51 AM   #57 (permalink)
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Wow, I'm in the same boat as the original poster and just posted a thread on sexual attraction awhile ago. Glad I'm not alone but still feeling lonely...
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Old 11-05-2012, 12:15 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Waiting4RightTyme View Post
I am in the same boat as asdfgh and Miss Smiley. I'm not attracted to my husband either, but it's not JUST physically - there's no attraction on ANY level. When we got married, I thought I was in love, but so much has gone under the bridge, and it's his personality that really makes him ugly to me. He has anger management problems, is lazy, is crude and rude, just a lot of stuff. No physical abuse, but some verbal and mean things are said between us. I'm no angel, but I do respect people, which he does not. I've told him 6 years ago that I'm not IN love with him, but we're still here in the same house. We have not made love in years. But he doesn't leave. He has nowhere to go, blah, blah, blah. His job doesn't pay enough for him to be on his own. The house is mine and my children's - not community property. He cannot be happy here, and I know I'm not happy at all. How do I get him to just leave????
What drug were you taking when you married this guy....

No woman could be attracted to such a PIG, so obviously you were under the influence of drugs, post hypnotic suggestion or a close relative was being held hostage....

Please enlighten us as to the reason you said I DO!!!!!
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Old 05-05-2013, 03:38 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Every man should read this before considering getting married. And then not get married. A lot of women (more than half in my experience and knowledge) feel this way within a few years of getting married. But they stay, and make the man's life miserable, because they are enjoying the comforts of either (1) duel incomes or (2) being able to not have to work. If you don't marry them they will not become this way. Knowing that all you have to do is pack their stuff and tell them to leave the house (no divorce, alimoney, etc.) will prevent this scenario. Going years in a loveless, sexless marriage is mental cruelty. It is a way she is punishing you. A power grab. It's the only weapon she has and she is firing it at you point blank. Don't let her do it. Divorce her if you are married. If you are not married, do not, under an circumstance (child, pressure, etc.) get married. This woman's husband needs to walk and never look back. Life is to short to live with someone that hates you.
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Old 05-05-2013, 07:58 AM   #60 (permalink)
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Wrong! (well, right about the moving on part)
sexual attraction can not grow from being in love with someone because you would be never be in love with that person in first place because you are not sexually attracted to them.

ive said it before and ill say it again while stories like OP's prove me right time and time again. being in love is ENTIRELY dependent on sexual attraction.
and yes, There are things a woman wants from a man that takes that sexual attraction (lust) and takes it over top to actual love....

but lose that sexual attraction and those other qualities do not mean anything. When women have non physical things on their "list" of what they want in their future man, they take the physical attraction for granted and some how fool themselves in to thinking it "doesnt matter what he looks like."

seriously ladies take your list... you know, "he has to be kind to animals, knows how to make me laugh", etc... whatever is on you list... and imagine its brad pitt who has those qualities...your totally in love right?

now take those qualities and image its "Greg, the 260 pound janitor" that has all of those qualities you want in a man... are you in love with him?
didnt think so...
Terrible.
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