smedwards

Okay I have been married for 8 years to my loving husband, and for about the last 3-4 years our sex life has gotten a little stale. I am shy though about things. I am always scared I will say something that will offend him, even though I know it won't. He wants to try new things, but won't say what, he just asks me to come up with it. I am so clueless as to anything past what we do.

He has suggested Camera stuff (on and off line), but I am really uncomfortable about this. He also recently found out I had been talking (I mean just talking) with an ex-boyfriend and was upset about this.

I want to please him, but I am at a loss at what else we could try. I could use tips on how to get over my shyness and also any suggestions anyone may have. Please either post here or send me a private email with your suggestions.

MarkTwain

It could be that your both in the same boat! You both worry that if you tell the other your secret - possibly kinky - fantasies, the other will reject and embarrass he who speaks up first.

So here is a simple solution. Wait until you are in an intimate mood with him - not during sex, but perhaps in the lead-up. Or better still if he starts hugging and touching you in that way that signals he wants to get a little frisky.

Say "honey, you mentioned swapping ideas about what turns us on..."

"Can we have an agreement, that no matter how sick or filthy either one finds the other's suggestion, we take it with good humor, and no put downs".

Unless he is a cave man he will love this. Make sure that you get his agreement, and get it more than once.

It might be an idea not to start this process until you have at least one thing to try in mind.

He will have plenty! So another thing is to say "I'll tell you mine, if you tell me one of yours".

Make sure you have an absolutely wicked look in your eyes when you do this - if you think he will like that.

Let us know how it goes!

swedish

I would suggest buying a Laura Corn book....she has several that have pages for him/her with different ideas...some over the top but some aren't...the good thing is that you can read through several and each pick one to try with the other...some need props and others don't...anyway, worth a try. The hardest part for initiating something new when you are shy is trying not to feel awkward/stupid while doing it but if you can focus on wanting him and knowing that's the look you have, you can pull off just about anything

vlee

i think it is best to have the greatest confidence in the world when in bed (even if you dont feel it, pretend)...believe me, your husband is going to like anything you do to him.

vlee

i have a couple little ideas in mind, if you want more you can pm me...but for now:

have you tried anything with food? eating food off each others bodies--fruit, whip cream, ice cream--my boyfriend loves making out with ice cubes in our mouth...although it makes it hard for us to really go at it when we make out, not being able to have each other's full mouth gets us going. ill take the ice cube in my mouth and sometimes go up and down is body with it. ill give it back to him then immedietly go down on him. he loves it....

if one day you are home together, maybe in the kitchen, pull him into you, lick and kiss his neck, (rub your hands all over his body at the sametime) then pull his face to yours and kiss, take off his clothes while you are kissing,...and either just go at it on the kitchen counter or make out the whole way to the bedroom...he wont be expecting this so it will turn him on

hope that helps a little bit...

vlee

one more thing...he married you, he loves you, he wants you and only you in bed and you've been married for a long time---girl you should have lots of confidence in bed. remeber its all mental...so you get out there and know you are the best

Suger_belle

Hi. You may want to try going to the shower/bath together for a start. Man usually loved to be pampered by woman and it's more easier to overcome your shyness after the shower/bath. Be bold n daring. But I would not suggest the camera thingy. You never knows what will happen if it falls into the wrong hand. Good Luck!

draconis

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mch1005

I used to be very shy in the bedroom too, so I started with small things such as wearing lingerie. Things he might not ever expect you where makes him really look at you. It makes you feel sexy which makes you more confident. I felt strange at first, because I never really thought of myself purchasing things like that. But my husband is very appreciative, and I actually enjoy getting dressed up and love the attention he gives.

Something else someone suggested to me once was to have each of you write a suggestion a small piece of paper (each of you should do several) fold them in half and keep them in a container. It could be a new position, role playing, reading a sexy story, a different room to do it in, whatever you want to do. When you're in the mood, pull one of the suggestions out and try it. Agree ahead of time if one person is uncomfortable doing something the other suggested, it is okay to pull another, and discuss the why you were uncomfortable later.

Good Luck!

daycaremom

Get over it before he go's and gets what he needs from someone else!