Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-06-2010, 05:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else

Hi all. Haven't posted here for a while. I posted this earlier in the Private Members' section. I hope it's ok to post it here also.

I had a strange dream a few nights ago. I remember allowing my wife to have sex with another man. I think she asked me in the dream if it would be ok.

I don't remember any other details, really, except that, in the dream, I realised a few days later that I had forgotten to ask her how it had worked out............

Years ago, I would have freaked out at the thought her having sex with someone else. But a year or two ago I told her that I'd be ok with her just experiencing someone else sexually, as she was quite sexually inexperienced before we met. She totally dismissed it and I think she really meant it.

We're both about 50 and our sex life is very hit and miss. The last time we had sex was about 10 weeks ago.

Any dream analysts willing to try to decode this one? Thanks.
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else

Ok, i doubt anyone can crack that dream "open" for you and tell you exactly what it means.

But you could try and figure it out for yourself. First off, try to figure out what you felt during the dream. It could be pleasure, anxiety, fear, hate...etc....

In your case it sounds like you started off as a jealous guy and as your marriage progressed you either got bored of your wife and suggested she could experience with other guys or you became more secure in your relationship and told her she could wanting to see her say no.

Could've been an unconscious test where you expected her to be faithful and not want to be with another guy and you "gave her permission" only to see her say no and confirm to you that your safety in this relationship is wise.

Right now you might regret what you said deep down and fear that even if she said no she might be tempted to go for it. So that dream may be a sort of "hidden fear" you're trying to get rid of. Aka you gave her permission and in the dream what you fear happens as in she comes and actually asks if she can do it. For the record, dreams are not "prophecies" and have little to do with our future. In most cases they are either random ways in which our brain plains around while trying to sort information during our sleep. Sometimes we encounter problems during our day and we dream about them and try to solve them in our mind at night. At other times we have fears about something and the fears are strong enough for us to dream about them. Other times we just get extremely interested in something and we dream about those things. As i said, all you're thinking about during a day will have a tendency to enter your dreams in some way because that info needs to be sorted, moved in the long term memory, erased etc...

Of course what i said is just pure speculation. If scientists didn't manage to fully explain how dreams work, you can imagine us "friendly" and less-educated forum posters are even further from a to the point and accurate answer.

What my question is....why is your sex life hit and miss? 10 weeks seems a decently long time for you to not connect with each other. The fact that you mention this here may signal that you've linked your sex life to the dream about your wife seeing another man.
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Old 12-07-2010, 06:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else

It's a cuckold fantasy. Not that unusual, especially as we venture into middle age.

There are a lot of theories on this one, from sperm competition to latent bi-sexuality. The fact that it usually happens in early middle age suggests to me that it is a way of re-awakening sexuality in your partner. The competition for her attention also raises our testosterone levels, makes us feel alive and 'in the game' which we probably haven't really felt since we were in our 20s.

There is a book by Dr David Ley the explores the theme. I haven't read it, but it comes recommended by those in 'the lifestyle'.

My advice would be to keep it fantasy.

Last edited by jamesa; 12-07-2010 at 06:29 AM.
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Old 12-10-2010, 12:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else

Hi Nekko and Jamesa. Thank you both for taking the time to reply and apologies for not getting back to you earlier. Life is kinda hectic at present. What you've written is thought provoking.

Nekko, our sex life was always a bit hit and miss to be honest, though we did have some periods of intense activity during our marriage. Why has it been ten weeks or more? We're both very busy at the moment and my wife is also back in college doing a Ph. D which is very demanding and exhausting on her. Personally speaking, my sex life has become low in the last year or so and I reckon a lot of the reason is pressure of work and the stresses that go with it. Also, my wife has put on a little weight and I don't find her as desirable as I did. And I would be the one to iniatate sex more than my wife on a 70%-30% ratio. And maybe I'm not as attractive as I was to her either. Lack of sex isn't an issue for either of us at present, which is why I wondered what the dream might be all about.

Jamesa, I think your point about competition and testosterone is a very valid one. If I think my wife is using her vibrator a lot, my desire for sex with her increases greatly. Kinda pathetic, I know, but that's life, I guess.
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Old 12-10-2010, 01:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Strange Dream About Wife Having Sex With Someone Else

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mario Kempes View Post
I think your point about competition and testosterone is a very valid one. If I think my wife is using her vibrator a lot, my desire for sex with her increases greatly. Kinda pathetic, I know, but that's life, I guess.
Nothing at all pathetic about that, just nature.
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