Is this wrong?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Is this wrong?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-22-2010, 09:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,130
Default Is this wrong?

I just had a good chat with someone who seems to be like "me but time-travelled into the future and came back to the past to tell the young version of me that what I am doing is wrong!" Heh

To be honest I've always been a bit of a workaholic since marriage, as a sole provider that's just how I felt I should be as I want to give my daughter the best possible start in life. However due to my workaholism I've come to be a bit unappreciative of the missus due to her high sex drive and her annoying habit to force me into sex each morning as at night-time for 1.5 years I tend to get drunk and pass out after stressful 12 hr shifts each day.

Since I took over the business on April it became not just morning 'rapes' but also lunch-time 'rapes' between 2-4pm as my office in my restaurant even has a bed in it. I got diagnosed with pancreatitis from excessive drinking too this year, which she actually found a good thing since I can no longer drink hence I can't say no to night-times.

However I've had arguments with her about this, I've also told her that she can "go f--k someone else! It'll be fun!", also told her "film it too!", and also told her "bring him home too! It'll be fun", "you know it turns me on", etc etc... Is this bad?

A part of me also doesn't like the idea of 'caging' her or showing 'jealousy' and always thought of it as a weakness and I've always given her a lot of space and freedom but it's weird it seems she likes to be 'caged' a bit in a way, likes me to show some 'jealousy' and I just don't get it! She's been rather loyal, then again she's always been this way, and prefers her toys to other guys if she can't get any. She's rather strange in that way, but it may also be due to her past in which she's a 'been there, done that' type of girl. But I had a good chat with someone who actually had these consented extra-marital affairs and told me that it's his biggest mistake.

Is my mentality and attitude in this regard wrong?
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-22-2010, 09:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,959
Default Re: Is this wrong?

I just want to tell you, my husband is being raped by me all the time.

When I am extremely horny, three times a day, morning, lunch, and night. He never complained, he is just happy that he has a wife who is this horny. He doesn't say anything nasty. For him, it is not a big deal, he just needs to have an erection, I hop on top of him and take him, get what I want, I am happy, then I do things to make him happy, we are both happy.

When I am not super horny, I want sex every day, daily orgasm has been something I cherish about my life. My husband doesn't want sex every day, so very often he has to lie there for me to have fun. He knows it is important for me to have my orgasm, he fulfills my needs, what a wonderful man he is.

You have something very valuable, but you don't see it. Very often some people make this mistake, they don't see the value of what they have until they lose it.
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,959
Default Re: Is this wrong?

You say that your wife has been spoiled by you, then stop spoiling her.

But you also have to respect her and love her, you have to look at yourself, examine yourself, you have to know that you have made mistakes also.

I don't like the kind of games you play with your wife, you think you are being smart by causing her to be jealous of you, but it is really childish to play this kind of games. We should be interested in our spouses, know what they like and what they don't like. But we don't do anything silly to make them feel insecure. We don't do things on purpose to make our spouses jealous of us. Flirting with others in front of her is just silly!
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,130
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenpearl View Post
I just want to tell you, my husband is being raped by me all the time.
Women like you and the missus are evil, you know that right?

Quote:
When I am extremely horny, three times a day, morning, lunch, and night. He never complained, he is just happy that he has a wife who is this horny. He doesn't say anything nasty. For him, it is not a big deal, he just needs to have an erection, I hop on top of him and take him, get what I want, I am happy, then I do things to make him happy, we are both happy.

When I am not super horny, I want sex every day, daily orgasm has been something I cherish about my life. My husband doesn't want sex every day, so very often he has to lie there for me to have fun. He knows it is important for me to have my orgasm, he fulfills my needs, what a wonderful man he is.
Well, I'm guessing you also work yes? For me I'm a sole provider, if my business suffers a setback less cash for all of us. Hence the stress and workaholism, sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

Quote:
You have something very valuable, but you don't see it. Very often some people make this mistake, they don't see the value of what they have until they lose it.
I know, this forum is actually making me see it. I'm actually rather surprised the average sexy time in marriage for most is 4x a MONTH! That's so much free time!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenpearl View Post
You say that your wife has been spoiled by you, then stop spoiling her.

But you also have to respect her and love her, you have to look at yourself, examine yourself, you have to know that you have made mistakes also.

I don't like the kind of games you play with your wife, you think you are being smart by causing her to be jealous of you, but it is really childish to play this kind of games. We should be interested in our spouses, know what they like and what they don't like. But we don't do anything silly to make them feel insecure.
Oh the game? We've been playing from day one, so we're used to it. However it seems that nowadays, she doesn't like it no more, prefers that I be more jealous and more possessive, meh . Just not me! I don't know. It just feels... weak (I don't like to feel like I'm 'kowtow'ing, ever - I'm sure you're familiar with the term)
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,959
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Women like you and the missus are evil, you know that right?

Yes, many men are lusting after us! Do you know how many men are after me? But my body is only for my husband to enjoy! I only feel sexy, comfortable, horny with my husband. Put another man in front of me, my fire dies right away, maybe. Is your wife the same? I a kind of feel she is the same! Do you know what a wonderful woman you have?

Well, I'm guessing you also work yes? For me I'm a sole provider, if my business suffers a setback less cash for all of us. Hence the stress and workaholism, sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

My husband and I work the same amount of hours. It is true that I share the financial burden. It is understandable that you have to bring all the stress on you. Here you might need to be understanding of you wife. It is actually better for her to work, she'll be more confident about herself and her life. But right now, you have a one-year old daughter, your wife is sacrificing her life to look after your daughter, it is important for children to have their own mothers to look after them when they are young. You love your daughter so much, so you know how much your wife is sacrificing.


I know, this forum is actually making me see it. I'm actually rather surprised the average sexy time in marriage for most is 4x a MONTH! That's so much free time!!!!

I see once in a month quite often!


Oh the game? We've been playing from day one, so we're used to it. However it seems that nowadays, she doesn't like it no more, prefers that I be more jealous and more possessive, meh . Just not me! I don't know. It just feels... weak (I don't like to feel like I'm 'kowtow'ing, ever - I'm sure you're familiar with the term)
Christian belief really stresses on fidelity. She is more religious now.

I understand some Cantonese.

You don't want to give in. You are just stubborn.

But you are going to lose more if you lose the peaceful atmosphere in your house. Better solve it sooner than later.

Dude, life should be more interesting. Please don't waster your time and energy on silly fights.
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,832
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Dude I was there were you are right now. The work-acholic in me did the same thing. Except I said "go get a boytoy if you want attention" that was 13 years ago. I have a wife that has slept with 20 guys, ten of whitch accured in the last 3 years. This sh*t will snowball and you will have a great carrer and a wife doing her own thing.

She will start with one and it will last a few months and then stop, a few years will go by and then she will be at it again, maybe just a month. Then another few years will go by and she'll be good ,then another guy will hit on her and then it happens again. It will get so bad that the guilt will eat her up so much that she will stop giving a sh*t and just go out with any swinging d*ck just to validate her self wearth, and that won't mean much to her after so many years of neglegt. In her eyes she will see her self as wearthless and do what ever to get attention.

But at least you will have a great job!

Mabye you will get lucky and she will fall in love with someone right of way, instead of hanging on to you and finding bandaids to help her through until you wake up and say "some one loves me". I better change or she will get killed with this kind of behavior.

Hey I know its tough i never got any respect and she didn't do a dam thing around the house and I resented that crap and dismissed her and my marraige, it was f*cked, but it happened. Don't be like that repair your marraige or move on get a carrer going then find someone.

Sorry for the rant, this one hit close to home.
the guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,130
Default Re: Is this wrong?

@Greenpearl

We'll see, to be honest I'm looking forward to ending this little fight with my little plan in a few hours, haven't had my ballsacs emptied for days! Now I'm starting to miss it (maybe that's why she does the STs - bah, she's f--king childish herself!)

@the guy

Hell mate, it seems when piecing everything up - everything is starting to make a straight bit of sense... too much freedom and she stops respecting me with finances, and it looks like I'm on the same road that you were on.

A part of me for some reason gets turned on by the idea too in all honesty (I also have an exhibitionist side) but I guess she knows it's not good for her since she's already been there, done that as well (Guess I'm actually lucky she's f--king stubborn in this regard) - and hence rejected the idea but it seems my words have hurt her I guess.

Thanks for this bro, I should have found this forum a lot sooner.

Last edited by RandomDude; 12-22-2010 at 10:51 PM.
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,959
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
We'll see, to be honest I'm looking forward to ending this little fight with my little plan in a few hours, haven't had my ballsacs emptied for days! Now I'm starting to miss it (maybe that's why she does the STs - bah, she's f--king childish herself!)
Both of you are suffering. I don't think she feels great either.

You two are just stubborn, don't want to give in to each other.


After you finish the fight, do more studying about not spoiling her and earning her respect by being a firm man, but not violent though. And stop saying silly things like you mentioned in your first post.
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,832
Default Re: Is this wrong?

The first seven years of my marraige were good and I to felt ther was no need to be controlling or jealas (I wish I could spellz) I had a loyal wife, but neglegt will takes its toll on her and she loves you and will do what she needs to do get by.

I never thought in 19 years that she would actually step out side the marraige even after telling her (twice). Every time She wanted to talk I refused her. She always wanted sex and as time went on I refused that to, Only on my terms.

This **** can get out of hand if you dont stand your ground and take some controll in your marriage.
the guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 10:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,832
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Dude, you should her the stories my wife has from all her.... adventure. It was insane. bottom line though back in Feb.'10 I pulled my sh*t together and hers and are doing great.
the guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 11:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
WadeWilson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Blending Into The Background
Posts: 395
Default Re: Is this wrong?

now i honestly dont have all the history.... but from what i can basicly tell, the childish things i am hearing is that you two do love and care for eachother....

she wants you as much as she sees you... and she wants you to be jealous.... that could mean she knows she has a good thing... or is just maybe really that much h0rn3y....

you do prove a bit of an example by not wanting to displease her by sending her elsewhere to seek what she needs... that just mean you want her to be happy and satisfied....

but what she wants is to be satisfied with you....
and of course you being the breadwinner is too stressful to keep up with her insatiable needs...
but you have to stand firm... if you feel she acts as if she wants to be caged... thats probably her saying you have to show some stregnth in the relationship....

do not be rude and fuss and fight but let her know when you're ready and not ready to f**k....

i too am the sole financial source in the household... and if i miss too much time even a couple of days, we will be on the streets... but sometimes i do not want a romp and my wife do... i sometimes oblige but most i have to reserve my energy...

and by all means... just real talk man to man... Do Not Send Her Into The Arms Of Another Man.....

i hope it works out for you though....
__________________
Your Argument Is Invalid....
....That's Why.
WadeWilson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 11:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,130
Default Re: Is this wrong?

Yeah, and I guess if I continue this it's only a matter of time too and she may even do it starting from an emotional affair since she's rather principled herself, but she's only human - one thing leads to another, that's how we even ended up having sex in the first place.

Guess I've been spoiled, still remember when she had her flab after childbirth and I always gave her **** for it, she never whined, never told on me about it, she lost her weight, went on the pole (we have one in our garage) - toned up her body, and made herself attractive again (and strong in the right places too... especially her legs), she demanded I do the same since working non-stop I didn't have much time to go gym (some positions she likes also demand strength) so I made it a habit to do pull-ups on a doorway at work during the breaks and do as much lifting as I could.

It seems she's been very appreciative of this sure, but I've not been for her. I still call it "rapes", when other guys would probably kill for a woman like her... And with finances (or anything outside of the bedroom) it's the complete opposite where she's not being appreciative of the hard work I've put into my business, and I've spoiled her by letting her spend like crazy whenever she likes, and I feel as if a ton of women would kill for a rich dude like me who doesn't even spend sh-t!

Man... everything is making sense, hell I hope this freakin plan works...

Quote:
and by all means... just real talk man to man... Do Not Send Her Into The Arms Of Another Man.....
Yeah come to think of it now it's a bloody horrible idea!!! I'm so stupid, I feel like homer...
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 11:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 1,469
Default Re: Is this wrong?

I feel your wife is pretty dominant in many aspects and at some certain level, you love to be dominated.
So actually, you're a perfectly matched couple.
Now the whole thing is aheading to an very extreme way, you started to question yourself and your marriage. At this point, you're still a perfect couple, but you need to strike a balance. She can be dominant but where is the limit? You can compromise, but where is the limit? You can spoil her, being raped, with all the bills paid, but there must be a limit for everything. She has to learn to respect you are still a man and you're her husband.
Posted via Mobile Device
MsLonely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 11:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,130
Default Re: Is this wrong?

I don't like the idea of being considered "submissive" or that she's more "dominant", I'd rather consider myself "dominant" over a "dominant woman"! I have an ego too you know! lol
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2010, 11:18 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,832
Default Re: Is this wrong?

I got a pole in the living room, kids want it down for the Holidays
the guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Menage a Trois gone wrong....so wrong EbonyBreal The Ladies' Lounge 72 07-16-2012 11:26 PM
WTH is wrong with me right now? COguy General Relationship Discussion 32 01-27-2012 02:01 PM
What should I do? Am I wrong? lostinlove2002 General Relationship Discussion 3 08-15-2010 06:49 AM
What am I doing wrong??? sarah1971 General Relationship Discussion 3 07-06-2010 03:57 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:25 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage