How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-03-2011, 06:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Exclamation How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

Here is some back ground:
Been together for 20 years and married for 14.
2 kids / dog / 2 cars / cottage.
No infidelities on either side. After our 2nd child 6 years ago, we slowly started to slip away from sex. I though well, itís hormonal / having a baby / her body image etcÖ
Then it came back somewhat. The last 2 years has been very disappointing. We have sex once a month or once every two months-this is brutal!!! I love sex Ėespecially with her. Sheís a beautiful woman at 38 and looks great! Iíve tried to bring up why in the past but got nowhere. Sheíll use things like:
ďMy hours at work are hardĒ
You donít do enough around the house
ďNo, just donít feel like itĒ

Well, I beg to differ. I do a lot around the house Ė laundry, dishwasher, vacuum, look after the cars, yard work take the kids to ringette / hockey and other things.
She does a lot as well, donít get me wrong. It 50/50 for sure.
I really believe that a strong marriage requires a solid sex life too.
In the past Iíve bought her Lingerie, Stilettos and toys when we were great in bed.
She hasnít done any of this since we were trying to get pregnant with our 2nd.
Iím getting to the point where an affair crosses my mind a lot now. Iíve been on POF looking but not requesting. How do I turn this around?? Iím actually thinking of having an affair!!! (Never would though). How to bring up what is our issues?? We never fight either. Weíve had stressful times in the last 2 years as I lost my job to the economic down turn 2 years ago. Thatís in the past as we are fine for money as I was out of work for 5 months.
This no sex thing has been going on for 5 years now and I have to end it. I fear I might leave soon. I need that touch of a woman. Any suggestions guys would be appreciated.

Last edited by Fordsvt; 03-10-2011 at 04:58 PM. Reason: Spell
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Old 01-03-2011, 07:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

I have a whole blog devoted to that issue. Link in the signature line.

It sounds like you are leaning towards the Nice Guy / Beta end of the scale. It makes women comfortable, but doesn't turn them on.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

I think often a slowing down in desire for sex can also mean underlying resentments. In addition to Pandakiss's ideas, I think it might be wise to look into possible resentments as well. You might be helping around the house but maybe not enough in her eyes or not with things she'd REALLY want you to help with. I know for me, my desire for sex is definitely tied to how appreciated I feel as a wife and mother. I've brought this up with my husband and he doesn't really get it...says he ate his dinner and threw a "thanks" my way so I should be appreciated. Not quite what I was looking for...anyway, I digress. LOL
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

Make her understand that she can't just ignore your needs.

Tell her you need to feel loved & desired but she's not giving you.

Tell her you can't live a marriage without receiving any love from the wife. Tell her to take this issue seriously and show you the love & passion you need.

You don't have to reminder her about the past. You have to focus what you need & ask.

Here is an example of how I asked my husband to improve our sexual life:

I'm a healthy & sexual woman. I need to feel loved & desired by my husband. I'm married. I'm married to just 1 man. That man is you. You're the only man I can have sex with. You're the man I madly in love with and I'm not allowed to have sex with others & I don't want to have sex with other men, either.

So I only want to have sex with you and I want to feel you often.

You have been ignoring my sexual needs, refusing to give me enough love that I really need from you for a long while.

You don't respect me at all, you don't respect me that I have sexual needs & unfortunately I'm married to you. I'm married to an ignorant spouse & I don't want to cheat because if I must cheat to satisfy my needs, I prefer to divorce.

I can't live in a sexless marriage & regret all my life when I'm old and I lost my sexual desires. I don't want to see you regret that you married me without a great sexual life. You're too young to give up great sex as well. You should also enjoy what life & marriage have to offer.

I need you to enjoy great sex with me to reach the maximun satisfaction with me. I need you to show me the love I need. Don't just say you love me. Show me!

I want a wonderful & beautiful marriage with you. I don't want to see our sexual life die. We are still too young. We should have a great sexual life until the day we can't have.

Last edited by MsLonely; 01-03-2011 at 11:03 PM.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

What does working around the house have things to do with having sex?

Leave the house! Bring her to hotel or screw her brains off in the car, so there's no house cleaning issues. There's also no kids issue. There's only sex issue.

She no needs to feel anything special. She only needs to enjoy great sex with you without worrying about other things. She needs to understand her puxxy also has a need to feel your thrusting, licking or eating, those are the pleausre she's been trying to ignore after giving birth to your 2nd child. You have to wake up her vagina, make it wet & itchy & hungry.

As well as I woke up my husband's penis. I make it remember the pleasure of thrusting, licking & sucking. After it's awaken, it asks for more.

If you have to worry about house work & kids, mood... etc, you can't never enjoy great sex!

P.S Make sure she has enough orgasms she needs per round. If you can't satisfy her needs and fullfill her fantasies, it could be a reason she lost her desires for you.
Make sure you eat all around and the tease her body slowly until she's totally wet begging you for intercourse!

You can't rush the foreplay you know what I mean. Women feel very uncomfortable to have sex when they're still dry.

Last edited by MsLonely; 01-03-2011 at 11:27 PM.
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Old 01-04-2011, 12:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandakiss View Post
couldn have said it better...i think i may have just confused the issue. but yes, she has to remember what all those things felt like.

she is sleeping, time to rise and shine....
I agree, that was a Powerful Statement. Along with others there too. Thanks for the good words so far.
Keep them coming please.
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Old 01-04-2011, 03:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

:i agree:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLonely View Post
Make her understand that she can't just ignore your needs.

Tell her you need to feel loved & desired but she's not giving you.

Tell her you can't live a marriage without receiving any love from the wife. Tell her to take this issue seriously and show you the love & passion you need.

You don't have to reminder her about the past. You have to focus what you need & ask.

Here is an example of how I asked my husband to improve our sexual life:

I'm a healthy & sexual woman. I need to feel loved & desired by my husband. I'm married. I'm married to just 1 man. That man is you. You're the only man I can have sex with. You're the man I madly in love with and I'm not allowed to have sex with others & I don't want to have sex with other men, either.

So I only want to have sex with you and I want to feel you often.

You have been ignoring my sexual needs, refusing to give me enough love that I really need from you for a long while.

You don't respect me at all, you don't respect me that I have sexual needs & unfortunately I'm married to you. I'm married to an ignorant spouse & I don't want to cheat because if I must cheat to satisfy my needs, I prefer to divorce.

I can't live in a sexless marriage & regret all my life when I'm old and I lost my sexual desires. I don't want to see you regret that you married me without a great sexual life. You're too young to give up great sex as well. You should also enjoy what life & marriage have to offer.

I need you to enjoy great sex with me to reach the maximun satisfaction with me. I need you to show me the love I need. Don't just say you love me. Show me!

I want a wonderful & beautiful marriage with you. I don't want to see our sexual life die. We are still too young. We should have a great sexual life until the day we can't have.
:i agree:

Plus educate her about sexuality and a healthy marriage. All are good ideas....one more would be to write love messeges to her and leave them around the house...under her pillow, write on her lunch (i always write love things on her banana) - when she is in the shower draw a heart on the mirrow....and when she is finally ready to make love to you, make sure you encorage her and tell her how beatiful she is.....and don't get upset with anything....baby steps...
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

Well, I'm going to try a few things and see what happens.
I'll post back and let you know-keep the ideas cumming!
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: How To Re-Kindle Sex with My Wife???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fordsvt View Post
Here is some back ground:
Been together for 20 years and married for 14.
2 kids / dog / 2 cars / cottage.
No infidelities on either side. After our 2nd child 6 years ago, we slowly started to slip away from sex. I though well, it’s hormonal / having a baby / her body image etc…
Then it came back somewhat. The last 2 years has been very disappointing. We have sex once a month or once every two months-this is brutal!!! I love sex –especially with her. She’s a beautiful woman at 38 and looks great! I’ve tried to bring up why in the past but got nowhere. She’ll use things like:
“My hours at work are hard”
You don’t do enough around the house
“No, just don’t feel like it”

Well, I beg to differ. I do a lot around the house – laundry, dishwasher, vacuum, look after the cars, yard work take the kids to ringette / hockey and other things.
She does a lot as well, don’t get me wrong. It 50/50 for sure.
I really believe that a strong marriage requires a solid sex life too.
In the past I’ve bought her Lingerie, Stilettos and toys when we were great in bed.
She hasn’t done any of this since we were trying to get pregnant with our 2nd.
I’m getting to the point where an affair crosses my mind a lot now. I’ve been on POF looking but not requesting. How do I turn this around?? I’m actually thinking of having an affair!!! (Never would though). How to bring up what is our issues?? We never fight either. We’ve had stressful times in the last 2 years as I lost my job to the economic down turn 2 years ago. That’s in the past as we are fine for money as I was out of work for 5 months.
This no sex thing has been going on for 5 years now and I have to end it. I fear I might leave soon. I need that touch of a woman. Any suggestions guys would be appreciated.
I know this has probably crossed your mind, but if she's 38 years old, there's a chance that it has nothing to do with you at all-- It could all be hormonal. Some women start to hit menopause as young as 35, and that can cause the libido do decrease significantly. Instead of trying to engage in intercourse, try simply making her comfortable. Doing small things she likes like letting her pick the movie or the menu choice for the night can lift her mood, which is enough to make a menopausal woman get in the mood again.

This may not be the cause, but if it is, having her happy is more important than having her horny! If you're looking for general ideas for promoting sex while keeping her best interest at heart, I speak a lot about it at my site, http://wwwdatingguide.com. Good luck, my friend.

Last edited by LouisP; 11-01-2011 at 02:50 PM. Reason: Post not complete
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