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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » What's next after great sex?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-16-2011, 06:49 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

Another word of caution too actually, in regards to using jealousy, don't use the OM. Use someone else, and regardless it's a game that should only be played among relatively secure couples.

There's two unspoken messages sent to your lover while playing the jealousy game, or flirting with others, or simply having others attracted to you:
- You're lucky to have me
- You'd better come claim me before...

The first one is harmless and only beneficial, the second one is very powerful, for better or worse, and if you two aren't strong, it could definitely break yas up if the game is taken too far or played too often.

The more secure a couple, the more it gravitates towards the first one.
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:08 AM   #62 (permalink)
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I have found that Passive is OK so long as you feel LOVED, cared for, even if you find yourself the more creative, more initiative, this is workable -IF you FEEL he wants/desires to be there with you in these moments. Some enthusiam.

Without this, I can easily understand your struggle, hurt and what you are trying to convey deeply in this thread. I would find these things crushing & getting very old if I felt my partner was just "going along" to keep the peace, or satisfy me alone- but his head is elsewhere. Some of us NEED this emotional response of the other, even a little LUSTY selfishness on their part, this is what passion is made of.

How is HIS feelings on all of these things ?
Is he passionate about OTHER things in his life ?
DO you feel 2nd best, put on the back burner, taken for granted?
He's bored. He needs some inputs as well. I guess.
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:24 AM   #63 (permalink)
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He's bored. He needs some inputs as well. I guess.
Do you mean he is Bored, or He IS boring? I was getting the impression You was the only one that was feeling "bored" and maybe he was just perfectly content with all that you bring to the relationship. But that contentment of his is driving you nuts-as I think you are an Erotic Lover , always seeking something new & exciting, and he is very much not this way.


So he wants more Ommpphhh too but does little on his end to entice, tease , please & spice? From all you have said, I think you have tried almost everything.

When you start feeling this way, do you openly show him your displeasure- how is your attitude in his presence? If if feels you are displeased & bored with him, it may dampen his spirits & cause him to try even less. Just a thought.
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Old 01-16-2011, 09:11 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

ms lonely im totally feeling ur pain. my sex life is fine. almost great. we just dont nurture the other parts of each other. not doing or saying those things to fill each others love basket and it feels like having sex and raising kids with a roommate and not a romantic partner.

i swear marriage is one of the only things people expect you to work at and on despite the diminishing returns. we should be able to have the option to re-up every five years and option out with no hard feelings.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:42 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Ignore what?
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Reread my previous comment.
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Old 01-16-2011, 06:15 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
Men like what they consider "naughty."

Dress up like Britney Spears in "hit me baby, one more time," men like the schoolgirl fantasy.

Dress up like a cop and arrest him for bad behavior. I once did this while wearing a wig so I didn't even look like me.

Do a strip tease for him, masturbate in front of him and he isn't allowed to touch or comment, just watch.

Put a blindfold on him, cuff his hands and ankles and make him just lay there while you do things to him he can't see or doesn't know what's coming next and he can't touch or reciprocate until you say so. Use fruit, whip cream, chocolate pudding, a strap on (that will definitely surprise him).

Whisper fantasies in his ear, with a low voice - tell him what you want, what you're going to do to him, ask him to tell you what he wants, what his fantasies are. I've found in the throes of passion you can usually find out things they won't tell you otherwise - I've heard some really wild fantasies and have used them in future sexual situations to stimulate.

Google it, there are tons of websites out there about fantasies and setting up your spouse for the kill (in bed). They can help out a lot.

Be willing to stretch your boundaries and go where you haven't gone before - you just might find out that you are both freaks!

Wow! I would have loved to do this stuff with my ex-wife. She did cuff me a few times but it was like pulling teeth. If I had mentioned most of this stuff, she would have had me in real cuffs being led out to be locked up!
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Old 01-16-2011, 06:25 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

This is where you are:
Quote:
Originally Posted by michzz View Post
You are addicted to the first stages of a love affair where chemicals are flooding your brain.
and this is where you need to be:
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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
It's long past since the butterfly feelings for the missus and I. It's become more then that, I can't see myself without her nor can she.

...

There's more to love then just the initial stages of farting out love-hearts.
I have to agree with RandomDude, the relationship stalled somewhere. It is physically impossible to keep butterflies going for many years. However, seeing your partner in a new light might rekindle it. Happens to us every once in a while. I cannot say where your problems lie exactly, but you will need to talk about it, go on a vacation like others suggested etc.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:24 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Reread my previous comment.
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Not very inspiring.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:29 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by janesmith View Post
ms lonely im totally feeling ur pain. my sex life is fine. almost great. we just dont nurture the other parts of each other. not doing or saying those things to fill each others love basket and it feels like having sex and raising kids with a roommate and not a romantic partner.

i swear marriage is one of the only things people expect you to work at and on despite the diminishing returns. we should be able to have the option to re-up every five years and option out with no hard feelings.
Thanks for your input & I totally agree with you!


Just to have great sex isn't enough to fulfill the emotional needs.

Being a romatic spouse for each other is also very important in a marriage.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:33 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

After married, we pay lots of attention to many things but not the romantic feelings with the spouse. Finding back butterflies is not easy but workable.

Last night, my husband dated me for a cup of coffee & small chat. He waited me downstairs when I was doing the makeup and dressing myself up for the date as if I were his new gf.

We recreated the scense of being gf and bf, and we had a role play, pretending we just met. The magic feelings came back as soon the alcohole started its effect.
So my new discovery is, alcohol helps finding back the butterflies. LOL
The married couple really needs this extra stimulation- alcohol to push chemistry to generate.

Last edited by MsLonely; 01-18-2011 at 08:02 AM.
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Old 01-17-2011, 06:49 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

Dating the spouse is really a good idea. It helps balancing family life & romance after married.
It's very rewarding for a married couple to date each other, spending quality time "alone" at least once a week. Thanks to DanF who provided me the dating idea.
My husband also felt refreshed. Now he plans to date me at least once a week.

Last edited by MsLonely; 01-17-2011 at 06:54 AM.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:26 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

It's depressing when we realize we just can't have it all.
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:00 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Another word of caution too actually, in regards to using jealousy, don't use the OM. Use someone else, and regardless it's a game that should only be played among relatively secure couples.

There's two unspoken messages sent to your lover while playing the jealousy game, or flirting with others, or simply having others attracted to you:
- You're lucky to have me
- You'd better come claim me before...

The first one is harmless and only beneficial, the second one is very powerful, for better or worse, and if you two aren't strong, it could definitely break yas up if the game is taken too far or played too often.

The more secure a couple, the more it gravitates towards the first one.
Playing the safe jealousy game can be fun.
I'm not very sure how to bring it on without upseting my husband though...
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:35 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

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Playing the safe jealousy game can be fun.
I'm not very sure how to bring it on without upseting my husband though...
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I don't know what I am doing is helpful!

I just keep on reminding my husband: Hey, you are a lucky man, you have a woman a lot of men want! But you are the only man I want! ( I think I lose the game)
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:03 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's next after great sex?

LOL! Your husband knows he's a lucky man already! You can make him more jealous, but nice try!
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