another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-19-2011, 08:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

I am 29 and we are together with my wife for 8 years (5yrs marriage) and we have a son (2yrs). We have sex 1-2 times a week... I know this would be a great statistics for many of you, BUT... this doesn't mean a great sex life for me. If it comes to sex I need to initiate _always_. In the past three years or so there were only two-three occasions when she came to me. During the intercourse I feel like sex wouldn't be a real pleasure to her, she would just serve my needs or something.. like 'ok let's cum and get through this asap'... I feel I'm having sex with a puppet... I didn't feel at all that she wants me as much as I want her... you know what I mean? She used to strip for me and to wear sexy lingerie, do nasty games in the bed, sometimes even public (on night train), but now if I didn't asked for it she would never ever have oral sex.
My needs would be about 3-4 times a week, but 2 would also be enough if I felt the desire in her..

At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was great (7+ times per week), but our approaches to sex were different. I was more a romantic type lover while she was a more nasty/rough one. This caused a problem. In the fourth month of our relationship we did not have sex for almost 4 weeks because of me.. I was scared that I couldn't satisfy her nasty needs and this mental frustration affected my potential... I couldn't tell her the real reason (that's my fault) but she was nice during this period and we got through it. I learned to be a nasty/kinky in sex. But then things have changed quickly after my problem disappeared. She wasn't so nasty anymore, and she didn't have the desire for sex with me as much. Her sexual appetite decreased slowly and we got to current the situation right after we got married.

Apart from sex we have a great marriage. We love each other really so much and we have a wonderful family. I'd never ever leave her and so would she. The only 'problem' is the sex. She calls me a sex-maniac (which is true, but she made me one) and she said that her sexual appetite is so low because of my problem at the beginning. I tried to talk to her about this and how she thinks I should change to get her desire back, but I never got a straight answer. Lately I got more and more frustrated and now also at work.. I couldn't focus to my tasks.. because I am trying to figure out 24/7 what the hell am I doing wrong... It's like being under the water and making up to the surface only 2x per week and even then the air I breath is like the smoke in a chimney...
I know that I am putting more and more pressure on her, that doesn't help, but I am really helpless and I don't know what to do..

Please, help me! Any advice, suggestion is welcome!
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Same here! My husband brought out the sex freak in me and then turned everything off after we married. I never had it the ways he showed me and it was so new to me I wanted more, it was fun. I could say your wife is narcissist like my husband but I dont know her, beyond what you type here. The narcissist generally does what they need to get you and once they have you a completely different person comes out. They also like pleasers/givers bc they are takers. It will end up with you begging and resenting her removal of what you once had. It will end up with her then seeing you as weak and undesirable. The sex issue may eventually bleed over into other areas... as it was once our only issue.

Yes, the more pressure you put on her the more she will back off. The more you try to talk to her about it, the less she will... it becomes an ugly game. Let me know if watch the current Two and a Half Men, bc there is a story line in there that will be beneficial for you.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Thanks for the reply! Well, I'm not sure that narcissist' is the right word for my wife. She's actually a loving wife and a wonderful mother otherwise. We had to move a lot to different countries (because of my job) and she came with me without questions (although she knew she's gonna have problems with the language and the start is gonna be tough for her) and I think this could also be one of the reasons of her behavior, but still... I feel how I wrote... Nevertheless that's true that we argue more and more lately, and in the background of all these arguing the sex and my frustration stands... Maybe things would change if I would be more patient but I have very little patience left... I just don't want to play this game. I just want to get my woman back, but I don't know how... I don't watch that series you mentioned but I may check it out.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

2x per week is still pretty good.
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

hi walter--
i think something happened, and she is not telling you what it is. before you married you had great sex, UNLESS..she said the exact words, "after marriage we will only have sex to have a baby, and our lives will revolve around the kids..."

something really big and important happened. ask her why she dosent enjoy sex anymore. ask her if there is something she would like to say to you but is scared or nervous [not ike you woukd beat her, but like she is letting you down way].

she might not want to open up, and its up to you to make her feel safe and like she could say anything, and you not be mad, but could address it like adults.

i hope you can work it out. good luck....
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Wives and husbands, there is hope! Yesterday, we had a bad fight and today morning a long conversation with lot of crying... We talked about our feelings and problems. She finally said what the her problem was. Actually she had a lot of 'smaller' problems over the past three years that were already too much together (lost of very good friends, living in a foreign country almost since we met, I work too much, she feels herself 'useless' because she does not work, although she's a full time mother!, etc). She said she was kind of getting back to her nasty personality since she got pregnant (that's actually true, our sex life got better while she was pregnant), but I put too much pressure on her... That's unfortunately also true... Since our son was born we have much less time for each other. We have nobody to take care of our son if we'd like to go out for a dinner or something... and both of us miss this very much. We agreed to try to be better in the fields the other misses/needs. I'll try to give her more time, we'll try to find more time for each other and go out more often somehow and she'll try to be nasty again.. So we had this conversation today morning... I say for the other parts of the day that we are at 4x per day and the day is not yet over! She was the nastiest/kinkiest/most beautiful/wonderful/devoted woman I've ever seen... and I am the most happy husband on the whole world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope this is not a dream or if it is it never ends!!!!!!!!!! Guy's if you love your spouse and you have a nice marriage except for sex, DO NOT GIVE UP on the other! There is hope!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

very happy for you.....that i just wonderful news....

keep on talking...bet wishes for you in the future
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Good to hear!
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Old 01-21-2011, 04:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Congrats mr Walter. Beautiful ending!
now since there is a happy ending, i would love to raise another topic here... like toolate and Walter talked about your spauses doing nasty and naughty stuffs..in public and indoors...could you help us know about it..may be there is something new we can do to our spauses as well?
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:46 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Thanks Engaged?!. Here's a little story.

On a friday I learned from one of our friends that his fetish is to do it in public places where they can easily be caught in the act. They have never been, but the possibility excites him. He told me a few stories about it. I was a bit surprised on him but we had fun talking about it. In the evening we were going out of town with my wife. We were sitting on the train and it was already late at night, the train was basically empty. I told my wife the stories about our friend, and then we began to talk about the topic. She asked what I think about it. I had no firm opinion, but I wasn't really turned on by the thought. She said she's would try it, cause this story turned her on. I was a bit like '..cmon here, now, are you crazy?' Then she began to stroke herself whispering that she's so horny and if I didn't want to help her she's gonna do it alone. I was a bit frustrated about leaving me out, but I was also getting excited and horny about what she's gonna do. She wore a long dress that she began to pull up slowly. Then she said, she wears no panties and pulled her dress all the way up... She was playing with herself, but I was only allowed to watch. Then she asked me to get down on her. You could imagine how horny I became... After a while she pushed me back and pulled down my jeans and gave a bj. We tried two-three interesting positions that the tight room allowed.. The extra challenge was that we are not too loud during intercourse but definitely not quiet. 'Cause we were still on a train we had to keep it down, that was an extra 'spice' that excited us both even more..

Later on she told me that while I had a beer with my 'kinky' friend she was shopping with his gf and they talked about this whole topic very extensively... So she had already a plan for our trip. :-))

Or

At the beginning of our relationship we slept always naked. Apart from the 1month period I mentioned above I always had rock hard erection when I saw here naked (and this is so ever since). She was always very happy/proud of here power on me and so was I.
There was a period when I woke up frequently at night feeling that something is happening... My wife was massaging/licking my 'tool' while she was playing with herself. She said she couldn't resist to do something, if she knew that I'm laying next to her naked with a hard c***k, but she added; this doesn't mean that I should wear anything at night!!! So we had a wonderful 'quality time' every time she woke me up this way. :-)

At the beginning of our relationship she was always like this and I hope she's getting back to this personality now again! :-)
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Old 01-21-2011, 07:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

You guys had fun! I still cant imagine how u did have sex as people or conductor can move across the car easily...I thig playing at each other is simple but you went up to sex? thats tight!
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: another 'too little sex in marriage problem' - still help please

Well, as I said the train was almost completely empty. There were only maybe three women in the other end of the whole train, we didn't see the conductor during the whole trip. So this actually wasn't really a dangerous situation but it was definitely exciting / interesting experience. :-)
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