I'm just not ready for it.

epicfail · 01-19-2011, 01:44 PM

My husband carried on an affair for 5 or 6 months. He told this young girl that he was in love with her and wanted to marry her. Fast forward: two weeks after I found out about the affair, he wanted to reconcile our relationship. We've been back together, not living together yet, for 6 months and we've been intimate twice.

He, of course, demands my affection; However, I don't trust him and I ... I'm not sexually attracted to him. Deep down, I'm scared I'm going to catch something from him. Now, I asked him to go and get checked and tested for STD's and he did and he gave me the paperwork that showed he was negative. But, I still have the fears.

I've tried to explain my feelings to him, but he doesn't care. I've asked him to go to counseling with me, he won't.

What's left?

Scannerguard · 01-19-2011, 03:45 PM

Are you really not sexually attracted to him or are you just angry?

It's hard to separate the two, I know, but I think you need to eventually.

And yes, I think it's reasonable for him to get off his sorry butt and go to counseling with you. That was the tipping point in my ex-marriage, when she refused.

That being said, forgiveness benefits the wronged more than it does who did the wronging. You'll have to accept that someday, a hard truth that it is to accept.

You are female and that means you are prone to resentment and grudges.

Path to the Dark Side, that is.

moonangel · 01-19-2011, 06:45 PM

What feelings did you explain to him? Or were you vague about it and he didn't hear you correctly.

You need to make it clear to him that the affair is still p.issing you off. If he doesn't understand that and go to counseling to mend or work on it then it will continue into the dark side...downhill.

MsLonely · 01-21-2011, 08:57 AM

You might want to listen to your heart. When your feelings are dead and there's nothing left, you don't want to have any reconciliation with him.
However, if you really want your marriage to survive this difficult phrase, you will need to work with your husband with your devotion & belief for achieving a strong & faithful marriage with him.
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