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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-20-2011, 06:28 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

I know its considered the ultimate guy fantasy, and I had a brief/semi 3some when I was dating, before i met my wife.
However, now with some maturity and age, I think 3somes are a great way to screw up a marriage, and thats all. For that night, it might be hot, for some or all. But in the end, you're creating more problems than solving.
I consider myself a freaky guy with a overcharged sex drive, but I wouldn't want to see my wife with another guy or girl.
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:32 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Was going to let this one pass me by, but couldn't resist.

Yes, my husband and I have done quite a few threesomes and enjoyed it tremendously. Worked around any physical issues and have met some good people who are still friends.

We typically do the MFM or just MM, or we've even done just FM (another male). We've kind of experiemented all over the map.

We don't participate as much as I would like to due to hubby's medical issues and other problems. But, interestingly enough, this particular activity has caused NO issues. We've kept it completely separate from our own intimacy (when we have it), and it's treated as just something we do.

Now, this may shock some of you so hang on - I even set up a couple of "dates" to visit the hubby at home while I was at work and then he had to call and give me all of he details! I know, I've heard it before.

While I'm very insecure with myself right now, when it comes to this particular action I'm extremely secure - not sure why, that's probably screwed up on some level.

But, my counselor says if this rocks my world, then so be it.

No problems thus far, but we're newbies and not extremely active with it right now, for obvious reasons.

But hey, if it works for you, who should judge?

And we are proud card carrying members of Adult Friend Finder!
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:33 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Thanks all. My husband has always been against it but I've brought it up a few times just to see what he thinks and he is still set on NO. LOL!!

I told him that it would only be MFM 'cause I can't have another female doing it w/him...but he said either way, he doesn't care for it ever.

I was just curious if anyone married had ever tried it while married and how it all worked out...I'm guessing those didn't work out.
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:38 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

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Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
When I was a teen, a boy I was dating tried to talk me into doing a 3 some with me and my girl friend. First, he started talking about some guy he knew who did it that w/e and joked about it. That was a lie, he started there as part of a grooming process that I now recognize. He finally came out and asked if I and one of my gf would like to fool around. Mind you, I was not even having sex with this guy, just heavy making out no genitals touched.

Well, I was a timid person at the time but no push over or fool. I think he was rather surprised when I cursed his azzzz out and told he not to darken my door again. Then I told all of our friends what happened, it was very uncomfortable for him.

Because of that experience, this is a hot button issue for me so please give me some slack. I knew that guy for years before we dated, he knew my family and friends. I was shocked and thought that he picked me because I somehow made him think I would be likely to do such a thing.

Any man who whats a FMF threesome should do this first to show his reluctant partner how openminded and willing he is to step out of his comfort zone and spice things up. I'd suggest a MFM where you can watch him and the guy giving each other bj and then you have sex with the guy. Surely, no loving man would want his partner to do what he cannot even think of doing. A selfish, entitled man might. How many men would do that? If the answer is negative then think of what a woman is being asked to do. Then why ask women to do it? The big brain should register empathy and tell the little brain what to do.

Marco's response is typical - he wants to use the woman for his pleasure and would expect her to endure watching him cheat and her being with a woman, something that does not come naturally to her. Yet, he could not stand for her to have the pleasure of enjoying another man. If you cannot bear the thought of watching her having the excitement of enjoying newness of another man, what convoluted thought processes would make it OK for you Marco to have another woman while not even being able to think let alone watch her with another man? I am curious, what makes you more worthy of that pleasure than your wife?

This is a male fantasy born of porn, there is nothing in it for women. I think it has nothing to do with "spicing thighs up", love or intimacy in a committed relationship. It's pure p***s centered sex. Although I am certain that sex is an emotional connection to men, it can be, at the same time, too centered on his pleasure. He may forget that there is a human connected to those body parts and they are not there strictly for his use. I still cannot understand why women let themselves be talked into these fantasies that are for the pleasure of the male only and emotionally devastating on several fronts.

She has to watch her husband cheat, and she has to force herself to have contact with a woman when her sexual orientation does not lean in that direction. Yet again, I do understand - woman want to be loved and please their partner. But there is no love or intimacy involved in sex that is not totally and freely enjoyed by both parties.

If a woman is not bi and it is not her idea, then no man should suggest or try to coerce a woman to do this. It amounts to her putting on a porn show for him and watching him cheat. If sex is about love and intimacy, what has that got to do with love.
In my case, my husband didn't even bring it up.

I actually brought it up and he had to warm up to the idea. But he warmed up fast.

It's not always p**** driven, sometimes women approach the subject before their partners do.

One size doesn't fit all.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:16 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

MWIL

Did I read that right that you've done MM, i.e. you husband and another guy? He's bi?
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:39 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
We typically do the MFM or just MM, or we've even done just FM (another male). We've kind of experiemented all over the map.

No problems thus far, but we're newbies and not extremely active with it right now, for obvious reasons.
Isn't this exactly the reason you don't really mind? It seems to have been other males and you basically. You haven't seen him with other gals basically, only heard the hot stories.
Just wondering and correct me if I'm wrong.

p.s. I'm not against the idea, always seemed interesting, but don't have any intention of doing it. Just curiosity
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Old 01-21-2011, 07:36 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

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MWIL

Did I read that right that you've done MM, i.e. you husband and another guy? He's bi?
That's another nice after-affect of his TBI.

Not usual to have sexual acting out behaviors, etc., especially if the hypothamulus is involved, which his is.

So yes, he is now bi. Has come out as bi shortly after the TBI.

I suspect he's always had this tendancy (don't ask, but it was evident to me much earlier in the marriage), so I've accepted and it's not a problem for me, actually just the opposite I've come to discover.
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Old 01-21-2011, 07:42 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

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Isn't this exactly the reason you don't really mind? It seems to have been other males and you basically. You haven't seen him with other gals basically, only heard the hot stories.
Just wondering and correct me if I'm wrong.

p.s. I'm not against the idea, always seemed interesting, but don't have any intention of doing it. Just curiosity
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I don't have an issue with FMF either. I'm a little bi-curious as they say too.

The ONLY reason we haven't headed into that area yet is due to his ED issues, there are things you can do with MM, and MFM that don't require intercourse so its easier to manage when something doesn't work right. He is not embarrased with men, but considers it a failure with women, so he's not comfortable with that yet.

Plus, its easier to get MFM, then FMF, women are more cautious. Not a surprise I'm sure.
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