3-somes...are they really worth it?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-20-2011, 01:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Married couples, have you tried threesomes. J/c.

If so, is it worth it and how do you get into one anyway?
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Never tried and if I ever considered it, it would be if my wife suggest it....and It would have to be with another woman - don't think I could do it with another man....
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Married couples, have you tried threesomes. J/c.

If so, is it worth it and how do you get into one anyway?
Didn't try with my husband but in the past, I did "try" with the other girl, I think the man felt fun to see two women, but nothing really happened because in the end, we, girls were not interested in this man.
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

By the way, my husband did try 3 some for real before we met.
He said in the end he could only focus on 1 woman he prefered and had to give up & ignore the other because he wasn't able to handle two... LOL
He said it's fun to have such experience but he wouldn't want to do again. Once is enough for curiosity.
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Old 01-20-2011, 02:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Question comes up a lot.

If history here is any indication, there are 5 or more nightmare stories for every 1 remotely healthy 3-some or swinger story shared here.

But everybody reads'em!
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Old 01-20-2011, 03:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Never did it, never had the fantasy & don't care to see it in porn either, I fast forward such things. All for monogomy here.

Husband also has no interest.
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Old 01-20-2011, 03:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Well to each their own, but its not for me. I have known a few people over the years though who do this, and it has caused alot more issues than they had to begin with.
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

We talked about it with my wife a long time ago (we were not married yet). I wanted to have another woman while she another man. The problem was that she would have been too jealous for another woman and I for another man. Since neither of us wanted to hurt the other, we agreed not to try it.
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

When I was a teen, a boy I was dating tried to talk me into doing a 3 some with me and my girl friend. First, he started talking about some guy he knew who did it that w/e and joked about it. That was a lie, he started there as part of a grooming process that I now recognize. He finally came out and asked if I and one of my gf would like to fool around. Mind you, I was not even having sex with this guy, just heavy making out no genitals touched.

Well, I was a timid person at the time but no push over or fool. I think he was rather surprised when I cursed his azzzz out and told he not to darken my door again. Then I told all of our friends what happened, it was very uncomfortable for him.

Because of that experience, this is a hot button issue for me so please give me some slack. I knew that guy for years before we dated, he knew my family and friends. I was shocked and thought that he picked me because I somehow made him think I would be likely to do such a thing.

Any man who whats a FMF threesome should do this first to show his reluctant partner how openminded and willing he is to step out of his comfort zone and spice things up. I'd suggest a MFM where you can watch him and the guy giving each other bj and then you have sex with the guy. Surely, no loving man would want his partner to do what he cannot even think of doing. A selfish, entitled man might. How many men would do that? If the answer is negative then think of what a woman is being asked to do. Then why ask women to do it? The big brain should register empathy and tell the little brain what to do.

Marco's response is typical - he wants to use the woman for his pleasure and would expect her to endure watching him cheat and her being with a woman, something that does not come naturally to her. Yet, he could not stand for her to have the pleasure of enjoying another man. If you cannot bear the thought of watching her having the excitement of enjoying newness of another man, what convoluted thought processes would make it OK for you Marco to have another woman while not even being able to think let alone watch her with another man? I am curious, what makes you more worthy of that pleasure than your wife?

This is a male fantasy born of porn, there is nothing in it for women. I think it has nothing to do with "spicing thighs up", love or intimacy in a committed relationship. It's pure p***s centered sex. Although I am certain that sex is an emotional connection to men, it can be, at the same time, too centered on his pleasure. He may forget that there is a human connected to those body parts and they are not there strictly for his use. I still cannot understand why women let themselves be talked into these fantasies that are for the pleasure of the male only and emotionally devastating on several fronts.

She has to watch her husband cheat, and she has to force herself to have contact with a woman when her sexual orientation does not lean in that direction. Yet again, I do understand - woman want to be loved and please their partner. But there is no love or intimacy involved in sex that is not totally and freely enjoyed by both parties.

If a woman is not bi and it is not her idea, then no man should suggest or try to coerce a woman to do this. It amounts to her putting on a porn show for him and watching him cheat. If sex is about love and intimacy, what has that got to do with love.

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Old 01-20-2011, 04:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Never did it, never had the fantasy & don't care to see it in porn either, I fast forward such things. All for monogomy here.
Same thoughts here. My estranged husband had other ideas though. Perhaps after we go before the judge next month, he could tell you whether it was really worth it. lol

You can really jump into it by putting ads on web sites like Passion.com and Adult Friend Finder. It's amazing what is out there!

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Old 01-20-2011, 04:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

While I do think there is a lot of male interest in such things, I know that this is not always so, sometimes it is women pushing for it.

Standard gender generality filter applies.
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Catherine, I do not think you are 100% right. Before I met my wife I was pulled into a 3some twice by 2 women, but somehow we got disturbed both times during foreplay. I did not initiate this, the women started it both times. That's however also true that neither of us had a partner at that time not talking about marriage. That was an interesting experience but I wouldn't try it now as married as I wrote above. 3some in marriage is a different issue, but 3some in general is definitely not a man thing. I know actually more women who tried it than men, both in MFM and FMF.
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Old 01-20-2011, 07:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Whatever floats ones boat. For me it would make me feel like crap if my husband wanted to bring another person into the bedroom. I would imagine he would feel the same if I wanted too. Thankfully we both seem secure enough and happy enough in our sex life to not feel the need to do that. I feel its a sacred bond between two people. Not everyone else. There are also other ways to spice up a sex life besides bringing a third party into the mix.
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Old 01-20-2011, 07:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

Common sense is telling me to stay away from this kind of thing.

Curiosity can be good when we are learning, but when we know it will burn our finger and we still do it, then we get our fingers burned!
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Old 01-20-2011, 07:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-somes...are they really worth it?

It's an idea that's come up in both of my major relationships, but never moved beyond that.

My college gf and I mentioned it. And, for the record, she's the one who brought it up. As with the poster upthread, she preferred the idea of MFM, while I preferred the idea of FMF. The biggest hurdle, though, was that we both agreed we didn't want the third (whether M or F) to be a complete stranger, but at the same time, were so close to anyone we thought we'd be comfortable with that we didn't want to add that level of potential strain on the friendships.

Currently, my wife has long expressed a curiosity (dating back to high school) of experimenting with another woman. Since that's not really an experience I'm physically capable of providing, I've told her she can satisfy that curiosity, but I'd like to be aware of it, preferably in the room and she's agreed. In part, that condition is set as a bit of calling her proverbial bluff, and in part is because I've long had a fantasy, myself, of watching two women together (as opposed to just in porn). My actual participation is neither required nor expected, but if both invited me to join, that's their option.

This, too, has never proceeded past talk/fantasy, and that's fine with me.
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