Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I need to know something / need some help. We tried anal with my wife a few times unsuccessfully. My 'tool' was too thick for her. So she doesn't want to try anymore because she is convinced it's IMPOSSIBLE to put it in. She is usually not really in an 'anal mood' but sometimes she really likes it if I'm playing around with my tongue. So I tried the following; one finger in her anus another in her vagina and my tongue on her clit. She had an orgasm I've never ever seen before. Now here comes what I didn't get. I tried to do this 'trick' again but she stopped me. She allowed me to do this only once again. I felt, I know that she enjoyed it soooooooooooooooooooooo much. I asked her about it but she said that after intercourse she had some pain in her anus... Can this really be? I mean I have really thin fingers I can't imagine they could hurt her. Does any of you have a clue why she doesn't want me to please her this way?
There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to do it. It could be what she is telling you or it could be something else entirely.
In the end, it doesn't really matter what her reasons are. If she doesn't enjoy it, or even if she does enjoy it, if she doesn't want to do it, don't press the issue. Especially when it comes to anal, a woman needs to feel comfortable. If you press, she'll likely only back off more and more, from everything, not just anal.
sometimes its a little sore after fingering, and sometimes if i sit weridly after anal it will be like ohh yeaa...
for me its not a big deal. i think either you like it or you dont. if your wife isnt interested in the heat of the moment, then it prob a no go.
have you tried oils and lubes?? KYjelly might make it easier time. it takes time to get used to the feeling and sensation. it does not happen overnite. it takes maybe years to just say hey its been a while..anal?, and she will say ok without foreplay.
if she is self consious about sex and feels uncomfortable, she wont let you do things where she feels vulnerable and unprotected.
There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to do it. It could be what she is telling you or it could be something else entirely.
In the end, it doesn't really matter what her reasons are. If she doesn't enjoy it, or even if she does enjoy it, if she doesn't want to do it, don't press the issue. Especially when it comes to anal, a woman needs to feel comfortable. If you press, she'll likely only back off more and more, from everything, not just anal.
Exactly.
My wife enjoys it occasionally, but any anal activity is entirely at her discretion. If I move a finger, tongue, toy or penis in that direction and get a proverbial "thumbs down," then that's that. Sometimes, she can accommodate *ahem* "me," and sometimes not. It's all up to her.
So, if your wife says,"No." despite having a mind-blowing orgasm (mine had a similar one, beyond any she'd ever had before, using a pair of her vibrators...one in the "front door" and one in the back), then "no" it is. She may decide to try it again at some point, and she may not. Pressing the issue, however, is more likely to cause her to lean towards not. Posted via Mobile Device
My husband uses his finger to get me more excited when he ****s me with his toy. The feeling is much stronger than with only toy in the pu$$$.
But, hey, don't forget, your finger is much smaller than your toy! I don't think your wish your toy to be as small as your finger. We can take fingers, we can't take big toys.
We tried anal once, mamamia, the feeling was beyond my ability to describe. My whole body was numb, and for a week I couldn't walk properly, so please have mercy on us women. We do our best to be porn stars for our husbands, but we are not porn stars no matter how hard we try. Maybe a million dollars will help us build up our courage!
Now I also get nervous when my husband wants to try anal, don't like that feeling again. I would really love for my husband to have anal fun, but I don't want his toy to shrink to the size of his finger.
Thanks for the replies! Sure, when she says no I do not push it, I've never done. Although I'm excited about anal, for me it's not about 'anal', but trying to bring her to the highest levels, no matter which way. Since we can have a very high quality time without anal sex it doesn't matter from this point of view it's just about bringing her to the highest levels. I saw her orgasm during this and it was different, she was way beyond anything in what she's been before. After some years of very low sex drive on her side we seem to fix this problem and her libido increases again. Now I'd like to give her anything to keep her this way and to keep her enjoying the sex with me. I thought that this could be a new game on our palette, but apparently it's not. Since I don't want to mess things up and turn her down I am really careful not to do anything she doesn't like.
So I just got the feeling it has something to do with the 'anality'. That's why I asked. What do you think, should I give a shy try sometimes to see if she's in the mood or should I rather leave the whole topic?
My husband tells me that he is happy with my pu$$$, he says I have a wonderful pu$$$. He is content with what he has. He felt grateful when I let him try anal, he said it really made him feel appreciated.
He tells me he would still like to try anal when I am ready, same reason as yours, he wants me to experience wonderful orgasms. But he also knows it is important for me to enjoy what he is doing, if I don't enjoy it, he won't try it.
So just let her tell you what she likes and what she doesn't like, when a woman enjoys sex, she will come to you all the time! At that time, she needs your toy to make her happy and she will feel great about her life! Sex is a wonderful thing. When we know how to enjoy it, it is really something great we human possess!
Thanks for the replies! Sure, when she says no I do not push it, I've never done. Although I'm excited about anal, for me it's not about 'anal', but trying to bring her to the highest levels, no matter which way. Since we can have a very high quality time without anal sex it doesn't matter from this point of view it's just about bringing her to the highest levels. I saw her orgasm during this and it was different, she was way beyond anything in what she's been before. After some years of very low sex drive on her side we seem to fix this problem and her libido increases again. Now I'd like to give her anything to keep her this way and to keep her enjoying the sex with me. I thought that this could be a new game on our palette, but apparently it's not. Since I don't want to mess things up and turn her down I am really careful not to do anything she doesn't like.
So I just got the feeling it has something to do with the 'anality'. That's why I asked. What do you think, should I give a shy try sometimes to see if she's in the mood or should I rather leave the whole topic?
I'll just say this: The first time we tried it, she did enjoy it, but it was at least a year before we did it again. Give her the time and space that it seems you are. IF she decides she'd like to experience that intense orgasm again, she'll let you know. Or, she may decide that she just can't handle that kind of intensity.
Walter anal sex on the recipient end is not always uniformly plesent, it depends on the mood. When the recipient is not in the mood for it there is pain but when there is a desire to do it there is just pleasure. That is why any anal play should be strictly controlled by the recipient. Have you tried putting your fingers into your azzz hole and do what ever it was you were doing when she said she got sure. Have you experienced anal penetration? You shoud try it to see what she is feeling. It may make you more empathetic and not doubt what she says. Also be very careful not to make doing anal more important than her wishes.
One thing that may be happening is that you are being too over excited to do this and not being sensitive to her. I think it is evident by you question that you are the one who is forcing this issues and not from a desire to give her amazing orgasms. She seems to be OK with less stratospheric orgasms in exchange for her huband leaving her azzz alone.. She tried it already and was not comfortable so one has to wonder why you persist in perusing this.
It does not matter what a bunch of strangers say about anal, she is your wife the woman you love, what ever you do it is with that person. Its easy to get obsessed with some sex act and forget how frigile the sexual dynamic is between you and your wife. I don't know if you can understand this but, it is sometimes alarming when a man insist upon invading areas that the woman does not care to have penetrated. Makes one feel as if he thinks the body part belongs to him not her. Posted via Mobile Device
Here is my story from personal experience: do not ever pressure (or something akin) a woman to do anal, ****ed up in the beginning of our relationship and learned it the hard way. However, that is another story, but eventually we did did try it again few years later, took some stumbling, starting tongue, felt good,, then with one, not feeling good, then amazing, two fingers, good, well, you get how it goes. Took about 6 months before we even tried a toy. After that she finally relaxed enough and suddenly it went so fast I was in a daze as to what happened. It's a confidence, trust and relaxation issue as well as a physical one. My gf didn't like the sore feeling from a finger, but now she doesn't care cause (in her words): "It just feels so good."
By issue I didn't mean that she has a problem, but that those are barriers to being able to do it. Respect them. Posted via Mobile Device
For what its worth, a friend once told me that something is only 'kinky' if one person isnt happy with it.
So whatever you do, providing the 'participants' are OK with it, then its fine.
If its illegal - as anal sex is in some European countries, make sure you do it at home....highly unlikely the Police will barge in and arrest you!!! "POLICE...open up"....hahahahaha!
Catherine, it seems you didn't get what I'm trying to say. Maybe I was not clear enough. I'm not forcing anything, I never have. I don't not want to have anal penetration with my 'real toy', it's just
getting down on her and fingering. As I said already it's not about the 'anality' of the sex but this happens to be the way she gets the craziest orgasm. Of course she's the one who decides if she wants this kind of experience I just want to understand her.
Walter I guess I was reacting to this statement - "after intercourse she had some pain in her anus... Can this really be?" My thinking is that when a person reports pain then it is unusual to question their varasity since pain is subjective. So no one can confirm that she has pain. I think she may have weighed the benefit of a 30 sec intense orgasm and days of anal pain, and the effect on her ability to perform the normal fuction of the rectum pain free.. It seems reasonable that she would opt for a regular orgasm and no pain in her anus and normal bowel function. I wasn't joking when I asked if you tried using your fingers in your anus to see how it feels. There is usually some mild to moderate pain afterwards and it does affect bowel habits because it hurts to do #2.
You mentioned that she seems more interested in sex now so be care not to seem insensitive or to assume she does not feel what she feels. In my opinion, that is what your statement implys. If a bunch of people said she could not possibly have pain in response to your post, would that have made any difference? Try to focus on taking cues from her when you have sex. It is probably not productive to feel that you know better about what she wants than she does. As pointed out above she decides how intense she likes her orgasms to be. I admire your desire to make the experience good for her as well as yourself so that she continues to want to have sex. I can tell you from the female standpoint, I like knowing that my husband wants me to enjoy sex as much as he does but I would have a problem if he told me how to enjoy it. as it stands now, he leaves that up to me.
I am just saying build up trust with her and realize that she knows what she wants better than you. Try not to fall into the habit of imposing your likes and dislikes on her. Believe her when she gives you feedback. She is communicating about her sexual feelings, that exactly what you want. Keep that going and build trust so she will tell you more. Don't give a hint that you doubt the accuracy her feedback she might shut down again. when she said she had pain a normal reaction is to show concern and assure her that you will stop. If you did not do this you might want to review why not and fix it. Her ability to take chances is based on trust and trust is built on knowing that you are concerned about her not her orgasms. Posted via Mobile Device
anal sex question 
Re: anal sex question 
Sex is a wonderful thing. When we know how to enjoy it, it is really something great we human possess!
