My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree8Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-25-2011, 03:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
Default My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Hi. Thank you in advance for you advice. Our marriage is getting very ugly due to this problem, possible separation/divorce. After we had our child almost 5 yrs ago. I kept pushing for sex and she has been pulling away. We have had this discussion several times and we try to work at it, no changes, i keep messing up, bugging for sex. But she has confronted me and told me she is tired and exhausted already, doesnt like to make love/sex any more and doesnt want to hurt me any more. Since i want sex so much and she doesnt. We are going to do a retroville soon, i hope this helps. I am trying my best not to get my sexual urges and ask her for sex, give her space. Please any advice? Will she ever want to make love/sex to me again? How long can that take?
photoguy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-25-2011, 03:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,052
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Welcome to the club, unfortunately there are a lot of us here in the same situation - it might help if you read through some previously posted threads - they have some good, sound advice.

There's a deeper issue here and sex is just the symptom, I've surmised that from my threads on this issue.

If she truly doesn't want to have sex with you anymore and is not willing to get to the bottom of the issue, then you have a decision to make.

Sometimes giving space helps, but for the spouse who wants to avoid the issue, it just gives them more breathing space to stay apart and away from sexual intimacy. It's like they're thinking, great, he/she is not pressuring me and I'm certainly not going to bring it up - whew.

I have also given my husband space, not pressured and it has not resolved the issue, just makes it longer between encounters. We are in MC and are trying to work this and other issues out - success in some, status quo in others.

You need to get the bottom of what the real issue is.

Is it you?

Is she not feeling appreciated/loved in the marriage?

Are there some physical issues for why she wants to avoid sex?

Has she always had a low libido or is this something new?

If it is something new, why?

Did your sex life take a nose dive only after your child was born?

This may be a discussion you need to have with a neutral, third-party present - a MC.

Good luck...if it helps any, there are a lot of us out here that know how you feel.
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 04:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Thank you.
photoguy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 05:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,052
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Don't know if that helped any, but you're welcome.

You really need to see all the "sexless" type posts here on TAM - this issue has been beaten to death and there are a lot of really good postings that can help.
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 05:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,169
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

i cant compare my situation as my wife does like sex, just not as often as i do, she is content with 2-3 times a month. if i was in your situation i would be loking to make a move, and that would probably be as in move on. i know its alot easier said than done, but it sounds as if she is pushing you that way. if she knows how important it is to you and just wont address it, than what can you do?
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 05:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Chris Taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,151
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Have you discussed marriage counseling? As MWIL said, when you have a neutral third party involved, it make the discussion somewhat easier.

However, you may have to face issues that you bring to the table, whether it be lack of respect, lack of non-sexual intimacy, help around the house, etc...

If you asked the question "If sex isn't important in this marriage, do you mind f I get it elsewhere?", what would she say (not suggesting you ask it, but think of what her response would be).
Chris Taylor is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 05:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,976
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

I get from your post that you think that there is something wrong with you for having sexual urges and that your wife is normal for not wanting sex!! I don't know where you got that notion but let me reassure you that it is the other way around. You are the normal one and your wife is the abnormal one.

Please do more reading about yourself as a man and know that sexual urges are a natural part of being human and to want to act on them is quite normal. A normal marital relationship includes regular satisfying sex with the partner. When that does not happen for the reasons you outline, then the union is in trouble.

You are not the trouble, you want a normal marriage. I can't speculate on why your wife does not want sex but she has no cause to make you feel like you are a freak for wanting to have sex with your own wife.

Read and understand male sexuality, I have a feeling you are totally ignorant and there is so much info available. In addition inform your wife that you are normal and you want to have a normal married life with her.

If she cannot manage that, she may accept an open marriage or you can divorce and find someone who is more enlightened. As for your child do you think this is a good model of a marriage? Is it good to see their father in the state you are in now?

Your wanting to turn off you sexual urges to stay with your wife is like a zoo-keeper turning the zoo over to a Mynah bird because it talked him into it. Makes no sense. Try to gather your wits about you, you'er in this sorry state because of lack of intimacy. Read about what happens to men who are denied sex in marriage. You will see that you are reacting normally.

Last edited by Catherine602; 11-30-2014 at 12:24 AM.
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2011, 06:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,649
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Totally in agreement with every word spoken by Catherine602.

You won't be able to stuff your sexual desires & turn them off, it will just come out in another outlet & possibly an unheathly one that will cause resentment to build towards your wife if you stay in this marraige with no change. Your wife needs to understand this. When you & she married, she made a vow to be her husbands sole outlet for sexual pleasure & expression, this is not fair to you, it is downright CRUEL, this is not loving, and this is certainly not OK -what she is asking of you.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-29-2011, 11:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Suffolk, VA
Posts: 3
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Been married over 26 years having the same problem over the years. Trust me, it only gets worse. Dump her now before you end up like me.
DriverAnt is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-01-2011, 08:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 10,967
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

I'm going to be blunt, here (so unlike me, I know). If you had free reign to visit a hooker and get your pipes cleaned, would you be happy? If not, maybe you're missing intimacy and not just sex. If that's the case, that's a language your wife could probably relate to a lot more favorably. There are many ways you could increase intimacy with your wife without her feeling pressured for sex. Once intimacy and trust are reestablished, the natural extension would be that sex would increase as well.
I'm in a similar boat and lots of folks suggest divorce. Even a particularly frisky couple is unlikely to actually spend more than 3 hours a week having intercourse. Doesn't make sense to me to toss out an otherwise decent relationship over 3 hours. There's no guarantee that the next prospective partner would be any more forthcoming with sex. Might even be more reluctant.
unbelievable is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 07:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,139
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Feel for you I'm there now. Just had another talk and wrote her a letter outlining twhat we are going to do going forward. Seems like this may be a turning point but I'm not holding my breath. What I did get to agree on was a monthly conversation about what is good and bad from the previous month until we get to the point of mutual happiness. My whole gaol is to keep this at the forefront figring she'll get tired of having he talk each month. Silence didn't work time to try something new!

I think this will bring the topic at the forefront instead of the back burner. What gets measured gets done. I've tried staying silent twice for 6 months a piece. I talked extensively when this first started two years ago. Nothing works our sex life has gone from low to minimal to near zero Something has to give for both our sakes. I've tried my best for two years straight! I've tried all the angles... manning up, wooing her it doesn't matter, backing off.

It's her and the little feelings of resentment for small slights that I wasn't attentive enough and self-centered. I quit drinking as a show of love and have been sober for two years! I wasn't an alcoholic either. I thought it would show her how serious I was.

It's a very stressful from a man's perspective. All outward appearances normal but neither of us reporting happy yet in our marriage... that has to change.

I think is peri-menopause and put the bug in her ear about making a doctor visit and discussing it with her doctor to rule out something medical. We'll se what he next month brings. So far so good I can tell I made an impact.

Wee'll see...good luck!

I report a success story if we make it work. I have better feelings than I have for a while.

Last edited by Trying2figureitout; 10-02-2011 at 08:19 PM.
Trying2figureitout is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-03-2011, 02:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 715
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout View Post
Feel for you I'm there now. Just had another talk and wrote her a letter outlining twhat we are going to do going forward. Seems like this may be a turning point but I'm not holding my breath. What I did get to agree on was a monthly conversation about what is good and bad from the previous month until we get to the point of mutual happiness. My whole gaol is to keep this at the forefront figring she'll get tired of having he talk each month. Silence didn't work time to try something new!

I think this will bring the topic at the forefront instead of the back burner. What gets measured gets done. I've tried staying silent twice for 6 months a piece. I talked extensively when this first started two years ago. Nothing works our sex life has gone from low to minimal to near zero Something has to give for both our sakes. I've tried my best for two years straight! I've tried all the angles... manning up, wooing her it doesn't matter, backing off.

It's her and the little feelings of resentment for small slights that I wasn't attentive enough and self-centered. I quit drinking as a show of love and have been sober for two years! I wasn't an alcoholic either. I thought it would show her how serious I was.

It's a very stressful from a man's perspective. All outward appearances normal but neither of us reporting happy yet in our marriage... that has to change.

I think is peri-menopause and put the bug in her ear about making a doctor visit and discussing it with her doctor to rule out something medical. We'll se what he next month brings. So far so good I can tell I made an impact.

Wee'll see...good luck!

I report a success story if we make it work. I have better feelings than I have for a while.
You and the OP both need a good dose of Athol: Married Man Sex Life

Dude knows his stuff like Einstein. Go take a red pill and wake up.
IanIronwood is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-03-2011, 02:52 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 816
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by IanIronwood View Post
You and the OP both need a good dose of Athol: Married Man Sex Life

Dude knows his stuff like Einstein. Go take a red pill and wake up.
What is this "red pill" stuff all about?
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal?
Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri?
I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Sawney Beane is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-03-2011, 02:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 715
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sawney Beane View Post
What is this "red pill" stuff all about?
Married Man Sex Life: The Red Pill, The Nookie and The Best Revenge
IanIronwood is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-03-2011, 03:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 816
Default Re: My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore

Right. I tried watching the matrix. I started to lose the will to live about 10 minutes in.

TBH, when Athol K starts with the science fiction crap I feel my eyes glazing over. It just doesn't register with me.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal?
Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri?
I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Sawney Beane is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
no more, sex, wife

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My wife doesnt want to be with me anymore. romanojohn07 Considering Divorce or Separation 4 04-09-2012 01:37 PM
Had to leave my wife and 2 kids she says she doesnt love anymore ?? dlg1046 Going Through Divorce or Separation 1 11-19-2010 04:24 PM
Seems ive tried everything but my wife doesnt seem to be into me sexually anymore newb Sex in Marriage 6 03-29-2010 11:19 AM
husband doesnt like sex anymore... niceegirl Sex in Marriage 9 03-15-2010 10:02 PM
Wife doesnt love me anymore maynard2121 Considering Divorce or Separation 20 10-03-2009 04:50 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:09 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.