Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree12Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-04-2011, 05:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
jezza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 272
Default Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Ladies, I would really appreciate your thoughts on something...please don't shoot me down and please don't bombard me with morals etc! I know what I am talking about below is morally wrong, however we also live in a real world...

I'll set the stage....you are happily married to your husband. The relationship is good and you get on well...you have the same sorts of arguements that all married couples have. Your husband loves you and cherishes you, and you him. Everything outside the bedroom is fine.
However, inside the bedroom things are not so good. You are simply not interested in sex. You do not see it as important...you are happy with holding hands, hugs, cuddles etc. You know that you husband wants to make love to you so you make an extra special effort once a month to let him 'have' you.
For the sake of this thread, please lets forget the 'why' you don't like sex....Everything in the marriage is good except the sex. You just don't do it for whatever reason.

Now.... (and I have my antiflak jacket on!!) - if you found out that your husband went to a massage parlour a couple of times a month....he has a proper massage, the masseuse is topless...he rolls onto his back, she does his front...his balls..he gets hard and she gives him a hand job. A 'happy ending'. Thats it. A simple hand job...no penetration of vagina, mouth etc and no kissing so no 'health issues'. A straight forward massage + hand job.

What would your reaction be...bearing in mind that because you have 'problems' with sex and he is a 'normal' male and needs relief...There is no love at the massage parlour, just simple 'relief'...he could masturbate (and probably does) but its nicer having someone else do it for you!

I'm not looking for justification etc because I will do what I do or don't do...my decision! But I would be interested to hear what the ladies have to say....

In anticipation.....!!!
jezza is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-04-2011, 05:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 88
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

What would my reaction be?? Let's put it this way..........It wouldn't be good and I'd doubt you'd go back to that parlour again.
Star is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 06:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,169
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star View Post
What would my reaction be?? Let's put it this way..........It wouldn't be good and I'd doubt you'd go back to that parlour again.
i dont think you fit his model of the LD spouse, thats who he is asking. and frankly, i would expect any LD spouse who is not coming close to meeting the intimacy needs of their partner to say they are ok with the massage. if they arent interested in intimacy, why would they care?
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 06:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 88
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Okey, Jezza is asking for a ladies opinion, he did not ask just for LD ladies to respond and no I don't fit his model of a spouse, however I am with a LD partner so I know what it feels like but I would not go to a parlour for a massage and then a "rub down south" just to get a release and a happy ending, the thought of it is icky but that's just my opinion.
Star is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 07:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Wild1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Greater Chicagoland Area
Posts: 17
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jezza View Post
The relationship is good and you get on well...you have the same sorts of arguements that all married couples have. Your husband loves you and cherishes you, and you him. Everything outside the bedroom is fine.
However, inside the bedroom things are not so good. You are simply not interested in sex.







Ok... here's a story...

You go to a car dealership and find the most beautiful, sexiest car you have seen in a long time with great lines and gets great gas mileage and is even cheaper than what you were willing to pay. You think --- WOW what a deal! I want that car!

But upon closer inspection of the car, you realize the car has no tires... just sitting there on the rims. You still love the car, but can't help thinking -- somethings missing.

You hunt down the salesman and ask, "hey, what happened to the tires?"

He responds, "Well, we decided that tires will go get worn out and go flat and saggy at some point, so we figured people would want to get thier own tires and just replace them when they want."

You respond "Interesting concept." And you walk away, muttering to yourself, "wow that idiot was going to sell me a car with no tires."



Just a thought.
Wild1 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 08:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Chris Taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,096
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

not a lady, but...

He could get the same thing from you if you were even a little interested. But if you can't do that for him twice a month, why not get it elsewhere???

BUT... it isn't going to stop there. My wife's cousin did massages for a while. yeah, she made a few extra bucks giving a happy ending. then she realized she could make a few more extra bucks doing oral. then it was full sex. A hand job will only be satisfying for so long.
Chris Taylor is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 08:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
jezza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 272
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Wild1....maybe your humour is too sharp for me or maybe because its late Friday afternoon and the week is nearly over! Not sure I get the comparison!

Star...maybe I should have been clearer.... It is a biological fact that men need to ejaculate on a regular basis...whether its done as a result of intimate love making with his spouse, by his own hand or by the hand of A. N. Other. If for whatever reason his spouse will not 'participate' the husband has four choices;

1) leave his wife
2) masturbate
3) have someone else masturbate him
4) be celibate

No or irregular ejaculations can lead to prostate problems (fact). So the real choices are 2 and 3.

I think - but then I fully accept that I am a male in a sexless marriage so might (!!) be biased that a wife has to accept that if she won't involve herself sexually with her husband, he WILL sooner or later seek sexual relief elsewhere. I am not talking about finding love eslewhere or leaving the marriage...
jezza is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 08:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Wild1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Greater Chicagoland Area
Posts: 17
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jezza View Post
It is a biological fact that men need to ejaculate on a regular basis...whether its done as a result of intimate love making with his spouse, by his own hand or by the hand of A. N. Other.

You missed one. Nature allows men to also naturally ejaculate through what is termed "wet dreams" if it fills up too much.










Quote:
Originally Posted by jezza View Post
I think - but then I fully accept that I am a male in a sexless marriage so might (!!) be biased that a wife has to accept that if she won't involve herself sexually with her husband, he WILL sooner or later seek sexual relief elsewhere.


See, now to most men, this would be insulting. Honestly, most men - contracry to popular belief (and you could actually read it here on how they absolutely love their wives and would do anything for them) most men are actually looking for that emotional attachment that allows them to be accepted and adored, especially by the one they have dedicated their love too.

Think about it - most people who get married take vows and only ONE of those vows forbid something (forsaking all others)... the rest are to do something (like love, cherish, etc...). There is a reason for that. It's because in time, when a man is put in a situation to choose to form an emotional attachment to someone or something that gives him great pleasure or not, they will generally choose to logically say to themselves, "well, what do I need you for then?" And normally in more than the sex acts.

p.s. --> Ever wonder why when you walk into any car dealership, there are no cars for sale that have no tires, even though you could get your own tires pretty cheaply compared to the cost of the whole car?
Wild1 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 08:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,320
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Not a woman - but - there is still a risk of disease. Kind of weird to think some other guy was just laying there 20 minutes ago - getting the same happy ending you're asking for.

Its also illegal. Paying a woman for a hand job is soliciting a prostitute. Those places will get raided from time to time. I live in a medium sized town and saw an article about one here getting raided around a year ago.

Pornography and strip clubs are legal and don't 'technically' break your wedding vows.

I think you have alternatives.
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 08:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,948
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

My only problem is that you say the only problem is in the bedroom. Its not. There is a huge problem in the foundation of your marriage if your spouse can not put your needs as a priority, no matter what those needs are. That shows a lack of understanding, and in my own personal opinion a lack of respect to adamantly refuse to acknowledge your spouses needs.

On the other side, no I do not think its okay to use a happy ending as a place of relief unless it is discussed with the spouse and approved, and the consequences of being caught are also discussed.
DawnD is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 09:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
jezza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 272
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

All noted! Where I live it isnt an offence. However I accept the moral etc 'offences'....

Interesting reading...looking forward to reading more!!
jezza is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 09:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Therealbrighteyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,647
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

For me? It's your attitude. If you think it is perfectly okay to pay another human being for a sex act, that says an awful lot to me and is the exact opposite of sexy. Nevermind that you are contributing to the sex trade, as many of those girls are trafficked, at least here in the States. Yuck, just yuck.
Therealbrighteyes is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 10:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Therealbrighteyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,647
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikon View Post
Well said Brennan! Men are such selfish pigs. All they think about it their release. What about those exploited girls? Do you have daughters? Or sisters? How would you feel if someone raped you and forced you into sexual acts with strange horny men? Paying for sex is just wrong. Get it from your wife or get it from someone for free. Sex is supposed to be a free enjoyable thing for both people involved! How can you even enjoy getting a happy ending from some poor girl who is just trying to survive and feels absolutely disgusted when they look at you! I really don't see a reason why your wife can't give you such a hand massage at least twice a week? It's selfish of her that she doesn't care about your needs and selfish of you to exploit other human beings for your sexual pleasures! Yuk!
Posted via Mobile Device
Well I wouldn't say men are such selfish pigs as I know PLENTY that are not. I will say though that perhaps his wife is turned off by his attitude, I know I am.
Not sure where this poster lives but where I live these places are raided all the time and most of these girls have been sold in to this.
Just because she smiles at you and makes you feel special doesn't mean she is enjoying it. She is being watched and knows if she doesn't act accordingly, she will be beaten or worse. It is modern day slavery and so so unsexy.
Therealbrighteyes is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 10:29 AM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 312
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

I think it is the wrong thing to do, but for a different reason...

Communication is the key. If you have clearly communicated your sexual needs to your wife and she dismisses your need, the next conversation to have is to let her know you will not live your life celibate (or near-celibate). But, it needs to be discussed with her first or it is dishonest and sneaky.
Janie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2011, 10:42 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,169
Default Re: Ladies - Husband goes to a Massage Parlour...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star View Post
Okey, Jezza is asking for a ladies opinion, he did not ask just for LD ladies to respond and no I don't fit his model of a spouse, however I am with a LD partner so I know what it feels like but I would not go to a parlour for a massage and then a "rub down south" just to get a release and a happy ending, the thought of it is icky but that's just my opinion.
he clearly says in his scenario that "you are a woman who is not interested in sex" while everything else is good. i think he was being quite specific about the situation, as in a woman being completely happy with her marriage but not interested in sex. the thread has taken a few twists that are kind of off track but thats normal.

given that scenarion, the man either finds it elsewhere or continues to pour his heart into changing the other person. that doesnt yield good results, or gets divorced
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Prostate Massage? kl84 Sex in Marriage 14 08-31-2012 09:47 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:57 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.