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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-08-2011, 08:37 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Erotica = Smut = Porn

For anyone who cares,

I don't read erotic novels - bored by them - I mean how many times can that knight in shinning armor take the love of his life into his arms and...boring!

I don't like Cosmo

I do love Star, National Enquirer, Globe, etc. - are they considered smut?

And I don't do this often, but Trenton is right on target with the confusion on intimacy between men and women. Intimacy to me in my husband and I together, experiencing the wonders of each other and enjoying ourselves, it's not watching two unknown actors humping each other on the screen - that's not intimacy - it's pure, unadulterated sex!

I know the difference...
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:28 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Erotica = Smut = Porn

I see no difference in watching two couples have unadulterated sex and using your imagination. In the end it is the same thing. Guys, unfortunately, lack the wild and vivid imagination of a woman, but are much more visually stimulated.

Trenton, do you think that the majority of women imagine their husbands as the impossibly handsome, incredibly romantic, wildly passionate and can offer fresh new love when they read romance or erotic novels? Do you think they imagine their husbands when this perfect man ravishes them after perfectly teasing them with unfulfilled sexual tension?

The fact is that we men and woman have different preferred media for deriving sexual excitement through depiction of erotic behavior (the very definition of porn).

Last edited by hubby; 02-08-2011 at 11:33 AM.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:29 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Yes, that is what I mean. If she is OK with literary porn, which generally appeals to a womans genetic predisposition to drive sexual excitement, she should understand a mans gentic predisposition for the same. I think the man has the responsibility to effectively communicate why visual porn works for him vs literary porn, and it is the womans responsibility to try and understand their differences.
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Id even take it a step further and say that literary porn is more deleterious to a relationship than visual porn in that one can create literally the perfect fantasy, since its completely left up to one's imagination.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:37 AM   #34 (permalink)
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I do love Star, National Enquirer, Globe, etc. - are they considered smut?

.

Yes. They represent a type of abstract sexual voyeurism that many, many women enjoy. By living vicariously through the tawdry lives of celebrities, you are indulging in a media designed to elicit an erotic (although usually not overtly sexual) response. Talking about Brad and Jennifer breaking up is as exciting to most women as talking about the cheerleaders at the superbowl is to most men.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:40 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Erotica = Smut = Porn

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I see no difference in watching two couples have unadulterated sex and using your imagination. In the end it is the same thing. Guys, unfortunately, lack the wild and vivid imagination of a woman, but are much more visually stimulated.

Trenton, do you think that the majority of women imagine their husbands as the impossibly handsome, incredibly romantic, wildly passionate and can offer fresh new love when they read romance or erotic novels? Do you think they imagine their husbands when this perfect man ravishes them after perfectly teasing them with unfulfilled sexual tension?

The fact is that we men and woman have different preferred media for deriving sexual excitement through depiction of erotic behavior (the very definition of porn).
I don't think that men lack the vivid imagination of women - I think they are just lazy and don't use it!
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:41 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Yes. They represent a type of abstract sexual voyeurism that many, many women enjoy. By living vicariously through the tawdry lives of celebrities, you are indulging in a media designed to elicit an erotic (although usually not overtly sexual) response. Talking about Brad and Jennifer breaking up is as exciting to most women as talking about the cheerleaders at the superbowl is to most men.
Damn - I'm not cancelling my subscriptions!

But like I said before, I like porn and watch it myself.

Porn is okay, but not as a substitute for real-life action - that is where men and/or women can go wrong...
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:41 AM   #37 (permalink)
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I don't think that men lack the vivid imagination of women - I think they are just lazy and don't use it!
Maybe, but I seriously doubt that men's imagination is up to par with a woman's.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:43 AM   #38 (permalink)
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I see no difference in watching two couples have unadulterated sex and using your imagination. In the end it is the same thing. Guys, unfortunately, lack the wild and vivid imagination of a woman, but are much more visually stimulated.

Trenton, do you think that the majority of women imagine their husbands as the impossibly handsome, incredibly romantic, wildly passionate and can offer fresh new love when they read romance or erotic novels? Do you think they imagine their husbands when this perfect man ravishes them after perfectly teasing them with unfulfilled sexual tension?

The fact is that we men and woman have different preferred media for deriving sexual excitement through depiction of erotic behavior (the very definition of porn).

You're actually kind of missing the point. When women explore erotic fantasies ("female porn") the focus on a hero's secondary sexual characteristics -- his build, his eyes, his general appearance and demeanor -- are completely secondary to the primary sexual characteristics found in female-oriented porn: success, ambition, power, and control. And as far as "romance", there's a reason that the bodice-ripping pirate romance novels of the 80s were so freakin' popular: it's not that pirates were romantic individually, the male lead character's most important characteristic is always his insane desire for the heroine. In fact, the focus of most successful romance novels is the fact that the main female lead is always desired by every man she meets . . . but she chooses only the most successful.

Men treat women as sex objects in aggregate. Women treat men as success objects in aggregate.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:45 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Id even take it a step further and say that literary porn is more deleterious to a relationship than visual porn in that one can create literally the perfect fantasy, since its completely left up to one's imagination.
I could DEFINITELY see this happening.

And I think it happens a lot more than people realize.

It sets up the myth of the "knight in white shining armor" and "Cinderella" that some of us gals might have expected out of our future relationships.

And this, of course, immediately sets-up our SO for failure.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:52 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I could DEFINITELY see this happening.

And I think it happens a lot more than people realize.

It sets up the myth of the "knight in white shining armor" and "Cinderella" that some of us gals might have expected out of our future relationships.

And this, of course, immediately sets-up our SO for failure.
I agree. But for me, I see it as motivation and opportunity to get insight into the woman pshychi. If this "knight in white shining armor" is what a woman wants, then give it to her. It will not be the same environment as in the stories, but you can get close. Yeah, it might take a little "acting" but it is fun too. The problem is when a man does not understand, and a woman does not communicate, that this is what she desires, deep down at an animal level.

Now draw the same conclusion from a man's perspective on "man porn"...
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:55 AM   #41 (permalink)
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You're actually kind of missing the point. When women explore erotic fantasies ("female porn") the focus on a hero's secondary sexual characteristics -- his build, his eyes, his general appearance and demeanor -- are completely secondary to the primary sexual characteristics found in female-oriented porn: success, ambition, power, and control. And as far as "romance", there's a reason that the bodice-ripping pirate romance novels of the 80s were so freakin' popular: it's not that pirates were romantic individually, the male lead character's most important characteristic is always his insane desire for the heroine. In fact, the focus of most successful romance novels is the fact that the main female lead is always desired by every man she meets . . . but she chooses only the most successful.

Men treat women as sex objects in aggregate. Women treat men as success objects in aggregate.
I get it.
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Old 02-08-2011, 12:01 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I agree. But for me, I see it as motivation and opportunity to get insight into the woman pshychi. If this "knight in white shining armor" is what a woman wants, then give it to her.
The problem is that what a woman says she wants and what her actions prove she actually wants are often diametrically opposed. They say they want a knight in shining armor, but you can kill yourself to be that for her and you still won't measure up. They say they want a "nice guy", but we fellas all know how that works. I don't think I need to go on.
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Old 02-08-2011, 12:01 PM   #43 (permalink)
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You women could stop buying that Smut called Glamour off the drug store shelves.

I see that smut lying all about work with teh women I work with - "How to give your guy the best blowjob ever." and so forth.

At least guys consume the stuff in the privacy of their own home.

Then I get a lecture from Trenton on porn.
That is a whole 'nother problem and in actuality they are books on what society believes women need to know to have successful relationships with men including how to look and behave.

Besides I love to give lectures and it doesn't take much to prompt one!

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Old 02-08-2011, 12:12 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Trenton, do you think that the majority of women imagine their husbands as the impossibly handsome, incredibly romantic, wildly passionate and can offer fresh new love when they read romance or erotic novels? Do you think they imagine their husbands when this perfect man ravishes them after perfectly teasing them with unfulfilled sexual tension?

The fact is that we men and woman have different preferred media for deriving sexual excitement through depiction of erotic behavior (the very definition of porn).
First of all, I'd never read one of those books so I'm not even sure what they're about except in that I've seen the covers. They turn me off without me even turning the pages.

In regards to your question, I have no idea. What gets me going are literary fiction books that chronicle the up's and down's of a love story such as Breathing Lessons by Anne Tyler or Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. There is both tragedy and romance in both but it is based on believable relationships that are written in a way where I feel like I'm walking around in the a character's shoes and depending on perspective I get to walk around in a lot of people's shoes which is even better. They are written with such literary beauty that I enjoy every page in a different emotional way.

There are some pretty hot love scenes weaved throughout these types of books as well...BUT...the emotions of both characters are what fuel the sex scene...AND...that is what turns me on.

In my bedroom, my husband is who I imagine when I masturbate and I usually choose a position or sex encounter that I enjoyed with him in the recent past to do so. Even if I recently read a sex scene in a book, I will replace the lead character's visual image for my husbands but live the same scene in my head. My husband is the only person who has made me cum. I think in my mind this is why it's always him...I know he can do it. heh

I don't know about other women. The more I read, the more I realize I'm not that normal.
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Old 02-08-2011, 12:13 PM   #45 (permalink)
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That is a while 'nother problem and in actuality they are books on what society believes women need to know to have successful relationships with men including how to look and behave.

Besides I love to give lectures and it doesn't take much to prompt one!
Did Scanner just compare Glamour magazine to porn? Wow. What's next? Bukkake to Vogue?
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