Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
While I have no issue with porn, there is a difference between movies/nude magazines and an erotic novel: in reading an erotic novel, you are using your own imagination to bring it to life, and could therefore put you and your partner in the fantasy. With a movie or magazine, you have an image other than your partner. And often people have a hard time thinking that you won't think of that image. Kind of like how you can read a book, and picture a character, but then you see the movie based on the book, and after that you can never read the book without picturing the actor/actress who played that character. People think that it would work the same in this situation.
Interesting thoughts. I am not an erotic novel reader and we occasionally watch porn together. I'll be real honest though, I would be very hurt if hubby watched by himself. For me, I guess it would be what would be going through my head. I'm not good enough, not sexy enough, just not enough. Silly thoughts but that would be what would be racing through my brain. I think this is the case for alot of women. In erotic novels it is just words so the reader has to conjure up an image of what they think the characters look like. With porn, that isn't the case. These are real, living women and often times very attractive. I think alot of women feel like they would be compared to these women and that is a very unsettling feeling to those of us who already suffer from esteem issues.
The last time I read an erotic novel was when I was in high school - during the Paleolithic Era.
People can justify doing anything anytime to anyone. It reminds me of kids who get caught: "Well, he did it first!" or another common version, "Well EVERYONE else is doing it!"
My ex looked at porn. A lot. I found all sorts of files on our computer where he stored his "stuff." I wasn't snooping. I didn't suspect anything. But I found it. No, we didn't have a crummy sex life; quite the contrary. When I confronted him with my discovery, he blew me off by saying, "It's just 'eye candy.'"
Result: our sex life fizzled. Not because he was viewing the porn; because of him blowing off my concern and hurt over what he was doing. Bottom line: there are men who don't look at porn and there are women who don't read erotica.
The last time I read an erotic novel was when I was in high school - during the Paleolithic Era.
People can justify doing anything anytime to anyone. It reminds me of kids who get caught: "Well, he did it first!" or another common version, "Well EVERYONE else is doing it!"
My ex looked at porn. A lot. I found all sorts of files on our computer where he stored his "stuff." I wasn't snooping. I didn't suspect anything. But I found it. No, we didn't have a crummy sex life; quite the contrary. When I confronted him with my discovery, he blew me off by saying, "It's just 'eye candy.'"
Result: our sex life fizzled. Not because he was viewing the porn; because of him blowing off my concern and hurt over what he was doing. Bottom line: there are men who don't look at porn and there are women who don't read erotica.
JMO.
Yowtch! "Just eye candy"? I think alot of men feel this way and they fail to see how a comment like that would be crushing. I'm sorry hun.
Good posts. I find the whole topic of sexual media so interesting.
I think there is a general misconception by women that guys fantasize about having sex with the women on the flics or compare their significant others to them. While that may be the case for some guys, I don't think it is any more the case than women picturing Fabio or Robert Pattinson as their leading man.
Guys don't typically picture having sex with these girls just like they don't pretend to be the guys. They do, however, get sexual excitement from watching two people obviously enjoying the pleasure they are giving and receiving.
I believe it is the guys responsibility to reasure their parnter of this fact and let them know how beautiful they are as well as how beautiful the act of making love is, either taking part in it or watching it. It is also important that watching porn or reading books does not take precidense over the time spent between spouses. You can kill two birds with one stone by watching together or reading a story/scene to your lover. Posted via Mobile Device
Good posts. I find the whole topic of sexual media so interesting.
I think there is a general misconception by women that guys fantasize about having sex with the women on the flics or compare their significant others to them. While that may be the case for some guys, I don't think it is any more the case than women picturing Fabio or Robert Pattinson as their leading man.
Guys don't typically picture having sex with these girls just like they don't pretend to be the guys. They do, however, get sexual excitement from watching two people obviously enjoying the pleasure they are giving and receiving.
I believe it is the guys responsibility to reasure their parnter of this fact and let them know how beautiful they are as well as how beautiful the act of making love is, either taking part in it or watching it. It is also important that watching porn or reading books does not take precidense over the time spent between spouses. You can kill two birds with one stone by watching together or reading a story/scene to your lover. Posted via Mobile Device
If you think that the women in commercial porn are enjoying it (or the men for that fact), well you have another thing coming. I have posted before that I did one film, during a terrible time in my life and let me assure you, it isn't about pleasure. I think most women pick up on this.
Another thing I am curious about those who prefer their partners not look at porn...where do you draw the line?
Assume both partners are compatible sexually and are happy with the quantity and quality of sex. At what point would masturbation become unacceptable:
-using your imagination, visualizing your parnter...or someone else
-reading an erotic novel visualizing your partner...or someone else
-looking at cartoon/hentai
-"artful" still pictures of nude couples without penetration...with penetration
-Cinemax/softcore 9 1/2 weeks type scenes
-amature porn video
-commercial plain vanilla porn flick
-fetish porn flick Posted via Mobile Device
Ok, point taken. I guess it is then the fantasy that they are enjoying themselves. For the actors, it is their chosen job and they get paid for it.
Amature porn is just as beautiful, I think even more so.
Posted via Mobile Device
Agreed. Non commercial porn is the only thing I will watch. Normal people without lame scripts having sex. BF/GF or husband/wife. They do it because they want to and it is hot. Commercial porn to me, is not....well accept Pirates. That is just beyond awesome. Two couples on that set are actually married, btw.
If you think that the women in commercial porn are enjoying it (or the men for that fact), well you have another thing coming. I have posted before that I did one film, during a terrible time in my life and let me assure you, it isn't about pleasure. I think most women pick up on this.
To be honest, not everyone is made to be in those flicks, and I can with almost 100% certainty say that the movies from certain producers (Sweetheart/Sweet Sinner etc.) do actually have people who are enjoying it.
Sure, you need to be able to perform in front of an audience, have a different set of acting skills and work under pressure, but they can enjoy it. It's not women who only pick up on this though. I'd say quite a lot of men do as well. I tend to avoid any and all porn in which I feel the women are not enjoying it.
Some stars that work with more reputable firms and really seem to enjoy it are for example Bobbi Starr, Camille Crimson, James Deen, Stoya, Miguel Ferrera etc.\
The most important thing in your event is that well, you did it during a terrible time in your life.
Interesting Brennan, you kinda answered my next post. There is a "line" if you will, on what YOU like. Let's take that a little further. If you are OK with some form of porn, is it OK to impose your preferences on your spouse, just a question.
I would like to say that I think we should be all open minded and that I personally don't have a line and that I would not impose a line. However, I probably do have a line and would impose it, child and real non- consensual porn.
Funny you mention Pirates. I have heard that a lot from women. While I do enjoy some commercial porn from time to time, mainly for the production value and good lighting, I thought Pirates was just as cheesy as the rest...I and I love Pirates of the Caribbean and Johnny Depp. Pretty much the only commercial stuff I watch is made by Digital Playground (producers of Pirates).
Another thing I am curious about those who prefer their partners not look at porn...where do you draw the line?
Assume both partners are compatible sexually and are happy with the quantity and quality of sex. At what point would masturbation become unacceptable:
-using your imagination, visualizing your parnter...or someone else
-reading an erotic novel visualizing your partner...or someone else
-looking at cartoon/hentai
-"artful" still pictures of nude couples without penetration...with penetration
-Cinemax/softcore 9 1/2 weeks type scenes
-amature porn video
-commercial plain vanilla porn flick
-fetish porn flick Posted via Mobile Device
I am very open sexually. I have no issue with nudity or sexuality at all. Black and white nude pictures of good looking people is what I would consider art. Total art. If we didn't have teenage boys and who bring their somewhat puritan friends around, I would have black and white nude art hanging on my walls....everywhere. The human body, be it woman or man is something sexy to me. Commercial porn to me is not sexy. It is scripted and phoney and not something I get turned on by.
I don't think masturbation is ever unacceptable. Ever. I do it daily and I know he does it often.
I think porn though has become a larger issue. I don't think nude photos are porn. I think webcams and live requests are porn. Downloads of women doing whatever the male paying customer wants is porn. Playboy? Not porn to me. Society has changed and so has the definition of porn. Back when Playboy started, it was porn. Now? It's for the articles.
I know that YOU don't ignore and discard your wife because of porn but for every guy like you out there, there are 3 more who wonder "why doesn't my wife look like that" or "why doesn't my wife do that". When she finds out about his porn habit, it is soul crushing. Her mind races with why am I not sexy enough, why don't I do enough, why am I not enough.
If you read here long enough you will see a general theme. My wife is overweight, doesn't turn me on, doesn't want sex with me, doesn't do it for me. So the husbands turn to porn. Do they not seriously understand how counterproductive their actions are? Do you think for a second that any wife would want to have sex with a guy who basically got a hard on watching porn and then comes in to the bedroom? It is mind blowing but I have read it here time and time again. If she only, if she would, if she would just. There is a reason she doesn't want sex with him and it isn't because she doesn't like sex......she just doesn't like sex with him!
He needs to up his game but instead? Porn. That works, right?
To be honest, not everyone is made to be in those flicks, and I can with almost 100% certainty say that the movies from certain producers (Sweetheart/Sweet Sinner etc.) do actually have people who are enjoying it.
Sure, you need to be able to perform in front of an audience, have a different set of acting skills and work under pressure, but they can enjoy it. It's not women who only pick up on this though. I'd say quite a lot of men do as well. I tend to avoid any and all porn in which I feel the women are not enjoying it.
Some stars that work with more reputable firms and really seem to enjoy it are for example Bobbi Starr, Camille Crimson, James Deen, Stoya, Miguel Ferrera etc.\
The most important thing in your event is that well, you did it during a terrible time in your life.
I have no issue with commercial porn, I just don't like it. It doesn't turn me on and it is fake and phony. Many people do like it and I will not judge them but the OP talking about it being in essence natural and that is what I took issue with. I like amateur porn and my husband I watch it. Couples who post their sex life on X tube or other sights.
Erotica = Smut = Porn 
