Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
What do you think about this?? we are married 12 years, 2 kids, she is a good woman, honest, hard worker. Never initiates sex but spends night time reading graphic romance novels, also I've often over heard her say to a girlfriend that so and so singer is "so hot." none of that bothers me a bit. But yet she can go several weeks without sex if I don't initiate. When asked she admits to a poor body image and also birth control killing her libido. When I suggest we get fixed or something so she can get off the bc she shrugs it off. She doesn't do anything about the body image issue. When we do have sex she gets off, if she has any issues with me, she has never told me and when i've even asked she says: "you're fine, it's me" this is nothing new, we've had our ups and downs about it for years. I'm starting to draw the conclusion that she just isn't attracted to me. Could this be the case? thanks
What do you think about this?? we are married 12 years, 2 kids, she is a good woman, honest, hard worker. Never initiates sex but spends night time reading graphic romance novels, also I've often over heard her say to a girlfriend that so and so singer is "so hot." none of that bothers me a bit. But yet she can go several weeks without sex if I don't initiate. When asked she admits to a poor body image and also birth control killing her libido. When I suggest we get fixed or something so she can get off the bc she shrugs it off. She doesn't do anything about the body image issue. When we do have sex she gets off, if she has any issues with me, she has never told me and when i've even asked she says: "you're fine, it's me" this is nothing new, we've had our ups and downs about it for years. I'm starting to draw the conclusion that she just isn't attracted to me. Could this be the case? thanks
Sounds like she's just too damn comfortable in the relationship, and it sounds like you aren't doing anything serious to correct that. My advice? get on it now. It doesn't get any easier later. If you're willing, tell her she needs to kick it up a notch. Body issues be damned, you married her already.
We have been discussing this here again and again, so far we haven't found any clue yet to solve low libido problem. Maybe she should stop taking those birth control pills and go to a doctor to ask for some female Viagra. If it is mental, the issue is even more difficult to solve!
The obvious is for her to get off birth control. When she was early pregnant she used to come home from work and say: "I need to get laid." all that is gone now. So we've already had the discussion yet she takes no initiative to remedy the problem same as the "body issue" which I don't believe. So I've decided all I can do is "up my game" and dish her the same disinterest I get. Until she knows the feeling. No more chasing. I'm out of options.
continue taking care of yourself-which is limiting and gets old and lonely
play her game-tho she is content now so just letting you know I doubt it will really affect her at all.
go to counseling regarding the issue
best way to give it to her-stop helping her around the house and with the kids. With holding sex from a woman who is not into it any way is like with holdng alcohol from someone that does not drink it any way. You gotta hit her where is shakes her so to speak-if ur going to game play.
I will say this about women. If our needs are not getting met emotionally we are not interested sexually on a small end is mate attractiveness. If you want to help change the bedroom thing you gotta start in the kitchen...date her again and help her out for months if that is what it takes...if after a year you give 100% and it's still the same THEN my friend you have real issues...
As far as "emotional needs not being met" I've asked many times and got "I'm fine."
Sure I could go get snipped but she doesn't care enough to ask that I do it or care that it is an issue.
All the usual advice I've tried, make meals together, go on bike rides, that's all proven useless. She can get hot by reading books and watching tv. Hmmm I think it's me. i think the end is coming. For us that is.
Sonny....why does she need to ask you to go get snipped - why can't you just make the decision yourself? Unless of course you are both still thinking about more kiddies - then just doing it without discussion probably wouldn't be a good idea
When she went on the birth control pill, did you ask her to do it?
If a woman ever says "I'm fine".....huge chance she's not - it's a standard answer we women are known to use when, for one reason or another, we can't face answering the question at that moment.
Yes her body is out of shape. I've said then she should do something about it and she doesn't. When we discussed one of us getting "fixed" for no more kids so she could have her old sex drive back she didn't seem to care either way about it. I can even ask her for a bj after not having sex for a week, she will do it and not even get turned on enough to want sex. So that's all I ask of her as a maintenance thing and she does so readily, I just vividly imagine that she is someone else, someone who cares. So I've decided to leave the ball in her court. If she doesn't care I don't, if she isn't attracted to herself or me then I am not. No options left.
And a lot of them lack will power to lose weight unless death issue is facing them.
Here in Taiwan, women have different concept, we know it is important for us to stay slim and pretty because we have to please our men, women try very hard to lost weight and stay young looking!
Ladies Please Weigh In Here 
