A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
ASV
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Default A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

Unlike i've read in many posts here,our sexlife has been super troughout my marriage(39 yrs and counting)I'm 60,she's 56.

But my wife has entered menopause 3 yrs ago and she has now trouble getting aroused and her libido is pretty well gone.

What used to be once or twice a week is spiralling down to once in two or 3 months and getting worse.

My wife hates the way it is going(yeah,tell me about it,you think i dont!)but says she can't help it.
She says her fantasies don't have the same effect it used to have and she don't care for porn (never did)cause she finds it all fake BS.

She's been on hormone replacement but it didn't help none so she quit that.
She is type 2 diabetic as well (no insuline though)She's 5'8 and 140 lbs

So,i'm wondering if sex is history for her or is there still hope.
I don't want no pitty sex or pretended sex and she knows she can't fool me.

I in the mean time am climbing the wall,i'm still as horny as a 20 yr old and have the body to match. 6' 185 lbs

A lot of younger folks here may say,so, whats your problem!,you had more sex in your life than we can dream of,but hey,i ain't dead yet!!. I still want it just as bad as a young guy, or girl for that matter.
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

I am menopausal at the moment as well and trust me - menopause is no place for sissys. I hate what it does to my body, brain and moods - most days it's a constant struggle to just feel normal.

I recommend you get your hands on a book on menopause that explains exactly what is happening to her....or do an internet search. It's much easier to work along side something like this when you know what you are up against. Being menopausal and still enjoying a healthy sex life is possible....I'm doing it so it must be.

Like she said, she can't help what is happening and that adds frustration to the situation if she previously enjoyed sex.

I am on HRT...and also using a vaginal estrogen cream that I insert once a week to help with dryness.

Menopausal women's bodys take longer to respond to stimuli so longer foreplay sessions often help a lot - plus the use of lube.

Hope you find a resolution!
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Old 02-09-2011, 04:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

I am also menopausal and I would have to say that desire has changed for me but not "gone away." For example, I used to be horny as a goat as a younger woman--then in my 30's I was moreso distracted by kids and had to train my mind to "get into ti"--then in my 40's was like a rebirth/honeymoon feeling! Kids were older, there was some freedom from worrying about when or where, and I knew what I was doing and what turned me on. Now here as 50 approaches I find that what was a pretty firey blaze in the 40's is mellowing more.

Yep there are some bodily changes and that doesn't help, but for me sex is about 75% mind--after all the mind is the largest sex organ! So when I can get my mind into enjoying it, I can get my body to follow. I find that when I don't just naturally get "in the mood" as often, and when I'm not "in the mood" and he is, I just start with some making out and let my mind enjoy THAT. Then I move to more intimate play and playfully enjoy THAT. As it goes along I find I'm "in the mood."

And what surfergirl mentions about longer foreplay is really true. Now the hottest times are when we tease all day long, the mind is already into it, and then we make out like teenagers for a bit to get the launch sequence going.
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Old 02-09-2011, 06:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

Surfergirl and Afaircare.
I think we read just about all there is to know about menopause and it does not look to uplifting.
I guess i was just looking for the holy grail here.

Like i said she tried the HRT and we are not new to using lubricant as she has needed that for the last 10 years.
We had 4 kids and worked both hard but it has never interfered with our sexlife.
We made time for it,or sneaked it in between chores

Long foreplay and the teasing has often been part of our sexlife.But what came allways easy is now a tremendous struggle and she gives up more times than not .Whenever we do have the occasional sex and she gets really into it it is as hot as ever and she climaxes time and again.She always had multiple orgasme's each and every time we made love,she never failed to cum at least twice but often plenty more.
She could even climax by just thinking about it,,the clitoral,the Gspot,the squirting at times,intercourse ,masturbating or toys,she had it all,we had fun.

I get sad just by thinking about it that i'm about to loose the hottest sex life any man or woman could want.Aging is cruel on women and there is little or no help.It pains me to see her in this state.
Damn doctors are useless as wel,(just shrugging shoulders)

For men there is viagra and such.For women there's nothing.
Why in the world are they always focussing on the male ego when the women are the spice of life,without them we men are nothing but a useless ****.
I hate them selfish chauvenistic egocentric male bastards.

I tell her its all in the mind,but my wife seems resigned to the notion that getting older is also the end to sex. That might be so,but where does that leave me?.
Reminds me of a song. Love is like a hunger.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

I don't know ASV - my wife and I are just about exactly 10 years behind you and yours but the "men" and "paus(e)" in menopaus has always made me nervous..
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

ASV....just read in your original post that your wife also has diabetes (missed that the first time). One of the side effects of diabetes is the degeneration of nerve endings - which of course the vulval/vaginal area is full of. So that could be having some affect on your wife's ability to orgasm.

I'm from Australia so I talk in kilos and I'm not sure if 140lbs at 5'8" is a healthy weight or not - if it's not, maybe losing some weight would help?

I read my first book on Menopause well before I was there. When I finished reading it...I put it down and rang my best friend crying - I wanted to sit in a hot bath and slash my wrists (a little bit of an over reaction maybe....but it was just so confronting reading about what was going to happen).

Now that I am here, it doesn't seem quite so bad...it has it's moments but over all I'm managing it for now.

Tell your wife not to give up hope.....I have read many stories about sex still being great for us more mature lovers.

You sound like a caring husband.....she is a lucky lady to have you - not all women have someone so supportive in their life at this time.

Just thinking....have you tried reading erotic stories (out-loud) to eachother? Maybe doing something like that together will distract her brain away from feeling washed up and allow her to focus more on her respsonse to the words?

I feel really sad for you both.....I wish I had the Holy Grail of menopausal magic to pass on to you.
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Old 02-10-2011, 04:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

Quote:
Originally Posted by married&lovingit View Post

OT - Assuming your moniker here "surfergirl' is accurate - has this news made it across the pacific?
It has now I don't know the name....but having just googled it, seems I do know his photos (retro looking ones from 60's & 70's). He had a good life...lucky to being living his passions and getting paid for doing it!

I've spent most of my life living near the ocean and have such an affinity with it that my family joke that I have salt water running through my veins instead of blood.

Back on topic....

There is so much information around about menopause today, it can actually start to get a bit confusing trying to work out which "expert's" advice to follow. Some women go through it and hardly notice any change at all, other than the cessation of their menstral period (lucky things!).....other's have a truly terrible time of it no matter what they try....then others (like myself)....somehow seem to be able to muddle their way through with only small bursts of annoying symptoms.

Something else that I have discovered (through many hours of online research and discussions with doctors)....is that a lot of midlife women also suffer from some form of thryroid problem - which quite often (too often!) goes undiagnosed for years because a lot of doctors simply write off the symptoms to menopause.

I'd suggest any woman of menopausal age request to have her thyroid checked for antibodies (a simple blood test)....just to rule out the possibility if nothing else.

ASV....with your wife being diabetic she really needs to have hers checked (if she hasn't already) because the thyroid and pancreas belong to the same system (endocrine system) and if one part of the system goes skewiff, there's a greater likelyhood that another part could also. And I have to tell you, if a person's thryroid isn't working properly then there is nothing (nothing) in this world that will make them feel any better except for the proper treatment of it.

I only know all this because I myself have insulin dependent diabetes (which just means my pancreas no longer works at all....your wife's still does a little bit)....and an underactive thryroid - once I started treatment for that, my life changed for the better.

For some reason, doctors don't tend to check thryroid antibodies as often as they should, so there are a lot of women out there suffering who need not be (makes me incredibly cranky when I think about it).
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl View Post
ASV....just read in your original post that your wife also has diabetes (missed that the first time). One of the side effects of diabetes is the degeneration of nerve endings - which of course the vulval/vaginal area is full of. So that could be having some affect on your wife's ability to orgasm.I'm from Australia so I talk in kilos and I'm not sure if 140lbs at 5'8" is a healthy weight or not - if it's not, maybe losing some weight would help?

I read my first book on Menopause well before I was there. When I finished reading it...I put it down and rang my best friend crying - I wanted to sit in a hot bath and slash my wrists (a little bit of an over reaction maybe....but it was just so confronting reading about what was going to happen).

Now that I am here, it doesn't seem quite so bad...it has it's moments but over all I'm managing it for now.

Tell your wife not to give up hope.....I have read many stories about sex still being great for us more mature lovers.

You sound like a caring husband.....she is a lucky lady to have you - not all women have someone so supportive in their life at this time.Just thinking....have you tried reading erotic stories (out-loud) to eachother? Maybe doing something like that together will distract her brain away from feeling washed up and allow her to focus more on her respsonse to the words?

I feel really sad for you both.....I wish I had the Holy Grail of menopausal magic to pass on to you.
Surfergirl,on the diabetics,we are well aware of that it kills nerves.But my Honey has that D well under control and she has regular checkups.Her thyroid has been checked as well.
But the hormones are out of wack.

She has no problem getting orgasme's once she is in the mood,its getting in the mood and getting aroused what is the culprit:
But maybe she getting bored of dealing with the same **** after all these years.:scratchhead
mebby i should paint him black for a change

I try to be a caring guy,but part of it is prob a bit of selfserving 'You happy makes me happy" attitude .
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

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I don't know ASV - my wife and I are just about exactly 10 years behind you and yours but the "men" and "paus(e)" in menopaus has always made me nervous..
I suggest to get all you can get while the going is still good
cause it bound to change without to much notice.

The Lord wasn't thinking about old Adams sexlife when he put Eve together.Either that!, or he had a mean streak in Him
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

ASV,
This is an excellent post. Your humor is delightful. Are you saying that even using a vibrator to help warm her up - doesn't work?



Quote:
Originally Posted by ASV View Post
I suggest to get all you can get while the going is still good
cause it bound to change without to much notice.

The Lord wasn't thinking about old Adams sexlife when he put Eve together.Either that!, or he had a mean streak in Him
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Old 02-10-2011, 10:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

I can relate to this post, unfortunately! I am in my early 50's. Been dealing with pre-menopause and now actual menopause for several years. Also have done the research, tried hormone therapy, and am now using bio-identical hormone therapy. While it has helped a little - it has not satisfactorily helped all of my sexual issues. I am different than your wife in that I am brain horny all the time and always want to have sex, but like your wife, my body won't always follow the brain and respond like it should.

We are currently in the early stages of seeing a sex therapists. The first thing she told us is to stop trying for orgasms altogether and relax and just concentrate on and enjoy the process. Perhaps you also should not worry about her orgasms any more. If your wife is willing to participate, find other ways to give her pleasure or just let her pleasure you. There are nerve endings all over the body. My husband and I are discovering that sex without orgasms all the time can actually be quite pleasurable in and of itself. And we are learning to be very creative in finding new pleasure zones - for both of us.

Our sex therapists also said that as we go through life, we have to broaden our sex techniques because our body gets bored with the same thing over and over. She said we tend to fall into doing over and over what works the best to make us cum, but with time that one thing that use to work, just doesn't anymore. Our body gets bored with it. So we have to find new ways, try new techniques and just have more sexual fun - not worrying about the end result.

So, we are having to re-invent our sex life now at this age. I agree with you that it is frustrating, scary, and dang unfair. But it is what it is. Don't give up - maybe you could also seek help from a sex therapist. I will let you know if we find any miracles. But I am thinking for now we just have a lot of work (which for me - translates into a lot of sex fun and experimenting ) ahead of us.

Oh - and you are so right about the medical field not being any help. The only thing we got from them was these words - "It's normal. You are just getting older" Just the thing I wanted to hear! Not!!!!!
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Old 02-10-2011, 11:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

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ASV,
This is an excellent post. Your humor is delightful. Are you saying that even using a vibrator to help warm her up - doesn't work?
Oh hell yeah,a vibrator works wonders.She'll ride that thing all the way to china and back(i have to rip it outa there if want half a chance)!...but only after she's hot and ready.
She won't use it to heat up,needs a tickly finger for that or a hot steamy shower with lotsa slippery soap.
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Old 02-10-2011, 11:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I can relate to this post, unfortunately! I am in my early 50's. Been dealing with pre-menopause and now actual menopause for several years. Also have done the research, tried hormone therapy, and am now using bio-identical hormone therapy. While it has helped a little - it has not satisfactorily helped all of my sexual issues. I am different than your wife in that I am brain horny all the time and always want to have sex, but like your wife, my body won't always follow the brain and respond like it should.

We are currently in the early stages of seeing a sex therapists. The first thing she told us is to stop trying for orgasms altogether and relax and just concentrate on and enjoy the process. Perhaps you also should not worry about her orgasms any more. If your wife is willing to participate, find other ways to give her pleasure or just let her pleasure you. There are nerve endings all over the body. My husband and I are discovering that sex without orgasms all the time can actually be quite pleasurable in and of itself. And we are learning to be very creative in finding new pleasure zones - for both of us.

Our sex therapists also said that as we go through life, we have to broaden our sex techniques because our body gets bored with the same thing over and over. She said we tend to fall into doing over and over what works the best to make us cum, but with time that one thing that use to work, just doesn't anymore. Our body gets bored with it. So we have to find new ways, try new techniques and just have more sexual fun - not worrying about the end result.

So, we are having to re-invent our sex life now at this age. I agree with you that it is frustrating, scary, and dang unfair. But it is what it is. Don't give up - maybe you could also seek help from a sex therapist. I will let you know if we find any miracles. But I am thinking for now we just have a lot of work (which for me - translates into a lot of sex fun and experimenting ) ahead of us.

Oh - and you are so right about the medical field not being any help. The only thing we got from them was these words - "It's normal. You are just getting older" Just the thing I wanted to hear! Not!!!!!
Like i said in my other posts, having orgasm's is not her problem,never been a problem even now, once she gets in the mood she has them quik enough.

But like you said,maybe she needs to re invent how to get horny..
Porn doesn't do a thing for her.I would try anything worth trying,but it takes two to tango and I am out of idea's.

A sex therapist(i did look into that) might help altough i don't think she will open up to a stranger about her sex life and/or fantasies,heck it took me 25 years to get to know most of it.Note i said most.
But the nearest therapist is 600 mls away.
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Old 02-10-2011, 11:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Are you saying she won't have any type of sex if she is not horny or YOU don't want to have sex with her because she is not horny?

I keep hearing this "I don't want pity sex and she can't fake it." stuff from men and quite frankly, I am not sure what this means.

For me, the more I do it, even when I don't feel aroused or horny, the more I want it, and more often than not, I usually get aroused by "faking it". Even if I don't get aroused, I enjoy back rubs, and sensual messages. I love to be kissed and hugged and touched, even if it goes no where for me. Have you ever looked into Tantric Sex? Sex is all about connecting with each other, not only physically but emotionally too. Having sex several times a week has been therapeutic for me. Researching new ideas and new techniques to try on my husband is often very erotic for me. I get excited just trying to find new ways to please him. It's a mind set. The brain is most of a woman's sex organ. I know you are the wrong person to say this too, but I think she just needs to turn her brain back on. Your sex life is only over if one or both of you decide it's over. If that is what she is saying you need to be adamant that you won't accept that answer. But if she sticks with it's over - then you do have a problem and I don't have any answers for you. You can't help someone who does not want to be helped.

Many therapists say fake it till you make it. It's like exercise - use it or lose it. It has to be done on a regular and consistent basis. The more she uses it - I think the more she will want to use it!

One more thought - sometimes women get depressed because of the aging process. Depression can also kill desire. Maybe just regular marriage counseling can help you both talk about this issue and work it out.

Really - It's all in the mind! Sex and age!!!
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:19 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: A question for the older crowd,Is there sex after menopaus

On the hormonal side of the issue - you say she has tried hormone therapy. Has she tried testosterone. If everything else is working, as you say it is, testosterone can often help boost the libido. I have had to go to doctors that prescribe bio-identical hormones to get testosterone cream. My regular doctor won't prescribe it for me. It might be worth looking into. That is If she is willing to keep the sex life alive. It's still in the brain!!!! lol
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